


Porcelain Doll

by Marksonily



Series: Delicate Dolls [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Horror, M/M, Mystery, The mentions of violence aren't too graphic, Thriller
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 51
Words: 98,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22972945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marksonily/pseuds/Marksonily
Summary: I am a toy and nothing more than a doll to be dressed up and make pretty. I am no longer a human being I am plastic and disposable. If I break and am no longer usable, I am replaceable. My life is meaningless, just a toy to be played with.*This book will contain sensitive material and triggering topics. This may be disturbing to some, so please read with caution.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Series: Delicate Dolls [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761061
Comments: 107
Kudos: 278





	1. Prologue

**WARNING**

This book will contain sensitive material and triggering topics. The story may be disturbing to some, so please read with caution. There are things that will be implied, but I will never actually write about, but if after reading the prologue and you feel uncomfortable, don't feel the need to keep reading.

•••

A twelve-year-old boy, Seungmin, runs outside with his friend's dog, chasing the small pup as the rest of his friends prepare a movie. He giggles to himself as Kkami, bounds around his feet, squeaking out an occasional bark in their time of play. Seungmin, determined to make it a quick trip outside, ushers the dog away from him, prompting Kkami to scamper off deeper into the backyard.

The moon hangs high in the sky but doesn't give Seungmin much light to see far out into the blackness. Kkami is hidden in the shadows, as Seungmin stands back to wait for Kkami to finish and come back to him. Seungmin impatiently bounces on his feet, hoping the dog will hurry so he won't have to miss the activities and conversation with his friends.

"Kkami!" The boy calls out, earning no response from the animal.

Small whimpers resonate through the air, scaring the boy. Seungmin considers running back inside to grab a parent, but he doesn't want to risk angering Hyunjin, his friend and owner of the dog. If Kkami happens to be injured and Seungmin leaves him out here all alone, he'll never hear the end of it. Sucking in a breath, Seungmin hesitantly takes a step into the shadows, whistling for Kkami as he inches closer. It is too dark to see a mere outline of the dog, pushing the boy further into the backyard of his friend's house.

"Kkami!" Seungmin calls once more, this time earning a squeaky bark before having Kkami rush by him, nearly causing Seungmin to trip over the small dog.

Seungmin sighs in relief, he hadn't lost the dog and most important of all, Kkami doesn't appear injured. Kkami has already run back towards the house, leaving him behind. Seungmin turns to walk back to join up with the running dog, but before he takes two steps, he is pulled into the darkness. The shadows swallow him whole, taken away from the arms of safety.

•••

Kim Seungmin sits on the worn mattress placed on the floor, in the corner of the room, a large raged t-shirt the only thing keeping him covered. The skin of his legs pricks with goosebumps as shivers wrack his body. Having no other source of warmth, he continuously runs his palms over the dry, bumpy skin, hoping to create heat through his body.

Days have gone by and he hasn't had permission to leave the cold, dreary cellar of his captor's house. This punishment has lasted longer than any other has, and Seungmin is beginning to wonder if he will ever be released out of his confinement. Anywhere other than this cellar would be preferable for his isolation. The cellar of the house echoes with the pattering of water dripping from the ceiling, boarded up windows keep out the light, causing the teenage boy to put his trust in his other senses to scope out his surroundings.

The teenager knows better than to defy the head of the household. Any form of defiance results in punishment that will leave Seungmin regretting all choices. It isn't always confinement; usually, it's more brutal that blood is drawn. Neither is enjoyable, but long period isolation is less physically scarring.

Mrs. Park prefers confinement to anything else since she doesn't want her pretty, little doll to be bruised. Though it is nothing makeup won't cover up, she still wants the skin of her doll flawless. The middle-aged woman has a knack for creating beautiful things, dolls being her trademark. Seungmin is one of her favorite dress up dolls, starting over with a fresh canvas each day to create something new. Every creation kept as a photo in her personal portfolio, the eyes of her and her family being the only ones to gaze upon them.

Above, on the main floor of the house soft music plays as Mrs. Park hums along, organizing her lovely display of dolls. The woman's most prized possessions, from rag dolls to porcelain, she collects whatever she is able to get her hands on. These dolls are the most well-kept items in the house, their shelving having weekly cleaning while the dolls get daily. Trophies, one would call them, but to her, each doll is much more than an item to admire. Her delicate fingers wander around the room, placing every doll in its assigned position.

Mr. Park watches from the archway of the door, admiring his wife as she takes care of her 'children'. Nothing about the dolls has ever intrigued the man, but his wife loves them and he loves her, so he will use whatever is in his tool belt to bring her joy, no matter how extreme it may be. Mr. Park is the reason his wife has her favorite doll she has today.

A small smirk grazes his lips as he thinks of the pale skin and the perfect brown eyes. He remembers spotting the family's favorite and instantly had to make it, his. Every aspect of the boy was perfection, exactly what his family wanted in their possessions.

It didn't take long to make the beautiful prize his, and when he did, he couldn't hold back a smile after witnessing how excited his whole family was to have the new toy. They could add it to his wife's collection; the children had something new and interesting to play with. As for Mr. Park, he let his family have their chances with the new doll first, but he soon started to use the doll for his own enjoyment.

The Park family is an enigma, on the surface, they are the picture perfect family, but deep down they have a dark side that no one would be able to guess. At school, the children follow the rules and are loved by everyone. Mr. Park is loved at work, Mrs. Park loved by the school faculty members, and the neighborhood adores them. No passerby would view this family as unusual, nor would they suspect that in the depths of their house they keep a room of secrets that would haunt anyone with its contents.


	2. Chapter 2

Four years ago today, Kim Seungmin went missing from a friend's slumber party, he disappeared into the night leaving no signs of when or where he could have been taken.

A few weeks after summer break had gone by and the missing boy's friend, Hwang Hyunjin, wanted to kick off the school year with a party. A simple sleepover where he and his friends could stay up late and eat copious amounts of junk food as they binge-watch bad shows. It had started how any of their other sleepovers would go, video games and shouting, annoying the host's parents to no end. Once the boys began wearing themselves down and made the decision to settle down, they changed into their sleepwear and made sure to grab as many pillows and blankets to turn the living room into their own little hideaway. Somewhere amongst all the chaos, Seungmin had slipped away, unnoticed to any of the other household members.

It wasn't until late in the evening that the family had noticed the group had decreased by one. At first, everyone assumed he had called his parents to go home without informing anyone. A normal thing the shy boy would do, but after a quick call to the Kim family, worry struck. They searched high and low, double-checking each room, but had no luck finding the missing boy. The fact Seungmin had wandered outside hadn't dawned on them, until Kkami's barking had broken through the house, the poor dog begging to be let in.

The police arrived and the search began. The Hwang's property filled with many bodies of police officers who were all shooting for the same goal; find Seungmin Kim.

Huddled in the living room, the other boys stared wide-eyed at the numerous officers in the house. Shrill cries from Seungmin's mother pierced their ears, shooting terror into them. They don't understand to the full extent what is happening around them, but the adults are panicked and their friend is gone, therefore, nothing good will come of tonight.

That night they announced the official disappearance of the twelve-year-old boy. The memory etched into the minds of many and will not be forgotten.

Today marks the day Seungmin's parents are putting the brakes on the investigation of their son's disappearance. Their family has suffered for so long that they aren't able to experience any more disappointment and heartache. No advancements are made in the investigation and they haven't for a while, that the Kim's have become aware that there might never be, a painful fact they have to accept.

•••

The four teens sit in Felix's bedroom. Felix and Jeongin on the bed, while Hyunjin and Jisung lay on the floor with pillows. Like every other time they have been in this situation; no one discusses Seungmin, no one sparks any conversation, they sit in complete silence. It is their day to sit and reflect on the event that happened four years ago, and this way they don't have to do it alone. The news of the investigation wasn't taken lightly, the group still has hope that their friend will return, and the fact his parents are giving up, deeply angers them.

In some way shape or form, they all blame themselves for their friend's disappearance. Hyunjin threw the party; Seungmin was at his house, taking care of his dog. The taller male has guilt riddling his body because of the fact he organized the event that ended with Seungmin going missing. People have told him multiple times that there could have been no way for him to have any knowledge of what would happen, but Hyunjin still isn't able to shake the unnerving pit of guilt in his stomach.

Jisung pawned the dog off onto his younger friends since he had no desire to go outside, so instead, he left Kkami with Jeongin and Seungmin. He has tried telling himself that it wasn't his fault and Seungmin going missing was an unstoppable event. However, by telling himself that, Jisung wishes it would have been him outside with the dog, and then he would be the one taken, instead.

Felix had full knowledge that the boy was outside, he was by the window and noticed how Seungmin's silhouette stepped deeper into the backyard but failed to mention it to Hyunjin's parents. He had planned to until the police arrived then fear drove him to keep his mouth shut. Felix eventually worked up the courage to mention it, crying and apologizing nonstop to the parents in the room. Although they tell him it isn't his fault, the guilt has lived on with the boy to this day.

Jeongin refused to go with the other boy when he took Kkami outside, claiming the wind was harsh and the air too crisp to go outside. Plus, he didn't want to have to put his shoes on to go outside for a minute or two. He imagines how things could have turned out different if he'd been there with him. Maybe, whoever took Seungmin would have backed out since there would be two boys outside and he wouldn't be able to grab them both. If only he had not been so stubborn and gone with his friend.

Seungmin's parents in no way blame their son's friends or Hyunjin's parents, as they both recognize that Seungmin's disappearance was a tragic event that no one could have stopped. Watching a bunch of twelve-year-old boys isn't an easy task and one of them slipping out of sight is bound to happen. Still, the group present, at the time, kick themselves every day for their carelessness with the missing boy's life. They are all aware that there is a high possibility that Seungmin will never be found, though none of them will say it out loud. No one wants to believe it, but with the investigation ending, they are all forced to face reality, that their friend is missing for good.

That night none of the teens got any sleep. Their minds were too busy reenacting the night of the tragedy, reworking scenarios and trying to figure out what they could have done differently.

•••

School isn't exactly enjoyable for Han Jisung but it is especially worse when you are known as one of the kids with the missing friend. Every day he hears the rumors or sees people gawk at him and his friends as they walk down the hallways. All the whispers, but no one actually faces them, no one wants to talk to the guys whose friend could possibly be dead.

"I hate school so fucking much," Jisung's blonde friend, Felix, comments.

Jisung and Felix lean against the lockers, glancing around at everyone who is not so subtly staring at them and whispering to their friends. Felix shakes his head, turning around so he doesn't have to look at it any longer. He hates being one of the schools most popular topic when no one really knows him.

The blonde unlocks his locker, stuffing a few books inside so he won't have to carry around the extra weight.

"I tried staying home again today," Felix speaks, trying to direct Jisung's attention away from the school gossip, "mom wouldn't let me; she said I need supervision and no one was willing to stay home to watch me."

"What does she think you'll do?" Jisung asks, leaning against the lockers so he is facing in Felix's direction.

"Go out and find Seungmin on your own?" It is meant as a joke and a way for Jisung to lighten the mood. Though he probably could have chosen, a different subject to joke about, the words slipped out before he fully processed their meaning.

Luckily, Felix doesn't take much offense to it. He still isn't the biggest fan of talking about their missing friend, but having him brought up every once in a while he can handle.

"Mom wants me to go to therapy," Jisung tells him, his way of making the conversation go a different direction.

Felix furrows his brow, "Really?"

Jisung nods.

"Are you actually going to go?" Felix asks, his parents have tried to get him to go, but every time the blonde refused. He decided that if he was going to talk about Seungmin it was going to be with his friends and not a stranger.

"Let me rephrase that, mom is making me go see a therapist," Jisung answers. Jisung has nothing against therapy, really. Therapy can be very useful for those who think they need it, but Jisung is not one of those people. The brunette has similar thinking to Felix's, if he is going to talk about what happened, he would much rather it be with his friends who understand how he is feeling instead of a complete stranger. However, his mom is forcing him, saying that it is a good way to let go of the past and start focusing on his future. Jisung thinks it is complete bullshit, but he isn't going to argue with her. He'll go to a session or two, decide it is not helpful then never return again.

"Sorry, bud... When is it?" Felix asks, giving his friend a sympathetic look.

"Tomorrow after school," Jisung answers, "I'll call and tell you about it."

Felix nods, it will be interesting hearing about what a professional thinks of all this, even if Felix knows he will never actually seek one out. The blonde remembers when Jeongin went to therapy about six months after it happened. His mother claimed that it helped him cope, but what Jeongin told his friends, tells a completely different story. The younger male doesn't go anymore and he doesn't like talking about his experience, so his parents stopped forcing him and are allowing him to heal with time instead.

Jeongin is currently not at school, earlier he texted his friends informing them that he is taking another day off to have some alone time. Felix is jealous, to say the least, if only his parents weren't so insistent he has 24/7 supervision he'd be able to give himself an extra mental health day.

"Seo Changbin is staring at you," Jisung comments, smirking at the blonde male.

"No, he isn't," Felix refutes but doesn't look up to actually check. Instead, he chooses to hide his face further into his locker.

"Why won't you talk to him?" Jisung questions his friend, "it is so obvious he likes you."

It is extremely obvious and Felix knows it is. However, the blonde chooses to ignore the looks and smiles from the senior and stays in his own bubble. Felix strongly believes he isn't exactly relationship material, seeing as how messed up his life is right now, and he doesn't believe it's fair to pull another human being into that mess.

"I can't do that to him," Felix mumbles his reply. Without a doubt, Felix likes the older back, but no matter how strong those feelings are he is refusing to let himself act on them.

"Felix, just because some awful stuff happened in your past, doesn't mean you should stop yourself from being happy," Jisung explains, his once teasing voice, soothing the male in front of him. A part of Felix knows Jisung is right, but an even larger part is refusing to listen. He won't drag Changbin into his messy life only for him to be spat out of it in a blink of an eye.

Felix nods his head, showing Jisung that he hears and understands what he is saying even if he isn't going to take his advice. The first bell suddenly rings, prompting Felix to close his locker so the two males can walk to class together, starting their long and dreadful school day.


	3. Chapter 3

Smooth, lovely skin, free of marks and scars. Cheeks beautifully painted light pink, eyes adorned with soft shadow, and lips glossed to perfection. A light blue floral dress fits the small body perfectly, white knee-high socks coming up to meet with the hem of the dress. A ribbon, matching the color of the dress, is tied on the top of the head. Long brown locks flow down the back twisting into light curls at the end.

Perfection made up in the doll.

The middle-aged woman, Mrs. Park runs her long, lavender nails through the bangs, straightening them out to finish her masterpiece. Hours it took her, every step needed to be perfect. The new dress needed to be tucked in to make the slim waist appear even thinner; the shoes need to be shined and rid of any dust it collected from sitting in the cabinet before they could be worn. Every small detailing of the makeup had to be just right, no matter how many times she had to do it over; Mrs. Park was going to make it perfect.

"Mommy?" A child's voice sounds through the room.

"Yes, dear?" Mrs. Park temporarily looks away from her doll, glancing over towards the door where her six-year-old daughter stands.

"Can I help you?" The little girl asks, looking at her mother's doll with intrigued eyes.

The woman smiles at her daughter before looking back over to the doll. She thinks about what touches it could use to make it more beautiful than it already is.

"Sure, why don't you pick out a necklace," Mrs. Park answers. The little girl's smile grows, as she skips over to the dresser where the jewelry box is, looking through the different necklaces her mother has.

She eventually settles on a silver-chained necklace, that has a white rose charm at the end. The girl brings it over to her mother, having her link it around the doll's neck with careful hands.

"Beautiful," the woman mumbles, "don't you think Haeun?"

The young girl nods and smiles brightly up at the doll, admiring its beauty as her mother continues to place the hair exactly how she wants it. She thinks about how when she is older, she will be able to dress up the doll all on her own and create beauty as her mother does. Maybe, her father will gift her someone as perfect as Minnie is, and she can have her own prize to dress up just like mother.

"I think I'm done," Mrs. Park tells her daughter, "should we take Minnie downstairs for pictures?"

The little girl nods eagerly, having to resist herself from yanking at the doll's arm so they can hurry. She would never want to ruin mother's work and make her angry, as she has done once before. Gently, just as mother taught her, she reaches her hand out for Minnie to take. Minnie places their hand in the little girl's allowing her to guide them downstairs.

In the doll room, they have a backdrop that they can switch out for different colors or patterns, whatever they want. Haeun leads Minnie over to the stool in front of the backdrop while her mother sets the background to a simple white, which she thinks compliments the doll's outfit nicely. Mrs. Park straightens out the dress, fixing the hair once again. Heading over to the lighting and adjusting it so it shines perfectly on her subject.

Haeun bounces on her feet as she watches her mother perfect everything before grabbing the camera and coming to stand by her daughter.

"Smile, dear," Mrs. Park, says before the flash goes off.

•••

Seungmin sits in his bedroom, freshly showered and no longer covered in layers of makeup. He no longer is constricted by a corset and is too small. The itchy wig is gone, and the pinchy heels don't hug his feet.

He is always left with nothing but an oversized t-shirt after they remove Mrs. Park's creation, bare and exposed to anyone who will enter. Seungmin tucks his knees into his chest as he sits on the pile of blankets that is his bed, his breath shaky as he tries to fight off tears. Four years of this and Seungmin has tried to numb himself, but they always do something to make everything worse and it brings Seungmin back to the state he was in on the first day. He still feels like his twelve-year-old self being dragged away from life and into a pit of darkness.

The first year Seungmin kept his hopes high that he wouldn't be there long and that his family would find him, saving him from the family that bends him at their will. After two years, his hope began to die, then when it hit four, Seungmin lost all hope. He is now waiting for the day, that he doesn't fit this family's definition of perfect and gets thrown out, however, they might go about that.

Every night Seungmin still thinks of his family, of his friends, wondering if they have forgotten about him, or if they are in pain because of his disappearance. His mother and father's faces flash through his mind, making his heartache that he can't be with them, that he can't feel the comfort of them holding him. He thinks of his sister, wondering if she is still at home, or if she's moved on to college, did she stay close to home? Did she go abroad? Seungmin was so close to her, he could tell her everything and now she's gone, just like that.

What about his friends? How are they? Seungmin misses them, so much. He misses being able to run around and play for hours with them. The way Jisung and Felix make him laugh, the way Jeongin and Hyunjin make him smile, he wishes he could experience that now.

_Four years, they will be in high school_ , Seungmin thinks. He has missed out on so much with his friends, he never got to make it to high school, everything was taken from him before he could begin thinking about it. Seungmin wonders what high school would be like for them if they would still be as close as they were when they were younger. Are they still the same as Seungmin remembers? Does Felix still dye his hair? Does Jeongin still have braces? There are so many things that could have changed and Seungmin has missed all of it.

Before Seungmin can stop it, tears are already rolling down his cheeks. Good thing they have locked him away, in the attic, for the night, he won't be punished for crying. Mrs. Park hates how red and puffy his eyes become after crying, and she refuses to accept that happens to everyone. There are many things Seungmin can no longer do, there are many rules he has to follow or he could be punished in a variety of ways.

Lying himself down, Seungmin wraps his arms tighter around himself. His body shakes as he chokes out sobs, burying his face into the pillow so the Park's won't hear them. Crying himself to sleep has become his new normal, helpless whines and whimpers are what he hears every night before he sleeps, fueling his dreams that keep his day-to-day nightmare going.


	4. Chapter 4

The recommended amount of sleep for the average teenager is nine hours a night. In the last week, Hyunjin believes he has managed to get his total to exactly that. For him though, this is normal behavior. Whenever it circles around to the anniversary, his sleep patterns mess up and there are nights where he can't catch an hour. His mind likes to fill itself with images of his thirteen-year-old self with his friends. Seungmin manages to steal the spotlight and his mind takes him on a journey through his own personal hell.

As much as Hyunjin wants to know what happened to his friend, it is his worst nightmare to find out the truth. People have told him that the worst case scenario is that they find Seungmin dead. However, Hyunjin doesn't believe that to be the case with some of the dreams he has had. There are things he has dreamed and would never wish upon anyone to have done or look at.

Hyunjin remembers walking into school the first time after Seungmin's disappearance, the way students would stare, and how parents would hold their children close to them as if their kid would go missing by being associated with him. The interesting thing about young children is that they don't have a filter, so Hyunjin's classmates weren't hesitant to ask the questions any reasonable adult would deem as inappropriate. It wasn't hard to deal with, Hyunjin learned to shrug off the stares and ignore the questioning, but for the others, it wasn't quite as easy.

Jeongin broke down in class crying because of a curious kid. Felix got suspended for attacking a kid in the hallway, and Jisung ended up with lunchtime detention for returning the favor and asking a kid too personal of questions. Middle school wasn't an easy time for any of them, and Hyunjin wishes he could say it got better in high school, but it really didn't. Quickly, he and all of his friends were deemed as freaks and no one tried talking to them. They had each other so they weren't friendless, but it did make it difficult when they were not around one another.

The end of each school day isn't exactly bliss for the group of boys. They get to leave a building of gawking strangers to go into another building of gawking family members. Hyunjin knows his parents are doing what they can to help make moving on from that night as easy as they can, but sometimes ignoring the elephant isn't a solution. Hyunjin can't remember the last time the name Seungmin was uttered in his house, almost as if his family believes they will be burned for saying it.

Things are supposed to be getting easier, at least that is what every grief counselor he has seen told him. So, why aren't things getting easier?

"Are we walking together?" Felix questions once the two have stepped out of the school building. Jisung left early for therapy and Jeongin is still not coming to school, giving himself a longer break.

"Yeah," Hyunjin nods. It happens to be one of the rare days the Hyunjin's parents aren't insisting on picking him up. They don't live far from the school, about five minutes away, but they still don't feel comfortable with their son walking out on his own.

Hyunjin can see where they are coming from, but their logic is a little skewed. He nor his friends have after-school activities so they all get out at the same time, and since they all live in the same direction they would all be together, therefore he would not be alone. He would tell them that if he thought they'd listen, but everything Hyunjin says these days get dismissed.

Felix is glad he doesn't have to walk alone today. He may not like how his parents hover over him and insist that he has round-the-clock supervision, but he still doesn't like to be alone. His fear gets the best of him and being alone is the worst one of all. Seungmin was all alone out there that night and Felix can only imagine how he must have felt in that moment. It is a feeling Felix never wants to experience.

The short walk comes to an end, for Felix at least, Hyunjin still as a block left. The shorter boy stands on his porch and waves Hyunjin off before turning to enter his own house. His family should already be home since they plan out their schedule to make sure someone is home with their son at all times. Annoying, but thoughtful. Felix knows they do it out of care, and he truly hates being alone, he only wishes that they would stop seeing him as fragile. A year of it was enough, four is overstepping.

Quietly slipping into his house, Felix takes his shoes off, hoping to sneak up to his room before any of his family members catch him. He needs a few minutes of peace before the daily questioning ensues. His feet shuffle over to the staircase, carefully making his way up.

"I think it's best for him," He hears his sister Rachel state, causing him to stop halfway up the stairs.

"He is only getting worse by being here, maybe sending him there will help."

Felix furrows his brow, are they talking about him?

Carefully, Felix heads back down the stairs, taking slow steps towards the kitchen where Rachel and possibly his parents are.

"Maybe, but I don't think he will be too happy to hear about this," the voice of his mother speaks. It sounds a little strained, almost like she was crying earlier before.

 _What are they talking about?_ Felix wonders. He can't infer much based off the dialogue and he risks getting caught if he tries peeking in to see what they are doing. It sounds as if Rachel is trying to convince their parents to send him somewhere, a place Felix would heavily disapprove of. Their father sounds on board, while their mother seems hesitant. Anything could be happening and Felix won't know unless he goes in and asks since it doesn't seem like they are giving any hints with what they are saying.

"It is a really great institute and my teacher tells me they have some of the best staff."

_Wait, what?_

"You want to send me where?!" Felix bursts into the kitchen seeing his parents and older sister gathered around the kitchen island. His parents have a pamphlet in their hands, that Felix can catch the word 'in-patient' on.

"Felix, honey..." His mother starts but quickly realizes there is no good explanation for this. There is nothing any of them could say that would make this better.

"Nothing is definite, Rachel was just showing-"

"Showing where to shove your crazy son?" Felix cuts in, eye glaring holes into his older sister. He blames her for this, he knows all of this was Rachel's idea, his parents wouldn't even have thought of it if it weren't for her.

Felix knows he isn't crazy, he never once thought he was. Sure, he has been distance and has nightmares almost every night, but he feels those are all justified given what has happened to him. Rachel was there in the beginning and she never left, Felix knows his older sister partially resents him for not moving into the dorms and staying at the house, but that isn't Felix's fault. His older sister chose to stay here, she made that decision even though their parents encouraged her to go.

"Felix, I'm sorry, but-"

"No you aren't," Felix says, dryly, "you want me to go, because when I'm gone you can finally leave."

"That isn't true!" Rachel defends, raising her voice.

"Isn't it though?!" Felix shouts back, "you have blamed me for not being able to leave, you think I am the reason you are stuck here, but in reality, it is your own fault!"

"Felix, that is enough!" Their dad roars, cutting into their children's dispute.

Felix shakes his head at his sister, turning to look at his parents, "I will never go to that place, so if you so desperately want to get rid of me, try something else."

With that Felix storms out of the kitchen, stomping his way up the stairs before he reaches his room. He slams the door, silently cursing his parents for taking the lock off when he was in middle school. The blonde wants to lock his whole family out at the moment, he is too angry to talk or even look at any of them right now.

There is something wrong with him, Felix can't and won't deny that, but he doesn't think he needs to go to an institute. He witnessed something no one should ever have to, and though he won't tell anyone, he heavily blames himself for his friend's disappearance. That alone can mess someone up a bit, but he doesn't believe it was enough to have him sent away.

•••

"They want to send you where?" Jisung asks through the screen of his laptop. The four friends are currently skyping with each other, originally planning to hear about Jisung's therapy session, but ended up diving more into Felix's eventful day.

"An in-patient institution or whatever, I didn't see the pamphlet," Felix explains.

"Still, they want to send you away, how are you not freaking out about this?" Jisung questions, he obviously didn't see Felix state ten minutes before they called.

After yelling at his family and shutting himself in his room, Felix broke down crying, most of the anger being replaced with fear. He doesn't want to leave, he doesn't want to have more things taken away from him.

"I am, but my body feels numb right now," Felix answers.

"Do you want one of us to come over?" Jeongin asks, genuine concern in his voice. He doesn't want to know what it will be like to have another friend taken away from him.

Felix shakes his head, he doesn't want to burden them. Though he is positive none of them will feel that way, he still would feel bad having them go out of their way to comfort him.

"I'm okay, why don't we change the subject, how was therapy?" Felix asks, directing it towards Jisung.

Jisung heaves a sigh, "fine, the lady seems nice though I don't agree with what she says half the time."

"What'd you mean?" Hyunjin asks.

"She talks a lot about letting go, setting Seungmin free or whatever. She thinks I'm holding onto him too tightly and it's causing the nightmares, so her suggestion is to go through all my belongings and get rid of everything that reminds me of Seungmin," Jisung tells them, the session replaying in his head.

There are a lot of things Jisung would do to feel better or make these nightmares go away, but cutting Seungmin out of his life isn't one of them. Jisung finds it absurd that she could even suggest that to him, and based on his friend's reactions, they do as well. Seungmin was is too important to cut completely out, the simple thought of doing so baffles him.

"That's insane, how could she even say that?" Felix inserts, a look of disgust etched on his face. He may pack all of Seungmin's things away, but he'd never throw it out.

"Right!?" Jisung exclaims, "and when I told mom about it, she thought it was a great idea, so guess who has to do it now."

Jisung did what he could to convince his mom not to make him do it, but nothing worked. She wants him to get better and will do anything it takes, therefore, he is expected to have all the stuff packed up in boxes by Sunday and thrown out. A crazy notion that Jisung wishes he could ignore, but unfortunately if he doesn't do it, his mom will and he'd much rather have her not tear apart his room in order to get her way.

The call goes until nearly one in the morning, but since it is a school night they cut it off there. Luckily, it is a Friday and they will only have to suffer for a little longer before their weekend break. Jisung says good night, shutting off his laptop and crawling under the covers, hoping that his mind will let him rest peacefully tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

Every morning it is the same routine, wake up, be let out of the attic and brought down to the doll room and wait. Listen to the joyful sounds of a family eating breakfast together and the sounds of loving parents getting their children ready for school. The sounds of something he doesn't have, sounds of things stolen from him.

It a mask is all it is. 

They keep the ugly hidden behind a mask of a picture-perfect family. Seungmin knows the truth, he is forced to experience the truth every day. A husband who shows undeniable care but goes behind his wife's back to unspeakable things. A wife who is seemingly perfect but uses everyone as a toy to benefit herself. Two children who excel in school and are loved by everyone, but they are monsters who manipulate and deceive people just as their parents taught them.

Ugly hidden behind a mask of perfection.

Once the kids are gone to school, and Mr. Park has left for work, that is when Seungmin is let out of the doll room. He is brought back upstairs into the parent's bedroom, for dressing and makeup.

Seungmin keeps quiet as the soft, fluffy brush fans across his face, the powder creating a matte, perfect finish. Light brown shadow is brushed softly on the lids, as to not put too much emphasis on that one facial feature. A simple black liner is drawn along the lash line, thin and perfect. Mascara isn't heavy, but enough to pull the eye makeup together. Pink blush is dusted on the cheeks, just enough to add a touch of color. The lips are a faded plum red, drawing attention to them, as it has the most color.

The dress is an old one Seungmin has worn before, but it is one Mrs. Park loves. A high waisted bow ties to the side of the dress, a thick pale grey ruffled skirt falls onto the petticoat. The white-collar hugs the neck and blends down into the long sleeve which puffs out right before it reaches the wrists. The dress is paired with black heels with bows in the front, completing the dress up for today.

Though nothing about this experience is nice, Seungmin likes it when it is only Mrs. Park in the house. She is much kinder to him than any of the others are, and if Seungmin sits still and allows Mrs. Park to do as she pleases, he will get through the day unharmed. 

Although Mrs. Park is the kindest, Seungmin appreciates how Hajoon, the Park's son doesn't mess with him much, anymore. He used to join his sister in play every so often, but as he ages, he spends less and less time with his mother's dolls. He is older than Haeun, so he chooses to occupy his time with other activities instead of doll play. He used to be more aggressive when Seungmin first arrived and when he was younger, kicking and hitting his mother's new doll until he bled. That only happened a few times after his parent's harshly disciplined him though, now Hajoon is a quiet boy who rarely steps into the doll room.

"All done," Mrs. Park announces in her soft voice, one that sounds like an angel, too bad it is all a facade, "now, let's go and get you some breakfast."

Seungmin follows Mrs. Park out of the bedroom and down to the kitchen of the house, taking a seat at the table while he waits. He isn't allowed to eat with the family, so it's a good thing he has never wanted to in the first place. His breakfast is served much later in the day and his meals are kept small; Mrs. Park wants to keep him small so he can fit into the dresses. Eventually, Seungmin adjusted to it, he stopped feeling hungry and is now able to sustain himself with the little food he is given.

Mrs. Park hums as she makes Seungmin's breakfast, just as she does when she is busying herself with nearly any task. Seungmin's mother used to him when she would make meals, it was a sound he enjoyed, it was calming. Now, humming has a crazy woman who kidnapped him attached to it, Seungmin would love it if he'd never have to hear them, not so, lovely sound ever again.

"Here you are, Minnie." Mrs. Park Places a bowl of yogurt with strawberries and granola in front of the boy.

Minnie; a nickname he loved being called, he thought it was cute. A name his family and friends gave him, special to only him, but now he despises it. This family has already taken him away from his family, what else do they need?

"I wish you would smile more, "Mrs. park comments, but Seungmin picked up on the slightest near and her voice, knowing what she wants from him.

"Thank you for breakfast, ma'am," Seungmin voices as sweetly as he can manage, forcing a smile to his face.

"See," Mrs. Park smiles, "much prettier."

When Seungmin has been good, Mrs. Park has him sit in the doll room while she cleans up after his breakfast. Honestly, Seungmin isn't sure this room is any better than the cellar. Seungmin has never been a big fan of dolls, but now that he has become one, it is safe to say Seungmin hates dolls more than anything on this planet.

Mrs. Park greets Seungmin with a smile when she walks into the room to begin the daily polishing. Not sparing the woman a glance, Seungmin stares blankly at the large set windows that are covered by sheer white curtains covering them which allow for some natural light in but inhibits Seungmin to see anything outside. Seungmin watches out of the corner of his eye as Mrs. Park polishes each doll with the utmost of care, gently placing them back where they belong. She is almost more delicate with them then she is her own children. It is a bit sickening to watch, so Seungmin tries to keep his eyes on the curtains covering the windows, wondering what everything out there looks like.

In the past four years, Seungmin has only got glimpses of the outside, Mrs. Park telling him to stay away from the windows, so the sunlight doesn't damage his skin. In truth, she doesn't want others to see him, to ask questions of why there is a strange boy in their house. She doesn't want Seungmin to know where he is, to get ideas on how to escape; so, the curtains stay closed, shutting the world away from the Park's greatest secret.

Because of this Seungmin has lost a lot, he can only really tell what season it is based on the temperature in the attic. It doesn't have great ventilation so early autumn, and late spring are usually the ideal seasons to be in. 

It's nearing the end of summer, I think, I wonder if the colors are starting to change. Maybe they already have, and autumn has already begun.

Seungmin does his best to push those thoughts away. If memories come flooding back, he'll start to cry, and he can't cry, not in front of Mrs. Park.


	6. Chapter 6

Clothing is strewn across the room, remnants from the closet and drawers following along. Disorganized piles find their way onto the bed, creating hoards that will have to be dug through later. The once tidy room is was flipped upside down and shaken into a hideous mess.

To be honest, Jisung turned his room inside out to spite his mother. If she was going to force him to throw out his belongings, he was going to do it his way and pull everything out of the closet and all the drawers and create his mother's nightmare. Petty, but it makes Jisung's anger and frustration towards his mother die down a little bit.

It's been an hour and Jisung is still pulling items out of the closet and tossing them in various places in his room. Some Items land on the bed while some fall to the floor. It has made it increasingly difficult to walk around his room, and he is sure he'll regret it later, but right now it feels good.

"Hey, babe I'm here-whoa!" Jisung hears his boyfriend, Minho, enter the bedroom. He pokes his head out of the closet and smile at him, before grabbing another pile of belongings and exiting, dropping the pile by his bed.

"Hey," Jisung greets with a smile, going over to give him a kiss. Minho complies placing a hand on Jisung's waist and pulling him closer.

"Is all of this really necessary?" Minho questions, looking at the hectic environment that is Jisung's bedroom.

Jisung shrugs, "not really, but it felt nice to do."

Minho sighs, "Look I know you're mad at your mom for making you do this, but I don't think destroying your room is the right way to go about it."

Jisung looks around the room at the piles of unidentified belongings. Some of these things are Seungmin's or things the younger gave to him. It may look and feel like a lot of clutter now, but Jisung knows when he goes through everything and boxes up what he is supposed to get rid of, he'll feel bare. Jisung cares about Seungmin and everything that the other boy has given him over the course of their friendship, he isn't ready to give up anything that reminds him of the younger boy.

"I don't get why she is making me let go of something I'm not r-ready to l-let go of." Jisung's voice shakes slightly at the end as he spoke, the thought of completely letting go of Seungmin terrifies him.

"Then don't," Minho tells him, pulling Jisung into a tight hold, "if you aren't ready then don't get rid of everything."

"You know my mother, she'll never let me do that," Jisung says, keeping the side of his face, pressed to Minho's shoulder.

"We'll still box everything up, but we won't throw it away," Minho explains, "I'll keep everything at my place until you decide what to do with it."

Jisung lifts his head from Minho's shoulder, looking up at his face, "are you sure your roommates would be okay with that?"

Minho removes one of his hands from around Jisung's waist, using it to push Jisung's bangs out of his eyes. Gliding his finger's down the side of Jisung's face, Minho gently holds Jisung's chin with his thumb and pointer finger, lifting the younger's head ever so slightly.

"Even if they did mind, it wouldn't stop me from doing it," Minho answers, leaning down to place a soft kiss on the younger's lips. Jisung pushes up into the kiss, enjoying the comforting sensation of it, as Minho holds him.

It is moments like these, that makes Jisung happy he didn't run. To think if Jisung had played his hand a little bit differently, Minho wouldn't be here right now. Thankfully, Jisung let Minho in and allowed him to see parts of himself he has never opened to anyone before, and now Jisung has a stronger support system surrounding him. Minho has never once pushed Jisung into doing anything or talking about his childhood, he stood back and waited for Jisung to start those conversations when he was ready and Jisung is grateful for that.

"We should probably get started or you aren't going to have a place to sleep." Minho chuckles once he pulls away from the kiss.

"Yeah," Jisung sighs, already starting to regret making a mess out of his room.

•••

The couple has spent a good three hours digging through the mess Jisung created. At one-point, Jisung's mother came upstairs and started yelling at Jisung for being so reckless, after that she didn't come back upstairs.

They've managed to get through almost everything on Jisung's bed, so if they don't end up finishing everything tonight, Jisung will at least have a place to sleep. The more they go through it, Jisung is incredibly happy that Minho is here since he wouldn't be able to get through all this alone.

Minho lets out a small chuckle, "now I know where half of my hoodies have gone, they've been sucked into the hoard of your closet."

"In my defense, you never came looking for them, so I had to keep them somewhere," Jisung says, laughing at Minho rolling his eyes.

The older stands up from his place on the floor, walking into Jisung's with his hoodies in hand.

"See you don't need them, you're putting them back," Jisung calls out.

"Shut up!"

Minho hangs the hoodies up, knowing that he'll end up taking them back from Jisung after the younger has worn them, so he can have them when they are covered in his scent. Minho places them near the front, so Jisung will spot them, and increase the chances of him wearing them. Spotting a few straggler items, he bends down to pick them up, so he can add to the slowly decreasing piles in the room.

Picking up a few t-shirts that were stuck in the gap between the wall and the dresser, Minho spots a light blue notebook. It isn't too far back, but it looks dusty and as though it could have been forgotten in there for a while. Minho reaches back, brushing the books with the tips of his fingers before finally being able to get a hold on it and pull it out.

Standing back up, Minho places the shirts on top of the dresser and takes the blue book into both hands. He dusts it off the best he can, though it still is a little messy and scuffed up. Opening the cover, his eyes go straight to the neat handwriting directly in the center of the page.

_Kim Seungmin._

Closing it, Minho grabs the shirts and walks out of the closet.

"Hey, Ji?" Minho voices, throwing the shirts into a pile, "I thought the police took all of Seungmin's journals."

"They did," Jisung states, not bothering to look up at his boyfriend, and continuing to sort through his pile.

"Then why do you have this?"

That makes Jisung look up, turning his head to see Minho holding up a blue notebook. It looks familiar, but Jisung wouldn't be able to tell if it is Seungmin's just from the cover. The younger stands up, taking the book out of Minho's hands before opening the cover. There is Seungmin's name, written in his neat twelve-year-old handwriting. Though it is a bit of a shock to be seeing this here, it isn't that big of a surprise since Seungmin used to always forget something at a friend's house, and sometimes it would be a journal.

Jisung must have set it to the side and completely forgot about it. Eventually, it made its way into the closet and got lost in the clutter.

"Wow, haven't seen one of these in a while," Jisung fake laughs, moving to place it down on his desk. This is a part of the reason he didn't want to do this. Though he doesn't want to get rid of everything, he also didn't want to dig everything up, knowing that it would only send him to a dark place.

"Shouldn't we take that to the police?" Minho asks.

"What would be the point of doing that?" Jisung questions, slightly shaking his head.

"The investigation, aren't those-"

"The investigation is over," Jisung cuts in, his voice laced with bitterness, "the police are going to give Seungmin's parent's everything back since they stopped it, so no I'm not giving it to the police because it would do nothing."

Minho wants to refute, but the look on Jisung's face stops him from doing so. The older understands where Jisung is coming from and he doesn't want to argue with him about it, but he doesn't completely agree with his logic.

"Can we just get back to work?" Jisung asks, already kneeling to the floor to pick up where he left off.

"Sure," Minho mumbles, heading back to his area to start again.

•••

Later in the evening, after Minho has left to go home, Jisung is still sifting through a few things in his bedroom. They got a lot done today and they only have a couple more piles to go through, but Jisung is going to leave most of it for tomorrow.

Right now, Jisung is only going through a few old shirts that he realized were Seungmin's. There is something about seeing them that is comforting but also heart wrenching. Whenever he picks up a shirt, memories of Seungmin wearing the particular item flood back to him.

Sighing, Jisung's eyes wander over to the blue notebook on his desk. Seungmin always carried one with him; sometimes for an entry, but usually for poems. Jisung remembers how often he'd see Seungmin writing in his journals always smiling when he'd complete a new poem. No one knows where Seungmin's sudden fascination with poetry came from, but they know that Seungmin was always so happy to be able to share them with his friends. Jisung knows that going through it would probably only make him feels worse, but on the off chance that it brings him any closure, he'd like to able to read his friend's writing one last time.

"I'm going to regret this," Jisung mumbles as he pushes himself off the floor. He picks up the notebook before crawling into his bed and leaning against his pillows.

Opening the front cover, Jisung purposefully slips past the name page, not wanting to see it again. The page with the first entry is presented to Jisung, he checks the date, noting that it was written the year Seungmin went missing, as well, as only a couple months prior. Jisung has always thought the police had Seungmin's most recent journals, but he was wrong. If Jisung would have known this was in his house, he would have handed it over.

"Guess it's too late now," Jisung mumbles, beginning to go through more of the journal.

Most of them are poems, which is what Jisung expected, but every few pages there would be actual entries that were just blurbs about the day. He read a few of the poems, smiling at the cute wording Seungmin would use, and the analogies he was trying to make work. Whenever he'd come across an actual entry, he'd always read it, even if it was difficult to do. 

_July, 12_

_Today, Hyunjinnie and I went to go get ice cream, which he was kind enough to buy for me. I still don't know why he insisted it just be the two of us, but even without the others I still enjoyed being with him._

"He was trying to tell you he liked you, idiot."

Jisung keeps reading, a little surprised how many of these entries are about Hyunjin. Seungmin was always a little oblivious to how Hyunjin felt, maybe he was also oblivious to his own feelings.

_July, 30_

_I told mom that I think I Like a boy, she told me that she loves me and no matter who I like she will always love me. But will he?_

Continuing to flip through the entries, Jisung comes across one two weeks before his disappearance. 

_August, 6_

_A man came up to me and told me I was pretty, I thanked him and then told him I needed to go. I thought that would be the last I would see of him, but it wasn't._

_He was at the ice cream shop when I was there with Felix. After I pointed him out Felix said we should leave. Then I saw him at the park when I was with the others. Today I saw him through my window outside my house._

"What the Fuck?" Jisung pauses for a moment, hesitant to keep reading.

_I don't know what to do, I'm afraid if I tell mom and dad, they will get mad and yell at me. For now, I'll just ignore him._

Jisung flips through the pages, but there is nothing else written. Panic washes over the male as he rereads the entry. He feels sick thinking about it, someone was stalking Seungmin, someone who could have possibly taken him.

His eyes widen at a realization, quickly grabbing his phone and dialing.


	7. Chapter 7

Seungmin wakes with a start, his body jolting up and beads of sweat forming at his hairline. His breathing is heavy, heartbeat pulsing through his body, and he can't stop shaking. The room would be silent if it wasn't for his heart pounding in his ears. He could have sworn he heard something coming from downstairs, he wouldn't have woken up otherwise.

The attic is dark, only being able to see the outlines of the boxes stacked in various places of the room. Squeezing his eyes shut, Seungmin tries to slow his heartbeat, needing his hearing back to its full potential. He manages to calm himself some, but he still isn't able to tell if there is something below him. Opening his eyes, Seungmin sees nothing around him, only the dark attic and its usual contents. Maybe something fell and his reflexes kicked in.

Seungmin takes in deep breaths as he lies back gently on the padding of the blankest. He tries to push the memory of the sound out of his mind, concentrating on the hovering darkness that is just below the ceiling. Seungmin wishes he could say that the silence was calming, but it is far from that. The sudden cut off from noise makes him feel uneasy; it is one thing to wake up to silence, but to have the cut off makes it eerie.

Although hesitant, Seungmin manages to convince himself to close his eye and try his best to fall back asleep. It is rough, and there are a few bumps in the road, but eventually, Seungmin finds himself in a state in between the two, allowing himself to have a guard up.

•••

There are no good days here in the Park house, but Seungmin would say that spending the day alone with Mr. Park is far worse than any other scenario. The time spent alone with him is far from pleasant, and Seungmin has to force himself out of the present and block out the experience to the best of his ability. Fortunately, these days don't come often since Mr. Park is a very busy man, but when they are here Seungmin would rather be in the hands of the devil than spend another day on earth.

Mr. Park doesn't see Seungmin has just a doll to be dressed up, he sees the boy as more for his own assistance. To the man, Seungmin is a toy that can be used to his wish, replaceable, worthless, nothing more than disposable. Seungmin wonders if his wife is aware of the activities Mr. Park gets up to behind her back, though Seungmin isn't sure it would matter if she did; he would still be trapped here.

With the children away at school and Mrs. Park preparing to leave for the day, Seungmin's day of torture will soon ensue. Of course, Mrs. Park didn't leave him in the attic, she had to dress him before she could head off, completing her favorite part of the routine. His lavender skirt compliments the white long-sleeved blouse that Mrs. Park was excited to put on him for the first time. The white stockings come up to meet the hem of the skirt at the knee, giving near all of Seungmin's leg coverage. Mrs. Park paired the outfit with her favorite black heels to put him in, also choosing to only dust on a light layer of makeup for today's look.

"I'll pick up the kids from school today," Mrs. Park tells her husband as they walk towards the front door. Seungmin is sitting in the kitchen, eating the breakfast prepared for him and listening to the conversation the married couple is having.

"After I pick up the kids, I'm going to drop by the store to pick up some stuff for dinner, any requests?"

"I'll happily eat anything you prepare," Mr. Park answers, pecking his wife's lips before opening the door for her to exit. The couple shares one last goodbye kiss before Mrs. Park is out the door.

Now, Seungmin is left alone with Mr. Park.

Several hours of only the two of them, at this moment Seungmin wishes Mrs. Park would have locked him in the attic all day. Everything he has to experience with Mrs. Park is far better than what Mr. Park does, he'd prefer hanging out with their horrid daughter for a day rather than Mr. Park.

Seungmin hears the door close and the daunting footsteps of the man making their way to the kitchen. Within moments the disgusting feeling of Mr. Park's hands is on his shoulders, gently caressing the area. Seungmin tries to block out the feeling and push through to finish his breakfast, though the second Mr. Park laid his hands on him his appetite plummeted.

Mr. Park's hands leave Seungmin's shoulders, moving over towards the sink to clean up after his and his family's meal. The feeling lingers on Seungmin's shoulders, just like it does with every other time Mr. Park touches him and it is not a pleasant feeling. Seungmin feels slimy and nauseous as if spiders were crawling all over his body. He is trying to bring himself down from the fear and lean into calming himself as much as he can. However, when it comes to Mr. Park, nothing proves to be effective for the process.

"Are you finished with your breakfast?" Mr. Park asks, looking over at the boy.

Seungmin only nods, unable to bring himself to speak to the man. Mr. Park grabs the bowl and adds it to his pile for washing. Seungmin sits in the kitchen, quietly watching the movement s of Mr. Park. He wants to be prepared for anything that could happen and watching the man, will help Seungmin to predict what his next move could be. Mrs. Park has always been more consistent of the two, which Seungmin liked, there were rarely surprises. With Mr. Park, Seungmin is nearly always on his toes, hoping that maybe one day he'll find a pattern with the man.

Predicting what will happen doesn't bring much comfort, but it does give Seungmin enough mental time to prepare if he needs to. With Mr. Park, Seungmin doesn't get much of that, only for one thing and honestly, that one thing Seungmin is able to prepare for is the most important to him. If that wasn't there, Seungmin would have broke in the first year, taking his own life rather than dealing with the pain. There are things no one, especially children, should have to go through, and in a very short amount of time, Seungmin had to experience horrible things. The only way Seungmin knew he would survive if he built a wall he could put up at will, doing all it could to block him mentally from the experience. It helps a little, Seungmin has been able to keep himself steady for the years he has been here, but if he were to be set free, Seungmin had no doubt in his mind that he'd fall apart.

"Go upstairs and wait," Mr. Park commands, "I'll be there in a minute." Seungmin learned long ago what would happen if you defied one of the Park's. Standing up, Seungmin makes his way up the stairs, preparing his mind for what is about to happen. His body shakes with fear and anticipation, shakily lifting him up each step. The feeling of nausea washes over him once again as he turns into the bedroom, sitting on the bed with his back facing the door. Vulnerability overtakes him and Seungmin immediately feels weak, his body going limp for it to be moved around easily.

The wait isn't long and soon Seungmin feels hands grabbing at his sides.

•••

Some nights are harder than others. Nights after spending the day with Mr. Park are up there on the list of the worst. His body feels disgusting and he wouldn't be able to wash it off no matter how many showers he'd take. Physically he is in pain and emotionally he was torn to shreds, his entire being broke down into a sliver of nothing.

On nights like these, his mind often wanders to Hyunjin. A boy who cared about him, a boy he cared about more than anyone will ever know. Hyunjin had a way of making Seungmin feel special with the littlest things, and Seungmin greatly enjoyed that. His mother had told him to wait until he was more mature than he'd really be able to understand the feelings he harbored for his friend. Seungmin obeyed his mother's word, knowing that Hyunjin wouldn't be going somewhere anytime soon. Maybe, he should have accounted for himself suddenly going missing.

The thoughts of Hyunjin only come because Seungmin is seeking comfort, reminiscing in the memories that made him feel safe and good. After everything with Mr. Park, Seungmin needs a little comfort to ease his mind. Thinking about Hyunjin relieves some of the pain, but it also brings a great amount of distress with the fact, that Hyunjin will never be able to physically comfort him again.

Nights like these are the most draining on him. Reminding him that he is worthless, and no one will ever give him the care he deserves.


	8. Chapter 8

"He is going through a lot right now, he's going to lash out, I'm sorry that it's at you though." Chan places a hand on Rachel's shoulder, trying to comfort his distressed friend.

"I was only trying to help," Rachel states once again, "he had no right to say those things to me."

There is some truth in what Felix said, though. Rachel did stay at home instead of the dorms so she could help out her parents. Being the oldest she felt the need to be there for her siblings, she only recommended the institution because she genuinely thought that it could help Felix. It has been years since Seungmin went missing, and Felix still gets nightmares about that night.

"I'm sure he'll come to his senses and apologize," Chan tells her. He agrees that Felix was out of line with what he told his sister, but he can also see why he snapped. Rachel could have timed it better so Felix wouldn't be on edge when hearing about it.

Chan and Rachel have been friends since their first year of high school and through their friendship, he has gotten close with Felix and his friends. He would consider himself friends with Felix even if they don't talk with each other on a regular basis.

As the result of his friendship with Rachel and Minho, who is dating Jisung, he has been let in on a lot of information regarding Seungmin's disappearance. He hears about how both Felix and Jisung struggle to sleep at night, which all makes sense given what they have gone through.

Chan cares about Rachel and will always support her, but a downside of having that mindset is he rarely calls her out when she is out of line.

"You can be mad at him, but given what happened, his response makes sense."

Rachel turns to glare at Chan slightly, "are you taking his side?"

"I'm not taking any one's side." Chan shakes his head, "I'm just saying that I understand why he was yelling at you, though his reasons may be flawed, you did say he needed to be committed."

"For his own good!" Rachel exclaims, baffled by the fact that Chan is not backing her up.

"Maybe so, but that still doesn't change the fact that you went behind his back and discussed it with your parents," Chan defends, "I can see why he'd be hurt by that."

Maybe if it was a different situation, Rachel would be in Chan's boat. However, it's her own idea that she has to defend and is having a hard time seeing the other side of the argument. It is always good to have someone in your life who will occasionally question your reasoning's, if no one did, things wouldn't get done; everyone going with the first idea brought up. Right now, anger is clouding Rachel's judgment and she doesn't want someone to disagree with her, she wants someone to justify her actions even if they weren't the best.

"I can't listen to this," Rachel says, grabbing her bag and getting up from her seat.

"Rachel-"

"Don't," She cuts in, "I came here to vent, not for your opinion,"

Before Chan can get another word out, Rachel is already storming away across campus. He doesn't bother going after her, knowing she will need a bit to cool down before talking to him again. Chan gets up as well and heads in the direction of his class, not having a reason to stay there since Rachel left.

•••

Felix stares at the blue notebook that Jisung is practically shoving in his face. He got a frantic call from the boy last night insisting that he needed to come over. It was late and there was no way Felix was going to be able to convince his parents to let him go, so he told the other that he'd be over as soon as he could the next morning. This resulted in Jisung calling Felix at seven in the morning to see if he was on his way. Felix wanted to hang up and go back to sleep, but he knew that Jisung would only keep calling so he got out of bed and told Jisung he'd be there soon.

Now he is standing in Jisung's cluttered bedroom as the slightly older boy tries to explain why he called Felix over this early.

"Jisung!" Felix shouts, cutting into the other's nonstop rambling. He takes the notebook out of Jisung's hands and examines the cover, no memory of it coming to mind.

"What is this?" Felix asks, still looking down at the beautiful blue cover.

"Open it," Jisung instructs.

Felix quirks a brow up at Jisung, who only gestures to the notebook, silently giving his instructions over again. Opening the cover, Felix immediately spots Seungmin's name, causing him to let the book fall closed. He doesn't want to read further; he doesn't want to be looking at this in the first place.

"Why do you have this?" Felix questions, shoving the book back into Jisung's arms.

"I didn't know I had it," Jisung explains, "Minho found it last night when he was over here helping me clean out my closet."

"Cool," Felix states, obvious sarcasm. It's not that he hates that it is Seungmin's notebook, he himself has a bunch of things given to him by the younger, but he keeps it in a box. He discovered that looking at those items makes him sick to his stomach because it only brings up possibilities of what could have happened to Seungmin, and Felix does not want those thoughts in his head.

"That doesn't explain why you need me here," Felix goes on, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'm getting to that." Jisung flips through the pages trying to find the correct one, "I found this entry and you need to re-"

"No, absolutely not," Felix states, pushing the notebook away from him as Jisung tries to show him the pages. If he has a hard time looking at the cover now knowing that it is Seungmin's, he going to have an even harder time looking at the actual writing.

Before Jisung can protest to Felix's defiance, his bedroom door is pushed open, Hyunjin and Jeongin walking in. The book closes with Jisung's index finger marking his spot, the bickering boy's arms falling at their sides.

"We got your message," Hyunjin says, closing the door behind him and Jeongin.

"Why was I the only one who had to get here so early?" Felix asks, his voicing rising in annoyance.

"Because them being here wasn't as dire as you being here," Jisung explains, "and if you stop being so stubborn you would know that."

"Me?" Felix points to himself, "I wasn't the one who rambled on for like thirty minutes before letting me get one-word in."

"Sorry, but I'm trying to tell you now, but you keep pushing me away-"

"I don't want to read the notebook," Felix tells him, pushing Jisung's hands away once again.

Hyunjin and Jeongin stand there watching the back and forth for a little bit. Eventually, it stops becoming amusing and just gets annoying. Jeongin pushes himself in between the two males as Hyunjin grabs the blue notebook out of Jisung's hands. The notebook is obviously the object causing the argument, so Hyunjin takes it completely out of the equation.

The oldest examines the book, a strong wave of familiarity hitting him as he looks at it. The hard, blue cover sparks something in him and Hyunjin can't quite pinpoint it. He knows he has seen this somewhere but is having a hard time grabbing the exact memory.

He looks up when Jeongin takes a place beside him again after successfully breaking up the little argument between their friends.

"What is this about?" Jeongin asks, folding his arms across his chest and giving them the look, he does when he tries to be intimidating.

Jisung looks over at Felix, checking his reaction before deciding if moving on is a good option. He wants to explain, but if Felix is going to constantly cut him off, then he would rather not get started in the first place.

"I found one of Seungmin's notebooks." Jisung points to the book in Hyunjin's hands, directing everyone's gaze to the blue book, "in it are poems and random entries, but what stood out is the fact that this is the notebook that is the most recent to his disappearance."

"I thought the police collected all of those?" Hyunjin furrows his brow, confused as to how Jisung got a hold of it.

"So did I. I was unaware that I even had it, so maybe it fell out of Seungmin's bag one day while he was over, and it somehow got shoved in my closet. But that doesn't matter, what matters is his last entry. In there he talks about a man, and I think that man was stalking him."

At this everyone's eyes widen in shock. Felix moves closer to the book, no longer caring about how he might feel after reading it. He takes it out of Hyunjin's hands, flipping through it until he finds the last entry. Hyunjin and Jeongin move to where they can read alongside Felix.

Pits in their stomachs grow as they read each sentence, Felix feeling sick to his stomach as he reads his own name. He saw the man and now there is a good chance that this man could have done something to Seungmin. Felix pulls away, the book slipping from his fingers. Luckily, Jeongin is quick to catch it before it hits the floor. Tears stream down the blonde's face; the words written by Seungmin run through his head, he saw the man and never said anything.

He remembers that day in the ice cream parlor, Seungmin was a little wigged out by something, but after he had suggested leaving, Seungmin never explained to him what he was freaked out about. Felix finds his back planted up against the wall, so he slides down it, bringing his knees into his chest for comfort. He tries to think back to what the man looked like, he knows he saw him, but no memory of a face is coming to him. There is a possibility he could have prevented Seungmin's kidnapping and he did nothing. Felix has never felt worse.

"Lix," Jeongin voices with concern, moving over to slide down next to him. He places an arm around his friend, drawing comforting circles on Felix's back as he sobs.

It's a miracle how Jisung's mother didn't hear the cries. Everyone knows the second she has, she'd be up here in an instant, coddling Felix until he stopped crying.

•••

The four boys had somehow managed to move Felix to the bed, letting the boy curl up in his state and cry until it wasn't physically possible to do anymore. No one said anything, allowing there to be silence before they would have to talk about the contents of the notebook.

Jisung actually feels bad for forcing it on Felix now, he never thought that the blonde would have that reaction to seeing it. All he hoped for was for Felix to remember that day, be able to remember the face of the man and then possibly, after all these years get answers. However, it isn't that simple.

Felix lets out small sniffles as his cries die down. He leans into Hyunjin, who had pulled him into a back hug, allowing himself to relax at the older's touch. There are reasons they choose not to talk about Seungmin very often and keeping one of them from having a break down happens to be on the list.

Opening his eyes, Felix sees Jisung lying right in front of him, an arm hanging over both his and Hyunjin's torsos. Jisung gives him a soft smile once he sees Felix's irises, moving his hand from his torso to Felix's hand resting on the bed.

"I'm sorry," Jisung whispers.

Felix shakes his head softly, "you don't need to be."

A few more minutes go by and the boys continue to lay there on the bed, in a big clump. Each of them clings to each other, finding comfort in the hugs and the soft breathing of one another. It's calm for these few minutes, and that's what they all need, calm. Life is generally hectic, and they don't ever get to catch a break, but this moment is their break and they are relishing in it.

Unfortunately, all good things end and the boys have to pop their bubble of calm. Felix wipes away his tears again, before pushing himself to a sitting position, prompting Hyunjin to sit up as well. The older leans against the backboard of the bed, pulling Felix into another hug, while Jisung and Jeongin cuddle each other at the foot of the bed.

"I remember that day and I remember telling Seungmin we should leave, but I can't remember what the man looked like," Felix states, drawing everyone's attention to him, "I really want to remember, but I can't and now I feel like this is another reason I should blame myself for Seungmin going missing, I was there and I could have done something but-"

Hyunjin cuts the younger off by tightening his hold around him, shushing Felix, who has fresh tears lining his eyes.

"It isn't your fault," Hyunjin whispers, gently swaying back and forth to comfort the younger, "it is no one's fault."


	9. Chapter 9

Hajoon doesn't go into the doll room, in fact, he does his best to avoid that area of the house altogether. The days that he isn't at school he tries to spend in his room. Avoiding his family is his solution to try and block out the atrocities committed by his parents. He's grown up a little and developed a way of thinking that is separate from his family, one that is saner and more rational.

At first, when Seungmin got here, he was jealous; another thing to draw his mother's attention away from him. Seungmin being here made him lash out, in an attempt to try and get his parent's attention. His plan worked, but not in the way he wanted it to. The once talkative, carefree boy closed himself off after the discipline delivered to him by his parents.

Hajoon used to hate Seungmin with his whole being, but now looking at him makes the younger feel sick. Not that Seungmin is physically disgusting to the boy but knowing what has happened to him makes his stomach twist. He has heard the screams from an occasional beating and the whimpers from the cellar. Worst of all he can hear the rustling and pants from his father in the attic late at night. His fear of his parents keeps him silent. Although guilt eats away at him daily, he keeps his lips sealed.

Hajoon can hear his little sister downstairs, his room, unfortunately, being placed above the doll room. Her sweet, deceiving giggles travel up the vents and into his room. He wants nothing more than to be able to say he loves his sister, but Haeun's actions make it rather difficult.

She is still young and impressionable; she is still learning how to empathize with others or maybe she's long past that. Haeun has watched their mother play with Seungmin and their father throws him around too long that it has become her normal. From a young age, she was conditioned to believe that what their parents are doing is okay, throwing away everything that would make Seungmin even remotely human in her eyes.

Growing up, Hajoon tried to interact with Haeun as much as he could, but he is about five years older than her and had a hard time connecting with her. Their mother was always protective of Haeun and soon as she was born, his mother pushed Hajoon aside and then adding that with Seungmin's arrival, Hajoon was basically forgotten. He managed to handle the loneliness, by throwing himself into other projects, teaching himself how to draw and spending nearly all day distracting himself with it.

The art teacher, Ms. Jung, at school was quick to notice his gift and supplied him with the materials he needed to improve. Ms. Jung is unaware of his family situation, just like everyone else in the world, but having extra supplies around her classroom, she was generous enough to gift Hajoon the materials. Hajoon has been sneaking in the supplies from school into his room, hiding it so his parents won't find it. He doesn't know how they will react, and it isn't that he thinks they will react poorly to it, but he'd rather keep something he loves to himself, so it isn't destroyed.

He wishes he would have realized sooner how destructive his parents were, maybe he could have put an end to it before anyone got hurt. Still, he was only a child, unaware of how every action of his parents was wrong in every sense of the word.

Another loud squeal erupts from his sister, causing him to clench his pencil in his hands and squeeze his eyes shut. The sound isn't cute, it's horrifying. Haeun is playing with a human like his life isn't there, disregarding everything about Seungmin that makes him human. Hajoon wants to believe that Haeun wouldn't be like this if she didn't begin growing up around it from such a young age. However, there is something about Haeun that Hajoon feels was there even before she was old enough to begin developing memories of what their parents are doing. Something tells him that she was lost before she was even here to begin with.

The wave of giggles comes then goes, allowing Hajoon to continue with his drawing. He starts back at the drawing, carefully perfecting every inch of the piece he has been working on for over a month. Though he has had it ready for him for a while, Hajoon hasn't begun to shade, because he wants the outline of the drawing to be flawless before he begins. It's a problem his art teacher says he has; he wants perfection in a world where nothing is. Hajoon presumes he got that from his mother; a rather disgusting thought he has.

Only twelve and Hajoon's biggest goal is to get out of this house, hopefully without too much scarring; physically and mentally. One day he knows he'll make it happen, even if he has to leave with nothing but the clothes on his back, Hajoon knows that one day he will get out of here.

His mind wanders as his hand guides his pencil across the paper, leading it to create wonders only to be seen by his eyes. This is the happiest Hajoon is when he is home, being able to stay in his room and draw in peace. Although he is never completely at a peaceful state, he finds himself as close to one as he can get, and he is okay with that.

A knock at his door breaks his concentration, causing him to immediately slam his notebook shut, pulling out a math textbook he keeps near just in case. Without another knock, his door is opened, his mother entering soon after.

"Dinner is ready," she informs, "get cleaned up and be down in five minutes."

She doesn't give time for a response before she shuts the door, leaving Hajoon to get ready. Hajoon can feel his heart pounding in his chest, the fright of almost being caught wracking his body. He gives it a few seconds before moving to stash his notebook and pencils away in their hiding place, covering them the best he can behind the boxes of old toys he keeps under his bed. It isn't a genius hiding place, but is safe at least for now, knowing his parents won't go rummaging in there until they think he is too old to be keeping toys around.

Hajoon is the first to the table, getting there just as his mother has finished placing the plates and utensils down. He awkwardly takes his seat, silently placing the napkin over his lap while he waits for his sister and father to join. His mother hums as she places out the food in the center, smiling at her son every time they'd catch each other's gaze.

The atmosphere is tense at dinner, at least it is for Hajoon. His parents smile and laugh at the stories Haeun is telling them about her day, Hajoon does his best to tune her out, especially when she talks about Seungmin. He doesn't like hearing the boy's name come from someone else, it makes him feel nauseous. Most things that involve Seungmin and his family don't settle right in his stomach.

"Why doesn't Minnie ever sit with us?" Haeun questions casually, nibbling on a carrot she grabbed off her plate.

"Do you want Minnie to start sitting with us?" Their mother asks. Haeun nods excitedly.

No, is all Hajoon can think. He does not want Seungmin here, he doesn't think he'd be able to handle it. It would be cruel to taunt the boy with something he doesn't have, his family has done enough harm, what more could they want?

"Your father and I can discuss it if that's what you want," she adds, smiling over to their father as he takes her hand in his.

It should be a sweet action, but all it does is disgust Hajoon. Everything his parents do, brings is stomach to a rumble and he wants to get out of them out of his line of sight as soon as possible.

"May I be excused?" Hajoon asks, he doesn't want to be near them anymore. He wants to be safe in his room or anywhere his family isn't. Mr. Park glances down to his son's empty plate before looking back up to the boy. He gives a curt nod, signaling that he may leave, not bothering to question why the boy doesn't want to stay and enjoy his parent's company.

Hajoon is quick to get up, placing his plate by the sink before scurrying his way out of the kitchen. He heads back preparing to walk up the stairs when the blue skirt of Seungmin's outfit catches his eye. The doll room door has been left open, and curiosity pricks at him. He has gone so long avoiding the boy, he has forgotten the details of his face. Hajoon thinks to the project he has upstairs, figuring a memory refresher couldn't hurt.

Slowly slipping down the hall, Hajoon stands a few feet back from the door as he peers in. Seungmin sits in the usual chair, near the shelving for the other dolls. His head is hung low and hands placed gently in his lap. Hajoon almost doesn't want him to look up he wants to continue standing here. His mind swirls and he has mixed feelings as he looks at the boy, he can't explain what it is, but looking at him makes his body spark several different kinds of reactions.

A creak in the floorboards does make Seungmin look up, his eyes immediately locking with Hajoon's. The younger boy's eyes grow in size, breath catching in his throat as Seungmin looks at him. He doesn't run right away, giving him a minute to get one last good look at Seungmin's face.

After a few seconds, Hajoon scurries off, running up the stairs and shutting himself in his room.


	10. Chapter 10

Felix struggles getting himself to focus all through Monday. His mind won't stop reliving the day in the ice cream parlor. All he wants is to be able to remember the face of the man, but he can't. Seungmin's possible captor is so close, yet so far and it is suffocating him. 

He confined himself to his room for most of the weekend after his talk with his friends, shutting off his phone and sitting in silence. His parents tried to get him to come out, but he can't bring himself to face them. He knows they want to help, but every time he looks at them, he remembers how they want to send him to an institute.

Running his hands messily through his hair, he groans softly, not wanting to make too much noise since he is currently in the library. Studying for math is the last thing he wants to be doing right now, but with how his grades in math turned out last year, he doesn't have much of a choice. He doesn't want to give his parents another reason to feel the need to hover, so now he needs to force himself to buckle down and study for the test at the end of the week and pray that he gets a decent score.

"It's only math it can't be that bad."

Felix's head flies up at the familiar voice, as he tries to, not so, subtly fix his hair that he messed up. There are few people he wants to look good in front of, and though he'll never admit it aloud, Seo Changbin happens to be one of them. The senior smiles at the blonde, his dark bangs falling in front of his eyes.

"H-hi." Felix gulps, he never knows how to compose himself in front of the older, he always feels too awkward and ends up embarrassing himself in some way.

"May I sit with you?" Changbin asks, gesturing to the chair right next to the younger.

Felix nods, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip. The younger always feels like he is putting on a mask when around Changbin. He doesn't ever want Changbin to see how truly damaged he is, so he fakes it around him as much as he can. Felix often pushes Changbin's advances away, for reasons that make, for some reason, only make sense to him.

Still, no matter how many times Felix has lied and told Changbin he is not interested, the older keeps pursuing. It is as if he knows that Felix is lying to him like he can see right through him or Jisung is telling Changbin things he shouldn't be.

"I haven't gotten to talk to you for a little bit," Changbin states, "so how are you with everything?"

Changbin hasn't been living under a rock, he knows what happened to Felix four years ago, everyone knows. Most people in the school choose to avoid his group of friends, especially Felix since he has tackled a kid before. Still, despite all of that, Changbin continues to pursue the younger, wanting to talk to him, wanting to be with him.

"I'm okay..." Felix nods, the best he can do is lie to the older and hope Changbin will leave it at that. He doesn't deserve to be sucked into Felix's toxic life, especially now when things are getting anything but better.

However, Changbin has a gift and he can read Felix which the younger hates. He knows when Felix isn't okay. Most of the time he lets Felix be and doesn't push the younger into expressing his true feelings, other times Changbin will be pushier. Jisung says it is his way of trying to open Felix up and be allowed into his life.

"It's okay not to be okay," Changbin states, "you don't always have to lie to yourself."

The older reaches out and gently places one of his hands on top of Felix's. He knows very well that Felix could pull away and leave, but he's ready for that. Changbin has liked Felix since the younger was a freshman and he'd tried getting close with him, but all of his attempts failed. There was a point when Changbin was starting to believe that maybe his feelings were one-sided until Jisung had told him all about how much Felix would talk about him with their friends.

"You don't have to lie to me."

Changbin is sure Felix likes him, but there is something holding the younger back from moving forward. Obviously, Changbin knows it has something to do with the disappearance of Kim Seungmin, but he isn't going to come right out and say that. He wants Felix to be the one to tell him what is going on because he wants to be the one to comfort the younger.

"I-I can-"

"You can't?" Changbin cuts in, "Felix you tell me that every time, but you never actually give me a reason."

"And that isn't good enough?"

"Not when I know you like me," Changbin states. If it was clear Felix genuinely didn't like the older, Changbin would have left him alone a long time ago, but when Jisung is standing by telling him the exact opposite, Changbin doesn't want to just walk away.

Felix shakes his head, "I can't, Changbin. I'm sorry, but you'd be better off walking away and finding someone better."

The younger stands, packing up his stuff. A small voice in Changbin's head is telling him to leave it alone and let Felix walk away, but an even larger voice is saying to stay since he has gotten this far.

Before Felix can walk away Changbin grabs a hold of his wrist, pulling him back to the table. The older stands coming to face Felix.

"Why do you think you aren't good enough?"

Felix looks down on at his feet, wishing Changbin would just let him go. He like the older, he really does and that is the exact reason he wants to stay away from him.

"My life is nothing but a mess, and every person who gets involved gets sucked in hates me for messing up their own life," Felix states, this is the most truthful he thinks he has been with the older, "so do yourself a favor and walk away while you still can."

The younger pulls his wrist away from Changbin, leaving quickly so he isn't stopped again.

•••

Jisung and Jeongin wave Felix goodbye as the blonde male walks up to the stairs to his front porch. Felix unlocks his door, pushing into his house. Hushed voices cease from the living room, causing Felix to step into the line of view from the entryway of the living room.

Felix is normally greeted by his parents when he gets home, but not his whole family. So, he is quite surprised when he sees his parents and sisters all sitting in the living room.

"What's going on?" Felix asks, taking slow steps into the living room.

The seriousness in their facial expression is concerning, his mother looks like she could have been crying and his little sister isn't looking at him. They have never convened all together like this before, and with how upset most of them seem, Felix is gaining a queasy feeling in his stomach. 

"Take a seat, please," his mother requests, voice slightly hoarse, "we need to talk to you."

Felix does as is requested of him, moving to a chair that was set across from the rest of his family. His bag slips down his shoulders, landing on the floor next to the chair. He looks curiously around at his family, the lowered gazes of his sister and father concern him as well as the glossy eyes of his mother. Olivia still isn't looking at him and has yet to acknowledge his presence in the room, so he has no guesses as to what is going on in her mind. 

"Is everything okay?" Felix asks, looking towards his mother for answers.

"You know we love you, right?" His mother asks, grabbing her son's hand and Felix hesitantly nods, "everything I do is out of care and I want you to know that I have your best interests in mind. So, please hear us out before you get mad."

Felix looks down as his mother pulls out a folded piece of paper, handing it over to her son. The boy's eyes widen as he reads, it is the pamphlet Rachel was showing them a few days ago.

"Now, hear us out before--"

"You're sending me here?" Felix doesn't yell, but his voice is slightly raised.

"It is in your best in--"

"How do you know what my best interests are?" Felix questions, "for the past four years none of you have taken the time to just talk with me, you all assume that I'm broken and need everything to be put back together. Did you ever think that maybe all I need is support and time to heal?"

Felix throws the pamphlet to the floor, grabbing his bag before standing up. He prepares to leave the living room before the sound of his sister's voice stops him.

"How can you be so selfish?" Rachel asks, "haven't you notice how much your pain is affecting this house? Olivia can't sleep at night because of your constant nightmares! This place could help us all, yet you refuse to even give it a chance!"

Anger is a common emotion that comes across Felix, however, he tries to suppress it, so he doesn't lash out at his family. He is aware that sometimes he is a lot to handle, and that his family is doing everything they can to help him push through this. But the fact that they think sending him away is going to help, angers him to no end. They couldn't be more wrong if anything this plan will make the feeling of worthlessness more prominent inside. 

Tears are already watering his eyes before he can bury them away for no one to see. He is scared and doesn't know how to express that to his family, they don't understand. Felix can't express his emotions because they are too complex to share, in one moment he'll be angry and then sad before being in a content state. All he wants is for his family to understand that he isn't okay, and there may be nothing anyone can do to fix that. But he sure as hell knows that going to an institution will only make things worse. 

"You're right, Rachel," Felix says, "I am selfish because I won't go there because I don't want to leave my family, I don't want to leave my friends, because I want to feel safe. I thought this was a place I could come and have things feel good for once, but I guess...I guess I was wrong."

Felix doesn't bother waiting for a response, he doesn't want to hear one. Leaving the living room, Felix runs up to his bedroom, shutting himself in his room. He can't lock it and hide away forever, but he can sleep and forget for a few hours. That's exactly what he does, crawl into his bed and cries himself to sleep. 

•••

It is past midnight when Felix slips out of his window. This isn't the first time he has snuck out for some fresh air, but it is the first time he is doing it with no intent on returning. 

His parents left him alone for most of the night, his mom only coming in to ask if he wants any dinner. Felix was 'sleeping' and didn't answer which resulted in everyone leaving him alone. He hadn't been planning on slipping out tonight, but after his conversation with his family, the last place he wants to be is here. 

Felix makes sure to bring his school stuff as well as a couple of extra pairs of clothing. He plans on going to Hyunjin's tonight, then figuring out where to stay so he can avoid his family. Felix feels that they have already made up their minds and that he isn't going to be able to escape their plan unless he leaves. 

On the way to Hyunjin's, Felix makes the decision to not tell his friends about what his parents plan on doing, not wanting to give them another thing to stress about. He'll tell them when the time is right, but for now, he thinks it will be better to keep this information to himself. 

A wave of relief washes over him when he spots Hyunjin's bedroom light on. The younger doesn't question why Hyunjin is up at one in the morning, knowing Hyunjin doesn't exactly follow a normal sleeping schedule.

Felix climbs up onto the roof, crawling over to the older's window. Hyunjin is sitting on his bed, looking through Seungmin's blue notebook. Felix feels bad for interrupting, knowing how much reading that notebook must mean to him. He considers turning around and going to Jisung's, but his house is much farther and he is already sitting by Hyunjin's window.

The younger places a soft knock on the window, earning Hyunjin's attention. Hyunjin sets the notebook off to the side, sliding off his bed and makes his way over to the window.

"What are you doing here?" Hyunjin asks, once he has lifted the window and allows Felix to climb in.

"Couldn't sleep," Felix lies, hoping the older won't ask any further questions, "can I stay here?"

"Yeah." Hyunjin nods, figuring he'll question Felix about it in the morning, "of course you can."


	11. Chapter 11

Seungmin's body lies weakly on the cold hard floor, tears, and bloodstains on his cheeks. The pain he feels when he moves is too intense, so he lies still, his wounds aching for relief. Ragged breaths escape from his lips, as he tries to push through the pain. His legs marked up purple and his arms drip with red. Those are only the injuries he can see, Seungmin has no idea what his face looks like. He can feel the sting from a cut above his eye and the tenderness of a bruise along his cheek. 

The angered voices of the family upstairs make him shake, fearing that they may return with more to give him. They become less forgiving each time they feel the need to punish Seungmin for his actions and the boy has no idea how long he'll be locked in this cellar without food or water. Mr. Park is worse when he is in the cellar, figuring he can do whatever he wants with Seungmin since he is already being punished, leaving more marks isn't much of a concern. 

Seungmin feels sick thinking about it, plus the fact he had his stomach kicked in several times. His wrist throbs too much for it to be alright, Seungmin remembers having it smashed against something, it could be broken, and the Park's won't do anything about it. Tears stream down his face, some from the pain and others from fear. He knows better than to misbehave, he was holding an amazing streak and then everything slipped. 

Mrs. Park was dressing him, wanting Seungmin to have extra definition she pulled out a corset that she hasn't used in awhile. Seungmin never liked wearing them, Mrs. Park was never good at judging when she'd be tying it too tight. Sometimes Seungmin struggled to breathe for the day. 

If she would have gone for a different look, Seungmin could have avoided all of this. He'd still be in pain, but so much less than what he is feeling right now. He would be given food and a semi-comfortable place to sleep. Seungmin wouldn't have to be shaking in fear as much as he is right now. It is all because of that stupid corset.

•••

Since Mr. park doesn't have to go into work until later, he watches his wife in the dressing and make-up of Seungmin. His wife takes a delicate hand to the boy, perfecting each part of him, his look seems as though it is almost complete, but he can tell when she isn't satisfied. Mrs. Park looks at him for minutes, trying to figure out what he's missing. She has him stand up, and then sit down. Tells him to turn his head to the left and then the right. 

As though a light bulb goes off in her head, her eyes widen with joy and lips curve up into a smile. Walking towards her closet, she grabs a box down from the shelf at the top. It carries items that she uses less frequently, freeing up space in the closet she keeps all of Seungmin's clothing. 

Seungmin doesn't think about questioning her when she pulls out a corset, although she rarely uses it, questioning Mrs. Park's actions is never a good idea. It is easier to suffer through the pain that Mrs. Park puts on him than to resist and face both the Park's rage.

Mrs. Park is as careful as she can be but would do anything to make Seungmin look perfect. His pain wasn't a factor in her process. As long as Seungmin looked flawless, he could sit there, his body throbbing, all day. So, when Seungmin lets out a little whimper from the corset squeezing around his ribs, she brushes it off, continuing to restrict Seungmin's movements. She continues to go and Seungmin'smind flurries with thoughts, begging her to halt her actions.

It hurts!

Please stop!

Stop, stop-

"Stop!" He cries, his skin getting pinched as he tries to hook it in place. Seungmin's body frame may be small, but he can't wear something this tight without pain and lack of ability to breathe.

Light tears trickle out of his ducts, rolling down the cheeks and dripping off his chin. He never intended on voicing his thoughts, he'd only thought screaming in his mind would help distract him. Now, Mrs. Park stands with him, silent and Seungmin is already quivering.

Mrs. Park, although appears to be sweet, has a temper like no other. Defiance is one thing she won't tolerate and will do anything necessary to put one in their place. Seungmin has been on the receiving end a couple of times, and he regrets everything he did to be there. She doesn't take things in her own hands but will toss it off to her husband who is more violent with his actions, but when she's angry she is less inclined to step in when she thinks Mr. Park has done enough. It's the rage and anger instructed to be done by Mrs. Park that scares Seungmin the most even if it is done by the hands of another. 

Seungmin isn't given time to register the sting on his cheek before he is pushed aggressively to the ground. Mrs. Park screams as she whips at him with the dress he was supposed to be wearing today, it isn't a violent object, but Seungmin still hides under his arms, terrified by the shrills coming from the woman.

The whacking of the dress eventually ceases, and Seungmin feels his body lifted, but quickly slammed to the floor soon after. A cry emits from him, knowing that Mr. Park has entered the situation. Seungmin struggles to move, an attempt to crawl away from the Park's, but his ribs hurt so much that every little action pains him. 

A heavy stomp to his back plants him flat on the floor, the boot of Mr. Park keeping him down. His wrist his grabbed onto and Mr. Park yanks the boy up before delivering a weighted blow to his cheek. The man catches Seungmin before he falls, dragging him out of the bedroom so they don't destroy any belongings. 

Slammed against the railing of the stairs, Seungmin's wrist is crushed against the hard metal and the hand of Mr. Park, causing him to let out a shrill cry.

"Shut it!" Mr. Park growls, letting Seungmin drop to the floor. A blow is delivered to Seungmin's stomach, pushing him further towards the stairs. Mr. Park keeps kicking him, causing Seungmin to buck and try and escape, reaching him to the edge of the stairs. With zero strength left within him, Seungmin collapses, his body rolling down the stairs.

Mr. Park lifts the boy once he reaches the bottom, carrying him to the back of the house where the stairs to the cellar lead. He doesn't let Seungmin roll down the concrete, but he does harshly drop the boy on the concrete floor of the cellar. Ripping away his clothing, Mr. Park drops Seungmin's ragged, oversized shirt on him before crouching down.

"Next time, I might not stop beating you," he hisses before leaving the cellar and slamming the door shut behind him. 

So, there Seungmin lies, with his zero sense of worth and broken body. Hope isn't a word he can keep in his vocabulary; he doesn't have hope for anything. He knows that nothing will turn out in his favor.


	12. Chapter 12

Felix rests on a bench at a park, enjoying the autumn breeze against his skin. He feels free and elated to be alone at this moment. Things are peaceful and he relishes in the serenity of the silence. He doesn't get moments like this very often and he embraces it when he does, never wanting to let go of the one in a million opportunity he gets to have in the life of chaos.

The day of cool breezes and falling leaves has been one he's needed for years. A day of peace and nothing else. No parents, no siblings, no one to intrude on his time to himself. It is his day, and he won't be allowing anyone to take it from him.

"Aren't autumn skies the best?" The familiar, friendly voice asks. The quiet company doesn't bother him, especially when it's someone you want to sit and do nothing with all day. Enjoying the company, you never get to have because life doesn't allow it.

"They always seem to be the prettiest out of all the seasons," Felix answers, drinking in the gorgeous blue letting it push him further into a relaxed state.

The blue calls him towards it, and Felix wishes he could swim in the sky, feeling its cool touch as he sinks further in. One day he'll swim up there, him and all his friends splashing around when everything is over, taking their long retirement from life on earth.

"How much longer will I have to wait?"

The question throws Felix off guard. Wait for what?

"What?" He asks, turning his head to the side. Seungmin stares back at him, eyes watering and bottom lip quivering.

"I'm scared Felix and it's dark in here," Seungmin whimpers.

"But we're outside--" Felix looks around finding himself locked in a dark room, Seungmin on the floor. His skin is no longer smooth and perfect. Bloody, jagged cuts trace his arms and legs, splotches of purple land in various areas on his skin.

Felix's breath catches in his throat as he stares down at the younger male on the floor. Seungmin looks up with his red, puffy eyes. His lip has blood oozing from it and one of his eyes is dropping from the bruise around it.

"Pl-please, help," Seungmin begs, reaching up for Felix. The older is quick to go and grab for him, but before he can the younger vanishes.

"Seungmin?" Felix calls out to the darkness surrounding him. He spins, searching for the boy.

Loud cries and treacherous screams echo through the room, piercing Felix's ears. The older's gut wrenches at the sound and he clutches at his ears, trying to drown it out.

"Seungmin!" He screams into the black, wailing for the younger, wanting, needing to see him again.

Felix drops to his knees, hands still clutched at his ears, as the cries continue. His head swirls and stomach twists with each loud cry and whimper that comes from Seungmin. He is in pain and Felix can't do anything about it, just like before. He had a chance but let it slip from his fingers so easily.

His hands plant to the ground but quickly retract at the wetness from the ground. The once dark room flashes with bright lights as everything becomes overwhelmingly clear. Gazing down at his hands he sees how his palms are coated with a deep red. The floor is covered with red and looking up he is met with the most horrendous sight.

"Seungmin!" Felix calls out, waking up with a start.

He is back in Hyunjin's room, there is no blood on his hands and Seungmin's dismembered body isn't anywhere near him. The imagery is still heavy on his mind, the vivid dream shaking him to the core. Sobs wrack the younger and he does his best to muffle the sound with his sleeve, not wanting to wake Hyunjin or anyone else in the house. Felix bites down onto the sleeve by his forearm, quieting a cry emitted.

His heart pounds against his chest, and it shakes his entire being. Everything felt so real and Seungmin was there he was okay until Felix couldn't do anything about it. Things fell apart and his actions got his friend hurt once again.

"Felix?" Hyunjin's groggy voice questions.

Felix attempts to wipe away the tears and snot, but it keeps coming back and his sobs aren't tiring down.

"Hey, hey," Hyunjin wakes himself more once he hears the younger's whimpers, "what's wrong?" 

Felix doesn't answer, he can't answer. He isn't ready to explain what happened, and he doesn't know if he ever will be. Hyunjin pulls Felix into him, wrapping him in a tight hug and holding the crying boy for the rest of the night.

•••

Felix doesn't give full detail of the dream to his friends at lunch, but he gives them the gist of it. Talking about it brings the memories of the vivid dream back and Felix would rather forget everything surrounding it. Maybe his mind is too deeply focused on Seungmin, it seems the younger male won't leave his thoughts even in his dreams.

This isn't the first time Felix has had a dream about Seungmin, but it is the first time it has been this violent. There has never been so much blood, so much detail, it has never seemed so real before. The blonde feels the vomit want to come up at the memory of Seungmin's bloody body in that basement. If Felix believed dreams were supposed to tell you something, then he really hates the message this one is giving him.

Hyunjin shivers at the story, wishing to god that he never has to experience something like that. If he saw Seungmin's dead body he'd have a mental break down, no matter if it were real or not. He often figures that's why he can't sleep. When he isn't sleeping, he isn't dreaming and therefore no nightmares can come his way. Insomnia can hold good things, and right now it is keeping Hyunjin somewhat sane.

"I think I'm going to return the notebook," Hyunjin tells everyone once there is a beat of silence, "give it back to Seungmin's parents."

The older male had thought about it for a while. He had been holding onto it because it reminded him of Seungmin and that memory made him feel good. But after a few days of thinking, he realized that it isn't his to keep. His parents need the reminder and need to see Seungmin's last entry.

Hyunjin is prepared for anger when Seungmin's parents realize how long they've held onto it without telling them about it. He'd be angry too if someone kept it from him. All he can think to do is apologize and give it back to them, letting them decide how they want to proceed with the information presented to them.

"After school, I'm going head right over there and talk to them," Hyunjin informs, he'd like it if other's would join, but even though he prompts them he won't be disappointed if they say no, "you are welcome to join me."

He knows that all their parents have them on a tight leash and everyone is expected to return home right after school. However, he sees this as important enough to break the rules a little bit. 

"Of course we'll go, we aren't going to make you do that all by yourself," Jisung tells him, looking at Jeongin and Felix who nod in agreement, "plus I found the notebook, and I should take some responsibility."

"We all should take some of that," Jeongin states, "none of us came forward with the notebook when we probably should have handed it over right away."

The bell rings and the boys internally groan since they have to go back to class. Felix is glad that he and Jisung have next period together for two reasons, one he won't have to be alone, and two he can ask him a question without the others being around. After waving Hyunjin and Jeongin goodbye, Jisung and Felix make their way too class.

"I was wondering..." Felix starts once they reach their first flight of stairs.

Jisung turns his head to the blonde, nodding for him to continue.

"Would it be alright if I stayed at your place tonight?"

Felix doesn't need them to worry so he has come up with a couple of excuses that would be believable enough so no one would get suspicious. But if Hyunjin were to be around when Felix asked, then he'd ask questions and he isn't ready to talk about it with anyone right now.

"I'm okay with it, but what about your parents?" Jisung asks.

"They said it was alright since Rachel and I are fighting they thought it might be good for us to spend some time apart," Felix lies, knowing that if he brings Rachel into the picture, Jisung is less likely to ask questions.

"Okay, then yeah, you can stay as many nights as you need!" Jisung smiles, throwing an arm around Felix's shoulders.

Felix lets out an internal sigh, he is glad that Jisung had said that, now he won't have to bother Jeongin with it, who is way more perceptive. He can crash a few nights at Jisung's while he figures out how to avoid his parents and their plan to send him away.

•••

The boys meet in their usual space after school, Hyunjin taking the lead as they walk to Seungmin's parents. It is a quiet walk, none of them really knowing what to say as they approach the street. They have been here a few times since Seungmin's disappearance, but after a while, it became too difficult to walk on the street.

Hyunjin always assumed that they would move after a little while, giving themselves a break from the street and house full of memories. However, they stayed, and they dealt with it. Hyunjin doesn't think he'd be that strong, even walking down the street the boy once lived on brings up too much for him.

The familiar grey house comes into their view, the one-story bungalow's windows only slightly obscured by the houses in front of it. A car is parked in the driveway, indicating someone is home, which makes Hyunjin feel relieved that they didn't walk here and get nothing in return. Jisung walks side by side with Hyunjin down the walkway and up to the blue door of the house, glancing at the taller before placing a knock on the door.

A few moments pass before the boys can hear the soft sound of someone making their way towards the door. The lock clicking and door finally opening, revealing someone the boys thought they wouldn't see this soon.

"Hyunjin?" She tilts her head, "and is that Jisung?"

Seungmin's sister chose to go abroad for college, to learn in Canada, but she obviously is home. None of them thought she'd be back this soon, or really at all. She was hospitalized for a short time after Seungmin's disappearance that when the time came, she chose to leave and study somewhere far away.

"Come in," she offers, opening up the door more for the four boys, "I haven't seen you guys in years."

She was always so kind to them when she was younger, baked them sweets and brought home movies for them to watch. Hyunjin remembers every little gesture all full of sweetness. It was difficult to watch her struggle after Seungmin disappeared, she doesn't deserve to have the world be cruel to her, especially when she is one of the best on the planet.

"We thought you would still be away at college," Hyunjin comments, pulling out of the hug with the girl.

"Well, I'm still in school, I just decided to transfer back to the one here," she explains after hugging each boy, "I wanted to be with my family again."

It makes sense, after being away for years it must get lonely only seeing your family every once in a while, for holidays. Her being back shouldn't be a surprise, but Hyunjin is having a hard time processing that she is here and apparently here to stay.

"What brings you here?" She questions, her gaze fixed on Hyunjin.

Hyunjin was prepared to hand this to Seungmin's mother and earn a disappointed look, maybe scolded and then sent on his way. He has no idea what to expect from his sister. Even if she is mad it is unlikely, she'd show it, she never did when they were younger, just smile and bite through the frustration. She always knew how to control her temper, but it has been years and Hyunjin is feeling nervous about handing something over that is so close to Seungmin.

With everyone's eyes on him, Hyunjin slides his backpack off his shoulders, bending down to unzip the bag and go through it to find the notebook. His hands feel shaky when nerves shouldn't be a problem. He is with possibly the nicest girl on the planet and he is scared of her, everything is off balance right now.

Finding the notebook, Hyunjin pulls it from his bag, handing it over to Seungmin's sister who looks curiously at it.

"What is this?" She asks, taking the book into her hands.

"It was..." Hyunjin looks over to Jisung, earning a nod from the younger, "It was Seungmin's."

"I found it tucked away somewhere in my closet," Jisung adds, "I didn't know it was there, but what's in it is pretty important."

Hyunjin gulps, letting out a small shaky breath, "go to the last entry."

She does as the boys say, flipping through until she finds the last entry. They try to gauge her reaction as she reads, knowing that anyone who was close to Seungmin would have a hard time hearing what was written.

The air is heavy in the room as they wait. Hyunjin feels as though he could choke from the thickness, but he tries to keep himself composed. The older can feel Jisung grip onto his hand, feeling nervous for the reaction as well. It is unlikely that she would yell, Hyunjin can't recall a single time she ever did, but right now things are difficult, and he wishes they would have given his family the book as soon as they found it.

"Oh, wow," she breathes, looking up at the boys.

"We're sorry," Jisung says, "we should have given it to you sooner, especially with what was in it and--"

"It's okay, it's okay," she tells him, "I understand why you didn't, and thank you for giving this to me."

Her hand grazes across the cover, smiley sadly at it.

"I'm going to have to tell my parents about this, and I'm sure they won't be mad," she tells them, hoping to calm some of their nerves, "but they need to know and as a family, we need to talk about this."

Hyunjin gets the hint, thanking her one last time before ushering the others to the door. She waves them off, watching has the descend down the walkway and off to their own streets.

It went better then Hyunjin thought it would, however, they don't know what Seungmin's parent's feelings are. He is sure they will know what to do with it and will proceed with however they see fit. For now, he can let go and try and forget, letting his mind ease slightly more with the notebook no longer in his grasp.


	13. Chapter 13

Felix enters Jisung's room after finishing helping Jisung's mom with the dishes. He figures if he is going to be staying here a couple of nights, helping clean is the best way to repay them. Mrs. Han has only questioned Felix once for staying here and the blonde was quick to clear things up with his lie, he first delivered to Jisung. Felix knows he can't stay too long, but right now he just needs a breather before taking the next step. A step he still needs to plan out.

"How is Minho?" Felix asks, knowing Jisung came up here to call his boyfriend.

"I don't know," Jisung answers, setting his phone on the side table, "he didn't answer."

Felix notices the way Jisung's face fall, the pained expression in his eyes. Nothing is ever perfect and Jisung's relationship with his boyfriends isn't the exception, but they had always seemed to be there for each other. Even in arguments, they never ignored each other, because they never knew what a message could be when they pick up the phone, it may be minuscule, or it could be dire. Either way ignoring each other wasn't something they did. Felix assumes Jisung knows Minho's schedule decently well, so the fact he hasn't picked up the phone is a bit odd and maybe concerning. 

"Are you guys okay?" Felix is hesitant to ask, but he also wants to be there for Jisung. He needs to know if Minho did something to hurt the younger. 

Jisung shrugs, "he has been acting weird ever since we found Seungmin's notebook, canceling plans, ignoring phone calls, and leaving me on read. I don't know what to make of it."

Felix slides onto the bed next to Jisung, wrapping an arm around his friend's shoulder. Jisung rests his head against Felix's own, leaning his body further into the blonde. This is a new experience for him and Jisung can't help but think maybe Felix was right. Maybe, they aren't meant to be in relationships. Jisung seems to only be messing things up, even if it didn't happen right away. First with his dad and now he is somehow driving Minho away. How much longer until he has no one left in his life?

"Maybe, he is just busy and couldn't pick up the phone at that moment," Felix suggests.

"Yeah, or he hates me and is choosing to tell me by never speaking to me again," Jisung mutters. Felix thinks that is highly unlikely, but if that were the case Minho made a very dumb decision. Jisung has several people in his life that would not hesitate to cause Minho pain for the Jisung's own.

Sniffling, Jisung slightly pushes Felix off of him. It's been a long day the blonde hasn't showered yet. Jisung doesn't want to keep Felix here any longer just to comfort him. Although Felix insisted that he could shower later this evening Jisung stilled shooed him away. A little alone time might do him some good, have some peace and quiet to think and reflect. 

It obviously wouldn't be the end of the world if Minho decided to break off their relationship, but it sure would sting. They have been together for so long that it would be hard to take him out of the routine. To stop sending good night and good morning texts. It would be strange not hearing his voice every day, but Jisung would get used to it, right? 

Minho isn't a need he is a want. Jisung wants him around, he wants the way he makes him feel. Jisung likes the way Minho makes him feel and without it, life would be a little duller. Having Minho around makes him feel as though life is getting back to normal, maybe he won't be viewed by this town as a freak for much longer. With Minho, he feels normal. 

His phone breaks him out of his thoughts, the screen lighting up with Hyunjin's picture. Without much thought, the younger picks it up.

"Hey," He mumbles through the call.

"Yeah, he's here, he just hopped into the shower, why?" 

"Oh, um... yeah we can talk about this at school... okay, see you then." Jisung hangs up the phone, looking across the hall at the bathroom door. Felix doesn't keep secrets, at least that is what Jisung had always thought. 

•••

"Rachel told me he disappeared one night after an argument and they were wondering if we had seen him," Hyunjin tells them that Friday morning at school.

"Why did they call you now and not the morning after he had gone missing?" Jeongin asks.

Hyunjin shrugs, "I didn't question it, maybe they knew he'd be with one of us and didn't worry too much."

"And on the off chance that he wasn't, what would they have done?" Jeongin questions, feeling frustrated with Felix's parent's actions. What if Felix was actually missing and they chose not to do anything about it? What do they think would have happened to him?

"Again, I didn't question her, I just said that he spent the night with me once and then I just assumed he went home," Hyunjin explains, "but when she said he wasn't home, I called you and Jisung."

It may not be any of Jeongin's business what goes on in the Lee household, but he can't help but feel annoyed with the family. If his child had disappeared, he would be calling the second he figured it out, not wait a couple of days to see how things turn out. They are lucky Felix didn't actually run away, because if he had Jeongin would be kicking down their door screaming. 

"We need to talk to him," Jisung says, "we won't know the full story until we do."

Hyunjin nods, "yeah, at lunch?"

"Yeah, we can go to a classroom or somewhere that doesn't have people," Jisung says, "he won't want to talk if there are others around."

Jeongin feels like they are about to interrogate him, something they shouldn't be doing with a close friend. There has to be a reason that Felix chose not to tell them, and they should respect that. The younger trust Felix enough that he knows when he is ready that Felix will tell them what's going on, corning him and getting him to talk isn't the way to go. 

But he is just a child in his friend's eye, no one wants to listen to him.

•••

Felix goes through his first half of the day not realizing his friend's odd behavior. Every once in awhile, he would catch them staring at him, but he never thought much of it. Sometimes they daze off and don't actually mean to stare, he does it too, so he assumes that it is just their minds wandering. 

He tries to figure out how to approach his parents when he has to. It isn't possible to hide away at friends' houses for too much longer and if it were, he'd have to explain to them the real reason why he doesn't want to be at home. There is something scary about explaining the argument he had with his parents to his friends. Felix has talked about it before, but it was when they were only considering it and Felix had thought after making it clear he wasn't going to go his parents would drop it.

Now, that they have officially decided that they want to ship him off, explaining that to his friends is intimidating. He doesn't know how they would react, or if they'd be able to cope with it well at all. 

Felix wants a break; he wants to give his friends a break from everything. Life has been way too hectic and stressful, that he doesn't want to add one more thing on to the heaping pile. He'll tell them when he figures out how to tell them. Saying that you're leaving and have no idea when you are coming back isn't as easy as it may seem, especially given their history.

Meeting up with Hyunjin to walk to lunch is a little odd as the taller grabs him by the wrist and pulls him the opposite direction of the cafeteria. He doesn't question it since sometimes they'll take detours when Hyunjin has forgotten something or needs to talk to a teacher. Felix doesn't ask, because he always assumes that Hyunjin will be quick and then they head to the cafeteria to meet up with the other two. 

Maybe he should question things though. 

Shut in an empty classroom with your friends surrounding you, and asking many questions isn't the easiest thing for the brain to process. Felix hears their questions, but he isn't able to answer, the words melt on his tongue before they can leave his mouth. Everything is hot, too hot and Felix is getting stuffy.

People can be understanding when you tell them that you aren't ready to talk about something, however, they are much less so when you've been lying to them.

He lied, yes. But what else was he supposed to do? 

Jeongin the angel, the sweet boy must have noticed his distress. The only one who isn't closing in on him and making him shrink further into the classroom wall. 

"Guys, guys." Jeongin maneuvers his way in front of the two, pushing them back away from Felix, "give him some space, can't you see he is a little overwhelmed?"

Jeongin looks back at Felix, taking his hand into his own, "I'm sure you have your reasons for not telling us, and if you aren't ready, you don't have to talk about it now."

The younger lets Felix's hand fall as he moves over to Jisung and Hyunjin, quietly scolding him. Felix deserves to have time. He will tell them, but he needs a little space to think about exactly how he is going to tell them. Maybe he shouldn't prepare it though, maybe he should just say it and let everything out. They are his friends they'd understand, and they want to know. 

"It's okay," Felix speaks, earning everyone's attention, "I should have told you sooner, I just didn't know how...I still don't know how."

"My parents...they want to send me to the institute..." Felix pauses for a brief moment, watching how the expressions on his friend's faces change, "I argued with them, but it seems they have made up their mind, so I left. I didn't know where to go so I came to you guys. I didn't want to add anything else to your guy's plate so I lied, and I shouldn't have. I thought maybe if I stayed with you guys long enough, I could figure out a way to get out of the situation, but I guess there really isn't a way out."

"Felix." He isn't sure which of his friends said it, his eyes are cast down at the floor, trying to push back any tears. Now is not the time to be crying, even if that is all he wants to do. 

"You should never worry about burdening us with things like this," Jeongin tells him, taking his hand and earning Felix's gaze, "we are your friends, we want to know what is going on in your life, especially when things are getting hard for you to handle."

Jisung and Hyunjin nod in agreement, the three boys making their way to Felix. They can sense the fear in Felix's eyes and Hyunjin's immediate reaction is to pull the younger into his embrace. Although the gesture is supposed to be sweet and comforting--and it is-- Felix wishes he wouldn't have. A cry erupts from him, and tears begin to form. Felix reaches up and wraps his arms around Hyunjin's neck, holding tightly onto the taller. Jisung and Jeongin are quick to wrap themselves around the two, hoping to bring more comfort. 

They all stand there for a moment, letting the blonde cry all he needs. Sometimes that's what everyone needs to do, find a place to sit and cry. It helps release a lot of pent up emotions and feelings and will often make you feel much better after doing so. Crying is almost never fun, but it is necessary and shouldn't be seen as negative in any way shape or form. 

It takes a bit of time, but Felix eventually calms down and is able to explain more to his friends. He goes into more detail about his argument with his family and how they are insistent that this is what he needs. Felix tells them about how scared he is, terrified to be alone without a familiar person around him. 

"I don't think I'll get better by being there," Felix states, wrapping his arms around himself. 

He wishes his parents could see it, see what is going on in his mind. Then maybe they would understand what he is feeling when they say the things they do. If only they could feel and understand how much pain and fear he is experiencing with the simple thought of going away, then maybe they would reconsider the option. 

"What are you going to do?" Jeongin asks, "you can't hide forever."

Felix wishes he wasn't like a voice of reason. But he is right, he can't keep hiding, at some point he is going to have to return home and face his family. 

"Will you guys walk me home after school?" Felix asks, his glossy eyes looking up at them. 

"Of course, we will," Jisung says, wrapping an arm around Felix.

Maybe things will be okay. With his friends there, maybe he will have a small layer of protection at least for the time being.


	14. Chapter 14

Hyunjin isn't sure what time it is, but it must be early since the sun is barely just beginning to rise. He wouldn't be up right now if it weren't for the heavy knock placed on his door a few moments ago. He hears his parents whispering to each other, grumbling about how early it is, and that people should be more aware of visiting this early on a Saturday.

He hears the sound of the front door opening, but after that nothing is clear. A murmur of voices breaks through, but nothing specific. Hyunjin closes his eyes again, hoping to fall back into some form of sleep. It won't take long for him to drift off again, his body already starting to sink into the mattress and relax back to sleep. However, it seems the universe has a different plan for him. 

"Hyunjin, wake up," his father's voice whispers into his room, the sound of the knob turning. He pretends to not hear him, keeping his eyes closed and hoping that his dad will leave him alone. 

That does not happen.

"Hyunjin," his dad shakes his shoulder, "you need to get up."

"Why..." Hyunjin whines, rolling over to bury his face into his pillow.

"The police are here."

Hyunjin's eyes shoot open, his body springing up from his bed to look his father in the eyes. It is dark in his room, but the small amount of light, seeping in from his window, provides him enough to see the concern on his dad's face. Obviously, the police aren't here for his parents, they wouldn't have woken him up for that. 

Hyunjin gulps before asking, "why are they here?"

"They need you down at the station," his dad answers, voice softer than normal, "get ready, your mom and I are going to take you."

With that his dad leaves his room, leaving Hyunjin to think about what is going on. His nerves are high, but he managed to pull himself out of bed. The last time he went to the station was four years ago, and it haunted him so much that even looking at the building on the outside makes him nervous. His hands shake as he pulls a clean pair of pants out of his drawer, as well as, a hoodie out of his closet. 

His unstable hands manage to pull the clothing onto his body, his mind to frazzled to double-check if he looks semi-decent to be leaving his house. Slipping on some socks, Hyunjin takes a final breath before exiting his room and making his way down the stairs to where his parents are waiting by the front door.

No words are exchanged, only small glances before they head outside to the car. 

•••

Hyunjin shares a concerned look with his friends once he sees them in the station with their own parents. He splits away from them, joining his group who are all sitting on a bench with each other. The adults stand a few feet away from them, grouping together as they all try and figure out why their children need to be here.

Nothing in the station looks remotely familiar to Hyunjin, but sitting here brings up too many familiar feelings. His leg bobs up and down with the anxious waiting, lip grazing through his teeth every so often. Hyunjin can feel his heart pound against his chest that it might break his ribs. The constant crack of his knuckles is used as a distraction, his clammy hands shaky and inaccurate with their movements. 

The boy's attention is quickly directed to the family of three exiting the back area of the station, looks of worry etched into each of their faces. Their parent's conversation comes to a halt as the two adults join the group.

"I'm sorry, I tried to convince them to leave the boys out of this, but it's part of the investigation," Mrs. Kim explains to them.

"Investigation?" Mrs. Lee questions sharing a quizzical look with the other parents, "I thought that came to a close, why is it suddenly being opened up again?"

Seungmin's notebook...

Hyunjin turns to look at the other boys, who all have the same knowing look on their faces. 

"We are sorry for any inconveniences," an officer tells them, "we only have a few questions to ask your sons. I assure you no one is in trouble; we are just following protocol."

With the four of them being minors, legally they can't be questioned without a parent present. Their parents are aware of this and although they don't like the idea of their boys being questioned again, they already made the trip down to the station. 

"Yeah, okay," Hyunjin's mother says, waving her son over. Luckily for the officer, the other parents agreed as well. 

Each boy is brought back into a separate interrogation room, one parent allowed to enter with them. In reality, the police don't believe the boys did anything wrong, but with them being close with Seungmin and all being mentioned in the notebook, they needed to be brought in.

Basic questions are asked at first, some of the things they were asked back when Seungmin first disappeared were brought up. The four boys diligently answer, trying to provide the police with all the information they can so they can leave quickly. No one wants to be there, especially the four teenagers who feel bad about their parents having to drag themselves out of bed on a weekend to take them down for questioning. 

Jeongin and Jisung never thought the questions became difficult to answer nor did they feel as though they were under any extreme pressure. They were asked to recall some of the events mentioned in Seungmin's notebook or infer what they thought some of his poetry could mean. After twenty or thirty minutes they were allowed to go. Expecting to see all their friends waiting for them. Jisung and Jeognin's brow furrows when Felix and Hyunjin weren't there to join them.

Their parents agreed to wait until the other boys were finished, equally confused and unsure as to why they are taking longer. Jeongin and Jisung, unknowingly lock their eyes in the direction of the interrogation rooms, desperately hoping that Hyunjin and Felix will appear sooner rather than later.

Hyunjin listens as the officer reads an entry aloud, it being about him and Seungmin explaining some of the feelings his younger self held. Any other time and Hyunjin would have felt awkward, and turned a bright red, knowing that the boy he held dear felt the same way. But right now, it hurts, he has read this entry before, so there isn't anything he is hearing that is new. However, hearing it aloud gives it a different energy, a stronger one almost. It digs deeper into him and forces him to really listen to each and every word written by the missing male. 

"Were you aware how often Kim Seungmin mentioned you in his entries, and even some poems?" The officer asks once he is finished reading. 

"Not at the time he wrote it," Hyunjin replies, shaking his head slowly. His mother's hand caresses his back as they go through this, trying to bring comfort to her son, as the questioning proceeds. 

"Is this going to take much longer?" His mother asks.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience, ma'am, but with the new evidence in, it is important that we gather all the facts. With your son being so close with the victim, we need to ask him several questions."

Victim...

Hyunjin doesn't like that Seungmin was called that. The younger has a name and just because he isn't here, doesn't mean it can't be used. It should be used. 

The questioning goes on, more questions about his and Seungmin's relationship pop up and Hyunjin doesn't know how many times he needs to answer these for it to solidify in the officer's head. 

Felix feels his hands clam up as the officer continues to go through scanned pages of the notebook with him, making sure they hit nearly every page. The blonde had only thought that he would be asked a couple of questions and then be let go. He has no idea that he's be guided through his friend's entries. It feels like they are doing a book report for an English class, analyzing each line as they go along because authors like to hide messages in each sentence. 

They emphasize on the lines where Felix is mentioned, almost like the officer in front of him thinks he is guilty and is trying to get him to confess. Each time Felix will look back to his father, eyeing him for help, the blonde doesn't want to be here any longer and his own parent isn't doing anything to remove him from this uncomfortable situation. He gets that he has had some trouble with his parents the last few days but ignoring him in a time of extreme discomfort is a little extreme. 

"You saw the man that Seungmin mentioned in these entries, correct?" The officer asks.

"Uhh..." Felix gulps, he is sure he did, but he can't remember a face, "no, not really."

"Not really?"

"I-I can't remember," Felix clarifies. He only remembers Seungmin's own discomfort and then them leaving, the face of the man blurs into with the others at the parlor that day. 

"But you were with Seungmin that day?" The officer questions.

"Yes," Felix answers.

"And you can't remember if you saw the face of the man?"

"N-no, I can't" Felix feels as though the officer doesn't believe him, the questions keep going around in circles. It was four years ago, Felix blocked most everything out from that time, he doesn't like thinking about it. 

The officer nods, "one final question. Why did you and your friends hold onto this for several days instead of immediately bringing it to the station?"

Felix breath catches in his throat.

"Is that true, Felix?" His father askes seemingly surprised by the information brought forth. 

He doesn't have a good answer to that question, they just didn't. But would that go well with the officer? Felix doesn't know what to do and he has two very intimidating men staring at him, waiting for him to answer a question he doesn't know how to answer. A simple shrug of his shoulders wouldn't work and trying to explain it may dig him deeper into the hole then he wants. Felix tends to ramble when he gets nervous, and he's afraid if he opens his mouth to speak, he won't be able to stop. 

A small squeak leaves his mouth when he tries to open it to speak. His words get caught in the back of his throat and it tightens to a point of pain. Felix is finding it increasingly hard to breathe, the tension in the room is closing in on him. Trying to keep his eyes steady on the wall behind the officer, Felix feels his vision blur and his head spin. Something is off and the blonde can feel it.

The last thing Felix can remember is the distant sound of his father's voice before his whole line of vision leaves him. 

•••

His body aches and shivers on the cold hard floor. An unfamiliar pain shoots through him and his eyes are refusing to pry themselves open. He can feel his head continue to spin, but it is dying down some. A churning in his stomach caused him to unconsciously roll over onto his side, clutching his stomach. He ignores the pain that rattles his body as he moves, needing to change positions for the sake of his weak stomach. 

"Felix?" The sound of his father's voice reaches his ears, he sounds closer than last time. Still not opening his eyes, Felix reaches one of his hands out, hoping that his father will grab it.

Luckily, he does, gently taking his son's hand as well as rubbing circles into his back. 

"What caused him to pass out?" Felix hears his father ask.

"It could have been because of the stress he was under," the deep voice of the officer answers, "you can take him home once he is steady enough to get up, I think we have enough from him for now."

Felix feels a huge sense of relief from hearing that, although he doesn't feel quite put together enough to get up quite yet, so the stress of being in this building still weighs on him. His father mumbles something to himself before removing his hand from Felix's back. Felix can hear footsteps leave the room, but soon after rushed one's enter. 

His mother gasping signifies that his father must have run to get her, and in an instant, Felix can feel her presence right next to him. Felix isn't sure how much longer he lied on the floor, but he doesn't really care. Now, he is out of the station and in the comfort of his parent's car, calm already beginning to wash over him. His head is still a little fuzzy, but that is to be expected, he hopes it won't be too much longer until everything returns to him. 

•••

The Lee's arrive back home, Olivia and Rachel waiting in the living room to hear about what happened. Felix's parents are far from pleased with their experience in the station and wished that the Kim's would have pushed harder to keep their son out of this process. Felix was in there far longer than he needed to be, and Mrs. Lee is furious.

"Is everything alright? Is Felix okay?" Rachel asks as soon as her mother storms through the door. Mr. Lee follows behind her, as well as, a puffy-eyed Felix. 

"He's fine," his father reassures, "but your mother isn't in the best of moods."

Mrs. Lee returns from the kitchen with a bottle of water and some granola bars. She hands them over to Felix before pointing to the stairs.

"Go up to your room and rest," she instructs him, "I don't want a repeat at what happened at the station."

Felix weakly nods, slowly climbing the stairs. He doesn't have the energy to argue anymore. His mother whacked him over the head with a hammer in the car and he gave everything he had then. Now, he has used up every source in his body and can't give anything anymore. He may have won a few of the battles, but in the end, he lost the war, surrendering to his parent's wishes. 

"What happened?" Rachel asks, watching her dejected brother disappear down the hall on the second floor. 

Mrs. Lee waits for the sound of Felix's door closing, before turning to her eldest daughter. 

"They reopened the investigation," she explains, "and while being questioned Felix passed out. It was most likely due to stress, either way, I don't want this to affect him any longer."

"What do you mean?" Rachel questions.

"I've made up my mind, I am sending him to get help."


	15. Chapter 15

Felix never thought his life would go in this direction, never in a million years would he have believed that he'd stray this far off from a set generic path. He never thought Seungmin would disappear, he never thought he'd struggle with nightmares that affected his entire family, and he most certainly didn't think he'd become so difficult to handle that his family would feel the need to send him away. 

The topic is no longer up for discussion, his mother made the final decision over the weekend, he is going and there is no getting out of it. He thought about sneaking out again, and actually running away, he attempted it even, but his parents put some strange locks on his windows to ensure that wouldn't happen. Already, he is a prisoner and he hasn't stepped foot into the institute. 

After they made it final, they decided to give Felix until Friday to say his goodbyes, to teachers and friends, because come Saturday morning, he'll be leaving for an undecided amount of time. Felix has dreaded Monday, he didn't want to walk into school and deliver the news to his friends, especially after what Saturday gave them. With the investigation re-opening, they need to stick together, but instead, Felix's parents are forcibly pulling them apart. 

Felix's body isn't able to push himself the last bit of the way. He stands and watches as his friends smile and push themselves through the daily struggle. Felix often wonders why they all lie to themselves and try to put on a happy face when in reality nothing in their life is going smoothly. Should Felix really go up there and add to the misery?

It is all too much to handle, and Felix struggles to confide in his friends, burdening them with his problems. This past week must be the most Felix as cried in a long time, it is becoming a new normal to him. He can feel the small droplets hanging from his chin, but his brain hasn't fully processed the fact that he has tears flowing out of his eyes. 

"Felix?" An all too familiar voice enters his area, but Felix can't get himself to pull his friends out of his line of vision, afraid that once he loses sight of them, he won't ever see them again. 

"Hey, hey." Felix's body is pulled out of the hall and off to the side, comforting dark brown eyes meeting his own.

He has a hard time letting his friends see him cry, pouring everything out with them. It is so much worse when it's Changbin. Felix has kept enough of a distance, put a barrier in between them, that Changbin hasn't been given the opportunity to see him like this, and Felix wanted to keep it that way. His first instinct is to pull away from the older and run, but he doesn't do that. He stares back at Changbin with his teary eyes, taking in the older's face for what could be the last time.

The depressing thought of never seeing him again, only makes Felix hiccup more tears. More aware of them, Felix tries to hold them back, but miserably fails, Changbin pulls him closer, allowing the younger to bury his face in the older's neck. 

"I-I can't," Felix chokes out, "I c-can't do it!"

His hands clutch at Changbin's shirt as he tries to breathe in, but the sobbing and coughing make it hard to get more oxygen. Changbin doesn't ask questions, no matter how much wants to, he wraps his arms around the younger boys and pulls him in. He allows Felix to cry and hold him as long as he needs. This is the closest he has ever been to the younger, and Changbin might have enjoyed it if it weren't for the unfortunate circumstances. 

The older has always viewed Felix as tough and not easily gotten to. So, in his eyes, it must have taken a lot to get the blonde make to this point. He'll ask about it later when Felix is a puddled mess in his arms. 

Changbin doesn't allow Felix to leave and go to his first period. The older drags Felix into one of the male bathrooms, one right by the exit to the parking lot. It is one that is too far out of the way that students hardly ever use it, allowing the two boys to have the hour and a half to themselves. Changbin leans himself against a wall, letting Felix rest against his chest in a tight embrace. At first, the younger is a little stiff, but after a couple of minutes, he can feel the blonde relax into his hold. 

Felix's face is buried into the crook of Changbin's neck, sniffling softly as the tears and sobs die down. The blonde is slightly embarrassed that Changbin had to see him like this, but he is appreciative that Changbin went out of his way to comfort him. Felix enjoys the feeling of Changbin's arms wrapped around him, it is comforting and makes him feel safe. However, at the same time, he knows he shouldn't like it, because he doesn't want to miss it. He'll be leaving at the end of the week, and now would be the absolute worst time to fall into Changbin and let the older in. 

Soothing circles are rubbed into the younger's back, "how are you feeling?"

Changbin's voice is soft and low, making sure to keep it on the quiet end to not frighten the younger. 

Felix sniffles, "I'm okay."

It is an obvious lie, both of them know that. But Changbin lets Felix have it, he continues to comfort the younger until he is ready to speak. Even if Felix doesn't want to tell Changbin what is going on, the older is still going to be here, for as long as Felix needs it.

The younger lifts his head up from Changbin's shoulder, the older loosening his hold. Felix slightly pushes away from Changbin, bringing his hands up to rub at his eyes. He isn't crying as hard, but he still wipes away the few tears that were newly formed. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Changbin asks him, removing his hands from around the younger. 

Felix shakes his head, "not really."

The younger isn't able to pinpoint the reason he started crying, but it could easily be because of the build-up of stress. But this isn't anything Changbin needs to be worrying about. Felix already feels bad that the older missed his first period because of him, he doesn't want to add more to the pile. 

"You can talk to me," Changbin states, his eyes locking onto Felix's, "I know you like to keep things to yourself, but it's okay to let people in."

Felix hears that sentence all the time from different people. He knows it's okay to share your feelings and let people know your worries, but the thought of doing so worries him. Everyone is going through something that is unknown to the world and Felix doesn't want to share something with the wrong person and add onto their stress. It is almost easier to keep things bottled up and let it eat you away than it is to share your struggles. 

Changbin is offering to be a listening ear and it would be so easy for the younger to word vomit everything he has been having to deal with. But should he? Felix likes Changbin, a reason he has kept him at such a far distance, because once you get pulled in, and you hear everything that he and his friends have had to go through, that information stays with you, there is no turning back. 

However, Changbin hasn't run, not even with everyone avoiding the younger like the plague. He has stayed and pushed forward and hasn't given up no matter how closed off Felix has presented himself. Maybe having a new listening ear is what Felix needs.

•••

"Felix!" The blonde hears the voice of his younger friend, Jeongin, call out to him.

He was on his way to lunch since his conversation with Changbin took longer than he expected it to, he ended up missing his second period as well. It was unexpected, but Felix told Changbin one thing and then he told him several others. Felix didn't think he'd open up to the younger about what is going on in his family life, but he did and Changbin listened. The older made no judgments and allowed Felix to express his worries. 

The younger runs up to the blonde, grabbing his shoulder to gain Felix's attention.

"We didn't see you this morning, where were you?" Jeongin asks, continuing to walk with the older. 

"I ditched my first two periods," Felix informs the younger, "I'll tell you about it in a bit, but let's wait for the others."

Felix is going to tell him; he has to tell them all. He doesn't want them waking up one morning and discovering that Felix is gone without warning or a goodbye, Felix needs to say something, and it needs to be today. However, he has had this conversation once already today and that was hard enough. It is going to be a lot easier on him if he waits until all his friends are grouped with him, this way he won't have to repeat the difficult news over again. 

The two boys meet up with their friends, Felix immediately telling them that he needs to talk to them about something. The cafeteria is crowded and loud, Felix wants to have this conversation in a more secluded area. They all share a small look of concern with Felix before getting up and following him out of the cafeteria. 

Felix leads them to one of the boy's bathrooms, checking to make sure they are the only ones in the room. He doesn't need to give his school another reason to think that he is a freak. Although he won't be around to hear it, his friends will, and he can see that being a recipe for disaster. 

"Hey, what's going on?" Hyunjin questions, "you're sca--"

"My parents are sending me away," Felix cuts in. There is no reason to beat around the bush and he would rather get this over with sooner rather than later. 

The look of concern and shock edge their way onto his friend's faces. They should have been prepared for this, but hearing the confirmation is much more knee-weakening and mouth drying. It wasn't fun to hear when it seemed like Felix could find a way out of it, hearing this right now is so much worse. 

"They are giving me until Friday to tie things up here," Felix continues, "I leave Saturday morning."

"But-but y-you can't leave," Jeongin speaks, "we need you here."

The youngest's eye rim with tears and Felix can't help but mimic. He doesn't want to leave, he wants to be here as well, but he can't fight against it any longer. Jeongin is incredibly quick to yank Felix into a hug, burying his face into the blonde's shoulder. The hold is tight, and it feels like he may never let go, and Felix really doesn't want him to. 

Jisung follows soon after, finding a way to wrap his arms around Felix in a way that seems as though he may never let go. Hyunjin moves in on the hug as well, positioning himself so his long arms can wrap around everyone. 

They were all told things were going to get better, that the days would get easier. Every day they waited for a shred of light to lead them on a brighter path, to move on from the horrors of the night and bring them a new found happiness. Where is their happiness? Where is their light? All these years and they have been given nothing but pain. Each day goes by and life gets worse. 

From the minute Seungmin went missing, a storm of hatred rained down on them and they haven't been able to crawl their way out. Some of them got sucked in deeper until life couldn't get any worse. Felix is so far in that neither of them can reach out and pull him closer to the far away light that is supposed to be on the other side of the fog.

Time flies by with them being huddled together and when the bell rings, they all debate ignoring their last classes and heading home. They don't skip, Felix convinces them to head to class and try to get back to normal. However, they all know everything in their life is far from normal.

•••

The last person Jisung expects to see when he arrives home is Minho. The older is sitting in Jisung's bedroom, waiting anxiously for Jisung to show up. A cold glare etches its way into Jisung's gaze as he stares at the older, he may also be the last person Jisung wants to see at this moment. 

A lot has been dropped on him in the last few days and Minho wasn't here for any of it. Jisung needed someone to talk to and Minho wasn't here. The younger was given no explanation, all but radio silence from the other and Jisung is feeling quite bitter about it. 

"What are you doing here?" Jisung asks, bitterness engrained in his voice. 

Minho pushes himself up from Jisung's bed, moving across the room towards his boyfriend.

"I know you're mad at me," Minho states.

"Nice guess, how'd you figure that?" 

The harshness in the younger's voice stings a little, but Minho guesses he deserves it. Everything that has been going on between them has been rocky and ignoring the younger didn't help. Minho thought taking a little bit to himself would help, and it did. At least it did for him.

"Please don't be like this."

"Be like what?" Jisung questions, "I think I have every right to be mad at you when you left me with no explanation, I don't even know what I did wrong."

"Nothing, you did nothing wrong," Minho tells him, "everything just got really heavy for a minute and I needed some time. After finding Seungmin's notebook something inside of you changed and it was so sudden and distasteful that I needed distance."

If Jisung were listening and thinking logically right now, then maybe he could see where Minho is coming from, but he's not. His words don't fully get through to Jisung, and all the younger is feeling is hurt. He wishes Minho would have come on a different day, a day where he doesn't feel like lying in bed and crying for eternity. This is an argument he isn't wanting to be having right now, but he also wants to scream at Minho with everything he has. 

"I needed you," Jisung states, his eyes welling up with tears, "everything has been so difficult to deal with and you left when I needed you the most. You could have said something to me, but you didn't! So, I'm sorry if I am a little unforgiving at the moment."

"This isn't about you, and I should have said something sooner, but.... but I think we need a break," Minho tells him and Jisung's breath catches in his throat, "things are obviously rough for the both of us right now, and our communication skills have been anything but effective, so I think it might be a good idea to take a break for a couple of weeks."

Jisung doesn't know what to say, rather he does but doesn't know how to say it. He wants to scream and tell Minho to stay, but he doesn't. Screaming won't be effective and it sounds as though Minho has made up his mind. 

What did I do? Jisung desperately wants to ask, but he knows the answer to his question. Minho will offer up a lie to make it seem like this is all on him and that Jisung had nothing to do with the decision he has made. But in reality, Jisung knows that he is partly to blame. 

"I'm sorry," Minho whispers before slipping past Jisung and out the door.

Jisung lets him go, he doesn't make a move to stop him when maybe he should. He should have told Minho to stay and tell him they can talk and work things out, but he doesn't. Minho is gone and Jisung let him leave.


	16. Chapter 16

_Trigger Warning: talk of suicide_

It often feels like things aren't worth it anymore. Food isn't worth eating and life isn't worth living. When things in life become so difficult, every muscle in one's body is ready to give up, let death swallow them whole so they won't have to see another day.

There are times when a brighter future isn't seen up ahead, it is blocked off by misery and agony. Sometimes there are days when light isn't spotted and one has to walk through the dark for hours, hoping one will return. A brighter future isn't spotted up ahead today, a dark, painful future is almost only what Seungmin sees now. He has considered giving up before but has never gone through with anything. Most of the time he can get through his miserable life by simply disconnecting himself from his surroundings.

However, this is different, he doesn't just feel worthless today, he knows he is worthless. There isn't an ounce in him that feels important, each tiny little bit has no meaning to anyone in his life. At one point someone cared and wanted him to be happy, but all those people are gone. Now his life is used for other people's sick twisted pleasure. The life that he didn't get a chance to start already has no meaning.

Seungmin is tired of suffering, of living a life that isn't fulfilling, of living in fear. Day by day he expects the worst to happen, he expects every day to be his last. Now, it has turned into hope. He hopes today is the last day he'll have to stare at the faces of the Parks, listen to the sound of their voices, and feel their hands on his skin. Each day feels less bearable than the last and Seungmin isn't sure how much longer he'll be able to put up with it.

He has thoughts often of considering the current day to be his last, thinking he'll throw himself down the stairs and break his neck, hopefully killing himself. Sometimes he considers not eating anything anymore, letting his body slowly suffer and eventually die. These thoughts use to come once a week, but now he finds himself having them every day, looking for a way to get out of this house sooner rather than later.

When he is confined in the cellar, they are more frequent and more brutal. Maybe he'll bash his head up against the wall until his brain is so damaged, he dies. Or he'll anger Mr. Park one day and let him beat him to death. The more painful ideas ring in his mind more often when he is given too much time to think, creating a swarm of bloody and gory thoughts.

Today isn't any different, still locked in the cellar, these thoughts have come to him a couple of times a day. Sometimes brutal, other times innocent compared to the life he lives. Either way, they can end his suffering and he thinks about them more often than not.

Here, he sits on the concrete, staring at his cold dinner left by Mrs. Park. Today may be the day, if he stops eating and let himself rot, then he won't have to do it anymore. The suffering can finally end. Four years of suffering can come to a close, and it can be because he makes this meal his last.

Seungmin hasn't given much thought on the pain of starvation. He doesn't know what it feels like or if it would be painful, but he doesn't really care. Nothing else in the world he could experience can be more painful than these last four years.

He is already thin and malnourished; it wouldn't be long until his body gives up and decays from inside. Seungmin stopped being afraid of death long ago when he realized that he could go at any point. He came to the realization that he doesn't need to be on edge of when it could happen because it is going to happen at one point, and he should just let it. Death almost became a wish of his, he wanted anything that would get him out of the situation he is currently in.

However, he has been in a spot where it would be so easily done himself. Left alone in the kitchen with knives or kept in the bath alone long enough to drown, he has had moments where it would be so easy to end it, but he never once has. A thought encroaches on him each time, what would happen when he is gone?

Seungmin has a fear that the Parks won't make him their last victim, he is unsure that he is their first. But every time Seungmin thinks about taking his own life, that very thought reaches him, and he hesitates, knowing that if he were to leave the Park's wouldn't simply end their hobby. Another boy or girl would come into play and be treated exactly the same way he was, and that thought terrifies him. Never in a million years would he wish this sort of treatment on another human being, which is why most of the time he doesn't go through with it. He doesn't want to open up space for a new victim, he desperately wants to be the Park's last, so he hopes to live through this as long as he can, or as long as the Park's find use in him.

A painful, horrible life, but Seungmin will find some sliver of comfort knowing he tried to keep other children safe and away from the hands of the Park's. No child deserves to go through what he did, to see what he saw, to be touched in the way he was. Seungmin doesn't want another child in this house, he'll do everything in his power to keep other's safe, even if it means forcing himself to live through the daily torture of the Park house.


	17. Chapter 17

Today is the day.

His last day of happiness before Felix will be sent away and won't be seen for a long time. His parents never specified how long they are making him go, but he can only assume that it will be forever. It seems like something they would do, send him away so they don't have to deal with the emotional wreck that is their son. He guesses Rachel is jumping for joy right about now, singing about how she won't need to live at home any longer. Olivia is a gem, she was never a problem child and Rachel doesn't need to stick around anymore if Felix is no longer there.

Maybe Felix is just bitter, and he is putting emotions onto his siblings that really aren't there. But for some reason, it makes this so much easier if he pretends they don't care. Then he won't have as many people to think about, because he knows his family doesn't miss him. It's harsh, but he won't want to think about the people who caused him pain by sending him to this mental institution, he'll want to block them from his mind for the ride and make it so it stings less. He doesn't know why his family is being so cruel to him, but at this point, he doesn't think that matters, they are sending him away and that is enough for Felix to cut them out of his mind, at least for a little while.

The school day is anything but fulfilling, he wanted to skip every class and go walk around with his friends, but he couldn't. The few hours he got to see of the three boys didn't feel like enough and he wants more time with them, he isn't ready to lose his family just yet. Each time they were together though, they didn't waste it, Jeongin clung to him the entire time and Jisung and Hyunjin didn't allow there to be a moment of silence. They spoke of random insignificant things all day and it was perfect, it kept Felix's mind off tomorrow.

At the end of the day, the four boys met up outside the school, the usual place so they could all walk Felix home. Luckily for them, each of their parents is allowing them to spend a few hours at Felix's to give him his final goodbye and hopefully make his last night less lonely. If his friends weren't there, Felix would have hauled himself up in his room and not have talked to anyone, he wouldn't have left his room because seeing his parent's faces would have made him angry and get the urge to punch a wall. But with the boys over, it will make this night a little more bearable.

"Ready?" Hyunjin questions, adjusting his backpack on his shoulders so they can begin walking.

Everyone nods, "yeah--"

"Wait!" The four boy's eyes follow the shout, eye landing on a raven-haired male jogging towards them in the distance.

Each of them turns their gaze to Felix, knowing the older male is coming for him. The blonde waves his hand at them, walking forward slightly to give the raven-haired male less distance to jog and to keep his friends from hearing their conversation.

"I was hoping I'd catch you," the older smiles as he comes to a stop in front of Felix.

Felix was hoping Changbin wouldn't catch him. He can deny it all he wants, but he really is going to miss the older male and he didn't want to give himself more heartache by having to say goodbye. Changbin pulls the younger off to the side, so they are hidden behind trees, Felix is grateful for this, then he won't have to deal with the teasing of his friends to the full severity.

"I wanted to say goodbye and that I'm sad to see you go," Changbin tells the younger, "but I also want to apologize. Apologize for bothering you, and for not taking a hint, I should have just left you alone when you made it clear you weren't interested and I'm--"

"Changbin," Felix cuts in, "you don't have to apologize to me."

Felix is often defensive with others and has a difficult time letting people into his life. It can be frustrating for him and those around him. Anyone who showed any signs of wanting to be closer with Felix usually gave up within a day or two after finding out how walled off he kept himself, but not Changbin. Felix knew deep down that he always felt something for the older, but he would never let himself admit it, not to himself, not to anyone. It was a feeling he had planned to take to his grave, but maybe it is time to adjust that plan.

"Besides..." Felix continues, taking a deep breath, "your feelings weren't completely one-sided."

A sense of confidence hits Felix for a split second, and for that very moment, Felix leans in. He's never been able to do this if he was in his normal headspace, but a bold decision was made and he carried through with it. The blonde's lips connect with the skin of Changbin's cheek, letting them linger there for a few seconds before parting.

He leaves Changbin with that, returning to his friends so they can walk home together.

•••

Minho sits in the coffee shop on his university campus, the conversation his friends are having being mostly background noise. He hasn't been able to focus on anything other than Jisung for the past couple of days. Although he was the one to end things, it feels as though he was the one who had his heart ripped out. Maybe they could have figured things out, talked and made things better. However, Minho didn't feel like that was the thing to do, at the time breaking things off made complete sense. Now, he doesn't know.

"Hey," Rachel places her hand on Minho's shoulder, breaking him out of his daze, "are you okay?"

"Yeah," Minho lies, running his hand through his hair before listening back into his friend's conversation. He ignores the questioning look from Rachel and focuses his gaze on the space in between Chan and Mina, another girl that they went to high school with.

Rachel shakes it off, moving her focus back to the group.

"Felix leaves tomorrow," She informs them, a deep sigh leaving her mouth.

"You must be thrilled about that," Chan quips, still annoyed with Rachel and her parents for their decision. Mina places a hand on Chan's bicep while holding the other one up to stop Rachel from responding. The two have been making snide comments with each other all week long, and with Minho out of it, Mina has been the only one to keep the peace.

"What do you mean he's leaving?" Minho asks, "where is he going?"

Rachel looks to Mina, earning his permission to respond.

"He is going to a mental health recovery center--"

"Mental institution," Chan cuts in.

"After he had a break down at the station when he and his friends were questioned, my parents made the decision that it was in his best interests to go there," Rachel finishes, trying to keep herself calm and collected.

Suddenly everything Jisung told him makes sense. Why the younger had been so overwhelmed and why things with him were changing so suddenly. Minho knew none of this and he walked out on the boy when he did, in fact, need him. A deep gutted sensation of guilt digs into him and Minho feels sick knowing that he walked away during an incredibly stressful point in his lover's life.

_God, I think I'm going to throw up._

•••

Saturday morning Felix wakes to the sound of shuffling around his room. Peeling his eyes open slightly, he sees his father picking up the suitcase he packed a couple of nights prior before leaving his room.

An unfortunate wake up call. Now, he knows the minute he gets out of bed, his parents will be pushing him around to get ready, so they can get out the door. Rolling over, Felix slides out of bed immediately heading into the bathroom to shower, choosing to take an extra long one, so his older sister won't be left with as much hot water when she has to get up. Petty, and passive-aggressive, but it is the only way he has been able to show his anger since he isn't talking to her.

After getting dressed Felix makes his way downstairs, seeing his mom holding a plate of bacon and toast to give to him.

_They aren't even going to wait for me to eat before we leave..._

"Ah your up, we want to get there early, so here is your breakfast," handing the blonde the plate, "you can eat it in the car."

With that Felix is packed away in the car, not given a second to speak about the topic any further. It's been decided, they don't want him here anymore and now he is being driven towards his hopeless end.


	18. Chapter 18

The boy has been in there for nearly two weeks at this point, and Hajoon doesn't know if his parents intend to leave him there forever. This is one of the longest punishments the boy has ever served, and it was over such a small thing. His parents still seem to be angry with the boy, though and are choosing to make him suffer in the cold, lonely cellar until they have cooled off. It is scary to even think about, because with the temper his parents have, Seungmin could be in there all month.

Sunday evenings are when Hajoon is instructed to wash the dishes after dinner, the boy has never enjoyed the task since it's so simple and repetitive, but he would never complain. He always loses himself in the task, mindlessly washes and dries the pots and pans, just to make it go by a little quicker. But this particular Sunday night isn't like the most they have had.

His parents usually relax in silence up in their room, letting Haeun sit with them until it's time for her to be put to bed. However, tonight they are down in the living room, arguing about a minuscule thing, but to Hajoon the decision that will come out of this argument could be the start of something great.

"I don't feel comfortable leaving them here alone," Mrs. Park argues, once they discovered that their usual babysitter wouldn't be able to watch the children the discussed night, Mrs. Park began to push back a bit harder against the whole idea.

"Neither do I, but this is important for the company and showing a good face there could potentially help me with the promotion," Mr. Park counter.

Hajoon wonders if they know he can hear them, maybe they have forgotten about him completely. It probably doesn't matter to them anyway, they don't see their son as someone who could devise a plan such as the one he has.

"I get that, but Haeun is six and leaving her alone with her brother, makes me feel uneasy," The tone is hushed and Hajoon can tell that his mother is deeply concerned about leaving them, well leaving Haeun. Either way, whatever gets them out of the house that night, Hajoon shouldn't care if he isn't a factor of concern.

"We will only be a couple of hours, three at the most," Mr. Park explains, "this promotion could do a lot for us, so I think it is important for you to strongly consider it."

It goes silent for a few beats and Hajoon is wondering if they switched to whispering or they are both thinking about their options. Hajoon hopes to god it is the second one, if they think him overhearing their conversation is a bad thing, then it has the potential to ruin his plan. He first heard about the possibility of getting a night away from his parents on Friday, when he overheard his dad talking on the phone. At first, he didn't think much of it, but after a dream, he had a plan began to form in his head.

Now, he really hopes his father can convince his mom to get out of the house. Hajoon will only need a couple of hours, so this night out will be perfect and without a babysitter, it will be even better. Although Hajoon knows he could simply tell the sitter about everything going on, he doesn't want to risk putting another individual in danger, so it's better if he proceeds with this on his own.

"Fine," Hajoon hears, "we'll go."

An internal sigh of relief hits him and Hajoon tries to hide his glee. He does not want his parents seeing his happiness and then questioning him on it.

"We'll put the kids to bed early that night and then we can head out," Mrs. Park tells her husband, "but only for a couple of hours."

"That's all we need."

•••

It's late, Hajoon isn't sure on the exact time, but late enough that everyone in the house is deeply asleep. Any other night Hajoon wouldn't even think about sneaking out of his room, his parents are very strict on bedtimes, but this is important. Hajoon tries to be light on his feet as he tip-toes around on the second floor. It is a good thing his parent's bedroom door is closed, this way it will block out some of the noise that Hajoon is bound to accidentally make.

Hajoon successfully makes it down the stairs and begins to slink towards the kitchen. Although the cellar is near the back, his parents keep the keys in a drawer in the kitchen and a spare hidden under the mattress of their bed, though they think only they know the whereabouts of that key.

Carefully opening the drawer, Hajoon picks up the key, gently closing it once again. Hajoon waits a few seconds, listening for any potential threats to his plan before proceeding to the back. He moves past the stairs and down the hall, slowly arriving at the door of the cellar. He needs to be smart about this, the heavy door has a lot of potential to make noise that could wake his parents up, but if he is slow and calculated about it he should be able to pull it off. The only problem is, he wants to be quick about this, fearing his parents may wake up in the middle and catch him in the act, that won't end well for anyone.

Hajoon unlocks the door, slowly pulling it open. A few creaks cause him to stop a few times and pause, but he manages to push through. He only opens it far enough for himself to slip in, knowing he won't have the time to sneak Seungmin out tonight he doesn't need to worry about making enough space for the slightly larger boy.

The younger sees Seungmin huddled in a corner, his head buried in his legs. The boy is unmoving and all that is going through Hajoon's head as he approaches the boy is he hopes to god he isn't dead. Not only would that be terrifying to see, but it would give Hajoon a deep sense of guilt because he didn't try to attempt this sooner.

"Seungmin," Hajoon whispers, placing a hand on the older's arm. Seungmin's head shoots up in surprise, causing Hajoon to jump back slightly at the sudden fright.

"W-what are you doing here?" Seungmin questions, his back pressed to the wall. Hajoon has never come down here before, and the fact that he is seeing him now confusing and scary.

Hajoon motions with his hands for the older to calm down, "it's okay, I'm not here to hurt you, I want to help you."

Seungmin looks around, almost as if he is trying to see if he can spot his parents in the cellar. Hajoon understands why Seungmin doesn't believe him, he never expected him to. Either way, he is still going through with his plan, even if he has to drag Seungmin out of the house.

"I need you to listen to me," Hajoon says, bending down to his knees, "I don't know how much time we have so please listen. My parents are going out to a business dinner on Friday night, they aren't leaving us with a sitter and will be gone a couple of hours. I want to get you out of here and Friday will be the perfect night to do it."

Fear is still very prominent in Seungmin's eyes, "why should I believe you?"

Hajoon shakes his head, "you don't have to, but just know that I want to get out of here too, but I don't want to leave you. You've been through so much pain, I can't bear to live with it any longer."

Seungmin doesn't answer and just stares at the younger boy. He is unsure whether or not he should trust him.

"I need to go, but just know I'll be back for you this Friday night, just try to hold tight a little longer," Hajoon tells him, getting up from the cellar floor.

Before walking back up the stairs, he looks back to Seungmin and makes brief eye contact. But in that time he gives the older a genuine smile, before sneaking his way back upstairs.


	19. Chapter 19

Jisung continues his walk home Monday afternoon after dropping his friends off at their own houses. It was a mostly quiet walk, other than a few comments made about wanting to see Felix, but other than that no one was really in the mood to speak. The last couple of days haven't been the easiest for the group, they have struggled to adjust to the change. They are all so used to seeing the blonde nearly every day that it is incredibly strange to be missing him. Much like how they felt when Seungmin was no longer part of the group.

Jeongin ended up doing some research on the place Felix would be going to, it's a nice building and the staff is supposed to be really good, but still, none of them feel good with the idea of Felix being there. It is an hour away and the boys won't be able to see Felix until after two weeks of him being there, it would be less but since they aren't family of the blonde they have to wait longer. Jisung has tried to stay positive about this, hoping that Felix will end up liking it there and it is actually good for him, but given his attitude about it before being sent there, Jisung knows it's just hopeless dreaming.

_Maybe it would have been easier if they were all sent there, at least we'd be together._

With the investigation picking back up, Jisung feels Felix needs to be here for this. The police haven't had any new evidence in years and everyone has given up, while almost everyone. This could be big for everyone, and Felix isn't going to be here to see it, he can only imagine how hard it is for the blonde.

Jisung arrives at his street, ready to be home and lie down for a good hour before starting anything. It has been getting increasingly harder to focus on school lately which in turn has made the process of getting his homework done longer and more difficult. He has a lot going on in his mind and he thinks that the idea of finding his friend is much more important than imaginary numbers.

The brunettes feet stop on the pavement in front of his house. There is an urge to turn back around and make his way to a friend's house. Jisung is confused, the last time he talked to Minho they broke up, and now that very male is standing on his front porch. Despite the eye contact from a large distance away, Jisung is ready to continue walking and act like none of this happened, like he never saw Minho and continue on. It would be so easy, but his feet won't move, not towards his house and not away.

Jisung has already been hurt once by the older, he doesn't need Minho to keep twisting the knife. The younger still doesn't budge when Minho descends the front steps of the porch, making his way towards Jisung.

"Why are you here?" Jisung questions, his voice is soft and quiet and it shows little sign of distaste, a complete contrast to when they met up last.

"Why didn't you tell me you got called into the police station?" The older questions, ignoring Jisung's own.

"Does it matter?" Jisung's eyes wander, trying to find a place to land that isn't Minho's face, "you broke up with me two days later, I didn't think you'd care."

Jisung hears Minho let out a deep sigh, frustration carved into it. The younger honestly thought that Minho would prefer Jisung keeping him out of his problems, after they broke up Jisung didn't think he had the right to go crying back to him, so he didn't. Besides, when they were still together Jisung did try to reach out, but the older ignored all his texts and calls, so Jisung doesn't really believe Minho has any right to be frustrated with him.

"I care about you, Jisung," Minho states, "just because we aren't together, doesn't mean I don't care."

Jisung shakes his head, feeling a lump beginning to form in his throat, "don't. You are only making this harder for me."

The younger flinches back as Minho tries to get closer, attempting to place his hands on the younger. Jisung is feeling very conflicted, on the one hand, he wants Minho to stay with him and never leave, but at the same time, he is incredibly hurt by the older's actions and wants to repeatedly hit him in the face. It would be for the best if Minho would leave him alone and give him time to get over him, the older made the decision to end things, but he is making it really hard for Jisung to come to terms with it.

"Jisung..."

"No," Jisung states, "you broke up with me, you shouldn't be here!"

The slight raise of his voice isn't entirely intentional, but he is getting increasingly defensive of himself and is wanting Minho to leave. This isn't a good time to be having this conversation, Jisung is under a lot of stress and dealing with Minho is only adding to it. Jisung has been under the impression that Minho no longer wanted him in his life, at least for now, so having him randomly show up a week later is confusing and hurtful.

"I just need some time to figure things out," Minho tells him, "us taking a break doesn't mean that my love for you is gone nor that I have stopped caring."

Jisung's head pounds as he listens to Minho speak. These should be words he wants to hear, to know that Minho still cares and wants him, but they give him an unwanted feeling in his gut. Minho wants to be on a break and Jisung needs to accept that, he is willing to accept that. But he finds it incredibly hard to come to terms when Minho shows up and speaks to him in this way.

Minho shows so much love towards the younger, that Jisung wants to fall into his arms and embrace it, but what if that break isn't temporary? The thought of holding on so tightly only for the rope to be cut away terrifies Jisung. It would be better for the younger if he started his climb down as he waits for Minho to clear things up, that way he won't plummet to the ground if the rope is cut, and if things pick back up again, he can climb the rope once more.

"Then take a break," Jisung states, his voice shrinks back down, no longer having harsh frustration twined into it, "I'm not stopping you from doing that. But I am asking you to leave me alone while you do this, seeing you, but noting being with you hurts too much."

Minho nods, though he feels he needs to be here for Jisung when things are rough for the younger, he sees how it is not his place any longer. He can't be angry or fight against Jisung's stance because he simply has no right to do so, he set things up the way they are now, and he needs to follow through with his stance, and hopefully come out of this much stronger.

"Okay," Minho responds, "goodbye."

His words are whispered, but Jisung catches them as he walks past him. The younger watches as his former love walks down the street, his gaze only breaking when Minho rounds a corner. Only then does Jisung let tears slowly trickle from his eyes, not wanting Minho to have seen them.

That night Jisung doesn't get any school work done, his mind throbs with the anxiety of the past and possibilities of the future.

•••

Jeongin usually stays up late to study and wait for the rest of his family to head off to bed. The excessive studying is helpful when he is wanting to get his mind off things. With Felix gone, things have been abnormally stressful for him and he is wanting to think about anything that doesn't have to do with the blonde male.

It's too difficult to think about the possibility of him never coming back, Jeongin had to go through that once before and he doesn't want to accept the fact that he may never see another friend ever again. He knows that in a few weeks he'll be able to go and visit the blonde, but the thought of doing that scares him slightly. What if they go there and they see Felix in a worse state than what he was or they get there and find out from the beginning that Felix has had is visiting privileges revoked. So many things could go wrong, but when he is focused on schoolwork, those thoughts don't bombard him as much.

The sound of his door opening breaks his concentration, seeing his mom standing in the archway.

"Your dad and I are off to bed, don't stay up too late, okay?" She tells him. Jeongin nods, returning to his studies quickly after.

His mother doesn't move from her spot in the doorway. She has noticed how distracted Jeongin has been, and she supposes she can't blame him. A lot has been going on and he has so much more to process than a boy his age should. Gently placing her hand on her son's back, Jeongin removes his eyes from his textbook, glancing back up at the woman.

"You know I'm here for you, right?" She reminds him, rubbing circles into Jeongin's back, "you can talk to me about anything, I'll always be here to listen."

"I know, mom," Jeongin tells her, giving her a small smile.

"Good, I don't want you to feel alone, because you have people around you who care deeply about you," she tells him, wrapping her arms around him to give him a small hug.

She leaves him with a kiss on his head before exiting, shutting the door behind her. Jeongin only pauses for a second before getting back to work, trying to finish the last few problems he has for his history class. It is good to know that she is here to support him, but he often wonders if she is just saying that. The odds are low since his mother has always been known to speak quite truthfully.

After Jeongin is done with his homework he waits a little while, to make sure his family is asleep. Most nights he has trouble sleeping and in the beginning, he stayed held up in his room, staring at a wall. After a while, it started to drive him crazy so he looked for new things to keep him busy while isn't sleeping.

He grabs his bag, that isn't used for school, out of his closet before heading over to his bed. Grabbing the covers he throws them over a few pillows, making it look as much like the frame of a body as he can. Shutting off his lamplight, Jeongin goes over to his window, lifting it before crawling out, starting his travel to his usual spot.


	20. Chapter 20

There's a girl who likes to write, it's a calming action for her. Every day she'll sit down with her pen and paper and scribble words onto a page. Watching her has become a habit, she tucks up her messy brown hair into a bun and moves the words from her mind onto the paper. Some days it's more difficult for her to get started, so she'll tap the pen on the lined paper until she can form the sentence she is looking for. Those days are usually less enjoyable to watch.

The constant tapping of the pen crawls up Felix's skin, it ignites his nerves and causes him to wince with each bob off the table. However, Felix doesn't move tables when these days come, since he is new to this institution he sits at whatever table is empty in the day room. Usually, by the time the brunette writer has shown up, everywhere else is full and Felix is more or less forced to sit with the girl.

Felix doesn't speak to her and she doesn't try to talk to him. She is always so involved in her random stories that Felix is sure she forgets he is there. The blonde doesn't know what it is but watching her keeps his day busy and interesting, except when the writer is suffering from writer's block. There are days Felix thinks he is going to flip a table, he gets so agitated with the bouncing of the pen, but he knows it is only his emotions about this place projecting on the sound.

It has been nearly a week since his arrival and Felix hates this place more than he thought would be possible. Everyone who works here always seems to be so happy, all the time. It's scary because no one should smile as much as the doctors in this facility do.

Although this place has brought him mostly unwanted feelings and he would rather spend the entire day in his room, there is one person Felix can tolerate talking to. His first interaction with his roommate was odd and unexpected that Felix took interest in him right from the start. The male he'd be sharing his space with had nearly no filter and would ask Felix some of the most interesting questions. He also seemed to accept his mental illness without a problem and be okay with who he is.

Seojoon doesn't come into the day room very often, he likes to stay in his room since he feels more comfortable there. Normally the doctors push patients to interact and spend an hour or two here, but they seem to have allowed Seojoon to make up his own schedule in that aspect. Hence why Felix sits with the writer.

Despite only feeling comfortable enough to talk to Seojoon, he still doesn't know much about the male. Although Felix will answer most of his questions, Felix doesn't bring up any of his own, and Seojoon doesn't willingly share all that often. The boy is nice as can be, but Felix feels evasive when the thought of asking a few personal questions come up. He mainly wants to know why Seojoon is here and how he learned to accept his life the way it is.

A gentle hand on his shoulder pulls Felix's gaze away from the brunette writer. A nurse stands in front of him and he is told it is time for his therapy session. Felix nods, getting up from his seat and heads to his least favorite part of the day. His therapist seems like a nice woman and is good at her job, it's just Felix isn't a good patient. As a result of him not wanting to be here, he feels as though he doesn't put in as much effort as he could. There are things he avoids talking about and his therapist can tell, Felix knows she wants him to open up, but it feels as though every time he opens his mouth he is forced to direct the conversation to avoid bringing up some of his deeper and darker feelings.

"Felix, how are you doing today?" Dr. Song asks, closing the door of her office once Felix has entered. The blonde takes a seat on the tan couch, removing his slippers so he can bring his feet up in order to cross his legs. He grabs one of the pillows and places it in his lap, something that he has found to be comforting over his past couple of sessions.

"I'm alright," he answers, leaning back into the couch.

Dr. Song pulls out the correct patient file from her cabinet before moving to take a seat across from Felix, "I hope you are adjusting to how things work around here okay."

It isn't how things are done here that the problem, it's the fact that he is here as a whole. This isn't a safe space for him to be, it isn't his home or his room, he doesn't have the familiarity around him and he hates it. Things would probably be a lot easier if he was on board with coming here, but since he was basically dragged here, a smooth adjustment has been almost non-existent.

"Some interesting things were brought up during our last session, and I would like to revisit those," Dr. Song tells him. Her voice is smooth and gentle and Felix wonders if that is her secret to getting her patients to relax around her. Although Felix keeps a lot to himself, he never feels overwhelmed in here, she keeps everything calming and relaxing in her office, it is truly amazing.

"You brought up not being able to open yourself up to new relationships, whether that is friendships or romantic relationships, you find yourself closing off to anyone new who could potentially wiggle their way into your life," Dr. Song reminds him, "what goes through your mind when you push people away?"

Felix shrugs his shoulders. He knows why he pushes people away, but people tend to not accept his explanation as a good enough reason. But if he is ever to make it out of here, he feels as though he'll only be more inclined to push people away. He has been officially diagnosed with chronic nightmares and that just adds to his baggage, he feels that no one should have that piled on them, and he especially doesn't want to be the one to do it. Even the people in his life who are said to care the most about you, pushed him away when he got to a point they weren't able to handle him.

Besides Felix has convinced himself that he doesn't need anyone else in his life. He has friends who he is sure will stick with for the long run since they have a deeper understanding of what is going on in his head. As long as he has them, he won't need anyone else and even if they happen to leave, then Felix will just have to adjust to living an incredibly lonely life.

"Do you think maybe you feel you aren't worthy of others love?" Dr. Song asks.

Felix gulps and shrugs his shoulders once again. He doesn't like this conversation, he decided this long ago, he doesn't want to get into specifics as to why he made the decision he did.

"You are worthy, even if some days it feels as though you aren't," Dr. Song tells him, "there are people out there who are going to want to be in your life and sometimes they don't have the best intentions, but we learn from heartbreak, but there are people who are amazing and we end up loving that we allowed them in. It is okay to be cautious and to want to protect yourself, but shutting people out, in general, is not a healthy way to go about it."

Dr. Song leaves the conversation there, moving on to talk about other things now. Felix does his best to listen, but a few words stuck out to him and his mind dwells on them. His brain goes into autopilot and he isn't exactly sure where the rest of his session went with Dr. Song. He actively is thinking about something else, while a different part of him answers several other questions Dr. Song has for him.

_Maybe you feel you aren't worthy of others love..._ Felix repeats over in his mind. It leaves him wondering if he really is worthy or if his mind is telling him one thing and it is actually the opposite.

•••

Felix returns back to his room after his session with Dr. Song. Her words still running through his mind. Maybe she was right, he doesn't feel worthy. It leaves him wondering if it is just him feeling this way or if it is actually true. The fact that his parents sent him here, leaves him with a feeling that maybe they lost the love they once had for him and he isn't worthy of the love anyone else gives him.

It is a distasteful feeling and Felix doesn't like that his brain won't move away from it. However, the blondes urge to know is very prominent. If he is no longer lovable, then what is the point of being here? If no one is in his corner then shouldn't he just give up?

Those thoughts and feelings hang heavy, and Felix doesn't understand how a single sentence can send him deep into the darker parts of his mind. He knows that there are people out there who care and will always love him, but his brain refuses to accept that as fact. It isn't a new problem, he often would fall into deep depressions back at home, it comes in waves and would be completely unexpected. One day he could feel fine and be pushing through life with very few problems, while the next day he would be convinced he was worthless and no one wants him around.

The only thing with his current situation, is those feelings are much stronger.

Seojoon gives Felix a little smile when the blonde enters their shared room, quickly going back to his book. Felix waves, although Seojoon is already looking down. The blonde crawls into his bed, wrapping his arms around himself as he curls up into a ball. He is too emotionally drained from his session that laying here and doing nothing sounds like a dream.

"How are things?" Seojoon asks, Felix assumes the older finished his chapter, otherwise he would still be invested in the words on the page.

"How do you do it?" Felix asks, "how do you stay so positive in a place like this?"

The smile Seojoon had on his face drops as the younger's question rings through his ears. He knew Felix had a hard time being here, as most people do. It can be hard to get used to and be away from family, but Seojoon always thought Felix was growing to like this place. Maybe Seojoon isn't as observant as he thought he was.

"I've been here for five years," Seojoon states, "this place has been more like a home to me than most other places have."

Felix knew Seojoon was a long-time resident, but he had no idea that he had been here that long. Everyone's recovery goes at their own pace, but the thought that Felix could be trapped in here for that long terrifies him.

"Things, in the beginning, were really difficult," Seojoon tells him, "I was admitted a year after my mom died, the moment I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, my dad decided he needed space and sent me here. I was lonely in the beginning, but after a while, I got used to it and actually grew to enjoy my stay here, and since I have been here so long, this place is like my home, and leaving might be more distressing than staying."

"But doesn't your dad miss you?" Felix asks, he doesn't mean to pry, but the words slipped out before he could really think on them.

Seojoon shakes his head, a small, sad smile forming, "he admitted me because he was in a relationship with a woman, and he didn't want me and my condition to scare her off. The last time I spoke to him was a couple of years ago, he told me he was getting married and that he wanted his new start to be perfect. So, having a son in my condition obviously wasn't apart of his plan."

Felix feels a lump form in his throat. Hearing Seojoon's story makes him want to cry it is so horrible.

"I'm sorry," he mutters, his eyes moving away from the older.

"Don't be," Seojoon says, his voice more cheerful than before, "I'm happy. The meds I'm on are extremely helpful, I'm getting better and hopefully, soon I'll be more comfortable with the idea of leaving and experiencing the world for myself."

Seojoon sounds genuine and Felix is happy that the older seems to be in the state he is. However, Felix hopes that he'll never have to go through what he did. It may crush him if his family decides they want to move on and begin a new path in their life without him. Felix fears that they may come to that decision, or even worse they've already decided and he isn't on the road to getting out of here anytime soon.


	21. Chapter 21

It is a windy night, the panes of the windows slightly shake as a large gust will pass through. The night sky is clouded over and gives an appearance as though it will rain. With the moon's absence, nearly no light shines through, making it so Hajoon will have to be extra diligent when he climbs out of bed. He doesn't want to knock into something which would cause Haeun to wake up.

His parents departed from the house around ten minutes ago, Hajoon is only now slipping out of bed, his toes carefully moving him around his room. Grabbing a bag full of clothes and a few other important items, Hajoon shuffles over to the door. He opens it slowly, as to make sure it doesn't creak. Although Hajoon is aware most of the small quiet sounds will not be enough to wake his sister, he still feels the need to be extremely careful.

Tiptoeing out the door and down the hall, past his sister and parent's bedrooms, Hajoon carefully descends the stairs, grabbing onto the railing to help him be extra light on his feet. He slips into the kitchen, trying to find his way around the dark room. Hajoon first opens a drawer which carried the flashlight, picking up a small one so he can use it when he needs to search for the key. The light helps him find the correct drawer with the keys contained in it. Carefully moving the items around, Hajoon isn't able to seek out the correct one. It is only then that the boy realizes his parents must have taken the known key with them.

Hajoon silently prays that the spare is still where he presumed it to be. Gently pushing open his parent's bedroom door after returning upstairs, Hajoon moves to his mother's side of the bed first, lifting the heavy mattress slightly and shining the light under. There lays the spare key and Hajoon could squeal he is glad his parents had been confident that no one knew where it was. Grabbing the key, Hajoon quickly moves back downstairs, not noticing that the door to his little sister's bedroom was open.

No time is wasted and Hajoon moves to the back of the house, instantly unlocking the door. Still wanting to be careful, Hajoon is slow to get the door open, making sure no loud noises erupt from it. Hajoon takes a deep breath before entering the cellar. This is the moment that he is finally doing something, taking action to stop such a horrendous act from continuing. He hopes Seungmin can get back to his family, back to his old life and work to forget these past four years. But he also hopes he and Seungmin can stay together since Hajoon won't have anywhere to go, he hopes Seungmin will take him and care for him in a way no one ever has.

As Hajoon thought he would be, Seungmin lays on the floor his eyes shut and breathing very uneven. The weeks spent in here, are going to make it difficult for the older boy to move quickly, but if Hajoon's sense of time is accurate, he should still have plenty of time to get away before his parents arrive back home.

Dropping to the floor beside the older, Hajoon gently shakes Seungmin awake. Seungmin's eyes weakly pry themselves open, the blurry face of Hajoon coming into his vision. Hajoon helps Seungmin to push himself up into a sitting position, leaning the older's back against the concrete. Although every minute they wait is risky, Hajoon figures giving Seungmin a little bit of time to fully return to himself shouldn't hurt.

"What are you doing here?" Seungmin asks, his voice is strained and quiet and Hajoon could barely make out what he was trying to say. The harsh punishment has made him incredibly weak that speaking has become a challenge. Guilt chokes up in his throat, looking at the condition that Seungmin is in. Hajoon wishes he could have been this brave years ago, he wishes he would have recognized just how wrong this was in the very beginning, but he didn't and that will always eat at him.

"Remember, I'm here to get you out," Hajoon tells him.

Seungmin's face is so incredibly pale, and he looks so sickly. His parents really showed him no mercy and kept him in the worst conditions. Hajoon takes this time to take out a few clothing items that didn't fit him all that well, knowing Seungmin would need them so he wouldn't be wandering around in a ripped up t-shirt and no pants.

"We can't take too much longer," Hajoon says, holding out the pieces of clothing to the older, "I thought you might want some actual clothes to wear."

Seungmin wants to thank him when he takes the clothing out of Hajoon's hands, but he is so weak that the words have a hard time coming out. Hajoon stands up to turn away, giving Seungmin some privacy while he dresses.

"Wait," Seungmin calls, his voice still straining, "I...need help."

His arms have no strength to pull the clothing on him and his wrist is too badly damaged. As awkward as it would be to be dressed by another he realizes that time is their biggest enemy. He was having a hard time trusting the boy earlier, but after he realizes he really has nothing else to lose, going along with anything couldn't hurt.

Hajoon moves back over to the older, crouching down to make it easier to help him. Seungmin tugs at his ragged shirt, indicating that it needed to be the first thing to come off of him. Curling his fingers around the fabric, Hajoon lifts it, pulling it over the older's head. Although he tries not to look, seeing the boy's protruding rib bones and his frail body weakens his stomach. Grabbing the hoodie he had grabbed from his closet, Hajoon is quick to slide it over Seungmin's head, covering the boy's small frame. Taking the sweatpants from Seungmin's hands, Hajoon shifts down, helping the older's feet to slide in.

"Help me up," Seungmin mutters, knowing it will be easier to finish sliding the sweatpants on if he is standing.

Nodding, Hajoon grabs onto Seungmin's hand, pulling the older up. Seungmin wobbles on his legs like a toddler learning their first steps. Slipping his arm around the older, Hajoon helps Seungmin to stable himself, giving him a second to get himself together. With the time they are waiting, Hajoon reaches down, grabbing the band of the sweats and pulls them up, allowing Seungmin to be the one to adjust them on his body so Hajoon doesn't overstep his bounds.

The younger picks up his bag, sliding it onto his back, "are you okay to walk?"

Seungmin nods, he isn't sure if he is lying to himself, but either way, he is ready to get out of this cellar. Hajoon, slips his arm back around Seungmin, helping the older boy to move a bit more quickly. The stairs are the hardest part, but they manage to make it up them in good time.

Hajoon can't resist a smile as they make their way towards the front door. They made it, his plan is working and he couldn't be happier, they are both getting out of here and will be free neither of them having to be tortured by the residents of the house any longer. His face gleams as they continue to move, freedom coming closer into their grasp with each step.

Everything stops when they hear the jingling of keys entering the lock of the front door, however. Any happiness that the two males had felt at that moment is stolen away from them. Hajoon thought he had planned everything out perfectly, things were working so smoothly and unless they spent an ungodly amount of time in that cellar his parents should not be entering through that door at this moment. His brain isn't moving fast enough to turn back around and take Seungmin out the back door, a move that he should have done in the first place, but it hadn't crossed his mind until this very moment.

The front door swings open a fuming couple entering the house. Their eyes burn into the two boys standing in front of them, anger boiling up within them.

"What do you think you're doing?" Mr. Park snarls. Hajoon gulps, his eyes glancing around the room for some sort of escape. His path is blocked in front of him, and he is unsure whether Seungmin has enough energy to hurry to the back of the house. This is where their road must end, Hajoon hadn't planned for this because he didn't think they'd be home so soon.

"To think, Haeun is our only loyal child," Mrs. Park adds.

Hajoon's eyes widen at the statement. he follows the sound of the stairs creaking seeing the smiling six-year-old standing there. She must have called them, which is why they are home so much sooner than they were supposed to be. Hajoon doesn't know how he missed it, she isn't a subtle kid at all, he should have known that she was awake.

Mrs. Park's hand grips on tightly to Seungmin's uninjured wrist. Any other day he would have accepted his punishment, but Hajoon gave him a glimmer of hope and he isn't ready to let that light die out. Seungmin yanks his wrist free, his body may be weak, but if it comes to his freedom and ending the miserable life the Park's have created for him, he will push all his limits.

Fire lights up in the woman's eyes as Seungmin resists her. She reaches back for the boy yanking him out os Hajoon's arms.

"Defy me again and you will regret it," She growls. Pulling Seungmin with her towards the back, Mrs. Park makes eye contact with her husband giving him a small nod before pulling Seungmin along with her.

Hajoon knows very well that his father will not be kind to him at this moment, and he may just have to allow him to do as he pleases. Hajoon doesn't have the strength to defend himself, but he is just going to have to hope that somewhere his father slips up and gives him an opening to run.

Seungmin hears a loud cry break through his ears as Mrs. Park drags him back towards the cellar. Letting out a shaky breath Seungmin harshly shoves the older woman to the side both the weight of the both of them, breaking open the doll room door. Mrs. Park screams in frustration pushing herself to her feet. She has always managed to keep herself from hurting Seungmin to the extreme of ruining her perfect canvas, but right now holding back any restraint it becoming very difficult. If Seungmin gets damaged, she'll just get another one, but right now she needs to keep the boy from slipping out of her grasp.

Her anger drives her to pull the boy up to his feet, grabbing at his hair to force Seungmin to look her in the eye, "I warned you."

Mrs. Park harshly throws Seungmin to the ground, lifting up the skirt of her dress to make it easier to kick at the boy's ribs. Seungmin shrieks in pain, his ribs barely healing from the previous beating. He tries to claw at something, but with only one functioning hand it makes it incredibly difficult. With one wrist possibly being broken, Seungming reaches out with his other, hoping to grab on to something before Mrs. Park can continue with her painful blows to his body.

Seungmin yelps as Mrs. Park grabs his injured wrist and squeezes. A reflex must have kicked in since Seungmin manages to flip onto his back and send both his feet into the woman causing her to fall back into the doll shelf. Mrs. Park's head smashes into the wood, breaking the fragile shelving and sending the dolls to come tumbling down with her. Seungmin is quick to turn his body, protecting his face from the shattering glass.

The boy crawls away from the damage, before looking back to see what he had caused. Mrs. Park lays on the ground motionless with dark liquid pouring from her head. Her broken dolls lay around her, pieces of glass tangling into her hair. Seungmin never intended on killing the women, just to get her off of him. His breath is shaky and he has a hard time pulling his eyes away from the scene he had caused.

Tears stream down his cheeks, and the small sobs that leave only cause his body to ache more. He tries to move away from the woman's body, even more, wanting to put as much distance between them as possible. He hears another cry leave Hajoon and it only makes Seungmin want to cry more, Seungmin pushes himself off the floor, no matter how much it hurts. The boy tried to help him, now Seungmin is going to return the favor.

In the hallway, distant sirens perk up his ears. Seungmin moves forward, hoping that those sounds are coming towards him.


	22. Chapter 22

Seungmin limps down the hall, following back towards the screams of the other young boy. The hallway is empty, but he can still hear cries and whimpers from the young male in the kitchen. Each cry increases in volume and Seungmin gives it his all to pick up his steps, but his body throbs too much with each small step.

Inching closer to the kitchen, Seungmin reaches out for the wall of the archway to the kitchen in order to steady him. His head is a bit foggy, but he can see Mr. Park hanging over his son, kicking at the young boy's ribs. Mr. Park's voice roars up in a scream, sending a shiver down Seungmin's spine. He is weak and can't do much to help Hajoon, but he knows he needs to try and do something.

Looking around the room, he wouldn't be able to use much of anything to his advantage. Mr. Park is much stronger, and in Seungmin's current state, he has an even higher advantage.

An idea pops into Seungmin's head, but he isn't sure if it will work and will definitely result in more pain for him. Sucking in a deep breath, Seungmin pushes himself forward, sending his body into Mr. Park's with as much force as he can muster up. An incredible wave of a fiery burn rushes through his body. He pushes the male into the counter, allowing Hajoon to crawl away and over to the other side in the kitchen.

Mr. Park takes a bit to regain himself, pushing himself up off the floor before grabbing onto the meek boy and slamming Seungmin's back into the tile, the boy letting out a high-pitched squeal. The man climbs onto the boy, his hands coming up to wrap tightly around Seungmin's neck, the grip steadily tightening. Seungmin claws at Mr. Park's arms and hands, trying to pry the older man's hands away from him, but to his avail, it is no use.

Seungmin tries to choke in air, but all airways are too tightly closed off. He can feel his vision blur and senses fade from him. His hand's movements lessen and his mind moves away from the want to fight. Feeling himself begin to go limp, the sirens that Seungmin heard in the distance appear to be closer, the blaring sound reaching him through his impaired hearing.

Mr. Park's hands loosen around his neck, air returning to Seungmin almost instantly. The older male moves off Seungmin, the younger rolling over as he tries to cough in more air for himself. Mr. Park hears the sirens, a wave of panic hits him and before any other thought can come into his mind, he runs.

Out the back door, Mr. Park trips slightly over his feet but manages to regain himself. He climbs over the tall fencing, he is now starting to regret installing, letting himself fall down to the other side. It doesn't take much until he is on his feet and sprinting away, trying to get as far as he can before the police arrive at his house.

Hajoon weakly crawls over to Seungmin, checking to make sure Seungmin can breathe. Although Seungmin is nowhere near 'fine', he is able to breathe on his own which is good. Hajoon looks around his kitchen, fear radiating from him. He knows he saw his father run out of the kitchen, but a part of him fears the return and serious repercussions that would have.

"S-Seungmin?" Hajoon speaks, placing an incredibly gentle hand on the older boy's side. Seungmin doesn't respond, his mind is too focused on getting the much-needed oxygen back into his body. Hajoon stares at the older in horror, blood oozes from his face and his wrist looks more mangled than it did last time. He needs to get the older to a doctor, but he doesn't know how, and panic is making it really hard for him to move.

The sirens never processed in Hajoon's mind, he was too focused on his father that they never even registered. So when the sound of his door being kicked open echoes through, his first instinct is to run and hide. Hajoon presses himself up against the wall of the kitchen, opposite to Seungmin, tucking his head into his knees and making himself as small as he can get. He can hear loud and harsh voices coming from the other room, and they remind him of his father when he is angry.

Logically Hajoon knows there are too many voices for it to be his father, but the fear still remains. Years of the horrible treatment from his parents have scarred him, anything that remotely sounds like one of them in their worst states, causes him to shrink. He wants to cower away and sink into the walls and flooring, hiding and protecting himself from any further harm.

"In the kitchen!" One of the voices hollers, Hajoon can hear the footsteps pound on the ground as they make their way into the kitchen. He glances up, seeing the officers crouching in front of Seungmin. The older male can barely keep his eyes open; he is in so much pain.

An officer leans down, calling into his radio that he needs a paramedic. His eyes scan over Seungmin, the sight of blood and bruising all over the young boy's body. The officer has seen a lot of gruesome sights in his career, but he still has a hard time grasping the fact that someone can be this cruel to a child.

Two other figures enter the kitchen; a gurney is brought with them. Seungmin is carefully lifted from the kitchen floor and onto the gurney. The young boy's eyes have fallen closed and he listens to the words of the officers and paramedics. He can feel himself being moved out of the house and the cool night air hits his face. For the first time in four years, he is finally outside and he isn't even completely there for it.

Seungmin's head lulls to the side as he tries to open his eyes. He catches sight of Hajoon being escorted out of the house, it is blurry but he can see the boy is wrapped in a blanket. Loud screams pierce his ears and moments after Hauen is being carried out, the young girl screaming and trying to wiggle her way out of the officer's hold. The view is soon taken from him, once he is lifted into an ambulance, the voices of paramedics being the only thing he is able to tune in on.

Although a strong and painful sensation is waving over his body, Seungmin feels happy. He is actually out of the house, a lot later than he would have liked but at least he is out. His eyes close once again, allowing himself to rest as much as he can, knowing that he is finally in a safe place, and will hopefully never be in the arms of the Park's ever again.


	23. Chapter 23

Seungmin wakes up in complete discomfort, his head feels woozy and his body pulses with pain whenever he shifts. The bright lights in the room, make it hard for him to keep his eyes open for very long. He knows he is in the hospital; he remembers being lifted into the ambulance but has no recollection of arriving. Seungmin isn't sure how long he has been out, nor does he know how badly he was injured, but going off how he is feeling right now, the doctor would probably not give him any good news.

Fear still wavers over him despite being out of the house. He wonders if Mr. Park was caught, maybe the police caught up to him and he is locked behind bars. Seungmin hopes to god that that is the case. The feeling of seclusion swirls around him, and he hopes that a nurse or a doctor will enter through the door, then maybe his mind will be set to ease a bit. Seeing the small layer of protection may allow him to relax a bit, the stiffness in his body, send waves of pain through him.

He is finally able to peel his eyes open and keep them as so for more than a few seconds, glancing around the room, the unfamiliar white walls bring him some sense of relief, he is actually out and in a place that should hopefully keep him safe. His gaze moves to his body, his arm is wrapped in a cast and, he can feel the bandages on different places of his body.

Seungmin allows his head to roll to the side, the consistent beeping of the monitor drawing his attention. He locks his gaze to the monitor, staring at the numbers, it doesn't mean much to him, but the beeping keeps his mind off the pain he feels throughout his body. The sound isn't calming, but it gives him something to follow, something that pulls him out of his thoughts and keeps him in a neutral place.

The click of the door opening peaks Seungmin's interest, the new sound drawing his attention away from the monitor. A doctor walks in eye meeting with Seungmin's. A small smile curves on his lips, as he flips through the file in his hand.

"It's good to see you up," the doctor speaks, "I'll have a nurse bring you some water and something to eat soon."

Seungmin weakly nods, glad that he'll be able to help the dryness in his throat soon. He watches as the doctor takes a few notes on the papers in the file, patiently waiting for the older man to speak up again. There are so many things Seungmin wants to know, but he doesn't have the confidence to ask, so he sits and waits for the doctor to hopefully answer them without him having to say anything.

"Well I have to say, Seungmin, no one ever expected you to be in one of these beds," the doctor tells him, "do you know how long you were missing for?"

Seungmin would want to question how he knew his name, but he figures that there are pictures and reports on him that made identifying him easy. Still, he has been gone for so long that he feels a little forgotten.

"F-four years," Seungmin mutters, four excruciating years.

"Yeah." the doctor nods, "it was a great shock to see you come through these doors. But we are glad to see that you are okay, your body suffered quite a bit of damage, but with time everything should heal up alright. A couple of broken ribs and a few fractures, a broken wrist, a few cuts that needed to be stitched up and evident bruising on the body. I want to bring in a counselor to do a mental health evaluation, but for now, you need to rest and try and get some of your energy up. We have contacted your parents, so they should hopefully be arriving soon, but again just rest and try not to stress yourself out, I'll be back in a couple of hours to check on you again."

The doctor leaves the room, letting Seungmin get back to his resting. He would have had more to say and more to ask, but he could tell that the teenager wasn't ready to answer a few questions. Hopefully, once his parents arrive, things will be able to calm down and Seungmin will be able to answer a few things.

Seungmin should be excited that his parents will be here, he is. But a part of him is incredibly nervous. He hasn't seen anyone in his family in four years, and seeing them is a little intimidating.

•••

Jeongin won't always outwardly show his anger or annoyance. Often, he lets them simmer within him and lets it die out on its own, making it so people will rarely be able to tell when he is angry with them. His friends often struggle to be able to tell what Jeongin is feeling, he has developed the skill of hiding it so well.

However, that doesn't mean everyone isn't able to read, and that really annoys him. He likes it when he's a mystery to everyone, he prefers when only certain people, that he has chosen can know what he is feeling. But when people he isn't particularly close to can read him better than he can read himself at times, it peeves him to no end.

He has had every opportunity to walk away, and put distance between him and the smart-mouthed male, but Jeongin never once has. The younger boy always comes back and although it happens every time, the anger that drives him away for the night never lasts long.

Jeongin knew exactly what he was doing when he stepped foot into that abandoned building all those months ago, he knew what could happen when he chose to stay after spotting the teenager there. Fear didn't drive him away, curiosity brought him closer. In school and on the news, you hear of the homeless, and how the population is growing rapidly, but Jeongin never actually had an encounter with an individual. At least not until he met Sunwoo.

The male was pale but didn't look terribly malnourished. His eyes were slightly sunken in and wore several layers to protect himself from the cold nights that he faced in the spring. Sunwoo's eyes locked onto Jeongin when he first spotted him, confused and surprised that to see the boy here. If it would have been anyone else, Sunwoo would have been hearing footsteps racing away from him in a matter of seconds, but Jeongin didn't run.

They stood and awkwardly gazed each other down upon their first meeting, not much being said other than a simple 'hello'. Jeongin didn't know how to approach the other at first and his first couple visits to the building were silent and awkward, with a lot of staring. The first time Jeongin worked up the courage to ask for the other's name, he never thought he would regret it as much as he did.

Sunwoo isn't a bad guy, but his methods aren't the purest. The people he involves himself with aren't in the best of places with the law, but the younger never questioned it. He never saw his and Sunwoo's relationship advancing anywhere other than acquaintances who met up on the nights Jeongin couldn't sleep.

Somewhere along the way, the action plan changed and feelings got mixed in. Jeongin never has and promises himself that he never will have romantic feelings for the older, but something was there and it led the younger to lay his trust down where he shouldn't. Stories were shared and secrets were spilled, Jeongin shared a little too much and now Sunwoo places himself too comfortably in Jeongin's life.

There were several signs that Sunwoo may not be the best person to bring into one's life, but Jeongin had already let it go too far before he could back out. Although there is no fear of Sunwoo bringing him any harm, Jeongin still wishes that the older wasn't able to see through him and know exactly what strings to pull to earn enough trust to be let in.

"You're awfully quiet tonight," Sunwoo comments. The two are sitting by one of the non-broken windows of the building, sitting on the blankets that create Sunwoo's bed for padding.

Jeongin is always quiet, he never was much of a talker, neither of them is. However, Sunwoo is observant and when it comes to Jeongin he can tell when anything to slightly off. Jeongin doesn't linger his gaze on Sunwoo, a quick glance is enough, and choosing not to comment on the other's he turns toward the window once again. Lights of the city shine through and the small yellow dots give his mind something to focus on so he doesn't have to engage with Sunwoo.

"Jeongin--"

"What?" The younger stops Sunwoo from continuing, the annoyance shining through quite clearly in his voice.

"Have I upset you?" Sunwoo asks, and Jeongin doesn't know why the words make him want to scream. He can't tell if it's just him, but listening to the older male can sometimes make him want to scream or tear his hair out. There is something so frustrating about him and Jeongin can't put his finger on it.

It is strange since, there are nights Jeongin can laugh and smile, nights that Sunwoo makes all his worries disappear for a second. However, there are nights like these, where everything about the older puts him on edge. Maybe it is part of Sunwoo's charm, or how he keeps people at a distance with him, but whatever it is, it hasn't been enough to permanently drive Jeongin away.

"I already apologized, I don't know what else you want me to do," Sunwoo speaks, sigh a bit out of frustration.

Jeongin doesn't remove his eyes from the lights, "that's not it, I'm not upset so don't worry about it."

Lies, both Jeongin and Sunwoo know it. Jeongin can't say that promises were broken, Sunwoo isn't the type to make promises in the first place. But his expectations weren't met and maybe it is leaving him in a bit of a sour mood.

Jeongin never enjoyed who Sunwoo chose to hang out with him in the first place, only ever meeting them once, Jeongin quickly avoided the group after that. But when Sunwoo presented an idea, it was too irresistible for Jeongin not to agree. The younger should have known it never would have panned out the way he wanted it to, but hope blinded him and made him more susceptible. He hasn't ever been able to let go of the idea that Seungmin is alive and in need of help out there, his mind refuses to. So, when Sunwoo says his 'friends' are able to find nearly anyone, Jeongin was too tempted to allow them to search, knowing that there was a high chance of it not going the way he wanted it to.

"He's been gone for years, maybe it's time to ac--"

"Don't." Jeongin's eyes burn with sudden anger, he has heard it enough times. Everyone believes he needs to let go, but he isn't there yet and people need to accept that.

Jeongin lets out a deep sigh, "I should go, it's getting pretty late."

Normally, Sunwoo would joke around about Jeongin staying the night, trying to convince the younger boy to stay longer, but he is smarter than to push it right now.

•••

Jeongin peels his eyes open, the sun shining into his through the thin material of the curtains. He closes his eyes once again, the light slightly stinging too much to keep them open. Rolling over to the other side of his bed, the feeling of crinkling material grazes his fingers.

Clutching the material in his hands, Jeongin opens his eyes once again. A folded piece of paper appears in his line of vision. Normally he would be inclined to toss it away, as an annoyance. But he knows he didn't mistakenly leave pieces of paper in his bed, so this must have been purposely placed here.

Pushing himself up, Jeongin swings his legs over his bed, the covers being pulled away from them. He gently unfolds the paper, his eyes slightly drooping closed from just waking up and still feeling a heavy drowsiness wash over him.

'You're welcome' is scribbled on, the handwriting of Sunwoo's being easily recognized by the younger.

Jeongin doesn't stop to think about what it could mean, he doesn't care. Sunwoo was in his house, in his room and although it was his own fault for showing the other where he lived and stupidly forgetting to lock his window, the fact still angers him. He made it very clear to Sunwoo several times that he isn't allowed here and that his space isn't open for random drop-in's, yet Sunwoo chooses to ignore him.

Crumbling the note, Jeongin tosses it into the recycling in his room, standing up from his bed soon after. His stomach growls in hunger and he promptly exits his room, making his way down to the kitchen for some breakfast.

His mother's voice enters the sound waves, causing Jeongin to unconsciously slow his steps. Her voice sounds a bit distressed, the words coming out of her mouth short and rushed. Jeongin doesn't try to put too much weight on it, after all, it could because of work. Still, the boy hangs back, waiting for his mother's phone call to come to an end before entering the kitchen.

Since her voice is low, Jeongin isn't able to pick up on everything she says, but he isn't really trying to either. His mother has always respected his boundaries and privacy, so he tries to give the same back. However, like everyone, some eavesdropping does occur by mistake.

Jeongin hears when his mother ends the phone call, the soft sound of her phone being placed on the counter reaching his ears. He chooses now to make his way into the kitchen, greeting his mother good morning before heading towards the cupboard with the cereal.

"Jeongin," she calls, her tone serious. The boy turns his head looking at the women to signify her to go on.

"I need to tell you something."


	24. Chapter 24

Sunday afternoon, Jeongin couldn't get out of the house fast enough. His heart raced with anticipation as he practically jumps off his porch. Saturday left him with a bouncy leg and being cooped up didn't help, finally, today will give him something to fight off the excess energy his body has been building up. 

He has always dreamed of this day coming and he really hoped it would come soon. But maybe he wasn't fully prepared for what it meant when it came, what he would have to do in order to prepare. His mother was very gentle in delivering the news, but no matter how soft-spoken one person is, the information given will cause anyone's heart to race. 

After years he is finally getting a chance to see him. 

Rules were put in place for this meetup and the boys aren't allowed to stay out too long. But Jeongin doesn't care so much, he and his friends need this, and an hour or two may be all they need to sort through everything. Discussing things over the phone didn't feel right and meeting up at a house where anyone could eavesdrop in on their conversation was something they wanted to avoid. So, the three agreed on a park, one they used to play at as children. It is out in the open, but if they set off further to the side away from the playground, than no one will pay them any mind, leaving them to have their private conversation. 

Crossing over to the other side of the street, Jeongin picks up his steps, rushing down a small pathway that leads into the park. He doesn't know if Jisung and Hyunjin are here or not, but if they are, he doesn't want to keep them waiting any longer. Jeongin follows the slightly curved path, stopping when his feet reach the edge that drops down into the play area. His eyes wander around searching for the two familiar boys, that could possibly be waiting in the area. 

Hyunjin isn't hard to spot, the tall male towers over the small children playing on the equipment. On the other end of the playgrounds, both Hyunjin and Jisung stand a few feet away, eyes absentmindedly wandering around. Jeongin picks up again, moving around to meet up with the two other males.

Since they are on a time limit, they waste no time moving further away from the playground, finding a bench a good distance away that they all can sit on. The atmosphere feels incredibly thick and Jeongin wishes it wasn't. Of course, with the news, things are going to be hectic and weird at first, no one knowing exactly how they should be feeling. However, it is still their friends they are talking about, and the topic of his return shouldn't leave the air feeling almost suffocating. 

"How long until he can see him?" Jisung asks, taking a seat on the bench first. His head spins and thinking about everything only worsens it. 

Hyunjin shrugs and shakes his head, "I don't know, a couple of weeks, maybe."

His recovery time without visitors could last his entire stay and the boys may have to wait until he is discharged to see him. Jeongin knows he is going to want to hold off on seeing him, as much as he wants to go and throw himself into Seungmin's arms, the younger can only imagine how stressful everything is for him right now. After years, he is finally able to be with his family and friends, and Jeongin assumes that it is a very overwhelming time for him. 

"We don't want to expose him to too much too quickly," Jeongin comments, "We should probably wait until Seungmin's parents permit us to go see him." 

It isn't an idea Jisung nor Hyunjin are too fond of, but they see where the younger male is coming from. Seungmin needs to familiarize himself with everything again, get used to being back from wherever he went. That's the biggest and most nagging mystery for the three. They aren't sure if Seungmin's parents know the information either, and it must be driving everyone mad not knowing what happened. The information will be shared with time, but it is an incredible test on everyone's patience.

"I know we talked about never giving up hope," Jisung begins, "but I have to be honest, I never thought this day would ever come."

A few tears brim at the boy's eyes as he speaks. He had hoped and wished Seungmin would be alright, but deep down, somewhere in him knew that the boy wasn't coming back. Today was an incredible surprise, something he never thought he'd be hearing.

Jeongin places a gentle hand on Jisung's back, "we have all had those thoughts. After how long Seungmin was gone, it's more shocking to see someone who hasn't doubted it even a little."

Statistically, Seungmin shouldn't be here. Based on all the reports, he should be dead, and his body never found. They tell the parents not to lose hope, but in reality, after the first week of not finding the missing person, a lot is lost and the family would be lucky to have found him. Jeongin would think this case would spark some hope in society, a boy returning after four years, but it probably won't. Seungmin's case is going to be seen as very unique and an outlier in most situations. 

"The important thing is he's here," Hyunjin speaks, "and now, maybe we can all sleep easier at night."

That is everyone's hope, that the side effects of Seungmin going missing will reverse themselves. Jeongin and Hyunjin can sleep and not stay up for hours at a time, and Jisung and Felix's nightmares will stop, letting them rest easy for once. Maybe this will finally be the turning point where their lives can slowly begin getting back to normal.

"Which reminds me," Hyunjin continues, turning towards his two friends, "does anyone know if Felix was told about the news?"

•••

Felix adjustment hasn't been the easiest, and it is no mystery to anyone who comes into contact with the teenage boy. He is barely holding himself together here and each day that passes breaks him down a little more. It is as though he is losing himself, slowly stripping away the person he once was, dissolving into a shell of nothing.

Not having anyone has been more detrimental than helpful, though the center still has a strict rule they need to follow, Felix's therapist has permitted nightly calls. Felix is allowed to have contact with his family each night before he heads to bed, in hopes that it will make adjusting easier for him. Although Felix can't say for sure that it is doing anything to help him, it does give him something to look forward to, a little bit of light in his circle of darkness.

The nurses set him up in a room, something small with little to it, but it gives him some privacy to converse with his family. It works, although Felix would prefer that it didn't have a window where nurses can peer in at any moment but it was a part of the requirements. At least it doesn't permit audio, so no one is allowed to listen in on his phone call, which gives him a greater sense of safety to talk more freely with his family.

Felix sits at the table with the phone, watching the clock tick away. He was told that his parents would call at eight tonight, and it is only a couple of minutes away. It never dawned on Felix until he got here, just how much he would miss having his family with him. The constant days of being alone, have gotten to him and he is ready for his visiting privileges to open. Tomorrow would be the first day that his family can stop by to see him and another week until his friends can. The week has been so painfully slow, that it feels a little unreal that he has finally made it to this point.

The moment the phone rings, Felix's hands are quick to wrap around the handle, lifting it to his ears.

"Hello? Mom? Dad?" The words come out so desperate and weak, and if Felix were looking in on himself at this moment, he would probably be ashamed. But he isn't and he has needed to hear his mother's voice for so long now, that he doesn't care about how desperate he sounds.

"Felix? Sweetheart?" Felix could almost cry, the familiar voice sounds so relieving to his ears. He may have spoken to them last night, but it wasn't enough, it was too short and there was so much more he wanted to hear from them.

He only got to speak with them for a couple of minutes last night, it was late and his parents were a little distracted so he didn't get to hear much. But hopefully tonight will be better and he can ask when they plan to visit him tomorrow. He needs them to be here with him, he needs to be able to have his mother hold him, even if it is just for a little while. Her embrace calms him and that is exactly what he wants at this moment, something to calm his racing thoughts. 

Words start spilling out of Felix's mouth. He can't help but spew out everything he has been wanting to tell his parents from the first night he was here. Felix has missed them so much and not being able to see them has hurt him in more ways than one. There is so much Felix wants to know, how his friends are doing, how his family is doing, he wants to hear his family's voice, maybe it will help with his aching homesickness. 

"I have missed you guys so much," Felix cries, "when will I be able to see you? You're visiting tomorrow, right?"

The line goes weirdly silent for a few moments, Felix can hear slight muttering on the other end, but can't make out any words.

"Mom?" He questions, hopefully pulling her attention back towards him. He needs her to say that he will see them tomorrow, he needs his family more than ever right now. As angry as he was at them when they brought him here, he still recognizes that being apart from the people who cared for you for years is incredibly difficult. Having them here, and telling him that everything is going to be alright is essential, but the silence from his mother is anything but reassuring. 

"Felix, I don't think we are going to be able to make it this week."

The words cut through like a knife, causing as much damage as they possibly could. A shaky exhale leaves Felix's lips, trying hard to fight back the tears that desperately want to leave him. 

"W-what?" Felix asks, his voice is unstable and understandably so. He has waited all week for this moment and now he may not even get it. 

"Things here have been a bit overwhelming and we have to deal with some things," his mother explains, "we want you to focus on getting better without pinning our stress onto you, I hope you understand."

No, he doesn't, Felix doesn't understand one bit, "y-yeah, of course."

The phone call doesn't last much longer after that, Felix doesn't want it to. He loves his parents, he loves his family, even though they hurt him, that love never dies out. Maybe it's a good thing they aren't coming, maybe they have his best interests in mind, at least that is what Felix hopes. 

Being abandoned here is a growing fear Felix has, and the fact that his parents won't be visiting him only deepens that fear. Leaving the room, Felix doesn't bother to inform a nurse that he is done, he just moves straight to his room.

His mind wanders around the grey area between light and dark, wanting to completely fall into the darkness. His light at the end of the road has vanished and Felix doesn't know if it will ever spark up again. Pain and hopelessness are all he feels right now, and he is hovering over the want to completely give up. This place could be his reality for years to come if his parents believe the boy they raised is gone, then maybe he will never be able to come back. 

The thought of never seeing his home or his friends again, weigh on him. This could be a genuine reality and Felix doesn't know how to process it, he isn't sure if doing that is even an option. Staying in dreamland and hoping everything is going to be alright gives him a false sense that the light is still there, even if it is only an illusion. 

"Felix? Are you okay?" Woojin's words almost don't reach him. Although Felix doesn't respond, he can hear what the boy said. He is so far from okay, that Felix doesn't know how to explain the state he is in right at this moment. 

He crawls up onto his bed, curling himself into the blankets. Tired and upset, Felix doesn't want to think about anything, he wants to lose himself in his subconscious. His finger's curl around the plastic bag he kept hidden under his pillow, he never intended to do anything with it, but maybe now it has a use, maybe now it is a way to free him from his eternal loneliness and pain.


	25. Chapter 25

Focusing has been getting increasingly more difficult. Hyunjin's studies have suffered and now with the news of Seungmin's return circling his brain, thinking about anything else is near impossible. He knows his parents are becoming frustrated with his struggling grades, but he has little in him to care. It isn't that he is enjoying the fact that he is struggling in school, it is just that right now he feels his mind has other, more important things to be dwelling on. 

Hyunjin knows that he will be able to get the grades up before the end of the semester and it won't affect his overall standing in his class, but right now his mind is going to stay locked on Seungmin. The younger is all he can think about and not knowing anything isn't helping. At least the media hasn't reported anything, due to the request of Seungmin's parents, Hyunjin isn't sure he'd be able to handle the kids at school questioning him every five minutes about the boy. 

Sitting in the library, the tall male tries to bring himself to complete the homework in front of him. He has an hour and a half free period and wants to try and get something done before going home. However, he isn't focusing just like he hasn't been able to for the last couple of days. Hyunjin would give up and call it a day, but he doesn't need his parents to yell at him for doing nothing and allowing his grades to drop so low. If only they could see it from his perspective, then maybe they wouldn't be so harsh with him. They know he is going through a very difficult time, yet they still expect him to perform wonderfully without any slip-ups.

Perfection isn't something he can achieve and he wishes his parents could see that.

Hyunjin so badly wants to be able to see the younger male, he wants to be near him after so long. He knows this period of time must be incredibly difficult for Seungmin, everything hitting him at once and it is difficult to chew. But Hyunjin just wants to be able to look at him, see that Seungmin is okay with his own eyes. Maybe it will get him to focus better if he could just see that Seungmin is okay, then maybe he would be able to sit down and actually do his homework. 

Each day goes by and the wait slowly becomes more aggravating. Hyunjin wishes the weeks would go by faster, he wishes that Seungmin's parents or the hospital would allow for him to see Seungmin sooner. But alas he knows to won't happen, he'll have to wait until visiting time is permitted to him, and for those couple of weeks, his focus on school work will have to suffer slightly.

Running his fingers through his hair, Hyunjin leans forward, resting his forehead on the table he is seated at. He has been there for too long; he needs a minute to rest his eyes and try to pull himself together. Although he knows it will most likely not help him, he still needs a little bit of a break. Hyunjin takes a couple of deep breathes, calming his mind to the best of his abilities. It is fairly easy to push the thoughts of school away, but the thoughts of his friends are too strong and it is persistent on sticking with him. 

Changbin enters the library with the sole intent on picking up his book and then heading back out. His art teacher doesn't mind when students come and go, as long as they get their work done, students can practically do what they want in the class. Since Changbin managed to complete his piece rather early, he thought heading to the library would kill some time before his next class. He knew what he wanted, but wasn't quite sure where in the library the book would be held, so the searching would really be what would eat up his time. 

Getting a couple of feet in Changbin spots familiar mop of black hair spread out onto a table near the back. Although he has rarely talked to Hyunjin himself, Changbin is able to recognize Felix's friends incredibly well. He hasn't heard from the blonde nor has he heard anything about him. But Changbin expected that, seeing how his visiting restrictions are rather long. Changbin thought that maybe he would overhear the three males who are closest in the blonde's life talk about him and how he is doing, but he was wrong. There has been complete silence regarding the blonde and it is a bit concerning.

Changbin can see that Hyunjin most likely doesn't want to be bothered by how his head his planted on the table. However, he only has a few questions and it wouldn't take him long to ask. Slightly hesitantly Changbin wanders over, putting his search for his book to the side for a few minutes. 

"Ahem," Changbin coughs once he is standing in front of the table the dark-haired male is at. He sees how Hyunjin rolls his head to the side before picking it up, Hyunjin's eyes wander a bit, seemingly confused at the sudden interruption, but finally his eyes land on the older male standing in front of him.

The younger slightly squints at Changbin in confusion, unsure why the male he hasn't spoken to before suddenly wants to speak to him. 

"Yes?" The younger questions, fully pulling his body up into a sitting position. 

Changbin nervously grazes his teeth across his bottom lip, the small boost of confidence he once had dying out, "can I talk to you for a minute?"

It sounds so serious, and he doesn't mean for it to be. Although Felix and his situation is a serious topic, the older would rather make it seem casual, just like he is checking up on the male. 

"Sure," Hyunjin answers, confusion evident in his voice and facial expression. 

Changbin pulls out the chair across from Hyunjin, taking a seat. Setting his bag to the side his eyes wander back up to the younger male. He pauses for a minute, unsure of how to start this conversation, he isn't close to Hyunjin on a personal level and he feels that he is wanting to ask him rather personal things. But he is Felix's friend, or at least he hopes he is and he is concerned, showing concern for a friend isn't weird therefore it wouldn't be weird to ask about him, right?

"I was wondering if you had heard anything from Felix or about Felix?" Changbin speaks, "I figured if anyone would it would be you or your other two friends."

Hyunjin's eyes flicker away for a second, giving the moment a pause. The younger hasn't heard a thing, not even Felix's parents have been giving updates about him which is odd. Their parents are usually good at keeping them updated about their friend's wellbeing, even Seungmin's parents have sent a follow-up text of Seungmin's health after they discovered he was found.

The younger shakes his head slowly, "I haven't. I won't be able to see him until next week and his parents haven't provided us with anything concerning him."

This only makes the pit in Changbin's stomach grow larger. He knows Felix's thoughts on the matter because of that day in the bathroom, and he can only imagine how he must be feeling right now. The situation for him is probably worse because he isn't able to see his friends. 

"He's strong," Hyunjin states, seeing the concern grow in Changbin's eyes, "I can't say for sure he'll be okay, or that he is okay, but he is strong and is able to push through a lot."

Changbin nods, he is sure Felix is. The blonde has been strung through a thick amount of stress and what he has gone through is unimaginable. But Changbin can't see Felix getting better, the boy broke down at the thought of leaving and now that he is actually gone, it scares him to think that Felix doesn't have anyone. Changbin has wanted to contact Felix's family, but he doesn't know them well enough to ask, and if Hyunjin doesn't know anything it is very unlikely any information will be passed down to him. 

All the senior can do right now is wait, hopefully, he will hear something soon, and hopefully, that news will be good. Changbin knows that Felix is dealing with a lot, being away from everyone, and his friend's disappearance, he knows that it isn't going to be easy to sort through everything. But Changbin has faith, that Felix will be able to make it through. Although the concern is rushing through him and he would like to be able to check up on the boy, he knows he isn't able, at least not yet. Soon, Changbin is hoping that soon he will be hearing news about him and that everything will be okay because he doesn't know how he would be able to handle the news of Felix's mental health worsening during this difficult time. 

•••

All Seungmin has wanted for years was to be with his family, and now that time is here. His parents and sister have all planted themselves in his room, beside his bed, his mother refusing to let go of his hand. She is afraid to lose him again, and Seungmin more than understands the feeling. He wants to grab on and never let go, tying himself down to never be pulled away again. 

However, there is a layer of awkwardness within the room. Seungmin doesn't know how to exactly describe it, but there is just something here that isn't allowing him to feel completely at ease. Maybe it's because it has been so long, he needs to get used to having his family with him again, he needs to familiarize himself again, and hopefully, everything will soon feel normal once again. 

"Do you want some water or something to eat?" His mother asks again, her concern for him has been present since the moment she stepped in the room. She hasn't stopped asking if Seungmin is okay or if he needs anything, and each time Seungmin tells her, he's alright.

"No, I'm okay," he answers, although he isn't. Nothing feels quite okay at this moment and Seungmin thinks it must have something to do with Mr. Park. 

His family isn't speaking on the matter, but he isn't dumb, he knows what is going on. The door wasn't fully closed when he heard the police talking to his family, the man who took him has yet to be found and it has left something in Seungmin that has caused great distaste. Thinking about that man walking around the streets disgusts him, he could be doing anything and Seungmin doesn't like where his brain is going. 

The most his family will talk about it is the occasional mention of the children. They both are being held in the same hospital and Seungmin winces at the mentions of their names. Hajoon may have helped him, but hearing either Hajoon or Haeun brought up sends displeasure through him, the association is strong with him and he is having trouble separating them from their parents. Again, with time Seungmin thinks he'll be able to hear it and be okay, he wants it to be that way, especially after everything Hajoon has done for him. 

Seungmin pushes the back of his head further into his pillow, closing his eyes. He is so tired and feels like he could sleep for days. The effects of the painkillers given to him aren't ideal, but at least it is allowing him to get the rest he needs since he would be too scared to let his guard down for a second with his own will. 

His body droops a bit, sleep taking over him as he calms and begins to fall into a deep pit of relaxing slumber.


	26. Chapter 26

Ever since it has just been Jisung and his mom, family dinners have almost become non-existent. When his dad left, his mother fell into a deep depression, struggling to get out of bed in the morning. Jisung, who was already struggling with the disappearance of his friend, held himself up in his room even more, only leaving when he absolutely had to.

Over the year's things got easier and Jisung and his mother were able to pull themselves together slowly, but old traditions were left behind. Anything that reminded Jisung's mother of her former husband was thrown out, with the exception of her own son. Jisung struggled with the transition, it felt as though everything was changing and soon, he wouldn't be able to recognize his own life. His relationship with his mother suffered and the two could barely stand being in the same room together longer than a couple of minutes. Meals were eaten separately and sometimes not at all when they were in a deep enough hole.

Things only started to get back to how they use to run in his house when Jisung started dating Minho. It got him out enough that he stopped feeling suffocated by his room, and his mother was able to begin separating her son from the image of his father. Their relationship slowly strengthened and they were able to spend time with each other just like they used to when Jisung was younger. Nothing is ever perfect, but the relationship that he currently has with his mother is the best it has been in a very long time, that Jisung would be able to label it as perfect. 

Nightly dinners picked up again, and the two will often spend the night cooking with each other before sitting down to have their meal together. It was something Jisung didn't realize how much he missed until he had it back in his life. Family dinner never felt like it was essential, he never felt like he should have wanted it with how every other kid his age would complain about it. However, it is something he hopes doesn't leave him, and if he is ever lucky to have a family in the future, he hopes to carry it out. It is so small, yet it brings Jisung a sense of normalcy.

Jisung is currently cutting up some mushrooms, his mother next to him stirring the pot of soup they have going. The radio plays softly in the background as the two continue to cook. Things are mostly left silent between the two, only speaking up when they plan to move on to the next step in their cooking.

With Seungmin back, Jisung's mind hasn't been able to stay in the present, it always wanders and he can't seem to help it. Jisung's mother is trying her best to not bring it up, not wanting to upset her son, so the two are in a pocket of silence as they cook.

Most of it Jisung's mother has been trying to think of things to say and spark something that will get her son talking, but it is difficult when anything could set him off at this moment. Jisung doesn't get angry often, but when he is under a higher amount of stress than normal, it makes him increasingly sensitive to things and something simple could cause a break in him.

"So, have you spoken to any of your friends recently?" She asks, knowing full well that he was at school with them a few hours ago, "how about Minho?"

Jisung pauses at the older boy's name, gripping the handle of the knife in his hand.

"I already told you, we broke up, please stop bringing him up."

"I thought you guys were still friends, and I like hearing how your friends are doing," his mother reasons. Jisung doesn't know how she got the idea that he and Minho were still friends, Jisung thought he made it clear he didn't want to see nor hear about the male. Although he misses him greatly, the older hurt him and talking about him only digs in the knife deeper.

"What?" Jisung questions, completely turning away from his task, "Minho and I aren't friends, and I would rather not speak to him at the moment."

Jisung's mother's face pales, realizing her mistake. She is human and it is natural for mistakes to be made, but this one feels bigger and she isn't sure how to break it to Jisung. Hopefully, he would understand, but most likely not.

"I-I didn't realize that, um..." a knock on the door breaks between the two, "I am so sorry."

Before Jisung can get another word out of her, his mother is already on her way to get the door. It doesn't take long for Jisung to figure out who is at the door, the familiar voice reaching his ears almost instantly after his mother had opened it. He doesn't understand why Minho is still around, he was the one who ended things yet he is latching on tighter than anyone.

A part of Jisung wants to run, head upstairs, and shut himself in his room until Minho leaves. But the part that misses him dearly is peeking through, he wants to be close with the older and let him show that he cares. Jisung wants to be able to forgive him and let Minho back into his life, but the suddenness of him leaving could happen all over again and Jisung isn't sure he'll ever be able to handle that again. Too many people have left him, and too many times has he had to fight and fail to get them back. If Minho were to decide that everything is too much again in the future, Jisung doesn't know if he would be able to take another loss, that may be the last straw, and when he closes himself off for good.

His mother reenters the kitchen, thankfully alone. The look on her face pleads for forgiveness, and Jisung knows he can't stay mad at her, but he is pretty pressed at this moment.

"I'm so sorry, I was under the impression that you guys were still friends," she explains, "and when I ran into him at the grocery store, he seemed concerned for you, so I thought I would invite him over."

Jisung knows that his mother only had his best interests in mind and that she was only trying to help. Yet he still feels a sense of betrayal on her part. Maybe his communication wasn't quite as on par as he thought he was, or he was too scared to express his true feelings on the matter with her. Either way, somewhere wires got twisted and something went wrong to make his mother think that Minho being here is something that the younger would be okay with.

Taking a deep breath, Jisung chooses to take a minute to think about the issue. It would be rude to send him home, but Jisung really isn't sure he can handle having dinner with the older. Maybe he won't have to speak at all, if he passes that job down to his mother, he can sit there and pretend as though the older isn't there.

"Do you want me to send him home?" she asks, pulling Jisung's attention towards her.

Shaking his head lightly, Jisung speaks, "no it's okay, just don't expect me to do much talking."

"Fair enough," is the last Jisung hears as he is turning back to finish up making their dinner.

•••

Jisung purposely sits on the opposite side of Minho, refusing to be the closest he can get to the older. His mother sits at one of the heads of the table, while Minho and Jisung are on each side of her. She does a good job at keeping conversation with Minho going, making so Jisung doesn't have to say a word. Although it is slightly childish, Jisung appreciates his mother's efforts to make him happy and feel comfortable with this dinner, allowing Jisung to sit there in his own bubble of silence. The younger can spot Minho's gaze on him throughout the dinner, but he ignores him, trying hard to keep his head down for the most part.

Once everyone is finished with their food, Jisung volunteers to do the dishes, finding an excuse to get out of the dining room, so he doesn't have to suffer through anymore awkwardness. He can see Minho stare at him, and before the older can offer up his help, Jisung is already rushing into the kitchen, giving his mother the task of keeping the older boy busy.

Placing the bowls in the sink, Jisung feels like he finally has a moment to breathe, and he can stop holding himself back. Hearing Minho speak brought him a larger amount of happiness than he would like to admit, having him over for dinner brought him back to when everything in his life wasn't as hectic as it is now. He hates how much he misses the older, he doesn't want to have him on his mind, but Minho keeps invading and it does nothing to help Jisung get over him. 

Flipping the faucet on, the sound of his mother and Minho talking drowns out and he is no longer able to hears them. As he waits for the bubbles to form, he moves around, gathering any other dish in the kitchen that will need to be washed. Cleaning allows him to pull his mind away from the male in the other room, it gives him a break and keeps him from thinking too heavily on anything. Swishing the water around, let's him forget for a second, about all the pain and the stress that has been brought upon him in the last couple of weeks.

Jisung doesn't realize how quickly it goes by, his mind being lost in the soapy water, he wakes up and almost forgets what he was doing. The simple chore didn't feel like a job and now he is left with nothing else to keep him busy. He can't hear his mother or Minho's voice anymore, and he hopes that the older has left.

"Why are you avoiding me?" A sudden voice enters the room, Jisung's heart nearly stops he wasn't expecting anyone to be around. 

The younger turns, locking eyes with the older male he doesn't want to see. He shouldn't be in here; his mother would have found a way to make him stay with her. So, why is he here now?

"A neighbor came by and asked for your mother's help," Minho explains, "so I thought I would come and help you clean up."

Jisung knows he didn't express his thoughts aloud; he also knows Minho isn't one for being able to read minds. But he has always been able to read Jisung. He used to love that, the younger wouldn't have to speak for Minho to know how he was feeling or what he was thinking, Minho just knew. Now, it is an annoyance, Jisung hates that he allowed Minho in just to get hurt, and the older still knows all these things about him.

"I don't need your help," Jisung states, turning around to the draining sink. He can't blame her, but he hates how his mother left. She knows Jisung doesn't want to see nor talk to the older, yet she still left giving Minho full range to do what he wants. 

Keeping his back to the older, Jisung closes his eyes. He sucks in a deep breath, allowing himself to calm down, pushing Minho out of his mind. Pretending he isn't there is difficult, but it is what Jisung can do to keep himself calm. 

Opening his eyes again, Jisung moves over to the stove where the pot of soup sits. He grabs a sealed container and the unwashed ladle to dish it into the container. Jisung continues to ignore the older, knowing full well that Minho is still in the room. The older gaze is strong though, that Jisung can feel Minho watching. It creates tension Jisung would rather not have, but he doesn't make any move to tell the older to stop.

After containing the leftovers, Jisung picks up the pot and the ladle, moving it over to the empty sink. He doesn't feel like washing it tonight, so he will let it soak, making it easier to wash it in the morning. Switching the faucet on once again, Jisung watches the running water, blocking out any other sound that would be heard in the room.

The bliss of having a few feet between them is quickly broken. As soon as Jisung shuts off the water he feels Minho. The older rests his nose in Jisung's hair, slightly leaning into him. Jisung squeezes his eyes shut, a wave of emotion hitting the younger. He isn't sure how to describe it, but having Minho this close brings him something he has never felt before, yet he doesn't know if he can inherently call it bad.

"I miss you," Minho mumbles into Jisung's hair, "I miss you so so much."

"Don't..." Jisung breathes out, eyes still clenched shut.

But he doesn't stop, Minho's hands gently come up to the younger's waist. He refrains from wrapping his arms around him, not wanting to make Jisung feels trapped. But he does allow them to rest on his sides, bringing another form of connection between the two.

"Being apart from you has been hell," Minho whispers, "I know it was my idea, but I hate this. It hasn't done us any good and all I want is for you to be by my side."

That is all Jisung wants as well, but he isn't going to say it out loud. Having Minho gone has been anything but fun, however, he isn't going to let the older back in so easily. Jisung never thought Minho would hurt him the first time, yet he did. The thought of getting hurt again eats at his brain and he doesn't want to give Minho that chance. 

"No." Jisung pushed away from the sink, brushing Minho off of him.

"Jisung," Minho calls as the younger reaches the entryway of the kitchen, stopping him before he leaves.

"No," Jisung repeats, turning around to finally look at the older, "you don't get to come in and out of my life. I don't want you here and I don't understand why you keep coming back."

Jisung can feel the tears brimming and he doesn't want the older to see them. He doesn't let Minho speak, leaving the kitchen and going straight for his room. Shutting the door, Jisung finally allows the tears to fall.


	27. Chapter 27

_Trigger Warning: mentions of suicide_

"Let's talk about how you have been feeling the last couple of days," Dr. Song prompts. She adjusts her glasses on her face, staring directly at Felix who is lost in his own little world. His last couple of sessions have been like this. Instead of progress being made and him opening up, Dr. Song has noticed how Felix has greatly retracted into himself.

Felix hears the words coming out of his therapist's mouth but processing them is a whole other story. He has been wanting to completely shut down the last couple of days and for the most part, he has, feeling everything that ever brought him life slowly slip from his fingers. Felix has been feeling lost ever since that Saturday night with his parents, a part of him beginning to feel forgotten. Although it was one instance and it is only an extra week, that week lengthens his stay and brings him closer to being forgotten by the people back home.

Not a single word from a family member or a friend has come up, his parents told him that the week would be busy, but he always thought they'd have time to make a five-minute call. He feels like he is being pushed aside by everyone, his friends and family are sick of him and this was the perfect solution to get rid of him. Maybe it's only his paranoia, but whatever is going on has Felix in a broken state, and he isn't sure he will be able to be repaired.

The blonde's eyes wander up to meet with Dr. Song, the lifelessness shining through to her. At points, all you can do is wait out a wave of depression and try to get the person to be as active as you possibly can, so that wave can be a short as possible. Dr. Song has seen many people in here, have spells of depression that come and go, but with Felix it was different, something about him shut off and it was very unexpected.

As a therapist, she loves her profession and believes that it is beneficial for almost anyone who is willing to give it a shot. However, she is able to recognize that it isn't for everyone and that places like where she works can be almost damaging to one while it is incredibly helpful for another. She has noticed it in Felix from the beginning, the lack of enthusiasm, which many people will hold, but with him, it wasn't like all the others. He went along with everything asked of him and he participated to what he thought would be a good amount, still, the boy never got used to it here, and never showed sign of progression. From the beginning Dr. Song has tried to watch the blonde's mental state, checking for any major change, and she has found it, it just isn't in the direction she was hoping for.

The long beat of silence tells her that Felix will probably never answer her question, but it is a requirement to keep the patient for the full session. She can't make him talk, and she never would anyway, but she can hope he will listen. Often when a patient isn't up for talking, she'll take the lead and hope that her words are getting through to the person opposite of her.

"I know this has been tough, but you have been very brave," Dr. Song speaks, "being here is scary, but you've pushed through, and I have to say that your efforts are extremely appreciated." 

With the extreme lack of luster, she is receiving from the blonde, Dr. Song considers allowing him to leave, although it is against regulation. Felix is a bit different from people she usually has in her office and him being here is really doing him no good. However, she has him stay, the two sit in silence and stare at each other blankly. Nothing will spark something in Felix, and Dr. Song can see that.

By the end of the session, Dr. Song marks on her paper, making a note that she needs to give a call to the boy's parents, as this may not be the best plan of treatment for them to continue.

Seojoon knows that his roommate's mental state has changed for the worse, he has seen it in many patients who have come through. Many of them take a bit of time and eventually return to getting better, and that is what Seojoon hopes will happen with Felix, but one still needs to keep a close eye on the individual.

The older hasn't ever been one to make friends here, he will be nice and friendly to those coming through the doors, but the thought of having friends has never really crossed his mind. Yet he finds himself showing more care to Felix than he has anyone else. Maybe it is because the boy has been struggling from the beginning and Seojoon knows how that feels, so not wanting him to go through what he did, Seojoon tried keeping a closer eye on the blonde.

Felix was going to struggle with the transition with or without Seojoon, but the older thought that maybe he could keep Felix out of a darker place if he was there for him. But it seemed that Seojoon's plan is failing, or he didn't show enough care for the boy. Felix is dropping and Seojoon isn't sure he can prevent the boy from completely crashing. However, he can still try and Seojoon is willing to try anything.

"Do you want to go play cards in the day room?" Seojoon asks Felix one afternoon. Normally the older avoids the day room like the plague since the crowd overwhelms him and the serene environment of his room sounds much more appealing to him. However, today is different, today Seojoon is trying to get Felix out of the slump he is falling deeper and deeper into.

Felix's head turns to look at Seojoon, the younger male curled up into his blanket and showing nearly no sign of life beneath the fabric. His movements are minimal and the boy almost seems like a doll, lifelike features but no human aspects other than that. The subtle shake of the blonde's head is caught by the older, Seojoon knowing that Felix doesn't want to join him.

A part of Seojoon feels he should be more persistent, not let Felix fall further down the slope, but at the same time, he doesn't want to push the younger. Maybe just being here and showing the younger that he isn't alone will be helpful. Keeping Felix company and watching so he doesn't overstep a boundary is a good way to keep him safe, but at the same time, Seojoon doesn't want to make him feel suffocated.

"We don't have to go to the day room," Seojoon states, "we can stay in our room and play."

Felix shakes his head again and croaks out, "no, thank you."

Slumping a bit, Seojoon gives up, heading back over to his bed. He won't push Felix to be more active, but he can watch the male, making sure he doesn't do anything extreme as he could when he is alone. Seojoon watches has Felix buries himself further into his covers, hiding his face to the best of his abilities. The older hopes Felix will find his way out soon, he doesn't need another tragedy in his life.

•••

All of Felix's energy has dropped to a new low. He never thought he would begin feeling like this. There are days where he feels down and like he may not get better, yet this is worse, this is a feeling Felix has never felt before. His body feels weak and his heart feels numb. It is like all feeling as left him, yet he can still feel a great amount of pain within.

The week has moved slowly and Felix is sure it has come to a screeching halt. The universe wants him to suffer, so they take a pause lengthening the time he gets to see the people who may not even care for him anymore.

He hasn't been acting like himself and he can feel it. The feelings and thoughts that swirl around his brain leave him feeling sick. Felix doesn't know how to make them go away; he doesn't understand why they won't leave him alone. He just wants to be left alone, yet his thoughts jab him each time he feels at peace, letting him know, that everything isn't going to be okay and that he will forever be alone.

Pushing himself up in his bed, Felix feels the tears drop onto his cheeks. He curls his knees into his chest hugging them tightly as if it is the only way to keep him steady. Felix glances over to his roommate, noticing how the older is sleeping peacefully. He appreciates how Seojoon tried, how he reached out, but Felix wasn't able to accept it, his mind and body forced him to reject the older's offer.

Wiping away the tears, Felix's head spins back around to the darker thought that got him here. Reaching back to under his pillow, his fingers wrap around the familiar plastic, grabbing the whole thing before pulling it out. Every night he has to take a couple of medication, one to help him sleep without the nightmares and another which he has never been sure what it was for. So, Felix made the decision to not take it, every time he was given his meds, he'd sneak one of them away, collecting them in a bag that he would soon dispose of. Now, they will be, just in a different way than how Felix originally intended them being.

Felix grabs the cup of water left beside his bed, noticing how it is enough for him to complete the act. Closing his eyes Felix takes a deep breath, there is no way to prepare himself for what he is about to do, but he knows it is his only way out. He feels there is no hope for him anymore, maybe he can join Seungmin in the afterlife, he can be connected to him again, and hopefully be in a happier place.

Unwrapping the plastic, Felix allows each pill to fall into his hand. Slowly, one by one they fall into his mouth, being swallowed down by water until most of them are gone. With no water being left, Felix sets the remaining two pills to the side, along with the empty cup.

He falls back onto his bed, letting his eyes fall shut once again. Relaxing into his pillow and sheets, Felix can feel himself drifting off, sleep overtaking him before everything is lost.


	28. Chapter 28

Before Felix's parents could put a stop to it, news outlets were already reporting on the attempt at suicide from their son. The moment Felix's body was found, it was as if a message was sent, and the news knew exactly what to report on. It spread like wildfire, and the teenage boy's face was plastered on screens, making it so nearly anyone who knew the boy, would now know the story of what happened to him. 

Everyone close to the boy wishes they could have stopped it before the local news picked up on it, just like how Seungmin's parents are preventing news to spread until they know their son would be ready to handle the attention. Felix didn't get that, and now when he is discharged, he'll have to deal with the aftermath of the reporting. Maybe he could have slipped by unnoticed, but where the event was taken place, at a well-known institute, it makes the news bigger. Which, unfortunately, makes Felix's case a bigger story. 

Chan hasn't spoken to Felix in a long time, the boy is younger and he doesn't hang out with Rachel enough for him to see the younger regularly. However, he wishes he would have, although the blonde has a lot of support from his friends, he wishes he would have been there too, maybe another, older, person to talk to may have made things easier. 

There is no way the Lee's could have guessed this would happen, Chan knows they aren't horrible people. However, they don't have the best judgment. He tried staying out of it but listening to Rachel speak about the matter, and her family's reasoning for going against Felix's wishes, he couldn't help but be majorly on the side of Felix. This only pissed the girl off and now she is refusing to speak to Chan, at least for the time being. 

When the news broke, Chan was unsure what to do. His parents had woken him up a lot earlier than he needed, and as soon as his eye landed on the TV, they were playing in the living room, panic rushed through him. His mind went back to when he last saw Felix, trying to gauge if there were signs, even small ones that may have led him to do this, but he couldn't think of anything. Felix was a kid who struggled, and he would sometimes fall into pits of a minor depression, but he never got so low to a point where he would attempt this, nor even consider it. 

"You need to talk to her," Mina tells Chan, the two seated at a diner close to their university. Mina hadn't planned on staying, she wanted to go over to the Lee's to check up on Rachel, but since Minho wasn't here, Mina decided to wait with Chan for a little bit. 

"She doesn't want to talk to me," Chan states, "and frankly I'm not in the mood to speak to her."

"Just think about what she is going through," Mina says, "her little brother is in the hospital, she is going through hell right now, she needs her friend's support."

Maybe Mina is a better person than he is, but Chan isn't thinking about Rachel at the moment, he finds himself thinking more about Felix. The boy was going through more than anyone was able to understand, he was driven to places that he fought against. Felix's family barely offered him support and now everyone is expected to have sympathy for the parents and the siblings. 

Chan isn't blaming anyone for this, Felix did this on his own, but he can't help but think that maybe if everyone was more willing to listen. Felix needed someone to listen, and although he had friends who were there for him every day, they weren't able to protect him to a full extent. The blonde needed his family to listen and hear his cries, but they pushed them aside and decided to do what they thought would be best. 

"I'm not telling you to be all buddy-buddy again right from the start, but I am asking you to stop by and check in on her." Mina slides out of the booth, standing up from the table.

Chan looks up at the girl, his look hesitant and resistant. Maybe swallowing his pride and giving in is for the best, talking to Rachel won't kill him.

"Fine," Chan sighs, "I'll go and see her."

Mina smiles, muttering a soft thank you. She leaves him with that, grabbing her bag and walking out. At the exit, Chan can see Mina and Minho cross paths, the two stopping for a minute to talk. The older sighs again, rubbing his eyes, trying to relieve the stress from them. 

"Hey, sorry I'm, late," Minho comments, slipping into the booth across from Chan.

Chan looks up, giving Minho a weak smile. His head is slightly throbbing and he is beginning to regret planning to have lunch with Minho. Of course, he didn't know he would be getting tragic news today, but a part of him wishes he would have canceled the minute he saw what was on the TV. He chose not to go to class, giving himself a bit of a mental health day, but the hours spent in his room doesn't feel like enough and being out, even if it is just with friends feels like too much to handle. 

"Are you okay?" Minho asks, a look of concern forming on his face. Minho has yet to hear about the news. Neither he nor his roommates turn the news on, and he doesn't devour his time on social media, so he has managed to slip away for a bit, protecting himself from the tragedy that has broken out today. 

Chan feels bad that he will have to tell him since the younger's boyfriend is incredibly close to Felix. He can only imagine what Jisung, Hyunjin, and Jeongin are feeling right now. But now he will have to pop Minho's little bubble, breaking the sense of innocence he had for a split second. 

Shaking his head, Chan's glossy eyes lock onto Minho, "no, I'm not."

He tells the younger everything, about how he discovered it and how Mina told him to go see Rachel. Chan could tell from the look on the younger's face, that he got the same feeling he did when he first heard. His heart dropped to his stomach and he felt sick with worry. He hasn't heard anything else about Felix's condition and that scares him, he desperately hopes the high schooler is okay.

"Chan, I need to go," Minho tells him, moving out of the booth, they have already ordered, but Minho no longer has a stomach to touch his food. He feels bad leaving his friend, but he isn't sure he'd be much company staying, his mind wouldn't be able to stay in one place.

"I'm sorry, I'll text you later," Minho tells him before heading out of the diner. He is only focused on one thing right now, and that thing is Han Jisung. 

•••

Jisung didn't go to school today, neither did Hyunjin nor Jeongin. The three boys stayed at home, curled up in the safety of their own beds. Each time something major happens in this town, somehow it always points to them. First with Seungmin's disappearance and then second with Felix's attempt. It feels as though they will never get a break from the curious eyes and ears from others and their privacy will never be fully there. 

The boy sits on his bed, his knees pressed to his chest as tears come streaming down his cheeks. He has been trying to wrap his head around why Felix would do this all day and he can't come to any conclusion. He knew that he was struggling with being alone, but this week was supposed to be better, his parents were supposed to be there for him. Maybe there was an underlying feeling that Jisung didn't know about and that feeling finally grew and overtook the blonde and drove him to do something horrible.

He has two friends in the hospital and he can't even see any of them. Luckily though, he should be able to go in tomorrow or the day after to visit Felix, since his observation time is much shorter, then hopefully, he will be able to see Seungmin soon after. 

The stress and worry have never piled up this much, he has had to deal with a lot in the past, but it was usually a constant rate. This is the first time that he has had to deal with a load that continues to have add-ons. He is doing his best to keep himself leveled, but at points, everything becomes too much and he breaks, not sure of what else he can do other than sit in a room and cry for a while. 

A soft knock at his bedroom door is heard, and Jisung doesn't bother to verbally respond, figuring it is only his mother checking in on him for the hundredth time. He appreciates her concern and feels comforted in the fact that he has her, but right now he needs to be alone and doesn't need a head popping in every five minutes.

"Jisung?" Minho's voice sounds so soothing the younger doesn't have it in him to be angry for him being here. 

Things have been in a state that goes beyond horrible for Jisung at this moment, and all he needs is a little bit of time to recover, but he isn't going to push away the thought of a few hugs to help ease the pain. Minho moves over, quickly climbing onto Jisung's bed. The younger doesn't protest and he doesn't make any move to get away, instead, he uncurls himself and wraps his arms around the older, allowing Minho to pull him closer. 

"I've got you," Minho whispers, laying down on Jisung's bed, with the younger pressed into him. 

Jisung digs his face into Minho's chest letting out a few quiet sobs. He clutches onto the older and doesn't let go, allowing him to bring any form of comfort that he can. Minho was afraid Jisung wasn't going to allow him to be here for him, the older thought he would have been kicked out rather quickly, but he is glad that he is able to be here for him. He isn't going to leave again, the older regrets leaving Jisung and bringing him more pain, that Minho plans on staying as long as he is welcomed in Jisung's life. If Jisung continues to push him away then he'll back off, but if the younger allows him to stay than he doesn't plan on going anywhere. 

"I'm here," Minho tells him, "I'm not going to leave you."


	29. Chapter 29

"It's supposed to be one of the best, so why wasn't he getting better?" Mrs. Lee's eyes are red and puffy, just barely able to keep herself together long enough to have an actual conversation with Felix's therapist. Her job is strictly for the patients in the institute, but when something like this takes place, making a visit to the hospital to talk with the patient's family is a general protocol. 

Dealing with a grieving family can be difficult, even if the patient isn't dead, the family is often heartbroken and any information given to them doesn't quite make sense. Felix's family happens to be in this state, after hearing about their son, fear struck them first thing. But confusion and a little bit of anger did follow up when the fact that it happened in an institute reached them.

They expected him to be getting better, not worse, and Dr. Song understands that. She gets that many people won't recognize what the treatment process involves and how it isn't necessarily beneficial for everyone. Felix could have been getting better if he had the proper support, but at the time when he came in, he wasn't ready and his treatment process could only go so far. 

"We paid to get our son help, not so he would end up like this." Mr. Lee's anger shines through quite quickly into their conversation, and Dr. Song recognizes it is just associated with the fear and that they aren't actually angry with her. 

"I understand how you must be feeling," Dr. Song speaks softly, "I did everything I could for Felix, I gave him the resources and how to use them, he just needed to be the one to put things together."

"Then why isn't he better?" Mrs. Lee asks, tears beginning to brim at her eye again, "Why is he lying in that hospital bed in the worse state he has ever been?"

Coping with the near loss of a child would drive almost every parent to this state, and Dr. Song knows they are only blaming her because they are looking for an explanation. Her participation in Felix's treatment extended as far as she could at the time, she still needed Felix to be more open before she could begin anything new. This doesn't always make sense to parents who are unfamiliar with how mental health recovery works, Dr. Song herself has had to explain it several times.

"Therapy isn't just about me talking to a client and them getting better," Dr. Song explains, "the patient has to put in the effort for them to get better. Felix wasn't getting better because the environment wasn't the place for him to be improving."

Mrs. Lee isn't exactly angry, scared would be a better word to use. Seeing her son lay almost lifeless in a hospital bed after sending him to a place she thought would help, scares her. Felix is her son and he means so much to her that seeing him like this gives her a sickening feeling, watching how shallow his breaths are worries her. Everything about Felix being in the hospital is unsettling and she doesn't know how to make it any better. 

"I wish I could do more, but Felix was slipping before any one of us could catch him," Dr. Song is gentle with her words, she already knows how distressed the family is and she doesn't need to make it any worse. 

"Thank you," Mr. Lee states, barely any sincerity in his voice, he wraps an arm around his wife's shoulder. Dr. Song takes this time to leave, allowing the Lee's to have the time alone with their son. 

Mrs. Lee takes a seat right next to her son's hospital bed, immediately taking his hand into hers. Mr. Lee pulls up a chair to sit beside his wife, while Rachel and Olivia sit on a small couch off to the side of the hospital bed. The room is quiet, with exception to the beeping coming from the monitors Felix is hooked up to. 

First hearing about the news, everyone was in such shock that speaking to each other became hard. Rachel and Olivia closed themselves off that they tucked away in a corner of a room together, while their parents spoke to the doctors. Seeing their brother in this state is worse than they could have ever imagined it being. They thought the next time they saw Felix, he would be doing well in the comfort of that facility, but they were wrong, everyone was wrong. 

Just because something sounds good to one person, it doesn't mean it works for everyone. No one is the same and each individual has different needs. Rachel wishes she would have realized that before she pushed this institute idea onto her parents, then maybe Felix would be at home. He would be struggling, but at least he wouldn't be like this. 

•••

Jisung is the last to arrive at the hospital, he had to finish a few things up at home before he could get here. Waking up next to Minho was a surprise, neither pleasant or unpleasant, Jisung just simply wasn't expecting it. The two males didn't discuss, it instead, Minho apologized telling Jisung he only came because he wanted to make sure the younger was okay. 

The sweetness melts the younger's heart, why does he have to care so much?

Minho has always been so caring towards him and it just makes this time harder for Jisung. The fear of getting hurt is beginning to settle in the back of his mind, forgetting about it a little bit at a time. Jisung is taking steps closer to the older and he is ready to throw himself back into his lover's arms. He is on the fence of giving in and allowing himself to love the boy who hurt him again, or keeping away, and learning that he doesn't need him. It's painful and the decision is difficult, but Jisung is leaning more to letting himself give in, and right now with all the pain going around in his world, that seems really comforting. 

Jisung's mother dropped him off, telling her son to call her when she is done visiting Felix. The boy nods before backing away from the car and entering the hospital. Jisung finds his friends over in the corner of the waiting room, the two close together, and staring at something on Hyunjin's phone. Based on their expression, it can't be something good, and Jisung isn't sure he even wants to know.

Approaching them, Jisung sits on the other side of Hyunjin, not bothering to ask what they are so focused on. It is most likely something that will bring his mood down, and he doesn't need that when he is sitting in a hospital planning on visiting a friend. His mind wanders to Seungmin, although they didn't show up here today for him, they still need to see him. Updates have been minimal, but his parents are asking for the time, which Jisung understands. He can't even imagine what Seungmin went through those past four years, what he endured could be even worse than Jisung could ever think of. So, he is respecting Seungmin's parents' wishes and giving them a little space, even though the wait is killing him.

A large sigh breaks past Hyunjin's lips as he shuts his phone off and slides it into his pocket, the expression on both his and Jeongin's face dropping more. Jisung resists asking what's wrong, he knows they weren't looking at puppies and he really doesn't want to know something that will worsen his already terrible mood. 

He really wishes curiosity never got the best of him.

"What's wrong?" Jisung wants to hit himself, but he can't help it when his friend is distressed, he has to know so he can make it better. 

"Nothing," Hyunjin shakes his head, "school is just going to be a pain to go to on Monday."

The three boys missed another day, choosing to skip out once again today since they weren't quite ready to face the other students. Monday they will have to go and endure whatever it throws at them. But now with Hyunjin's comment, Jisung is dreading it more than he ever was. 

"What were you reading?" Jisung asks, he already knows it has something to do with school, so he may as well take the plunge and have the information Jeongin and Hyunjin have.

Jeongin and Hyunjin glance at each other, their expressions dropping a great deal, Jisung didn't think it was possible to look more miserable than they already did.

"One of the journalism kids is going to publish a piece on Felix, it will be out this Monday," Jeongin tells him.

Jisung feels his heart skip a subtle beat, thinking about it makes him sick. The kids in his school aren't super forgiving and it is especially worse when it comes to Jisung and his friends. Most of the kids he goes to high school with he grew up going to elementary and middle school with, he was even friends with some of them. He doesn't know how, but with the fear of there being a child kidnapper on the loose after Seungmin disappeared, people became incredibly weary of the four boys. 

Over the years it worsened and people didn't just avoid them, they would make subtle jabs at them, being mean whenever they could. The school paper is never read by the students itself, maybe a few teachers will pick it up when they're bored, but usually, it is completely ignored. With a few kids now posting about what is going to be in it on Monday, everyone is sure to pick it up, and Jisung knows that it isn't going to be wishing and hoping Felix gets well soon.

"Maybe being homeschooled doesn't sound so bad after all," Jisung mutters. He remembers when it was on the table for a brief bit, it was right after Seungmin disappeared and their parents wanted to make things easier for them. They all refused, they didn't like the idea of it and they wanted life to get back to normal. It never did though, things changed for the worse and just when the offer looked so appealing it was taken off the table. 

"Boys?" Mr. Lee's voice brings them all out of their dreary haze, the thought of going back on Monday consuming them. The family stands in front of them, most of them red and puffy-eyed.

"We are going down to the cafeteria to grab some lunch," Mr. Lee informs them, "but Felix is awake now, and you can go up to see him if you'd like."

Mr. Lee provides them with the room number before he leads his family away to go and grab something to eat. The three boys, nervously make their way to the elevator. They are only seeing their friend, but a wave of fear washes over them and they aren't sure why. Jisung feels it is because he is afraid to hear Felix's reasoning for why he did it, maybe Jisung wasn't there enough for the blonde and that thought scares him.

They arrive at the proper floor, Hyunjin taking lead as they step off the elevator and begin to search for their friend's room. The three move slowly down the hall, as they read each individual room number. Jeongin taps Hyunjin once he spots the correct room, the door is closed so the three boys pause for a minute before they decide to open it. Slowly, they push the door open, peeking through the small crack the get is slowly getting larger.

Felix lays in his hospital bed, awake but attention focused elsewhere, not noticing his friend's entrance. They all notice how pale and tired he looks, all color drained from his skin. He is still Felix, but just a different version. They have all seen when he looks down, but this is worse, they can clearly tell that this isn't the version of Felix they have come to know.


	30. Chapter 30

Felix knew they would come; he was waiting for their visit. His friends care for him that he knew there was no possible way unless his parents restricted visiting, that Felix wouldn't be seeing his friends soon. He expected it, yet secretly hoped it wouldn't happen.

Guilt pricks him and seeing the concerned faces of the people who care about him, pains him. Felix knows his friends are deserved an explanation for what happened, and why he did it. Yet Felix can't seem to conjure the words to tell them. His mind was in such a dark place, that even talking about it scares the blonde, he was trapped in a bubble, fully aware of what was going on, yet he couldn't stop it.

The blonde sees the concern and curiosity in their eyes, and he knows that they are hesitant to ask him about it. He did something that shook everyone up, the news reached their ears and instantly made their blood run cold. Felix isn't sure he would be able to even explain it, the thoughts going through his head, don't make any sense now that he has stepped away. The dark area, seems so far away, yet it could come back at any moment, and that terrifies Felix.

Hopefully, Felix will be able to go home after his visit here. All he wants is to curl up in his own bed and be with the people he loves, never being forcefully taken away again.

Jeongin doesn't know how to ask, he knows they all want to though. This shouldn't have been where they saw Felix for the first time after a week. The blonde should have been okay, in the institute getting better, Jeongin wanted it to end up being the best-case scenario. Instead, they got close to the worst case.

The words get caught in Jeongin's throat each time he thinks he is going to ask. He is sure Felix was already asked several times by his parents and doctors, each person trying to get an explanation for why he would attempt to do this to himself. As much as he wants to know, the fear of the answer stops Jeongin each time before he is able to go through with it.

"Felix, I know you have probably been asked this a bunch of times," Hyunjin speaks softly, his gaze falling down onto the blonde in the bed, "but why? Why did you do it?"

Hurt shines prominently through Hyunjin's voice, guilt festering further down Felix's being. Explaining it to doctors was easy, they had no emotional attachment to you, that guilt wasn't eating at Felix with every word he spoke. With friends and family, it is very different. They are a part of your life and trying to tell them why you wanted to end it, is very difficult.

"Things haven't always been easy, as you know, we've had to go through a lot," Felix begins, his voice is slightly raspy, and he is trying to keep himself from bursting out in tears. He just hopes that none of his friends get emotional, because then there would be no way to stop them.

"Being in that place was hard, but I always had hope that I wouldn't be alone forever," Felix tells them, "my biggest fear was being abandoned and having to spend the rest of my days in there. When my parents told me that they wouldn't be able to come in and see me that week, I freaked out and thought my worst nightmare was coming true."

Memories of the night come back to him, and he winces at the pain he was feeling. He remembers all the times' people tried to reach out and how at the time they went unnoticed by him. All his brain wanted was to shut down, and never have to deal with life again, so he allowed it to.

"With the stress from that building up, I thought it would be easier to end everything," Felix explains, his voice audibly shrinking, "Maybe being with Seungmin would have been better, that way neither of us would be alone."

It is that moment that the boys realize just how much Felix's parents decided to keep from him in the last week. Not only did they break their promise about coming to see him, they deliberately kept very important information from him. They all exchange a small look, trying to decide if they should be the ones to tell him.

Even though the thought of Felix's parents keeping him in the dark, gets under their skin, they can also see why they did it. Felix was going through a lot and they must have thought the news, even if it was good, would have been too much for him at the time. But looking at it from a different view, at any point, Felix would have been going through things that someone would view as 'too much' so leaving him out of the loop only seems cruel.

Hyunjin is the one to take a step forward, the one to volunteer to be the one to approach the matter. Maybe this will be good for Felix to hear, maybe it will take away some of the pain they all have been feeling over the last couple of years. The idea of living won't seem so daunting anymore, the idea that they are cursed might wash away from him. Then maybe, Felix will allow himself to live life.

"Felix, we need to tell you something," Hyunjin says, his voice glinting to a serious tone. Felix's eyes lock onto Hyunjin, the tone of his voice slightly nerving him. He just opened up to him, something he probably won't be able to do with his own parents, and now he fears that this could be where they end it. The friendship that they have had for years, may crumble to the ground because of him.

•••

Keeping Felix in his room was the most difficult about telling the blonde everything he has missed. It doesn't help to know that Seungmin is in the same hospital, yet none of them are allowed to see him. The feeling of being so close, yet a barrier surrounds them, waves over them, and the three boys want nothing more than to hop the tall fence keeping them away.

Out of respect for the Kim's, the three have kept their distance and aren't seeing their friend until they are permitted. It kills them, but if it makes it easier for Seungmin and his family, they are willing to wait a little longer.

Felix lays back in his bed, exhaustion washing over him. He tries to fight back the sleepiness since he isn't ready to see his friends go, but eventually, it takes over. The three wait until Felix is resting peacefully before deciding to part from him, all going together back down to the waiting area to be picked up by their parents.

The wait isn't long for most of them, Jisung and Jeongin's parents arrive rather quickly to come get them, however, Hyunjin has to wait a little longer. His friends do offer him a ride, but not wanting to call and make his parents change their route, Hyunjin settles on waiting a little extra time until they arrive.

"Hyunjin?" A sweet familiar voice calls out to him. Hyunjin glances up from his seat in the waiting room, taking his eyes off his phone and locking them on the woman standing only a few feet away from him.

Hyunjin shouldn't be surprised to see Seungmin's sister here, he figures his family would practically be living here after getting Seungmin back. If he was able to see the boy from the beginning, Hyunjin probably would be doing the same thing. Standing up, Seungmin's sister pulls the younger into a tight hug, a large smile gleaming on her face.

"How have you been?" She asks him, she knows so much about what the younger boy has gone through and understands the toll it must be taking on him.

She seems to be doing a lot better, Seungmin's return must have brought back a lot of her fading light, it makes Hyunjin happy to see it again.

"I've been okay," Hyunjin wouldn't call it a lie, exactly, just not admitting the whole truth, " how are you doing?"

Pulling away from the hug, Seungmin's sister gives Hyunjin another bright smile.

"I'm doing a lot better," she answers, "Seungmin is getting better every day and that makes me very happy to see."

It makes Hyunjin happy to hear.

"I hope he'll be up for more visitors soon, but right now he is still adjusting to having his own family around," she explains, "but hopefully soon you and everyone else will be able to come and see him."

Hyunjin understands even if all he wants right now is to see the younger male. He is choosing to respect Seungmin's family wishes, even if it can be excruciating at some points. The two don't talk for much longer, and when Hyunjin's parents arrive the boy is forced to say his goodbyes. They give each other one last hug before Hyunjin goes on his way. Seeing her made the boy feel weirdly better, maybe it was her energy spreading to him, and giving him the feeling that everything is going to be alright.


	31. Chapter 31

Sneaking out at night has become less common for Jeongin. With Seungmin back, he hasn't felt the need to break away into the night and let his mind wander for a few hours. Things don't exactly feel complete, but he can feel his tensions easing and the broken pieces slowly coming together.

With his friend being back, and hopefully safe, Jeongin doesn't need to give himself a break. The walls of his room are less suffocating, the pictures of his friend don't hurt to look at. However, it isn't all okay. Seungmin is still in the hospital, still mentally and physically scarred from his time away. Jeongin has no idea what happened, but he has a few, horrifying, theories.

It would be a lie to say that Jeongin isn't going out because he is all better. In fact, the brunette misses the time to free his thoughts and give himself the time to himself, but he isn't letting himself go. The main reason for that being Sunwoo. Waking up the morning he discovered Seungmin's return with a note from the homeless boy, left Jeongin with a strange feeling, an uncomfortable, almost sickening feeling. Sunwoo has always associated himself with people who knew some strange and rather dark information, but he never told Jeongin anything about it. Jeongin always assumed that Sunwoo truly didn't have any information about his missing friend, but with the appearance of the note, it makes Jeongin think that Sunwoo may have been lying, and allowing Jeongin to worry himself sick about his missing friend.

Jeongin sits in his room after getting home from visiting Felix. Having no appetite, he skips dinner and heads straight to his room to give him some time away to think. Although his room is a bit less comforting than the night sky, Jeongin keeps himself on his bed, staring at the ceiling while his thoughts float above him. He takes them out in front of him and plays them for him to see, trying to sort through everything and understand the events of the day. Seeing Felix was hard, especially because the boy looked worse than he ever has. Hearing about what Felix tried to do to himself left Jeongin with a feeling of confusion and hurt and he needs to sort through all his feelings.

The slight murmur of his brothers and parents, seep through the walls, but nothing distinct can be made out. Jeongin pushes it aside as background noise, not caring to focus on anything else but the white painted ceiling of his bedroom.

His eyes fall closed, letting the dark surround his vision. Jeongin allows the make-believe stars to wander in his mind, his breathing slowing as he allows his thoughts to calm and lets his mind be put to ease. The wave of relaxation hits him, and after releasing everything his mind had to offer, it allowed all the tension to move away from his body. It's a sense of peace he is able to bring himself, and today more so than ever. Things don't feel like they are about to cave in. Instead, they are being built back together.

Being out with Sunwoo would bring him somewhat close to this feeling, but he was always tense with the other male. Although he got to be out and clear his head of every thought, he still was with a boy who didn't hang around the safest people. Even though Sunwoo never brought him around the others, the thought of it still freaked Jeongin out a little.

A small tap on his window draws his attention, but not enough for him to open his eyes and face the noise. Until another, louder tap breaks out. The brunette peels his eyes open and turns his head that is still planted on the comforter of his bed towards the window.

"Sunwoo..." Jeongin whispers to himself, pushing his body up off the cozy padding and over to his window.

Ever since the unexpected visit from the other, Jeongin has been more diligent about locking his window, since he never knows what Sunwoo might do or who he might bring over to his house.

"What are you doing here?" Jeongin asks, cracking his window, just enough to be able to hear clearly, "you know you aren't allowed to come here."

A small smirk forms at Sunwoo's mouth, and knowing mischievous one. The other male knows he isn't allowed, but he loves watching Jeongin squirm or seeing the slight irritation he can rise out of the boy so easily. Sunwoo would never bring harm to the boy, but annoying him does amuse him.

"I haven't seen you out for a few days," Sunwoo states, "I just thought I would check in on you."

Jeongin doesn't want to see Sunwoo right now, he doesn't want to deal with the other. A large part of him knows that Sunwoo must have had information on Seungmin's whereabouts, why else would he receive the note?

"Well, I'm fine, you can go now," Jeongin tells him, swiftly trying to close the window right after.

Sunwoo catches it with his hands, not allowing the boy to close it all the way. Annoyed Jeongin releases his hands from the wood, backing away from the window. He knows Sunwoo won't leave until he finishes what he wants to say, and right now Jeongin doesn't have it in him to fight him away.

Pushing it fully open, Sunwoo climbs into the bedroom, resting himself against the window seal as to not push Jeongin too far. Although he loves annoying the other, he does have a decent sense of boundaries.

"How is your friend doing?" Sunwoo asks, staring back at Jeongin's narrowed eyes.

"Did you know?" is all the brunette says.

"Know what?"

"Did you know where he was the whole time?" Jeongin says again, "did you like watching me in so much pain you chose to not mention anything?"

Sunwoo shakes his head, sighing lightly. Jeongin has every right to be mad at him and he gets that. But even if it infuriates the younger, Sunwoo still feels a need to explain himself.

"I didn't know for sure."

"There was a rumor going around about a guy who was into some pretty fucked up shit, but I didn't know if that had to do with your friend."

Jeongin doesn't believe it, there is still something off about Sunwoo's story.

"Then why did you give me the note? 'You're welcome'? A neighbor called it in, why would you be taking credit for something you knew nothing about?" Anger seethes through the brunette and he tries his best to smother it, so he doesn't explode and alerts his parents.

Sunwoo glances away, scanning the bedroom wall in order to avoid eye contact with the other. It isn't that the information will hurt the other, but he does know it will only make him angrier. Something Sunwoo could have done long ago when Jeongin was in the most pain but chose not to because he simply didn't care at the time. Jeongin was just some stupid kid, wandering around the bad parts of town for the hell of it. Thoughts and feelings changed and as Sunwoo began seeing more of Jeongin, the feelings of the younger boy became more important.

"I had a friend look into it," Sunwoo states, "they found the neighborhood he lived in and heard a lot of the commotion that night. I wasn't there, but from the sound of it, if I didn't have my friend go check it out, yours just might be dead."

Sunwoo knows he could have phrased it in a lighter way, but knowing Jeongin, if he didn't give him the cold truth, the younger just might not believe anything he is saying. The note wasn't to take credit, more to get under the younger's skin, and strike a bit of a nerve, which might have worked a little too well.

"What do you want? A thank you?" Jeongin snaps, he is anything but grateful. Sunwoo couldn't have known, and the younger never specifically asked him to look for his friend. But Sunwoo had offered and he had the resources to check out suspicious activity, yet he didn't. Jeongin isn't exactly the happiest to have Sunwoo here expecting something from him when Jeongin has no obligation to give him anything.

Sunwoo shakes his head, "no, I just thought I'd tell you, besides it gave me a reason to come and check in on you."

Everyday Jeongin is regretting showing Sunwoo where he lives. It gives the older the opportunity to have unwanted visits, even though Jeongin specifically told him, he isn't allowed to come here. The younger should have known better, Sunwoo doesn't follow the rules, so of course, he wasn't going to listen to him regarding his personal space.

"I don't need to be checked on, I'm fine," Jeongin states, "Just because I'm not around, doesn't mean you need to drop in, in fact, I really wish you would stop showing up entirely."

"Yeah, that isn't going to happen," Sunwoo tells him, which he can tell by the glare that Jeongin really doesn't appreciate.

Sunwoo made his mind up, the anger and annoyance from the younger isn't going to change that, especially if it keeps him safe.

"That man is out there, he isn't behind bars, and from the while, he stalked your friend, I know he knows what you and everyone else in that little group looks like," Sunwoo says, "so I would rather keep an eye on you and be able to prevent something than hear about another missing kid in the news."

It's a little ridiculous how Sunwoo has come to care for the younger, and he knows it. This isn't something he asked for and he tried getting it to go away, but it wouldn't so he is letting it live inside him until it gets bored. Jeongin isn't going to be in this town forever, these feelings can't stay, but giving them a temporary home won't kill the older.

He'll watch from afar, keeping an eye on the house, on Jeongin's bedroom window, just in case something happens. Sunwoo is pretty confident that nothing will since it has been years and he is pretty sure the running suspect won't do anything that dumb well the hunt for him is incredibly active. But it does give him an excuse to be near Jeongin, something Sunwoo thought he'd never have to admit.

"I'm not going to go wandering around at night, especially not now, I'm not an idiot," Jeongin exclaims, trying to keep his voice in a low hush since his parents are right downstairs.

"Well considering the last few months of our abandoned building meetings, I wouldn't know what you're in the mood to do," Sunwoo speaks, pushing a nerve of the younger a little bit, "so, staying close is the only way I know to make sure you are safe."

Sunwoo can hear Jeongin mutter something, but since he has already bothered the younger enough, he decides not to push it, letting the younger breath through his annoyance.

"Whatever," Jeongin mutters, "are you done telling me what you needed to tell me?"

Sunwoo nods.

"Then you can leave," Jeongin states, pointing over to the window, "I don't want you here anymore."

Another reason Sunwoo doesn't understand his feelings. He knows Jeongin will never feel the same. He doesn't look at Sunwoo in any particular way, he just sees him as a random teen he met on the streets, there is no care in his eyes whatsoever. It doesn't change a thing though, Sunwoo still cares, even if Jeongin doesn't.

Sunwoo flashes the younger a slight smirk, one that he knows always annoys the younger. He gives a small wave before climbing out the window. He isn't going far, standing in the shadows for the night, and keeping a watch on the house was his plan, but a part of him wishes he could be back inside the warmth of the younger's room, a feeling he hadn't had in years.


	32. Chapter 32

Jeongin has been dreading Monday. The students at his school have never been the kindest, but he was used to that. Jeongin was able to ignore the stares and nasty comments, but today felt like it was going to be more difficult.

Although he knew none of the comments would be directed towards him and mainly about Felix, they would still affect him. People would look at him in ways he has never been looked at since the blonde isn't here, Jeongin and the others would have to deal with the kids at their school. But it's Felix and Jeongin would shield him any day, especially now when he is in such a fragile state.

'At least he is back with us,' Jeongin thinks. He won't be going back to that institute, and hopefully will be returning to school rather soon. Jeongin was thrilled to hear that his parents were having him stay at home, not making Felix suffer being alone any longer.

His head hung low, music playing in his ears to further distract him from the surroundings in the hall, he moves as quickly as he can. All he wants it to get to his locker and then go to class. He doesn't have the energy to deal with people. Luckily it seems people don't want to approach him, and mainly stare from afar, where they think their whispers will go unheard.

The change in a song allows noise to bleed through, which normally Jeongin would ignore. However, the loud uproar he hears draws him. His head shoots up at a scream. Yanking his earbuds out, Jeongin rounds the corner to the hall he would have paid no attention to if it wasn't for the sudden commotion.

Jeongin is luckily taller than most in his school, but only by a little bit. He can slightly see over the heads of crowding students, just enough to spot slightly familiar features of one of his friends.

"Say that again, I fucking dare you!" He hears Jisung shouts, shoving a kid into the lockers. Jeongin's eyes widen in slight horror and confusion, why is Jisung acting this way?

Luckily Hyunjin comes in and tries to pry the shorter off the random student, but Jisung's determination is making it slightly difficult for the taller. Jeongin moves forward with the intent to help Hyunjin out and to keep Jisung from getting into more trouble than he needs.

Unfortunately, teachers beat him there, pulling both Hyunjin and Jisung away from the other student. Jeongin can't hear anything the teacher is saying to Jisung, but he can see that the teacher is anything but pleased. Jisung and the other student are dragged away, Hyunjin being left dead center of the crowd as everyone watches Jisung be marched off.

With the fight dead, the forming crowd fizzles out, no need to be grouped when nothing interesting is going on. This allows for Jeongin to slip by, finally reaching Hyunjin, unfortunately, a little too late.

"What the hell happened?" Jeongin asks, referring to Jisung and the other kid.

Hyunjin's attention is pulled from where Jisung was dragged away, eyes landing down on Jeongin.

"That stupid article in the school paper dropped and Jisung was already on edge, that kid only made it worse," Hyunjin tells him, "I wasn't able to stop him before he snapped."

Jisung had apparently punched the kid square in the jaw before sending him back into the lockers. Jeongin wishes he could be disappointed, but many of the kids in this school deserve it, and with everything Jisung is dealing with at the moment, Jeongin can't say that he blames him.

Still, Jeongin wishes he could have been there to stop him. Now, because of Jisung's actions, he is going to be in a large amount of trouble that neither Jeongin or Hyunjin can prevent.

"Let's go," Hyunjin says, "I don't want to be where people are anymore."

Jeongin doesn't know if that means they are ditching their classes for the day, but he doesn't really care. He follows the taller, willingly, hoping that this little escapade will make him feel better than he is at the moment.

•••

Jisung sits in his principal's office, her voice fading into nothing. He has already heard the lecture; he doesn't need to hear it again with his mother and the parents of the asshole sitting in the room. All he knows is that the parents of the student are arguing for a suspension longer than what he has been given, how any caring and upset parent would do.

Jisung's eyes have been locked on the bruising face of the kid sitting in a seat over, he has to stop a smile forming on his lips. He doesn't care if it gets him in trouble, it felt good and if the teachers could hear what the kid said, they would have understood just how much that kid deserved to get punched in the face.

There is a lot Jisung can handle, and keep his cool about. However, with everything going on, he is a little more sensitive to things. He is sitting on the edge of a complete breakdown and, not so, unfortunately, that kid was the one who struck a nerve to set something off.

_"What a fucking attention horror," Jisung heard a kid say. Normally he would have paid no mind, he could have been talking about anyone, but Jisung knew it wasn't just anyone this comment was directed to. The school paper was in his hands, and Jisung knew exactly what was written in there._

_He should have kept walking, he should have bit his tongue, but Jisung wasn't in the mood to deal with any of this bullshit at the moment._

_"What did you just say?" It slipped out, knowing exactly where this would lead. Jisung tried to find some sensibility in him, anything that would get him to walk away. But his mind didn't care, he wanted to fight someone, and this kid just happened to be the first to make a comment._

_A smirk grows on his and his friend's faces, they knew just how to get under Jisung's skin, and they fully intend on working their way under. Jisung's small frame and childlike personality make it easy for people to see him as weak and helpless, but the boy is anything but._

_"Lee Felix, he just does anything to get people to pay attention to him," the student quips, "the kid can't go a minute without all eyes being on him."_

_Jisung doesn't comment, his eyes only burn into the other kid. His fists curl at his sides, wanting to swing, but he keeps himself back._

_"What's going on here," Jisung can recognize Hyunjin's voice, but he doesn't move his gaze._

_"Oh nothing, we were just talking," another one of them speaks. Jisung could smack the stupid smirk off his face._

_With Hyunjin here, Jisung hopes to keep his cool. The group of boys are lucky they haven't said anything that is making Jisung lose all restraint. He may look small, but he can hold himself if he needs to._

_"Come on," Hyunjin mutters, gently trying to lead Jisung away from the group of boys. He knew from the look Jisung held on his face that whatever was happening wouldn't go well._

_Jisung was just about to follow, but then the prick opened his mouth._

_"Oh, Jisung, why don't you tell Felix that he doesn't need to try so hard, everyone already knows how easy he is."_

_Hyunjin can see how his friend's face changes, knowing that he needs to get him out of here before he does something he regrets._

_"Jisung," he warns._

"Jisung."

"Huh?" Jisung comes out of his head, glancing around the different people staring at him.

"See, he isn't even paying attention, he's not taking this seriously," The mother of the boys points out, frustration evident in her voice.

His mother shoots the principle an apology before standing up, lightly tugging at Jisung's shirt to get him to follow. Jisung doesn't know what happened when he was preoccupied in his own head, but clearly, they are done here and Jisung won't argue with that.

He follows his mother out of the school and over to the car, not missing the anger in his mother as she slams the car door shut. Jisung knows she isn't going to let him off easily, especially since she had to leave work early, making her next paycheck suffer slightly.

"Suspended," She mutters to herself as she inserts the key into the ignition, "just great."

Jisung chooses not to comment. He knows that speaking will only make things worse, and he needs to let his mom cool off before he tries to explain himself. Even though she'll probably still be mad at him, at least he gets the chance to tell her his side of things. He didn't get to do that in the principal's office since the other guy's parents were too busy trying to get Jisung a harsher sentence.

The drive home is incredibly tense, his mother practically slamming on the breaks at each red light. Jisung felt like they were going to get into an accident, but he kept his mouth shut. She has every right to be angry with him, he did punch a kid in the face, and although it was well deserved, hearing that as a mother must not have been great.

Pulling into the driveway of their home, they sit in the car in silence. Neither of them makes a move to leave the car, and Jisung is waiting for his mother to move first. A few beats go by and eventually, Jisung's mother exits the car with a large sigh. Jisung is a bit hesitant, but he doesn't end up following her, letting his mother stew in silence until she is ready to lash out.

Upon entering the house, Jisung's mother promptly turns around sticking her hand out to Jisung.

"Phone," she states, eyes burning into her son.

Jisung pulls it out of his pocket, gently placing it in his mother's hand, who quickly wraps her fingers around it.

"You are grounded for a week, maybe longer, depending on how mad I am," she tells him turning back around walking into the kitchen.

"Mom," Jisung calls out, following her into the kitchen. His explanation may not save him from being suspended, but it might help his mother's anger.

"What that guy was saying about--"

"I don't want to hear it," she interrupts, "you hit another person, you know better."

"Yes, but--"

"No!" She hollers, pressing her fingers into her temples. A headache has been forming the whole car ride home, mainly from stress. But a little bit from anger with her son. She understands that Jisung probably had a reason for what he did, she knows him well enough that he wouldn't just swing randomly. However, she can't hear it, not right now.

"Just go to your room," she tells him, voice lowering.

Jisung doesn't argue, knowing that his fighting will only make it worse. So, he leaves, gently spinning around before making it up to his bedroom.

•••

Hyunjin and Jeongin only went to a class when they knew they had something important, but for most of the day they skipped out, hiding in a lowly populated hallway, and the library when they could justify themselves being there to the librarian. At lunch the two found themselves in between the bookshelves, munching on their food and pulling out random books to flip through.

They both knew Jisung was suspended, their school had no tolerance for violence. Plus, with the addition of no text from the other, they both assume that Jisung is in more trouble with his mom. The two figures one of them will be asked to collect his homework for however long he is gone for, but until Jisung's mom has cooled off, they don't expect to hear anything from him.

"Hey, guys," The two friends sitting on the floor of the library are alerted by a voice, Changbin's voice. Hyunjin and Jeongin peer up at him, curiosity glazing over both of their faces.

It doesn't surprise Hyunjin to see Changbin here. Anything involving Felix has peaked the older's interest and because he and Jeongin are closer to him, Changbin has been coming to them if he wants any updates. Hyunjin is pretty sure the older male hasn't visited Felix in the hospital, which doesn't surprise him. Felix would hate for Changbin to see him that way and Changbin is probably not wanting to overwhelm the younger with more visits.

"I heard what happened to Jisung," Changbin comments, "Is everything okay?"

Not really, but Hyunjin doesn't need to say that. Things will be okay, and both Felix and Jisung will return with time.

"Yeah, Jisung is just a little on edge and snapped is all," Hyunjin explains, "he probably just got suspended, so nothing too bad."

Changbin nods, "that's good."

The older was going to ask something else, but the rather loud laughter of a few boys walking by the isle stopped him. The librarian is probably too busy to care, and hopefully, they will quiet down soon, Hyunjin comes here because of how peaceful it is.

"God, Felix really is insane," a comment from the boys is heard.

"I heard he got sent to a mental asylum," another speaks, "so it's no surprise that this would happen."

Changbin grits his teeth, about to make his way over to the group of boys' obviously too dumb to check their surroundings before they speak. But before he can move, Hyunjin's hand comes up to grip his wrist.

"Don't, they aren't worth it."

This school doesn't need two suspensions in one day for the same reason, plus it would do Changbin no good to tell them off. Jisung tried and it didn't work out for him.

However, Hyunjin can't be around everyone who wants to defend his blonde friend twenty-four-seven, so something is bound to happen. So, it shouldn't have surprised him when he got to the end of the day and overheard how Changbin was later suspended for a similar reason Jisung was.


	33. Chapter 33

Exhaustion still swallows Seungmin whole, the pain meds make him drowsy, and he isn't sure if he is okay with that. On one hand, he is sleeping, and it is helping him recover the best he can, but on the other, it is making himself more vulnerable than he ever has. Anyone can walk through the door at any moment, and Seungmin is completely defenseless. He tries to tell himself that he is safe, and the hospital security wouldn't just let anyone waltz in, but with the last few years he has had, one can imagine his paranoia.

His family has been in every day, and Seungmin rarely has a moment alone. All he wanted was to be with his family, but now that he actually has it, it is more overwhelming than he thought. The doctor told him it would be hard for the first couple of weeks, but soon things would start to be normal again. The only problem is that he can't remember what normal is. He held onto what he remembered for years, begging to have those feelings back, but he's here and he isn't sure they are the correct feelings.

Seungmin's sister always tells him that getting out of the hospital will make it better. Being back in a familiar living space will calm him, and Seungmin hopes that is true. Being here is good for him physically, it is repairing his body after years of damage, but mentally it has him at a roadblock. The hospital may have its peaceful moments, but it isn't home and can't give you the relaxing nature that a home has.

Although Seungmin wants it, he also isn't sure if he is ready to go home. Four years he was gone, and so much has probably changed, that he isn't sure he is ready to grasp that. Seeing what is new, and what he didn't get to experience may affect him more than he would like. He tells himself he doesn't need all that. Now that he is here, he can be with his family, and hopefully his friends soon. There is always time to catch up on missed experiences.

It's the time of day Seungmin gets a moment to himself. Usually, he has at least one family member in his room, but today things are a little different. His family took a bit off of work and school, but they would have to go back at some point. Yesterday was the last day, and today they all need to finally go back, still planning to have at least one of them spend the night with Seungmin so he isn't alone.

With his family gone, Seungmin will often spend most of his time sleeping. The meds make it hard to stay awake, but today isn't like others. He can't sleep even though he wants to. Seungmin is exhausted, and he feels how tired he is, but getting his eyes to close is difficult. Sitting up in his bed, he chooses to stare at the wall, hoping that will edge him to sleep.

A nurse only comes in occasionally, doing their rounds to see how all the patients are. So, Seungmin is left almost entirely alone for the day. It's quiet, eerily quiet and Seungmin doesn't think he likes it all that much. At least having his family here gave him noise so he knew he wasn't alone even when he felt like he was.

The beeping monitor keeps minimal noise in the room, but nothing that helps with the uncomfortable quiet. He would prefer to have a nurse sit here in with him, even if the unfamiliar presence would make him uncomfortable. They want to have his family here must be a good sign, maybe he is finally adjusting to aspects of his old life, finally getting out of the self-defense mindset that he had to carry for so many years.

Leaning further back into his pillow, Seungmin finally breaks his gaze with the wall. His eyes wander to the left, and then slowly to the right. The back of his neck bends to stare at the ceiling. The plain room gives him no entertainment, and fear no longer occupies his mind, he is actually experiencing boredom.

A small smile forms, this is the most normal he has felt in a while. A simple normal feeling that everyone must experience at least once a day, and he is happy to have it here. No one wants to be bored, but Seungmin hasn't had this in years. Whenever he was left with nothing to do, he sat in fear, his brain constantly running, so he was never bored.

The sound of the doorknob twisting reaches Seungmin's ears. He assumes it is a nurse doing their rounds. Turning to face the door, the smile lingering on his face, he waits for them to enter, feeling good that he will get a few seconds with another person and won't have to be quite as alone.

Seungmin's smile quickly falls from his face, however, when he sees who entered the room. It can't be real, it's impossible. But everything feels so real, that Seungmin must be here facing Mr. Park again. The man must have had to be incredibly patient and stealthy to get past everyone to get to where Seungmin is.

'How did he find me,' Seungmin asks himself, feeling his heart rate pick up immensely.

They wouldn't have just told him Seungmin's room number, they would have needed proof he was family, plus his face needed is all over the news, they would have recognized him. Mr. Park was the only one who made it to the news, his crimes being described, but the victim being made nameless, at least until Seungmin gets released from the hospital, then it is up to the news sources to decide if they want to continue reporting on it.

Seungmin had hoped that Mr. Park would have been found before he was released, he never thought that the man would find him again. Seungmin knows he can't leave here with him, so there is only one thing Mr. Park would want to do, and Seungmin knows he can't run.

Mr. Park takes a step forward, causing Seungmin's body to push itself up, trying to find any sort of escape. But he is weak and injured, Mr. Park is not. Before Seungmin can even think to do anything, Mr. Park has him pinned to the bed, the younger struggling to break free.

Seungmin tries to call for help, tries to scream, but before anything can escape his mouth, Mr. Park has the pillow once resting behind the boy, over his face. Oxygen leaves him quickly, Seungmin fighting for every last breath, but failing miserably to regain anything. The padding is pushed more into him, his breath becoming harder to regain, and Seungmin knows this is the end for him. He won't be able to see his family again, and his friends are memories from the past, this is his last moment of life.

Trying to take in one last breath, Seungmin's body stops, everything falling still for a split second. He returns to his body, gasping for life. He's in the hospital, the same room as before. Everything is the same, but Mr. Park isn't here.

'It was a dream,' he thinks to himself, his hand coming up to his throat as he still sucks in deep breaths. Everything felt so real, Mr. Park was in the room, and Seungmin was dying. There was no moment in his dream where something felt off, where he felt as though he was sleeping.

Tears begin to form at the brim of his eyes, he knows what almost dying feels like, Mr. Park gave him a fair share of that, but he never thought he would have to go through that again. The safe secure feeling that was slowly building up feels as though it tumbled with one event. An event that wasn't even real.

A soft noise forces Seungmin's attention over to the door. Hajoon stands there, his eyes wide from seeing Seungmin. He was there when the boy woke up, the panic Seungmin felt, the gasping, Hajoon saw it all. Hajoon has seen Seungmin is horrible places, he grew up watching it, but seeing him in a place of recovery like this, gave him a bit of a fright.

"What are you doing here?" Seungmin asks, his voice a bit hoarse. He sounds harsh, unwelcoming, and it isn't that Seungmin doesn't want to see the young boy, but seeing him is rather hard.

Hajoon isn't his father and Seungmin knows that, but the boy brings him back to the house and it is hard to be with him when all he brings is the horrid memories.

"I-I wanted to see you," the younger says, "I haven't seen you since that night and the nurse said it would be okay if I came."

Hajoon had to live there too, Seungmin tries to remind himself, he had to experience his parents just like Seungmin did. Although Seungmin was treated like an object and Hajoon suffered from severe neglect, Seungmin still has a hard time comparing. Seungmin knows that what he suffered, Hajoon never did. The younger was mainly pushed to the side and hit only when he stepped out of line. All horrible and Seungmin wishes that Hajoon never had to experience any of it.

Seungmin knows he should have nothing against the small boy, he only harmed him when he was young and for years, he had done nothing to him. Yet the name and the features he gained from his father, makes Seungmin weary. The boy is nothing like his parents, at least Seungmin hopes that are the case, but he was there when Seungmin was experiencing the worst years of his life. The boy's face will always be in his memories and unfortunately, have a negative reflection.

"I-I can go if you want," Hajoon speaks, his voice small.

It would be mean and cruel for Seungmin to admit that's what he wants. Hajoon is probably scared too, this place is unfamiliar and he has no one. Seungmin would be scared if he was in the younger boy's shoes. So, he shakes his head, allowing Hajoon to stay in his room. The boy moves from the door and over to the side of Seungmin's bed, taking a seat in a chair that Seungmin's family left for their frequent visits.

"Where's your sister?" Seungmin questions, he doesn't care, he has stronger negative feelings towards her than he does Hajoon, but he figured that making a bit of small talk wouldn't hurt.

"Haeun is being held here," Hajoon says, "she didn't exactly suffer any injuring but she had to be checked out, and we are both here until our social worker knows where to send us."

Maybe they will be sent far away and Seungmin will never have to think about them again. He can live his life and feel safe once again. But of course, that also depends on the whereabouts of a still missing Mr. Park.

"What about you where are your friends and family?" Hajoon asks.

"My family is at work," Seungmin tells him, "and I haven't seen my friends, I don't know when I will either."

Seungmin tries to keep it short. Hajoon may be a harmless child, but he still feels weird sharing personal information with the young boy. Maybe it's because Mr. Park is out there, and Seungmin feels uneasy around the family. He doesn't know for sure, but everything with Hajoon feels weird, even if he is the one who tried to save his life.

"I hope I can meet your family," Hajoon says, a small smile forming to his lips, "I bet they are nice people."

Seungmin's family are incredible people, the kindest, and most caring. Which is why he hopes his family or his friend never meets the Park's because Seungmin doesn't believe they deserve the warmth that his family and friends would bring.


	34. Chapter 34

"Suspended? Jisung!" Felix scolds.

The boys have managed to call each other tonight, just like they did most nights since leaving the house wasn't an option. With Felix back home and Jisung being allowed to use his laptop, not for this exactly, things are slowly coming back to normal.

Hyunjin and Jeongin told Felix everything that happened on Monday, but the blonde got stuck on the fact Jisung go suspended. Felix isn't thrilled to hear about this; he doesn't want his friends getting into trouble because of him. Knowing the people in his school, Felix isn't surprised that they'd do something like this, even though the blonde doesn't know exactly what the other boy did. Jisung refused to tell him, and Hyunjin and Jeongin aren't about to step in between this.

"It isn't that big of a deal," Jisung tries to tell him, hoping to reassure the blonde that things are fine and getting a suspension isn't that big of a deal. Jisung is fine, sure having to catch up on all the work is a pain, but punching that guy was worth it.

"Of course, it is!" Felix exclaims, "this is going to go on your record, affecting college, which will in turn affect the rest of your life!"

Jisung understands his friend's frustration, Felix works hard in school so he has the opportunity to get out of this place, and away from the negative thoughts and memories, it brings. They all talked about it, getting out together, hoping to remember Seungmin in a happier light. But, Jisung knows this won't change anything, it is one event, and Jisung still plans on moving up in the future, but that is still a couple years away and he doesn't need to worry about that now.

Still, he doesn't want Felix to worry.

"You're right, I'm sorry," Jisung tells him, "but I still don't regret anything. I was defending you; I'll willingly suffer the consequences for that."

Felix shakes his head slightly, but doesn't argue, he has done that enough and he's tired. Leaving that hospital today, and coming back home took enough out of him. Although he was cleared to go, he is still weak and recommended to perform little physical activity for the week or at least until he has regained most of his strength.

So, his parents have basically confined him to his bedroom, bringing him food and blankets whenever he needs it. The blonde lost a concerning amount of weight while he was at the institute and now, he needs to work on gaining that back, which shouldn't be too big of a problem, since Felix knows he doesn't have an unhealthy relationship with food. The institute just took his appetite away, and eating made him sick, so he stopped.

"I'd like to point out that Jisung wasn't the only one to get himself suspended for defending you," Hyunjin comments, trying to defend Jisung, who didn't really need, but Hyunjin's attempts are appreciated.

"Hyunjin!" Felix exclaims, assuming that the boy was talking about himself, "you guys need to stop--"

"No, not me," Hyunjin interjects, "although, I definitely would do that for you. But I was talking about Changbin. I found out on Monday that he also wasn't able to keep his cool with a guy who was being a jerk."

Felix is happy that his friends seem to miss the growing blush on his cheeks. Or they did notice and are kind enough to not comment. He hasn't seen the older in a while, and Felix knows Changbin probably has many questions. Hopefully, he will be able to see him soon, Felix wanting to talk to the older just as much as he wants to talk to Felix.

"See, I'm not in the wrong here," Jisung jokes, "punching people is an effective solution."

Felix would slap him if he could, but he just settled for rolling his eyes. He knows Jisung is just trying to lighten the mood, and he appreciates that.

"Are you guys going to come by on Friday?" Felix asks, "my parents are planning on cooking a large meal, and want to know if you can come."

"Yeah, I should be there," Jeongin tells him, "my parents are wanting me to spend more time with you, to help you recover."

Felix smiles at this, the youngest of the group's parents have always been the most understanding, and more lenient with the boys.

"I'd have to check with my mom, I'm sort of on lockdown here," Jisung tells him.

"Yeah me too," Hyunjin says, "not that I'm on lockdown, but my parents are sort of being strict about things and..."

A car door sounds from outside the house. It is soft, but Jisung could hear it. Meaning it is closer to the house than normal. He assumes it is his mom getting home for work. So, he is quick to grab his friend's attention, cutting Hyunjin off in the middle of his sentence. He'll explain later, but in order to do that, he needs to not lose his laptop privileges.

"I need to go," Jisung tells them as soon as he hears the front door open. Quickly ending the call, Jisung pulls up the online textbook that he was finished with hours ago. He got bored rather quickly and finished almost all of the homework that he would be missing in absence of this week. Still, he'd rather not get into any more trouble with his mom, pulling out a random notebook, so he can pretend to be taking notes.

He can hear her downstairs, moving around and slowly making her way up the stairs. She probably was turning off lights and putting things away before going to bed, like she does most nights. The clacking of her shoes is heard at the top of the stairs, and Jisung begins copying sentences off the screen, trying to make his fib more believable.

A small knock is heard at the door before his mother opens it.

"Hey." She smiles at him, "I just wanted to let you know I'm home."

Jisung looks up from his imaginary homework, and gives her a smile, nodding a little, "okay."

A sigh is heard from her end before she takes a few more steps into her son's room. Moving over to the bed, she sits next to him, slowly closing the lid of his laptop, so he'll be more inclined to focus on her.

"I know things have been a bit tense recently, and you aren't all to blame for that," she speaks, "I may have said some things that I didn't mean."

Jisung wasn't expecting this, sure they apologize to each other when they know they stepped out of line, but that's about it. To avoid further conflict, they don't have discussions and usually just leave it at 'I'm sorry'. That is what works for them, so the teenager is slightly confused as to why she feels the need to be doing this right now.

"I haven't been the greatest mother, and--"

"Mom, don't--"

"No, just...just let me say this..." she almost asks, she needs Jisung to hear this.

"Things got really hard after your father left, and I know I did some unforgivable things, I wasn't there for you in your hardest and I'm sorry for that," she tells him, "I made a promise to be there for you to be on your side and not anyone else's, and I didn't do that.

"I know you weren't just punching that kid to be mean, and that you had a reason, you tried to tell me what that was and I just pushed you away, I'm sorry for that as well. I should have listened, and let you explain yourself, but I was just angry and frustrated that I didn't know how to logically think about things. But I'm willing to listen if you still want to tell me."

Jisung can't help but let his smile grows, his mother has said little things to him that would make his happy to hear, but she has never said everything at once. He never blamed her for anything, and he doesn't think she needs to be apologizing to him. Reaching over, he pulls her into a hug, burying his face into the crook of her neck. She wraps her arms around him, softly rubbing his back in a comforting way.

"I love you," Jisung mumbles.

"I love you too," she replies softly.

There hug isn't too long, but it was much needed on both ends. Jisung pulls away, his smile as big as ever.

"This doesn't mean you aren't grounded anymore," his mother says, half-jokingly, "you did still punch someone, you aren't getting off the hook for that."

Jisung nods, "I know."

"Good." she chuckles before standing up from her son's bed, walking back over to the door.

"Say 'hi' to your friends for me," she calls back as she exits the room.

"Don't know what you're talking about!"


	35. Chapter 35

Wednesday night Jisung is allowed to be home alone, which is basically the only rule given to the teenage boy. He isn't allowed to have anyone over. His mom is letting him have his laptop and phone so he can talk to his friends if he would like, but none of them are allowed to come over. With the restrictions his friends have, Jisung knows inviting guests over isn't going to be a way to kill his boredom on this lonely night.

The teenager has always hated when his mom would work the night shift, leaving him in the quiet, dark house. Normally he'd call Minho and have the older talk to him until he falls asleep, but that isn't exactly an option right now. It is unclear where they stand with each other, and Minho hasn't reached out in a little while, so Jisung figures the older has made up his mind, and the two may actually be over. Either way, Jisung tries not to think about it, already having enough on his mind to stress him out.

Jisung spent the entire day, finishing up his homework that he needed to have done by next week, officially giving him nothing to occupy his time with. He thought about just calling it a night and heading to bed, but it's only eight, and Jisung isn't at all tired. Hyunjin and Jeongin have their own schoolwork to finish up, while Felix needs to be resting, so calling and bugging them isn't an option. It's the perfect punishment, leaving Jisung at home with nothing to do and no resources to have fun. His mother is so cruel.

His phone plays music softly throughout his room, giving him something to listen to so he is slowly going crazy in silence. There are a couple of things he could do, but watching movies and playing games don't sound as entertaining at this moment. He isn't sure what he wants to do, but lying around and listening to music seems like a good way to pass time until he figures it out or gets so tired, he just decides to go to bed.

Jisung hangs over his bed, lying on his back and letting his hair touch the carpet of his floor. He stares ahead at his door, the blood rushing to his head, blurring his vision slightly. It's always like that at first, the different angles messing with your body, but Jisung knows things will straighten out.

Time ticks by and Jisung doesn't know where the nightstands. He doesn't care. School isn't something he needs to worry about in the morning, he could stay up all night and sleep all day. He won't, but concerning himself with the time isn't something he needs to do, he isn't expecting someone, and nothing is expected of him. Song after song goes by, and Jisung knows he has had to be laying here for at least a half-hour, not too long, but also not long enough. Jisung wants the night to skip away, allowing him to see his mother, allowing for the feeling of loneliness to leave him. But it hasn't and he still has hours to go until he will be brought out of his boredom.

A loud pounding enters the walls of Jisung's house. It isn't storming, but Jisung thought it could have been thunder. Listening carefully, another one comes, Jisung being able to pick it up as a knock at the door. Odd. He wasn't expecting anyone, especially this late at night.

Rolling himself off his bed, Jisung opens his bedroom door. He waits a few moments before making his way towards the stairs, stopping at the top. Jisung waits for another knock, hoping that the first couple that was unanswered would make the person leave.

A knock doesn't come.

"Jisung!" A familiar voice shouts through the barrier.

The fear bubbling inside him quickly disperses as he walks down his steps and over to the front door. Opening it, Jisung reveals Minho standing on the step, his hoodie, slightly shadowing his face. Jisung wasn't expecting the older here, but it would be a lie to say he wasn't glad that the older showed up.

There is still a good amount of anger that Jisung holds towards the older, but he is getting to a point where he is ready to let that go. Minho has shown him that he cares for him and he will hopefully not be leaving again, but a little bit of fear remains.

"What are you doing here?" Jisung asks, his voice gentle as to not make it so Minho feels the need to leave.

"I wanted to see you," Minho answers, taking a step closer to the door, the light shining onto the older's face. Jisung can see his smile now, his eye soft and kind as he stares at Jisung.

"Can I come in?"

Jisung doesn't exactly have to think to know the answer is yes, but the rule his mom gave him is beginning to form in his head. Technically he didn't invite Minho over and he just showed up, but Jisung also isn't telling the older to go away. Jisung doesn't really know where this falls on breaking the rules, but he also doesn't care, plus what his mother doesn't know won't kill her.

"Sure," Jisung answers, letting the older slip past him and into the house.

Jisung and Minho walk into the living room, the two choosing to stand around, both waiting for each other to take a seat.

"I'm sorry I've been a little absent recently," Minho tells him, "after everything that happened with your friends, I figured you would be busy trying to figure everything out with them."

Jisung shakes his head, "you don't need to apologize, I understand."

Well, he understands now, before the absence of the older was a bit confusing. He wanted Minho around, but at the same time wanted to be alone, maybe it was a good thing he wasn't there. Jisung's emotions were difficult for him to deal with. It probably wouldn't have been much better if Minho had to deal with it as well.

"We have a lot that we need to talk about," Minho states, "but if you aren't ready, then I can leave and we can talk about this at another time, I don't want to--"

"It's fine," Jisung cuts in, taking a few steps closer to Minho. He reaches his hand down to the older's, linking his pointer finger in with his, "I think I'm ready to hear you out."

Minho smiles at the younger, fully taking his hand in his. Jisung pulls on the older, lightly, leading him up the stairs and into his bedroom. Really anywhere in the house would have given him enough privacy to have this talk, but staying in the living room didn't feel right. Jisung felt it didn't feel intimate enough, and bringing it into his bedroom makes the conversation much more personal.

The two take a seat on Jisung's bed, side-by-side. Still holding hands, they sit in silence for a minute, both of them enjoying this moment. Jisung has missed having the older here with him, and Minho has missed being with Jisung in general. Their time apart was a lot more difficult than either of them thought it would be and Minho admits he was an idiot for suggesting their break.

"I've missed this," Minho mumbles.

"Me too," Jisung responds, looking up at the older and smiling softly.

Minho lightly squeezes Jisung's hand, before shifting his body slightly so he could be facing the younger more. He thought about everything he was going to say, all the things he needed Jisung to hear just in case this would be the last time he would ever get a chance to say them. But here he is and all those words seem meaningless. What Minho wants to do most right now is wrap the younger in his arms and tell him how much he loves him, hold him tight to make sure no fleeting moments go by.

But he doesn't know if Jisung wants that, he doesn't know if Jisung wants him. He hurt the younger, and he hates himself for doing so. Maybe Jisung is ready to move on, maybe he is allowing him here because he knows this is the last, he'll ever see of the older. Insecurity rattles Minho, not knowing what the younger is going to tell him, and if he'll ever be allowed to keep the younger close to him like he is right now.

"I have so much to say, but I don't know how to say it," Minho speaks, "I sat at home, thinking about everything I needed to tell you, coming up with how I might have thought you would respond, leading it to where you forgive me and everything is okay, but I don't know if it will be. I love you so much, and I'm afraid you don't want me anymore.

"I hurt you beyond what I ever thought I might, and I kick myself every day for doing so. Letting you go was the worst mistake I have ever made. I need you Han Jisung, I want you in my life and I don't ever want to let you go again. But if you don't want me, and you want me to leave and never come back, I will. I won't bother you, and I will let you live your life how you want to."

Jisung stares at the older for a minute, soaking in everything Minho had to say. Minho is his first love, and he strongly believes he will be his only love. Not everyone meets the one they want in high school, in fact, Jisung often made fun of those people when he was younger. But this has to be real. Minho makes him feel more special than anyone ever has before, and he is pretty sure he will never find anyone better than the man sitting in front of him. Jisung has already made his decision, he wants Minho and he doesn't want the older to leave again. But he also doesn't want to play push and pull, so if this is going to happen, it needs to be for real.

"I love you so much," Jisung tells the older, "I want you here with me, and I don't want to let you go."

Minho smiles, his heart pounding in his chest with excitement.

"But..."

Maybe his heart jumped too soon.

"If you decide you want a break again, we're done." Jisung tells him, "I can't go through that again, and if this is what you want, then you need to stick with it."

Minho nods, "Of course."

He pulls the younger closer to him, wrapping him in his arms. He has no intention of letting him go, this is what he wants and he doesn't want anyone else to have him. Han Jisung is the love of his life, and that he is sure of.

"I love you so much," Minho tells him again.

"I love you."

The older pulls away from him a little, planting his lips on the younger's. It feels as though they haven't kissed in centuries and Minho has been deprived. Jisung brings his hands up to his boyfriend's cheeks, cupping them as he moves his lips slowly against his. A tingling feeling enters his body, radiates through him.

Jisung pulls him closer, pressing their bodies together as they've never been before. His head is a little foggy, but he knows what he wants, and in this moment, everything feels so right. Losing Minho scared him, and hurt him, but this moment is bringing him back to his footing. The part of his life that made him feel normal is finally coming back together and he doesn't plan on letting it go ever again.

Jisung lost something that night, nothing that can be given back and nothing that he'd want to have back anyway. He was safe, and in the hands of someone, he trusted the most. That night gave him a bit of his life back, and he wouldn't change a thing.


	36. Chapter 36

The extra warmth surrounding Jisung is a bit odd to wake up to at first. But the feeling of his boyfriend's arms around him is something he would never give up.

Boyfriend.

Jisung didn't think he'd be able to say that word in regards to Minho ever again. He thought he had lost him for a minute there, and he can't say that part of it wasn't because of his own stubbornness. But he was hurt and having Minho back scared him because he didn't want there to be a repeat of events in the future. Jisung knows now that Minho won't do that, at least he has a strong feeling he won't. The older loves him and he loves Minho, the two are meant to be, and Jisung doesn't plan on letting that go.

Gazing at the sleeping male, Jisung smiles at the fact that Minho is here, and hopefully here to stay. A hand comes up to gently caress the older's cheek, a soft breath leaving Minho at the younger's touch. Minho looks so peaceful when he sleeps, so beautiful, that Jisung could stare at him for hours.

Memories of last night come back to him, making him blush slightly, and Jisung is glad Minho isn't awake to see him. It was something Jisung didn't see happening for years into the future, but last night felt right. He was safe and with someone he truly loves, so he doesn't regret it for a minute.

Closing his eyes once again, Jisung snuggles closer to his boyfriend, taking in as much warmth as he can get.

"Ahem," a slight cough immediately brings Jisung out of his relaxed state. His eyes fly open and his body swiftly turns over in his bed, leaving his circle of warmth.

His mother stands at his door, arms folded over her chest as she raises an eyebrow at her son. Jisung doesn't know what to say, there are several things his mother is probably questioning, and he doesn't know which one to hit on first. Luckily, she doesn't start yelling at him right then and there, allowing Minho to sleep, she doesn't say anything. Instead, she motions to Jisung for him to follow her, leaving her spot outside of the door, so Jisung and gets dressed in peace.

Jisung glances back at Minho again, the older still sleeping soundly. He considers waking him, hoping that him being there would make his mother go a little easier on him, but that wouldn't be fair to Minho or his mother. He did break the rules and Jisung should just own up to it, but running away seems a lot less dangerous.

The younger is quick to throw on some clothes, some sweats a random shirt he got off the floor. He doesn't want to keep his mother waiting so he hurriedly gets dressed not caring what falls onto his body, as long as he is somewhat decent.

Taking a deep breath, Jisung descends the stairs. He really wishes his mother decided to just call his name and get him out of his room, not walk in. Of all mornings, she chose the absolute worst one to come in and see him. Turning to make his way into the kitchen where his mom is making breakfast.

About to open his mouth to apologize, Jisung's mother beats him to it.

"One rule, I gave you one rule," His mother reminds him. Her back is still turned to Jisung, so how she knew he was there, he'll never know. Jisung is pretty sure he doesn't want to know either.

"I know and I'm sorry, but I genuinely didn't know he was going to come over," Jisung defends, although he knows it is not going to do much. She did find them both asleep in his bed, either way, he is getting in trouble.

She moves a couple more pancakes over to the plate she has set out, before pouring more batter onto the pan. This gives her a minute to turn around and face her son. Her expression isn't angry, nor is she annoyed. More concerned Jisung would say.

"I'm not mad at you," she tells him, "sure, I'm a little annoyed you disregarded my rule, but I'm more concerned. Were you naked in that bed with him?"

"Oh my god," Jisung steps away, immediately getting uncomfortable. He feels his cheeks flame up, not knowing what to say, he can't just admit everything that happened last night to his mother. Jisung shakes his head, almost viciously, trying to shake the question off of him. It feels really weird having his mother ask that.

"I know this is awkward to talk about, but you're sixteen, and I just want to make sure you are being safe," His mother says, "so having the talk is--"

"Not needed," Jisung practically pleads, "please can we not talk about this."

"Jisung, if you are going to be doing those things, then I need to know about it so I can make sure you are being safe!" She exclaims, a little louder for Jisung's liking.

This is so awkward, and Jisung wants to disappear into thin air. He wishes he never existed, that way this conversation could never happen. He doesn't need to hear this, especially from his mother. Or at least he doesn't need to be hearing this right now when it only happened a few hours ago. Give him a few years, and then maybe Jisung would be willing to talk to his mother about this.

"Fine," she lets out a deep sigh, "we'll talk about this later."

Jisung sighs in relief.

"But don't think you are being left off the hook for this," she tells him, "I said no guests and you broke that, so a punishment will be handed out mister."

A pout forms on Jisung's face, he knew it was going to happen, but it still sucks to hear about. An arm snaked around his waist, pulls him out of his little slump, Minho now standing next to him.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Han, I didn't know Jisung was in trouble, I thought it would be okay if I stopped by," Minho tells her.

"No worries, you are welcome anytime," her tone is sweet with him, and Jisung almost wants to gag. He knows Minho is her favorite, but she doesn't need to rub it in.

Minho chuckles softly at the little eye roll he catches Jisung doing, pinching his sides to get him to stop. The older leans down a little, placing a small kiss on Jisung's cheek, lips lingering for a little longer.

"I was wondering why I couldn't find my shirt," Minho mumbles, a knowing smile plastered on his face.

Jisung looks down, how did he not notice before? Face burning redder than before, he lightly slaps Minho, turning to go back up to his room. Unfortunately for him, Minho catches his arm, dragging him back into the kitchen.

"Let's get some food in you, then you can storm off," Minho lightly jokes, pulling out a seat for Jisung to sit at.

The younger begrudgingly sits down at the table, waiting for his mom to finish up with the pancakes so he can eat and then go sulk in his room. He plans on barricading himself in there, so his mom can't get him to have a very awkward talk with him. No one wants to have that with their parents and it's weird when parents are excited to have that talk.

His mother is playing the news on the small TV they keep in the kitchen, something she does every morning well she is getting ready for the day. Jisung normally tunes it out as background noise, not caring about the events of the day. However, something piques his interest, a story bizarre and horrifying enough to grab his attention.

"Last night a kidnapping took place at Seoul city hospital. Park Haeun, was taken from her bed in the middle of the night, police suspect that it could have been her father behind it all." The lady on the news says, "Police say that the surveillance videos seem to have been tampered with, which allowed the suspect to go in and grab his daughter, unnoticed."

Jisung's mother is quick to shut off the TV, no longer wanting to hear anything that is happening. It's horrible, but Jisung has never heard of a Park Haeun and his mother's reaction was a little too strong.

"Mom? You okay?" Jisung asks.

She looks up from her staring contest with the kitchen counter, putting on a fake smile for her son.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she lies, "I just need to make a quick phone call, stay here."

She leaves the kitchen, placing the full plate of pancakes on the table for Minho and Jisung to eat. But Jisung doesn't care about the pancakes, he wants to know what has his mother all jumpy this morning. And why that news story seems to be the cause of it.

•••

"I want to go home!" Seungmin cries, doctors, and his family surrounding him. His parents made the mistake of falling asleep with the TV on in his room, letting their son hear the news in the worst way possible.

Panic immediately overflowed the boy, Seungmin not knowing how to handle the information he has just received, He was in this hospital, and incredibly close to where Seungmin is. There is no stopping him from coming back.

Seungmin freaked and tried to escape his room, although still too weak to leave doctors and nurses managed to keep him in his bed. However, Seungmin is still panicking. He doesn't feel safe here, and he wants to go home. Mr. Park has proven that he can so easily waltz into this hospital and take what he wants, what would be stopping him from taking Seungmin?

"Please just let me go home!" Seungmin begs, tears soaking the top of his hospital gown.

The doctors turn to his parents, "he can go home, but I'm afraid once he does, I won't be able to stop reporters from getting to him. The city will hear his story and most likely your house will be all over the news, do you want that?"

Seungmin's parents look over to their crying son, his sister doing her best to comfort him. They want Seungmin to be safe and they want him to feel safe, but they also don't want him to feel overwhelmed by having cameras in his face.

Mr. Kim shares a look with his wife before nodding, "we want to take him home, if his health is there, then we'd like to have him with us."

The doctor nods, "very well, I do want to keep him a little longer for observation, but I will have a nurse prepare everything you will need to ensure he can be comfortable and ready to go by the weekend."

Once the doctor leaves the room, Seungmin's parents are quick to their son's side. Mrs. Kim takes her son's hand.

"It's okay sweetie, we're going to take you home."


	37. Chapter 37

A full-on welcome party was not what Felix was expecting when his mother told him to try and get his friends over for dinner on Friday night. Felix assumes when he said some of them may not be able to come, she went over him and called the parents of his friends, successfully getting them and their children an invite. Now Felix's house is full of people, his friends, parents, even Olivia and Rachel are planning on having a few people over.

It is a bit overwhelming, but Felix has set himself up in the corner of the living room, having his friends circle him. So, he hasn't had to deal with too many people which has made the blonde rather happy.

His parents are still wanting him to rest, despite having this party. So not only is he in the corner to avoid people, but he is also here because his mom wanted him sitting somewhere in the living room. She got him a blanket and told him not to move. So, the entire time, people have been bringing him things because his parents expect him to be resting. Felix doesn't argue, his situation makes it so people say a quick 'welcome back' and then move on into the kitchen to get food, so he hasn't had to deal with a lot of awkward conversations.

"How do you think he is feeling?" Jisung asks, already having a good idea of what the answer would be.

They were all informed of what happened on Thursday, some seeing it on the news, while others hearing it from their parents. They didn't see why they needed to concern themselves with it at first. None of them had any idea who Park Haeuncould be. But then their parents told them. Not just about who Haeun is, but about the Parks in general, and how Seungmin is associated with them. That is when the fear finally settled in.

"Terrified, knowing he is out there, and could probably get to him at any moment, I don't imagine him feeling any other way," Felix responds. The blonde is happy that his parents didn't leave him out of knowing this as well. However, he does know they were hesitant to tell him, not wanting to add any more stress to their son. They still told him and Felix is grateful.

"At least he has his family with him," Jeongin adds, "I'm sure with the news, the hospital and his family will be keeping a closer eye on him."

"Yeah, but it is still creepy knowing he is out there," Hyunjin inputs, "knowing that he is probably watching and waiting for a moment to get to Seungmin, I don't like that."

Jeongin rubs his hand on the back of Hyunjin's back. They all know Hyunjin has been struggling with not being able to see their friend, and now hearing this, the taller is practically losing his mind. They know it shouldn't be too much longer until they can see him, but the wait is killing them, they hear about how he is doing, but don't actually get to see it for themselves. They just want to see that Seungmin is doing okay.

"He'll be okay, we just need to be a little patient and then we can see that for ourselves," Jeongin tells them, "it's no use worrying ourselves sick, making it so we have to wait even longer to see him."

They all know he is right, but they can't, exactly, stop themselves from worrying. Seungmin means so much to all of them, that worrying is natural. Turning it off isn't going to happen, so the most they can do is try to regulate it, so they don't end up harming themselves more than they need.

The group of boys can hear the front door open, their eyes all turning towards it. At this point Felix has no idea who his mother invited and having more people show up shouldn't be surprising. However, seeing Changbin walk through the door, did make Felix's breath catch in his throat.

"What is Changbin doing here?" Felix whispers to his friends, panic beginning to shine through.

He isn't alone, Chan, Mina, and Minho are with him. It is less surprising to see the older three, but seeing Changbin with them is new.

"He and Chan are friends," Hyunjin tells him.

"Chan invited him since everyone wanted to stop by and see you," Jisung adds, knowing that Minho was going to come by with the others.

Jisung sends Minho a smile, the older catching it and quickly sending his boyfriend a playful wink. The younger's head falls slightly, trying to hide the forming blush on his cheeks from his friends. But it doesn't go unnoticed.

"That's new," Hyunjin comments, "have anything you want to tell us, Jisung?"

"Minho and I may have had few developments in our relationship," Jisung tells them. He chose not to tell his friends about it at first, waiting to see if the older was actually going to stay around. Jisung wasn't planning on having them find out this soon, especially with Felix just getting out of the hospital, it didn't really seem like the time to be gloating about his happy news.

"I'm happy for you," Felix says, squeezing Jisung's hand, "I know how much Minho means to you."

"Thanks, Lix." Jisung delivers a soft smile, squeezing the blonde's hand back.

Jisung looks up at his boyfriend again before quickly turning to his friends.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have other places I am wanted," Jisung announces to them, standing up, and making his way across the room to Minho.

Jisung's friend's eyes follow the boy over to where he is going, all of them smiling at him. They are glad things are starting to look up for one of them at least a little. Hopefully, things in their lives won't begin to fall again, and they can actually live out the rest of their teen days as normally as possible.

Hyunjin's eyes fall on one of the older's in the small bunching. He slightly nudges Jeongin, getting the younger's eyes to fall where he is. Changbin isn't being very subtle, and Hyunjin knows the older is waiting for a moment to come and talk to the blonde.

Felix notices it too, seeing how his friends share a look with each other.

"No," Felix whispers, "you can't leave me, don't go, sit back down, guys get--"

Felix isn't able to finish, Hyunjin and Jeongin completely ignoring their friend as they move into the kitchen. They will make their way back around, not intending on fully abandoning the blonde. But they want to give Changbin a chance to talk to Felix, even if the blonde isn't sure he is ready yet. If Hyunjin thought the older had any intention of hurting his friend, he wouldn't even think about leaving the blonde alone, but he knows Changbin isn't like that and the older is a good person.

To Felix's surprise and partial relief, Chan joins Changbin when the older male decides to make his way over. Although he hasn't talked to Chan in a while, he has certainly seen more of the older and is beginning to become as comfortable with the older as he once had been. Plus, he is a good barrier to give Felix a chance to calm himself before knowing he will have to talk to Changbin.

"Felix, I just wanted to say, I'm glad you're okay and I hope things are getting better," Chan speaks, his bright smile easing some of Felix's stress.

The younger smiles back and him, "thank you, it is really good to be back."

Chan's eyes glance back at his friend who walked over with him, giving Changbin a quick pat on the shoulder.

"I'm going to go find your sister," Chan tells Felix, "it is really great to see you, and if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call."

Now, Felix is left with Changbin.

"May I sit?" The older asks, gesturing to the spot right next to the blonde. It would be rude to say no, and Felix doesn't want to make things between them even more awkward.

So, the younger nods his head, slightly moving the blanket he was given out of the way. The older takes a seat next to him, silence overtaking them. Felix doesn't know what to do, or what to say. He knows Changbin has been left in the dark and deserves answers, but Felix isn't sure if he is ready to share those.

Felix strongly believed that bringing someone into his mess of a life would be unfair, even after he saw Jisung and Minho make each other really happy he was hesitant. When Changbin entered his life, he didn't think anything of it, he saw him as a potential friend, something harmless. He only ever had Hyunjin, Jeongin, and Jisung, having another person who didn't do everything in their power to avoid him sounded nice. But, Changbin didn't just want to be friends, at least later on once they got to know each other.

The thought scared Felix; it still scares him. Changbin and any other person who happens to enter his life don't deserve to experience everything Felix brings to the table. Horrific nightmares, that cause him to thrash in his bed nearly every night. Odd mood swings, and terrible communication. His own family has a hard enough time with him, not that they would admit that now after everything has happened. He doesn't need another to experience that.

"You don't have to say anything," Changbin mutters, slowly and hesitantly hooking his pointer finger with Felix's. It's small, but Changbin didn't want to do anything major and make the blonde uncomfortable.

"I just want you to know that when you are ready, I'll be here for you," He finishes, looking over to Felix. The younger meets his eyes, a small smile forming, he needed to hear that. Maybe one day, he'll let Changbin in, it won't be today, nor tomorrow. Felix hopes one day, he opens up, letting people see the broken bits and them not just trying to fix it, but them accepting it and seeing Felix for who he really is.

•••

Chan does find Rachel in the kitchen, Mina currently talking to her. Not wanting to interrupt, Chan stands off to the side, waiting for a moment to sneak in and catch the girl before she can leave. Their relationship hasn't been great and neither has made the effort to talk things through and get over the slump they are currently in. Chan has been friends with Rachel for years and he doesn't plan on that changing. The problems they are experiencing aren't completely one-sided, and Chan knows there are a few things he needs to apologize for, even if he was technically right.

Mina glances up at the older, Chan catching her stare. She quickly turns back to Rachel, telling her something before leaving. Chan knows Mina has been wanting them to talk things through for a while, and now that he is actually ready, he is thankful for Mina right now.

Chan slips up by Rachel just as she turns around. Jumping slightly at his sudden appearance, Rachel sucks in a quick breath.

"You were right," Rachel states, voice slightly bitter, "so go ahead, say you're little I told you so, and move on."

Chan expected her to be slightly cold with him, they didn't say very kind things to each other, while everything was going. He said his things in the heat of anger, looking out for a boy he saw as a little brother and wanted to protect. Chan felt that Felix's actual sister was thinking more of herself than what he was going through and just wanted to hide the problem away instead of face it head-on. Let's just say, telling her that was probably one of the dumbest things Chan has ever done.

"As much as you probably deserve that right now," Chan says, half-jokingly, "you don't need that."

He doesn't say anything else, nor does he let her say anything. Instead, he pulls her into a hug, something she doesn't resist. The two embrace each other, hoping that this will be the new beginning of their friendship.


	38. Chapter 38

Having the thin hospital gown off has never felt better, a simple change that is already making some of the queasiness leave Seungmin's body. He is in clothes his mother bought for him, the clothes he had before, too small for how tall he has grown. Even these clothes bring him a bit of joy. They are his now, Seungmin can barely remember the last time he got to call something his.

A bag is set on the center of his, now former, hospital bed. He and his sister pack up the material he has, most of the stuff his parents brought him, thinking it would make him more comfortable. It did work, seeing old stuffed animals and toys he had played with for years as a child did make things feel better, for a moment anyway.

Seungmin is hoping everything isn't just temporary. The feelings he is hoping that being at home will bring him, he is hoping that it lasts longer than a few days and it won't slip away from him. He wants to be there; he needs to be there. Seungmin is finally in a place where he can feel safe, and if everything feels sickening to him only after a few days, he doesn't know what he will do.

"Mom and dad kept everything the same," Seungmin's sister tells him, "our house will be just like you remember."

It should be good to hear that, right?

Seungmin doesn't know, he hopes his parents didn't put off everything because he went missing. Or he hopes that they tried to start a new life even with the hurt of their son being gone. With how long Seungmin was out there, he'd feel almost guilty hearing that his parents dropped everything for four years, just because of him.

"It doesn't need to stay like that," she adds on. Seungmin was quiet, too quiet and his sister panicked slightly. Maybe hearing everything is the same freaked him out.

"We can change anything," she tells him, "you are older now, maybe some change to your bedroom will do some good, rearrange a few things, get you a bigger bed since you're so tall now."

She softly chuckles at how she has to reach up to ruffle her little brother's hair, something that used to be so easy to do. Seungmin appreciates how his sister talks to him. At first, it was a bit on the edge, and she still has moments. But a part of him wants his family to start talking to him like he never left; like he was always there. It would be impossible though. He still has his arm wrapped, and scaring on his body from the different times Mr. Park beat him, something he still hasn't exactly told his parents about.

Seungmin knows that they know. The doctors must have told them what happened. The different forms of abuse he went through show throughout his body which has brought along a huge mental scar. He can tell that his family wants him to talk about it, they want to hear what happened from Seungmin.

But how can he tell them?

Talking about how you were tortured for four years to your parents isn't the easiest thing in the world. Telling them about the sexual, physical, and mental abuse that he endured would have to be something forced out of his mouth. Seungmin wants to forget the unforgettable and he doesn't want there to be another person on the planet who knows about what happened to him.

"It's okay," Seungmin mumbles to her, he isn't sure that it is, but he needs her to be.

"I'm just a bit nervous to go back, so sorry that I'm so quiet," he adds.

Placing her hand on his shoulder, she shakes her head, "you don't ever need to apologize, it is understandable that you would be nervous."

"What if I make things worse, though?" Seungmin asks, the words left his mouth before he could stop them, saying this in front of his sister was not supposed to happen, "by being back, what if I mess everything up?"

The expression on his sister's face falls so far, that Seungmin knows he should have kept his mouth shut. His family has been through hell, the last thing they need is to hear about is all of his insecurities and worries.

"Seungmin..." her voice is filled with worry as she pulls her younger brother into her arms. Seungmin is slow to reciprocate it but does wrap his arms around her, gently hugging her to make sure he doesn't further injure his healing body.

"You won't make it worse," she tells him, Seungmin can tell by her change in tone that tears must have begun to form, "We all care for you so much Seungmin, all we have wanted for years is to have you home, and there is no way we are going to go back on that. You are our family, and we just got you back, we're never letting you go ever again."

"I'm sorry I'm so distant with you," Seungmin tells her, holding back the urge to cry, "things are just a little overwhelming and I don't know how to handle it all."

Their hug tightens, Seungmin throwing the small amount of pain he feels to the side. He never thought that hugging his sister would make him feel so loved. It is always the little things that bring him back to reality. He isn't in the Park's house, he is home, and that is where he intends to stay.

"You are allowed to be distant with us, we understand," She tells him.

Pulling back from the hug, slightly, she places her hands on the side of Seungmin's cheeks. She makes sure to be gentle, some of the deeper bruising is still healing.

"Seungmin, you get to feel how you are feeling, everything is going to be hard for a while, you need to adjust to everything again, we all understand, so please don't blame yourself," she says, "we want you here, and we don't mind if you take as long as you need to find your footing, you have all of the time in the world."

Seungmin sniffles a bit, nodding his head. He knows his family is understanding, but fear still sits with him. Opening himself up, still sounds horrifying, even though he knows these are people he can trust.

"Ahem."

The siblings pull away from each other, both set of eyes turning towards the door. Hajoon stands there, a small, friendly smile on his lips.

"I'll let you talk," Seungmin's sister tells him, brushing his arm and giving him another look. Her kind eyes telling him that things are going to be okay.

He sure hopes they will.

"I heard you were leaving and wanted to come to say goodbye," Hajoon says, the boy takes another step further into the room, Seungmin staying on the other side of the hospital bed.

"It's going to be a bit scary here on my own, but I don't think that will last too long," Hajoon tells him, "They are sending me to a home for foster kids until they can figure out any other arrangements. I think it will be fun, being with kids my age again, maybe I'll actually make a friend."

Wrapped up in all his fear, Seungmin saw Hajoon as a foe, a part of him still does and he doesn't know if that will ever change. But that part took over him and made him blind to the fact that Hajoon is still a child. He was forced into this life by his parents that he never got to choose and Seungmin painted him the villain. In some cases, he might have been, but for the most part, Hajoon kept to himself while his family did as they pleased.

Seungmin shares a friendly smile, knowing this may be the last he ever sees of the boy. He hopes Hajoon can go on to lead a better life than his family laid out for him.

"I hope we meet again," Seungmin says, not really thinking about his words, "someday."

Hajoon's smile grows, fighting back the urge to hug the older, he knows that probably won't be a good idea. Hajoon doesn't stay any longer, Seungmin still has to pack, so he makes his goodbye short, a smile burned to his face.


	39. Chapter 39

Nearly midnight and Felix hasn't been able to keep his eyes closed. His body hasn't even begun to drift off, his mind too active to fall asleep. 

The blonde gave up about an hour ago, sitting up in his bed and letting his body tell him when it's ready to sleep. Felix's head rests against the headboard, his face towards the window. The light pollution distorts most of the stars in the sky, but a few dots shine through, Felix's eyes trained on them. 

He is unsure of why he can't sleep; he has no plan on going to school tomorrow, so his stomach shouldn't be aching the way it is. Maybe it's the idea of having to catch up on everything that his body refuses to rest. His body in panic mode, it clouds his head and stops any part of him from relaxing.

Felix is unable to pull his thoughts away from his worries even though they are making him sick. His mind refuses to accept that things will be okay and it wants to dwell on it until Felix is broken to pieces. The blonde is able to recognize that it is only his anxiety, yet he isn't able to control it and calm his mind. 

Felix pulls his knees up to his chest, hoping that the slight bit of pressure will make the sickening feeling leave him. His chin rests on the top of his knees, keeping his eyes on the sparkling dots in the sky. However, every time he tries to move his thoughts to anything else, they always snap back, worrying him further. 

Reaching up, Felix rubs at his temples, the anxiety giving him a headache. He really wishes he would go to sleep already and then forget about everything until tomorrow. This isn't making anything easier for him, it is only making his stay back at home more stressful. However, he is glad to be here and not alone in the institute. 

"Seojoon," Felix mumbles to himself. Felix hopes the older is doing okay. He was the only one who brought Felix the slightest bit of comfort in the place of misery. 

The blonde hopes Seojoon is able to get better, break out of his shell and feel normal in his own skin. He remembers the worries the older shared and how much of an outcast he felt he was. Felix knows Seojoon can do it, he can live a normal life and begin to be himself again. 

_Maybe I should visit him,_ Felix thinks. He hasn't seen Felix since the night of his attempts and he has no idea what that did to the older. Felix doesn't even know if Seojoon was made aware that he is okay, Felix hopes he was. 

Felix wants to show Seojoon that he appreciates the small reach of a hand when the blonde was drowning. He may not have known what to do with it then, but Felix still appreciates that Seojoon tried when he had no obligation to. Felix wants to be able to tell Seojoon that, show the older that the small action did mean something.

However, Felix knows his parents would never take him. They learned their lesson and he is sure that they don't even want to think about going back. Besides saying that he wants to go and visit a boy who suffers from schizophrenia may worry them more, and Felix will be left with more supervision than before. 

Maybe Chan would take him, he's always been a little more understanding about these things. Sure, he'd have questions and maybe be slightly concerned. But he would be more open towards it.

"Felix?"

Rachel stands at his doorway, surprising Felix. The two haven't talked much since Felix got back, their parent's odd behavior making it more difficult for Felix to really communicate with anyone other than them. 

"What are you doing up so late?" Felix asks.

"I have a test coming up and I wanted to get in some cramming," Rachel answers, leaning against the frame, "what about you?"

Felix feels he has put enough stress on his family, he doesn't need to add more to it. He won't bury the feelings he has forever, just until he feels his family can handle it, and right now they really can't.

"Just couldn't sleep, nothing to worry about," Felix tells her, shrugging his shoulders to try and pass it off a little more. 

The tension between them is thick and impossible to not notice. It's understandable with everything that has happened with them. However, neither of them has taken time to address it, because of little time and both unsure of what to say.

Felix doesn't blame Rachel for anything. At the moment he was angry and frustrated with her that she was refusing to listen to him. But given her situation, he isn't surprised by her actions. He isn't sure he would have done things much differently put in her shoes.

Although he wishes that she would have taken the time to hear him out and let him express what he was feeling, he doesn't want this to completely destroy their relationship. If Rachel is willing, he'd love to be able to sit down and talk with her.

However, Rachel feels a little differently.

She blames herself entirely. Seeing the pain Felix was in at the hospital really opened her eyes. She hates herself for putting her own needs before her brothers who was obviously struggling. Rachel wishes she would have taken the time to not only think of what would have been good for her and Olivia but thought of Felix as well. As the oldest, she is supposed to protect them, and she failed miserably. Felix probably would have been better off born into a different family, one who would have listened to his problems and not just hope they go away after some time. 

Rachel can't even imagine what Felix was going through, losing a friend in such a way. He was so young and the boy just disappeared. Everyone was there for a while, comforting and making sure he was okay, but eventually life got in the way. Rachel and her parents shoved things to the side, hoping that Felix would get better with time. But it looks as though he only got worse. 

Even now, Rachel looks at Felix and she doesn't see her brother. He looks different and things feel different around him. She can't help but blame herself. It is as though she drove her brother to great lengths, forcing him to change everything that made him, him. She feels so ashamed.

Felix isn't sure what to do. Rachel went dead silent, her eyes burning into him. They aren't angry, they don't really hold any emotion, but it is a bit concerning. He didn't expect her to speak, but her staying and not saying anything is a little odd. 

"Ra-"

"I'm sorry," falls from her lips as tears fall from her eyes, "I'm so sorry."

The words keep falling from her mouth, the tears never-ending. Felix doesn't know what to do, he wasn't expecting this at all. Panicking slightly, Felix pushes his covers away from him. He tries to climb out of bed, but he gets as far, as his legs hanging over the edge before Rachel notices.

"No! Don't!" She nearly shouts, pushing away from the door frame and making her way over to her brother. 

Felix is surprised that no one was woken up to this, they aren't exactly being subtle. Rachel falls to her knees when she gets over to Felix, tears only falling harder. Felix makes no hesitation when he pulls Rachel closer, wrapping his arms around his older sister. 

The blonde can't stop his own tears from coming, seeing his sister like this is heartbreaking. Rachel's arms slide around Felix hugging him tight as she bawls her eyes out.

"It's okay," Felix speaks burying his face into her hair, "everything is going to be okay."

The two siblings stay like that, needing to feel that the other is there and safe. This is what they needed, what their relationship needed. And hopefully, this will be the next step to getting somewhere back to normal.


	40. Chapter 40

Another morning and Hyunjin really does not want to get out of bed. He doesn't want to go to school only to have to deal with the load of crap he is served every day. If he could he'd stay in bed the whole day and curl himself so far into his blankets he'd get lost he would. 

Hyunjin dreams for the days where he gets to lay around the house and do nothing. No one ever expects things from you because you've done your part. Retiring in a large home with the one you love, the two of you living out the rest of your life in complete bliss. However, that future is long away for Hyunjin, his life is still young and needs a lot of work. His body is good and healthy, the world hasn't drained what it wants yet. 

Rolling out of bed, Hyunjin manages to get his muscles to help him to his feet, although the weak and tired feeling is wrapped throughout his whole body. Hopefully, his parents made enough coffee and Hyunjin can steal a little from the pot to help his mind get a kickstart for the day. 

Pulling on a hoodie, Hyunjin opens his bedroom door, heading out and downstairs, planning to make his way towards the kitchen. But he is stopped, the sound of the TV and his parents coming from the living room. His parents must be watching something good; they rarely sit in front of the TV in the morning. 

His mind moving past the thought of breakfast, Hyunjin decides to head straight into the living room to see what his parents are watching. Getting closer he can tell it is a news channel, the way they talk making it evident to the teenager. 

Stopping at the entryway, his parents don't notice Hyunjin. Their eyes engrossed in what's on the screen. Nothing interesting, just the reporter talking, but what he is saying catches Hyunjin's attention. 

Seungmin's name and Mr. Park's name being said in the same sentence makes Hyunjin's stomach churn. But confusion also adds to it. Hyunjin thought that the story wouldn't come out until Seungmin had left the hospital. 

The realization of the matter hits him and the picture on the screen changes, the reporter's voice still hovering in his ears. The clip is changed to the Kim's house, Mr. Kim bombarded by cameras and reporters as he tries to get around his car. Mrs. Kim emerges from the front seat, helping her husband make space in front of them. 

Hyunjin steps a little closer in, getting a better view of the screen. He watches as Mr. Kim's arm goes up to try and push some of the people back, another car door opening. This one shows Seungmin. Hyunjin expected it, but it is still surprising, he had no idea Seungmin was going to be released so soon, he thought it would be another couple of weeks.

Hyunjin can see the fear in Seungmin's eyes, as the cameras follow him and his family into the house, Mr. and Mrs. Kim trying to shield their son the best they can. Anger pits in Hyunjin's stomach. Seeing how they shove the camera in the boy's face after he just got out of the hospital. Why can't they see that he obviously needs a little bit of space?

He can barely stand to watch it anymore, much less hear about it. He doesn't know much about the details, but Mr. Park is a terrible person and Hyunjin hates hearing their names together. Plus, the fear in Seungmin's eyes, he hates to see that in the boy. Especially because Hyunjin knows he deserves so much more. 

Hyunjin steps away, leaving the living room and heading back up to his room to get dressed. He no longer has any appetite for breakfast. 

•••

School is expected to be worse. Hyunjin isn't far off, but they aren't as bad as he had originally built up. People don't usually talk to him, just whisper and follow him with rumoring eyes. Today, however, people do approach him which confuses the taller more than anything.

They attempt to ask him questions, very evident from the start that everyone has seen the story on Seungmin. Everyone who comes up to him tries to see if the younger is okay, ask how he is doing. Hyunjin has to keep himself from shoving people away. He was ignored and jeered long enough, that he really thought people would keep their mouths shut when Seungmin's return was brought to the news. Blame was so heavily shifted on him and his friends, that he assumed people would shrink into a pocket of shame once they heard. 

Nope, now they just want to look for forgiveness. 

Hyunjin ignores them all, choosing to walk past everyone who tries to talk to him. None of them know Seungmin, some may have gone to middle school with him, but many never got the chance to know who the boy was. They get to know what the news has, the information that is open to the public. Hyunjin isn't going to share anymore, and that isn't just because he has no more information than anyone else. 

The taller male moves past everyone, going to find his friends. Which isn't difficult, they are all gathered by Jisung's locker. Changbin must be a new addition to their friend group, seeing as he is standing with Jisung and Jeongin. Hyunjin can't say he minds since the older is very kind and he treats Felix incredibly well, so having him around more often isn't a bother.

"What happened?" Hyunjin can't help but ask after seeing Jisung. The shorter looks incredibly stressed, annoyance written all over his face. 

"The usual," Changbin tells him, "the kids at this school taking every chance they can to be absolute assholes."

Hyunjin turns to Jisung, the shorter now looking down, "what did they say?"

Jisung shakes his head, "It's not important."

"I need to get to class," Jisung tells them, shutting his locker and walking away from his friends.

They all silently watch him walk away, knowing they probably shouldn't push anything further since he isn't in a great mood. 

"Did you hear what they said?" Hyunjin asks Changbin, assuming that he was in the area when it happened.

Changbin shakes his head, "I only saw them talking, I needed to step in though so Jisung wouldn't get another suspension."

Jeongin sighs, walking to stand by the other two, "this is going to be a very long week."

•••

Jisung doesn't know why he didn't tell his friends, at the time he told himself it wasn't important. They really didn't need to know because the words coming from the kid's mouths didn't apply to them. But that isn't the reason. He didn't want to hear them out loud again, didn't want them to know just how cruel everyone at their school can be. 

He wishes things weren't so difficult here, he wishes this could be the place he didn't have to think about his problems. But no, every kid here is determined to remind him just how much life sucks and he will never be able to escape that. It was so much easier when Minho still went to school here, for a few hours of the school day Jisung could feel normal, like a regular high schooler. Now, he's the freak and that won't change until he is out of here, which unfortunately won't be for a while.

Jisung knows he has his friends and that he will always have them. Through thick and thin, the boys have fought on together and Jisung should be able to stick by them and ask for help when it is needed. Yet, he doesn't. Jisung knows his friends and him may have each other, but they still don't want to burden one another, so they push their issues down and try to protect the others. 

Slowly, Jisung knows it will get better, that the walls will come down. They have to, no one can live in a pit of isolation forever. At some point, they will need to open up, and it is better if it's with one another. 

"I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but you know you can come to us for anything." Jeongin slides down the wall to take the seat next to Jisung. The older wasn't exactly hiding, maybe avoiding them until he could get his thoughts straightened out. 

"We've been through a lot together, we need to talk to each other, even when it's hard," he adds. 

Jisung nods, knowing that Jeongin is right. They all struggle, afraid to pile more onto the mess everyone is having to deal with at home. But that's what they need, they all are struggling and they all need someone to talk to. 

Jeongin leans over, resting his head on Jisung's shoulder, "you don't need to say anything, just let me sit with you so I know you're okay."

Jisung's head lulls to the side, resting his head on top of Jeongin's. It is comforting having him here, more so because Jisung knows he doesn't have to say anything. He should, telling his friends about what was said to him is important because it did involve them in some way, but the majority of the comment targeted Jisung. So, he stayed silent, hoping he could forget about it allowing his friends to not worry about what was said. 

But he can't, the words hit deep and Jisung doesn't think he will be able to let this go. He is grateful that Changbin was able to intervene, explaining to his mother why he hit someone again would not be an enjoyable experience. Still, he wished Changbin would have gotten there a little sooner, maybe it would have stopped the comment altogether. 

"They wondered who would go missing next," Jisung says, the sudden comment confusing Jeongin more than clarifying. 

"What?" He questions, lifting his head up off of Jisung's shoulder.

"The guys," Jisung tells him, "with Seungmin being back which one of you will go missing next? That's what they said to me."

Jeongin's jaw drops slightly, unsure of what to say.

"My bet is on Jisung," the slightly older adds.

Jeongin figures it is another part of the dialogue spoken by the jerks at their school. How can people be this cruel? Especially to those who are obviously struggling. 

"I'm so sorry," Jeongin mutters, wrapping his arms around his friend, "no one should have to hear that."

Jisung moves in closer, squishing himself up against Jeongin for comfort. 

"I tried not to let it get to me, but nothing worked," Jisung tells him, "every time it came back, the words ringing in my ears."

"It's going to be okay," Jeongin responds, softly petting Jisung's hair, "we're here for you, you can always count on us."


	41. Chapter 41

Seungmin pulls back a bit on the blinds, looking out at the number of vans with TV reporters outside. The hecticness has died down quite a bit, but there are still quite a few people outside, which has made it difficult for his family to get to work and school in the mornings.

Luckily, Seungmin's mother took the day off work, making it so she doesn't have to deal with the crowd. She is wanting Seungmin to get settled in better before he is left alone at the house. He appreciates it because it opens up her morning when she doesn't have to go into work. Seungmin got to listen to her hum while she cooked breakfast for the family, the beautiful sound bringing him back home. Nothing at all like Mrs. Park.

Seungmin got to eat breakfast with his whole family, letting his brain get back into the rhythm of things when he was younger. His stomach still needs to get used to taking in larger amounts, his body still adapted to the low amounts he was receiving for years. The doctors say it will be a slow process, but it will get there, they just need to allow time for his body to heal.

The boy takes a seat on the couch in the living room, waiting for his mother to join him. He has yet to explore the house and his room. His body giving out as soon as he got into bed, falling into a deep slumber. He'll get around to it soon, but right now is about spending time with his mother and getting himself more comfortable with other people around him.

His mother soon walks into the living room with two mugs of hot chocolate in her hand, smiling at Seungmin as she places them gently down onto the coffee table. The two have chosen a movie and are planning to have a small movie watching session, catching Seungmin up on some of the ones he missed while gone, plus one's he adored when he was younger.

Seungmin hadn't planned on watching movies all day, unsure if his body would be able to stay awake that long, but he assumes his mother has squeezed in time for them to have a nap. Allowing Seungmin to recharge.

As soon as his mother sits down, Seungmin scoots in closer, lying so his head is rested in her lap, his mother happily welcoming it. She runs her fingers through his hair, hoping it will bring him comfort. Seungmin relaxes into her, allowing his eyes to fall close when he wants them, as long as they are together, I'm sure they won't mind Seungmin dosing off a little bit.

•••

The movie ends with Seungmin smiling at the screen. He may not be a child anymore, but anything Disney will always bring him joy. His mother shifts so Seungmin lifts his head to allow her to get up of the couch.

She walks over to the TV, pushing a button so the disk will pop out.

"What do you want to watch next?" She asks, holding up a few different cases for Seungmin to choose from.

Seungmin scans the cases unsure of what to choose, he hasn't heard of any of these movies and doesn't know what will be good. He shrugs, telling his mother to choose since he isn't sure which he wants to watch. She nods, bringing the movies back into her line of sight before picking one at random.

Seungmin has been contemplating whether or not to ask his mother about this for a while, unsure if he is ready to hear about it or if she will even tell him. It seems silly thinking about how his parents may not tell him about his friends, but everyone is trying to keep as much stress away from him as possible.

However, with a movie not going Seungmin views this as a good opportunity to ask about them. It is possible she doesn't have any information, but finding out what he can will at least bring him a little bit of peace. He'd like to hear that they are okay and life is going well for them, it would at least bring him a bit of comfort knowing that the Park's only made his life miserable for the last four years.

"Mom?" Seungmin calls out, as she places the disk into the slot.

"Hmm?" She briefly glances at him, before turning back to finish what she was doing.

"How is everyone doing? My friends I mean... how are they doing? Are they okay?" Seungmin asks, eyes wandering down to stare at his toes.

It takes a bit for his mother to answer, trying to get all her thoughts in order before she says anything.

"They've struggled," she tells him, taking her seat on the couch again, "when you went missing it was really difficult for them, they blamed themselves for the longest time.

"I think they have grown past that now, but it still hasn't been easy. I've heard school has been difficult and making friends has been nearly impossible, so they really only have each other."

That sounds awful, Seungmin deeply hoped that things wouldn't have been so difficult for them, but with how things sound they really did struggle.

"I don't know much; I sort of lost touch with them after a bit. Your sister would probably know more, I think she still talks to them," she tells Seungmin, "but let's not worry about right now and just relax."

Seungmin nods, leaning back into his mother to watch the movie. Still, he wonders if he really should ask his sister about them.

•••

Seungmin's sister arrives home later than usual that night. Her study group ran long at the campus and it, unfortunately, resulted in her missing family dinner, something she was really looking forward to. Any opportunity she gets to spend time with Seungmin is one she wants to take. Today it just didn't work out in her favor.

Just like the rest of her family, she has been wanting to stick by her brother's side, a little scared to let him out of her sight. They all worry about that man still being out there for Seungmin's safety, but they also just want to be with him. Having Seungmin gone for four years has made their need to have him around grow and fester, and now that he is here, they have a hard time stopping themselves from bombarding him with attention.

She thinks they have done a good job of not overwhelming him, however. Although they want to be with him at all hours, they do understand Seungmin needs his space. After the years he has had to endure, being entered back into society can be a bit tough.

After grabbing a bite to eat from the leftover dinner her mom left, Seungmin's sister makes her way back to her room. She plans to stop by Seungmin's room and wish him goodnight and to make sure he doesn't need anything before she heads to bed.

Pushing open the door to her brother's room, she sees him sitting on the floor rummaging through a few boxes. It was too hard to have some of the stuff laying out and seeing it every day. So, instead of enduring unnecessary pain they packed everything up and put them in Seungmin's bedroom closet.

"Hey," she mumbles to her brother as she comes to sit down by him.

Seungmin looks over to her, smiling lightly as he pulls out another item from the box. There are so many things in here, old notebooks, stuffed animals, and clothes even. They are mainly things Seungmin had collected over the years, and he can understand why his parents packed them away. The constant reminder would be too hard to deal with.

The next thing Seungmin pulls out are a few photo frames. They contain him and his friends, the young boys smiling brightly in each one, it makes Seungmin crack a smile. The first one is of him with his whole group, they are out at the beach, hair half wet and messy. Sand is even on Jisung and Felix's face from the sandcastle war they had started. It's surprising to Seungmin just how much he remembers from that day, maybe when he thought his life was over, he held onto every memory he could.

The second photo is of just him and Hyunjin. It was from they were really young and had won the school's science fair. Hyunjin had his arms wrapped around Seungmin while he held up the first-place trophy to the camera.

"I remember that project," Seungmin's sister comments, leaning in a large smile on her face.

"You guys couldn't stop laughing when you were putting it together, it took you so long to finish it just because you couldn't stay focused," she tells him, hand coming up to gently hold one end of the frame, "you guys were always like that when you got together, Hyunjin has always been able to get you to laugh harder than anyone I've met."

_She's right_ , Seungmin thinks. His friendship with Hyunjin was always full of laughter and smiles. Whenever the other was sad, they would try and distract each other with dumb jokes and random games. It worked most of the time, the day would be filled with so much laughter, their troubles seemed to float away.

"Are they okay?" Seungmin asks, his eyes staring down at the other boys in the pictures. His sister knows who he is talking about, taking a minute to think about her words carefully before speaking.

"Yes, they are," she nods, "I've only spoken to Hyunjin a few times and I know he is having a hard time not being able to see you. The others I've heard about from old friends. Jisung and Jeongin seem to be doing alright, and Felix well... I think he is doing better after he got out of the hospital but--"

"Hospital?!" Seungmin questions, cutting his sister off. He is sure what she had to say is important, but they can go back to that. He needs to know why Felix was in the hospital.

"Why was he in the hospital? Is he okay?" Seungmin asks, eyes bulging and heart pounding.

She looks at him with eyes unreadable, but they shift down. Her expression doesn't sit well with Seungmin, the sadness makes him worried. What happened to his friends? Did Felix get into that much trouble that it required assistance from a doctor? Why is his sister not telling him?

He wants to ask, but also scream at the same time. Why was none of this said in the beginning? If his sister knew all along that his friends were in bad positions, then she should have told him. He can deal with the worry of them not being okay.

"I wish I could tell you," she says to him, "but it won't do anything to help your recovering and that is what you need to focus on."

"Please, I can handle it," Seungmin pleads.

She shakes her head softly, getting up from her seat on the floor, "not today. Good night, don't stay up too late."

His sister leaves without saying anything else. Seungmin knows it isn't panic he is feeling, mainly worry. Felix got out, so he must be okay, Seungmin just wants to know why he was there. His eyes leave the door where his sister exited, moving back to the box of stuff.

Picking the frame back up, he follows his friends. His gaze lands on Felix, looking at the large, toothy smile he has on and the sun shining onto his face.

_I need to see them,_ Seungmin thinks.


	42. Chapter 42

Seungmin was able to sleep in a little later this morning. Promptly closing his eyes and drifting off for almost another hour. It feels good, being able to lay in bed and sleep peacefully, this is definitely something he missed.

He does decide to roll out of bed around eight, not being able to get himself back to sleep. It's quiet and he no longer hears the shuffling of people trying to get ready for the day so Seungmin expects everyone to have left already, which means breakfast will have to be made on his own this morning. Walking a few feet down the hall, Seungmin enters the bathroom, promptly undressing to be able to take his shower.

The warm water on his skin is significantly better than the lukewarm bath he would usually get. Everything is far better now that he is home. There is still a bit of an adjustment period that he is going through, but all in all, this is where he belongs. Seungmin has revisited the idea of being locked away, never attempting to escape. He just wonders what things would be like if he were still there. But the condition of where he was before breaking out was bad. Seungmin was close to death and that is not something he likes thinking about.

So, although it crosses his mind, it doesn't stay. Seungmin likes being home, being loved. His family is all he wants and needs; the Park's should no longer be in his life.

After his shower, Seungmin goes back into his room to dress. His mother bought him a lot of new clothes, so although he is still as skinny as he was when he was twelve, his height has significantly increased. Not many items of his old wardrobe fit anymore, which isn't a surprise, it has been years. But it is a bit sad that Seungmin has to part with so many memories.

The brunette exits his room, heading toward the kitchen to figure out what to make. However, everything stops flowing when he hits the kitchen. His father sits at the table, laptop in front of him and coffee in hand, it is evident that he isn't going to work by the sweatpants he is wearing. Off to the side, on the counter is a, still, warm plate of eggs and toast, which must have been made while he was in the shower.

"You know twenty-four-seven supervision isn't necessary," Seungmin comments heading towards the counter to get his breakfast, "I'll be okay on my own."

"I know that," his father responds, looking up from his coffee as his son takes a seat in the chair next to him.

"We just want to make sure you are fully settled in, so we are moving our schedules around slightly this week so you don't have to be alone."

Seungmin nods, "I get it but don't go crazy missing work, I can spend a few hours alone."

"Got it." his father smiles.

They don't talk much, Seungmin's dad trying to get some work done on his laptop and Seungmin finishing his breakfast. But as time goes on, and the more time Seungmin has to think he takes the moment to pause with his breakfast.

"Dad?" Seungmin calls to him, his father looking up from his laptop, eyes questioning.

"Can you do me a favor?" Seungmin asks, "a big one?"

•••

Felix's day doesn't differ far from Seungmin, not that the blonde has any idea what his friend is up to. The blonde is supposed to be home alone all day, left by everyone to fend for himself. That sounds harsh, Felix was really the ones to tell them to go, knowing he can take care of himself and needing less of their hovering.

However, it is a bit lonely and he would love some non-intrusive company for the day. So, although it's good his family is away, the thought does sadden him. He got used to having people around, and now the house is so quiet.

Felix lays on the couch, phone in hand as he scrolls through his pictures, something where he had started looking for a specific picture and then kept going. He doesn't know how long he has been lying there, but he also doesn't care. There is no expectation for him to do anything today other than rest, so if going through old pictures on his phone passes time, then he will gladly lay on the couch all day.

It isn't until an unexpected knock comes to his door that forces him to move. With a large sigh, Felix places his phone on the coffee table before pushing himself up off of the couch.

Walking over to the door, his legs a little wobbly but he can manage, he places his hand on the wall to steady himself. His hands reach the door and finally, he is able to open it.

"Chan?" Felix questions, very confused to see the older here when he thought he'd be in school.

The older smiles at him, holding up a handful of movies and a bag of snacks, "I came to hang out with you, so let me in!"

This isn't the first time Chan has done this. He often would come over when Felix or Olivia was sick, knowing that the other would be lonely and enjoy the company. The fond memory makes Felix smile. He opens the door more, gesturing for Chan to enter, which he does with a little bounce to his step as he goes to the living room.

"You look like you're doing better!" Chan comments, "you're able to get around the house on your own."

"Yeah, things are easier," Felix says, taking a seat on the couch as Chan moves over to the TV.

He is doing a lot better, he is able to do things on his own, and is less wobbly on his legs. However, his body is still very tired, and he knows he will still need a few more days of recovery before heading back to school. Which Felix is not looking forward to.

With everything Felix has heard from his friends the idea of going back to school is scary. The people at his school have proven to show no mercy in the judgment they give. He can luckily hide behind his friends for a good chunk of the day, but he doesn't have every class with them and it isn't possible to miss class just to avoid being stared down by others.

"Move over," Chan tells him, pushing Felix to the side of the couch so he can sit down. Once the older is on the couch, he pulls Felix back older, allowing the blonde to rest his head in his lap.

When the older was still in high school with him, granted it was only a year, he had a bit of a barrier. When Chan and Rachel started hanging out more, Chan took the initiative to bring Felix under his wing and look out for him when others couldn't. Felix appreciates it, Chan is an incredible person. He likes that he had a guide in his first year of high school, but it also forced him to fend for himself the other years.

Felix never felt fully alone, and the kids at his school he had to view has harmless in order to get by. So eventually, he ignored everything and tried his best to pretend that everything around him wasn't happening.

"Are you cold?" Chan asks.

"No," Felix shakes his head, "why?"

"You're just shivering is all," Chan tells him, his hand running up and down Felix's arm to try and create heat. The two giggle, Felix stopping Chan from moving so they can focus on the movie.

Felix scrunches up his legs, balling himself up as tight as he can. His head rests on Chan's legs, giving his head a better lift to see the movie. They stay like this for most of the films they watch. At one point though, Chan does get up to grab a blanket, so they shift where Chan is back hugging Felix, so they both can embrace the warmth.

However, Chan does have to leave at some point as well. He was lucky enough to not have classes today, but the most he could do with work was change shifts. So instead of working in the morning, he changed to the afternoon, meaning Felix would only have to spend a couple of hours alone instead of all day.

"I don't want you to go," Felix slightly whines from where he is laying on the couch. He grabs at the older's arm, pouting a bit to try and get him to stay.

Chan is lucky he managed to slip off the couch with how clingy Felix is being.

"I know, but I don't want to get fired," Chan tells him, trying to slip out of Felix's grasp, "and you shouldn't either."

Felix's pout only grows, "fine, but I am taking this as your way of saying you hate me."

Chan rolls his eyes; he knows Felix is being dramatic. He can see the smile the younger is trying to hold back, there wasn't a splinter of truth in his statement.

"I'll text you in a couple of hours to check-in, there is no need to be dramatic," Chan tells him, squeezing his hand slightly before he is able to pull away.

Double-checking his bag, Chan throws it over his shoulder, before exiting the living room, calling out another goodbye before leaving. Felix lays on the couch, his body still curled under the blanket. He is starting to wish he didn't tell his parents that he was fine. But this will be good for him, he can't have people around all the time, and he going to have to get used to the quiet again.

A knock comes at the door, but Felix chooses to ignore it. He figures it must be Chan who just forgot something, but thinks it is funny to try and make Felix come to the door. The blonde stays on the couch, waiting for the sound of the front door to open. However, it doesn't come, just another knock.

"Chan!" Felix weakly calls out, hoping the older will hear him from the porch. After a few seconds of nothing, Felix pushes himself off the couch. Blanket wrapped around him, to stay warm.

"You can just open the door, you know," Felix says loudly as he reaches the door, "you don't need to be such a--"

All words halt once he opens the door. He isn't sure is he is seeing things correctly. This has to be a dream. Chan and he are back on the couch and he just fell asleep. Because what he is seeing can't be real.

"Seungmin..."


	43. Chapter 43

Felix stands in the kitchen, filling two glasses with water as Seungmin waits in the other room. The last thing Felix was expecting to have happened to him today was this. He obviously knew the boy was home, the news was shared with him when he was in the hospital. However, the news of him being discharged from the hospital was not passed down to him. So, seeing him standing at his doorstep was definitely a surprise. 

He grabs the two cups off the counter, heading into the living room to Seungmin. The brunette looks up at Felix, his eyes just as nervous as Felix's. The blonde sets the water down on the coffee table before moving around and taking a seat on the couch.

It is quiet, painfully so. The tension is high and Felix can understand why it would be. With everything they have gone through, it would be weird not to have this bubble in the air. 

Felix's eyes move to Seungmin, the features on his face are similar but so different at the same time. The bone structure on his face is incredibly prominent, his skin pale and sickly. Felix can only guess what happened to his friend over the years he was gone. Now, seeing him in person, okay but still hurting, makes his mind want to fill in the blank. 

"With the way you're looking at me, it is as though you've seen a ghost," Seungmin jokes, a small awkward laugh breaking past his lips. 

Felix sort of has, at least it feels like it. He can't say he never thought Seungmin was dead, the thought crossed his mind a few times, but he always tried to push it away. He never wanted to think like that, he wanted to believe Seungmin was out their alive and well, and one day he'd come home. 

Now he is sitting in front of him and Felix isn't sure what to do. A part of him wants to cry and grab onto his friend and never let go, but he restrains himself. Felix is sure that under the baggy close, a small fragile frame lies and he doesn't want to risk crushing him. 

A small breathy laugh leaves Felix's mouth at Seungmin's comment, "yeah, I guess."

Felix wishes things weren't this awkward.

"How did you get here?" Felix questions, he only assumes that Seungmin was discharged from the hospital, he hadn't actually thought about the brunette leaving without warning. 

"My dad drove me," Seungmin answers, "it took a bit of convincing, but once I told him how worried I was, I finally got him to take me."

_Worried? Why would Seungmin be worried about me? If anything, he shouldn't even be focusing on us considering what he has gone through._ Felix tells himself.

Seungmin can see the confusion grow on his friend's face. 

"My sister told me what happened," Seungmin clarifies, "she told me about the hospital, but not about why you were there. Her reluctance to tell me worried me and I wanted to come and see you."

Felix doesn't blame her for not telling Seungmin. Both of them are in a boat of recovery. Their families are choosing to keep things secretive for a bit as to not add too much stress. It can be incredibly frustrating, however. Felix had no idea that Seungmin was discharged, and Seungmin had no idea what Felix was going through other than the fact he was in the hospital for a few days. He wishes his parents would have told him at least a small part of what was going on, knowing that Seungmin was okay, would have eased his mind at least a little.

Seungmin's eyes dig into Felix, almost begging for him to say what's going on. It doesn't make much sense to the blonde, Seungmin went through far more than anyone could imagine, yet he still wants to hear about the minor stressors that his friends had. 

Maybe Felix shouldn't downgrade it like that. What he and the others had to go through wasn't easy. However, compared to Seungmin's Felix doesn't feel as though they'd be on the same level. 

"After you disappeared, things got a little out of hand," Felix begins, he isn't quite sure what to say or how to say it. So, he speaks slowly, trying to come up with the best way to form his words. 

"All of us went through a difficult time, not really sure how to deal with it," Felix continues, "we all sort of kept to ourselves, the kids at school weren't always the nicest. But then our home life started to get impacted and just made everything worse, especially after finding out that the search for you was going to be coming to an end..."

Seungmin doesn't mean to completely tune Felix out, but hearing that last thing comes as a bit of a surprise. He had no idea that people were beginning to give up. But he also can't really blame them. Four years is a long time and that investigation is a constant reminder about how the odds are on a never-ending shrinking slope. 

The brunette is able to get himself back into the conversation, listening to the rest of Felix's story. He is left a bit speechless after everything, hearing about what happened to Felix, what he attempted to do. Seungmin can't help but think none of this would have happened had he still been here. Everything was out of his control, but Seungmin still can't help but feel guilty. 

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that," Seungmin mumbles, Felix looks so pale and weak, probably not too far off to how Seungmin looks right now. The brunette hates this, not only did the Park's destroy his and his family's life, they reached the lives of his friends.

"It's nothing compared to what you had to go through," Felix says, eyes moving down to his lap.

"Don't say that everything you went through doesn't deserve to be dismissed just because of my thing," Seungmin tells him.

Felix gazes back up, his eyes glassy from the formation of tears, he nods slightly to his friend. He wants to ask Seungmin what happened, where he was, what they did to him, but he doesn't quite know how to. He is fairly certain that Seungmin won't share with him, and the blonde wouldn't blame him, he himself had a hard time saying what he had to go through. 

"We were so worried about you," Felix says releasing a long breath, "what happened?"

Even if he doesn't tell him, Felix has to try. Years of not knowing nearly killed him. The idea that one of his best friends could be dead messed with his brain. But now he is here, sitting in front of him, he is alive.

Seungmin knew that this question would get brought up and he knows at some point he will have to open up about it. But is hard, telling people something horrible that happened to one they love is scary. Even scarier when you're the subject of the story.

He also knows that he can't tell Felix, at least not right now. Seungmin sort of feels like his parents doing this, but he doesn't want to add any further stressors to Felix right now. If Seungmin was to tell him what happened, Felix's levels of anxiety would be sure to skyrocket and that is the last thing he wants.

"That will have to be a story for another time," Seungmin tells him, "but I promise, I will tell you." 

Felix nods, choosing not to pry. He knows Seungmin doesn't have to tell him anything, so he isn't going to push it. The blonde smiles, reaching out for Seungmin. The two fall into each other, wrapping their arms around each other tightly.

"I'm glad you're home," Felix mutters, "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," Seungmin replies, this feels good, being with his friend. This is what he needed.

•••

Seungmin isn't sure how long he has been at Felix's, but after a while, he decides that he probably shouldn't keep his dad waiting any longer. Felix is sad to see him go, but he understands. Besides, he got to have this time with him, which made him really happy. 

Felix walks the brunette to the front door, pulling him in for one last hug before he goes. He isn't sure when the next time he'll see Seungmin, he was supposed to be at home resting, and once Seungmin's mother finds out, Felix isn't sure what will happen. Hopefully, he isn't put on lockdown, but knowing Seungmin's mother, she'll just give him a talk about needing rest.

Pulling out of the hug, Seungmin walks out of the house, the blonde watching him all the way to the car. It's the middle of the day, but it is comforting to know that he is with his dad now, another person keeping an eye on him to make sure he is safe. He watches the car drive away before deciding to close the door.

It is incredible that he got to see Seungmin, the amount of relief he feels just from seeing the boy. Seungmin came to him when he was in need, something Felix never thought would happen, given the brunettes situation. But this did get Felix thinking.

He has been thinking about it for a while, but the visit from Seungmin has now solidified it in his head. Felix feels so good after that visit with his friend, that he wants to give that feeling to someone else. He wants to go visit Seojoon.

Felix hopes that him reaching out to Seojoon will make him feel like he has a friend. Give him the good-happy feeling that Seungmin gave him when he showed up at his front door. He wants to show Seojoon that he isn't alone and that Felix can be there is he wants him to be. But again, he knows he would never be able to convince his parents.

So, the blonde pulls out his phone as he walks over to the couch. Sitting down and curling his knees to his chest, he scrolls through his messages, finding the exact one that he needs. His thumbs type out the message, before hovering over the send button.

'Chan, I need a favour.'

No more hesitations, this is what he needs to do. Felix presses down, sending the message to the older.


	44. Chapter 44

Hyunjin stares at the pillow huddled close to his blonde friend's stomach, his arms wrapped around the plush item as he speaks. The taller didn't know what to expect when he received Felix's text yesterday, he actually didn't expect much of anything. Thinking it would be a normal visit, or that Felix was just lonely staying home all day, everyone replied, saying that they would be over.

However, now they are here, and Hyunjin is hearing something he didn't think would happen this soon. He isn't sure what to think, hearing that Seungmin came to Felix first. The feelings in his chest and head are flying by, switching from one to another way quicker than he can comprehend.

Confusion, hurt, and maybe anger run through him. These feelings swallow him when hearing this shouldn't bring about these. Hearing that Seungmin is okay and that Felix got to see him, should make him happy, but it doesn't. Hyunjin himself wants to see the brunette, and the fact that he didn't reach out to him first, brings him more pain than it should.

"He was really worried," Felix says, "when he saw me, it was like a wave of relief passed through him. It was a bit of a shock; I didn't think I would see him so soon."

Hyunjin doesn't know if that exactly helps what he is feeling right now. None of this seems fair, he wanted to be the one to see that Seungmin was okay, he wanted to be the one telling everyone else about the boy. But instead, it was Felix, and Hyunjin doesn't know why that gets to him so much.

"Still, why only you?" Hyunjin questions, not meaning for the words to come out so harsh. Actually, he didn't mean for them to come out at all.

"Um, I think--" Felix tries to say.

"It doesn't make any sense, we are all friends with him, why didn't he try and contact all of us?" Hyunjin cuts in, seemingly unaware of how Felix was trying to speak earlier.

Felix glances over to Jisung, tilting his head towards Hyunjin to try and signal that Jisung should try and talk to him. They both know why Hyunjin is feeling this way and it is understandable, but Felix isn't about to have that conversation. Jisung however, is more comfortable with confrontation, than Felix will ever be and is okay bringing this up now.

"It's okay to be upset, we get it," Jisung tells the taller, "seeing the one you're in love with reach out to someone else is hard and it probably hurts, but I'm sure Seungmin--"

"Wait wait wait." Hyunjin holds up his hands, getting Jisung to stop talking, "In love?"

Hyunjin has never expressed his feeling to anyone, but maybe Seungmin when they were younger. The others had no idea what he was feeling back then, and why would they even be paying attention? They were all young, trying to figure out things on their own, Hyunjin's feelings probably didn't cross their minds.

"It's okay, your feelings are valid," Jisung tells him, "besides that's probably where the frustration is coming from, the feelings you have for Seungmin."

Hyunjin lets out a frustrated sigh, "I may have had a crush on him four years ago, but I have no idea what that turned into, and considering I haven't seen him in four years, maybe they didn't turn into anything. So, let's just drop this."

Jisung knows it can be difficult to accept feelings you have for someone else; he had a hard time accepting that he had feelings for Minho. But once he did things were a lot easier and he didn't feel like he was putting this huge restriction on himself.

"You don't need to deny your feelings, we aren't judging you," Jisung tells him, "it's okay to have feelings for him, and trying to deny that is only going to make everything harder for you."

This continues back and forth for a little while, Felix and Jeongin sitting off to the side watching how their friends go at it. They can see how both are getting increasingly frustrated with each other, and it is a bit difficult to watch. Jisung was only trying to be helpful and let Hyunjin know that it's okay he is feeling angry, but that seemed to only add to Hyunjin's frustrations.

Eventually, Jeongin decides that this is enough, hearing his friends go at it can get a bit tiring and overwhelming.

"Okay, that's enough!" Jeongin exclaims, pushing himself in between the two, "Jisung stop provoking Hyunjin, it is only making things worse. And Hyunjin, stop denying your feelings. It doesn't matter when they started, or how young you were. If they are still here you shouldn't be pushing them away, that will only make life harder for you."

Hyunjin knows he's right, but admitting them can be hard. He had to watch Seungmin be taken right out of his hands once, and he doesn't want to do that again. Admitting his feelings will only make it harder if Seungmin does end up leaving them again.

"I'm sorry," Hyunjin says, voice lowering and demeanor calming, "I just miss him, and it sucks that he came to Felix first. I didn't mean to angry with you guys."

"It's okay, and besides I don't know if he knew anything about what you guys are going through," Felix tells them, "he seemed to only know about me being in the hospital, which is odd since his sister sees Hyunjin more than any of us."

Felix doesn't know if that helped any, but he hopes that it at least got through a little.

"He's doing okay though, he looks like he is getting better and seems happy to be home," Felix adds, "so I think we'll be able to all see him soon if he is really recovering as quickly as he seems to be."

Hyunjin hopes he is getting better quickly and not just because he really wants to see him. He wants Seungmin to be okay, and a quick recovery is what he deserves. Plus, he does really want to see the other boy.


	45. Chapter 45

Felix waits on the front porch, a jacket securely around his body. The fall air is getting chillier and Felix is sort of dreading the day winter decides to kick down the door. His parents questioned him a little, a bit reluctant to let their still healing son out of the house, but after saying he was only going on a drive with Chan, they decided to let him go, albeit reluctantly.

He didn't give them any details of their whereabouts because he knew that they wouldn't let him out of the house after that. So, although he feels a bit bad for lying, he figures he'll tell them later and face the consequences then.

Chan told him he'd be by in a few minutes, and with everyone home for the weekend, Felix decided to wait outside. The overwhelming number of loud voices making it hard to concentrate. He needs a clear head for when he gets there, the plan for what he wants to say needs to be prominent in his mind, not the fact Olivia wants to go to the movies and needs money.

The wind starts to pick up slightly, and Felix is glad that he can see Chan's car in the distance, the older pulling into the driveway. He doesn't bother stepping out of the car, seeing Felix already coming down the porch stairs and over to the passenger's seat.

"Hey," Felix mumbles once he has closed the door to Chan's car.

"Hey." Chan smiles, pulling out his phone, "so I was looking at the address you gave me, and are you sure you gave me the correct one?"

Felix knew once Chan figured out where they were going he would have a few questions, but Felix can't answer those right now. He needs a clear headspace, and if he has Chan questioning him every five minutes, he is going to have no idea or plan of what to say to Seojoon.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Felix tells him, feeling Chan's confused eyes dig into him.

"I'll explain later," Felix adds, "I promise I have a reason for going."

Chan wants to question it, he really does. He wants to refuse to drive until Felix gives him a proper explanation, but he doesn't think that will make anything better. Chan chooses to trust Felix's word the younger telling him he'll explain when he can, which Chan is just going to have to go with it for now.

\---

A familiar nurse is at the receptionist's desk when the two males walk in. Her smile is kind as she looks up at the sound of the door being opened. Chan lingers behind Felix who approaches the desk, her eyes lighting up with recognition.

"Hi," Felix greets, a bit awkwardly, he isn't sure how to approach the nurse who often would bring him his meds, the ones he never took. Luckily for Felix, she stays professional, waiting to hear what she can do for the young blonde.

"I was wondering if I could visit Kim Seojoon?" Felix asks, he is unsure of the visiting restrictions, or if anything about the other male has changed in the couple of weeks he has been gone.

"One moment please," she says, typing a few things into the computer, "I'll need to go and tell him people are here to visit, you can have a seat well you wait."

She stands up gesturing towards the chairs across from the desk.

"Thank you," Felix says, walking towards the chairs, catching Chan's attention.

The two sit down in the waiting room, Felix's leg immediately bouncing with nervousness. What will Seojoon say when he sees him, would he be happy he here? Or will he be mad that Felix left in the way he did?

Felix should have figured that no matter how much he prepared for this, he truly would never be ready. Facing Seojoon shouldn't be scary, he is one of the kindest people Felix has ever met. However, the way Felix went out was unexpected, and it probably didn't make anything easy for the other.

"Okay, Felix why are we here?" Chan questions, placing his hand down on Felix's bouncing leg, "you're clearly anxious to be back, so why come here?"

Chan never got to see Felix here, no one did. They never got to see how he struggled or how Seojoon tried to lessen the stress. Felix had a hard time seeing Seojoon's help, but that doesn't mean it wasn't there. It would be so easy to explain to Chan that he needs to see a friend, but why is Felix questioning it?

"I just need to--"

"Felix?" The nurse interrupts, "he's waiting for you in the day room."

A smile reaches the blonde's face as he nods to the nurse, thanking her once more. He stands up, Chan following behind.

"You don't need to come in with me," Felix tells him, knowing Chan is probably more uncomfortable being here than he is.

"Yeah, but I want to," Chan says, taking the lead to where the nurse is holding the door open for them. Felix doesn't argue, he can't force Chan to stay out here if he doesn't want to.

Chan stops just inside the day room, not knowing where to go from here. Felix is wanting to meet someone, he figured that out, but as to who it is, he has no idea. He turns his head back to the blonde who has just stepped into the room, the door closing behind them. A few nurses are in the day room, some monitoring visits, while others silently watch over the patients, just in case of an outburst.

Felix scans the room, searching for the particular male. It doesn't take long to find him, he sits off in the corner, legs tucked up on the chair close to his body. Felix remembers how Seojoon doesn't like being in the day room, and the blonde feels slightly bad for pulling him out. However, they can't meet while in the patient's room.

The blonde doesn't say anything, instead pushes himself forward, leaving Chan without a word. Chan does follow, not wanting to leave the blonde on his own, plus not wanting to be left alone here, anyway.

"Seojoon?" Felix speaks softly, earning the other's attention.

Seojoon's face gleams when he sees the blonde, thrilled to see the others face once again. The older wasn't sure what happened to Felix after he was rushed out of here in an ambulance, no one would tell him, so he sat worried and unsure. He had a feeling the blonde was okay, but seeing it for himself makes him feel so much better than just speculating.

"Felix!" Seojoon exclaims, standing up and pulling the blonde into a sudden hug. He isn't sure why, maybe it was his body's natural reaction, but Seojoon is quick to pull back apologizing for his actions.

His eyes turn to the unfamiliar male who is standing behind Felix. The brown curling hair immediately catching his attention.

"This is Chan," Felix tells him, "he is a friend of mine."

Chan waves, a soft smile gracing his lips. Seojoon returns the smile and wave but doesn't settle his attention on the brunette for long. He wants to hear about Felix, what happened and how he is doing.

Seojoon guides Felix to sit down with him at the table, eyes filling with excitement. He is so glad to see that he is doing okay, but he also wants to hear it. Seojoon wants Felix to tell him what happened, so he knows that the people at home are actually siding Felix in his recovery.

"I'll let you two talk," Chan mutters, moving off to the side, to find an empty seat to sit in.

Felix nods, mouthing a thank you to him, before turning his attention back to Seojoon. The older is still smiling at him, and it is good to see that he seems to be alright.

"How have you been? You seem to be doing good," Felix says, a content sigh leaving his lips.

Seojoon shakes his head, "I'm fine, but that's not important, I want to make sure you're okay, tell me about you."

That is why Felix came here. To explain what happened, to apologize, but also to make sure Seojoon was well. However, Seojoon just wants to jump into it, and the blonde can't blame him, he is curious, seeing his roommate carried out in the way Felix was, leaves one with a lot of questions.

So Felix begins, shaky with his words, not certain of what to say. He tells Seojoon what happened the night before he was carried off. Felix talks about his experience in the hospital and his healing at home. He assures the older that his family is getting better and they are doing everything they can to make sure Felix is okay. Which means he won't be coming back here.

"Good," Seojoon states, "this place isn't good for you and I'd hate to see you suffering again."

"Yeah, it feels good to be out," Felix comments, "But I needed to come back to see you."

Seojoon chuckles and shakes his head, "no you didn't, but I'm glad I got to see you."

"Yes, I did," Felix states, reaching his hand out to touch Seojoon's arm, "I needed to let you know that I saw what you were trying to do, even though you didn't have to. I appreciate that you tried to reach out, even though I was so far lost that it didn't seem like anything could help me."

"I just did what any thoughtful person would do, I saw you struggling and I wanted to help," Seojoon explains.

"Exactly, and I'm thankful. I may have not seen it then, but I'm seeing it now. You were trying to be a friend, so thank you." Felix's smile grows as he speaks, hoping Seojoon can truly see his appreciation.

The two talk a bit more, Seojoon wanting to hear about how the blondes friends are and what sort of things he has been doing now that he is home. Not much and Felix says exactly that. He has been at home, for the most part, only going to be going back to school on Monday. But today is the first day he has really left the house.

Felix isn't sure how much time has gone by, but he feels bad for keeping Chan waiting. Knowing that they have been here long enough, he prepares to say goodbye to Seojoon.

"What you said about me not being here, about how I suffered," Felix adds before he needs to leave, "that might be true for a lot of people here, they just get used to it, that they think they belong. Seojoon, I know it's scary, but your dad is wrong, there is a life for you out there, you don't need to stay in here your whole life."

Seojoon doesn't respond to that, just looks down at the table they are sitting at. Felix knows that Seojoon can make it out there, no matter how scary it will be, he just needs a bit of a push.

"I'll come back a visit as soon as I can," Felix tells him, standing up from the table.

"Please, you don't have to, it--"

"I want to," Felix cuts in, he doesn't want Seojoon thinking he is a burden, especially when Felix views him as a friend.

Felix moves over to Chan, getting the older's attention. He stands up, looking towards Seojoon, before waving goodbye, following Felix out of the room.

The two make it back to Chan's car, both sliding in. Chan sticks the keys into the ignition but holds off starting the car.

"He must be pretty special if you had me drive all the way out here just for him," Chan comments, looking towards Felix.

Felix knows that Chan wants more answers, probably about who he is and how they got so close. But that would involve explaining who Seojoon is, that is if Felix gave everything Chan wanted and Felix doesn't want to do that. He isn't going to share a story that isn't his.

"He's my friend," Felix says, "so yeah, I'd say he is pretty special."


	46. Chapter 46

"I don't know if you're ready yet," Seungmin's mom comments, placing the bowl of soup in front of her son at the table.

Seungmin knows that if he doesn't push himself then he'll continuously keep finding excuses to push back meeting with them. It took courage to go to Felix's house, plus a little convincing of his dad to drive him. The dive of having them all over is scary, but he can't avoid it forever, and it is only going to make things more challenging if his mom restricts it.

"You're still recovering, we don't want anything to stress you out more than it needs to," she tells him, "seeing all of your friends is a big step, and I just want you to be in a place where you can handle that."

She wasn't very happy when she found out Seungmin left the house to go see Felix, less happy to find out that it was his father who drove him. She doesn't think Seungmin's health is there yet, she wants him to meet with his friends, but only when he can handle that. Seungmin just thinks she is being overprotective.

"He handled being with Felix just fine," his father chimes in, "I know it's scary to let it out of your control, but if he says he's ready then we should listen to that."

"I--"

"Mom," Seungmin says gently, placing his hand on her forearm, "I want to see them, it's been so long and I know they are worried. Besides, I'm worried about them too and want to see that they are okay."

The reluctance in his mother's eyes is evident as she continues serving dinner silently. It's understandable why it would worry her after everything Seungmin has been through, she only wants to make sure he is safe. Fear lingers and although it is okay, it is also restricting some needed growth.

She sits down with her bowl, staring into it for a few moments. Everyone has paused their own eating to wait for her answer, silently hoping that she'll just give in. Seungmin knows it's a big step, but he has already met up with Felix, it's time to see everyone else, especially because it has been so long.

His mother releases a deep sigh, turning her head towards Seungmin, "fine, I'll let you meet up with them."

Seungmin's smile grows.

"But," she interjects, "it has to be here, and I need to be the one to set it up, I have to make sure everyone's parents are okay with this, got it?"

Seungmin nods, not wanting to complain. He got what he wants and he just going to have to deal that it isn't fully on his terms. So, for now, he can go back to eating dinner and focusing on what he is going to say when they all are here.

•••

Sunday Morning, or early afternoon when Hyunjin wakes up, he hadn't expected his parents to be at the table still. Normally they have already started on their errands and are out for the day when Hyunjin wakes on the weekends. Today, however, they are still sitting at the table, still dressed in their sleep clothes which is even more unusual.

Hyunjin is almost hesitant to enter the kitchen fully, not sure what to do with the fact his parents are whispering to each other, still unaware of their son standing in the entryway. The male decides to enter fully, muttering a quick 'morning' to his parents has he walks through to get to the coffee pot. Normally it is cold by now, and there is little left, but the older can heat it up in the microwave, getting his not so amazing coffee for the day.

"Hyunjin, come and sit down with us," the boy hears over the humming of the microwave. it's noon and Hyunjin feels like it is too early to be having this conversation with his parents. He doesn't know what they are wanting to say, but their body language is giving him a very unsettling vibe.

The beeps of the microwave sound and Hyunjin pulls his coffee out. He takes a few sips testing the warmth, before deciding to move over to the table with his parents. Sitting down, they watch him slowly following his movements, and Hyunjin isn't sure how he feels about that.

"We got a call this morning," his mother states, looking into her son's eyes, "it was from Seungmin's parents."

Hyunjin can feel his heart drop, what happened to Seungmin? The last he heard about him was from Felix, and he said the brunette was doing fine, but the way his parents are staring at him, he knows something bad must have happened.

"What happened, is he okay? Is he hurt?" Hyunjin asks, his voice frantic.

"Yes!" Both of his parents exclaim at the same time, seeing the worry that they didn't mean to inflict on their son.

"He is fine, his parents just called about visiting," his mother explains.

Hyunjin releases a huge sigh of relief, "Jesus you guys, I thought he was dead or something, I nearly had a heart attack!"

"We were just trying to approach it in a sensitive way, but we see how it could have sounded to you," she replies, "I'm sorry."

"His mother called us, wanting to see if we'd be alright to let you go to see him today," His father tells him.

"I want to see him!" Hyunjin says, hope and excitement shining through.

"We figured you would, but we wanted to go over some of the things you need to be careful of," His mother tells him, her tone is soft, but you can tell she is being serious, "Seungmin just got back, and is still adjusting, so although I'm sure all you want to do is hug him, he needs to have a little bit of space before people bombard him with affection. Also, he has been through so much that we don't know about, it's okay to ask questions, but do not push him to answer them."

Hyunjin isn't stupid, he knows Seungmin needs time and space, but he does see where his parents are coming from. So, he keeps his mouth shut and continues to listen. If it means he gets to see Seungmin today, he'll do anything.

"We want you to be able to see him, and we will drive you, but we just want you to be mindful," his father tells him, "this is going to be a difficult time for all of you and it's okay to not be ready." 

Hyunjin is ready, he has been ready for years to see Seungmin. Sure, there are nerves behind the thought, but he needs this. The thought of going another week or month without seeing his closes friend kills him, he needs to make sure that he is alright.

Even if it is hard, or awkward at first, Hyunjin can handle that. Because as long as he gets to see Seungmin, he knows things will be alright.

•••

Seungmin waits nervously on his couch. His mother told him everyone would be coming over, and it is nearing the time they planned. His anxiety is on fire, and his mind refuses to calm. Hopefully when the boys get here and they get a bit more settled in things will calm down. Seungmin keeps reminding himself that these are his friends, and he is not in any danger. Felix was amazing and being able to see him felt incredible. So, seeing everyone else should bring the same feeling, only stronger.

Still, his nerves attack him. He never knows what to expect from this visit, a long time without seeing them, it's going to be difficult for everyone. Seungmin is still adjusting to being at home, which is why his mother was so hesitant to have this meeting in the first place. Although he understands, he wants to prove that he can handle this, that he can handle the world outside, no matter how scary.

"Do you want some juice?" Seungmin's sister asks, taking a seat beside Seungmin on the couch.

Seungmin shakes his head, he doesn't think he could stomach anything right now, too nervous for it. He hasn't had much today, but he can handle it, besides he would rather be a little hungry than uncomfortably full with his friends around.

"It's going to be okay; you don't need to be nervous," she tells him, lacing his hand in with hers. She gently holds it, with both hands, trying to calm her brother's nerves.

"Felix was so happy to see you, and so is everyone else," she says, "They just want to make sure you're okay, they aren't a threat, there is no danger."

"I know," Seungmin mutters, "but it's still scary, I'm still worried that when they see me, things might be different."

His sister nods a small, comforting smile on her face, "it's going to be a little weird, you and your friends have changed, and that's normal. The only thing that's strange is it's a jump, and you didn't get to see the gradual progression."

She is right, Seungmin was a little surprised when he saw everyone for the first time. Although it had only been what seems like a short amount of time, everyone had changed so much. It was especially surprising to see Felix. His dyed blonde hair, and teenage face. He lost a lot of the baby fat he carried in middle school; his chubby cheeks almost completely gone. So, although it was still Felix, it looked like a different version, the subtle changes seeming drastic because they were thrown at him all at once.

"Just remember, mom, dad, and I will all be here, so if you need anything, just yell," she says, pulling her brother into a quick hug.

The doorbell rings and before Seungmin even pulls away from the hug his mother yells, "I'll get it!"

Her footsteps are quick against the wooden floors, very clearly able to tell how anxious this visit is making her. Seungmin's sister squeezes his hand comfortingly, before getting up and leaving to the kitchen. Although his mother doesn't like that Seungmin requested that they all be in another room while his friends are here. He thought that would make it easier, but now that the moment has come, he isn't so sure anymore.

Taking a deep breath, he can hear several voices murmuring by the door. This is it, and Seungmin knows he needs to do this, he knows he's ready. But it is still terrifying to be here, right now.

"He's in the living room," He hears his mother say, causing him to take in another deep breath to try and calm himself. His eyes move towards the floor, needing to focus on anything else, at least for a few seconds.

His hearing shrinks as he tries to bring himself back. When he was going to visit Felix, he felt this way, needing to take a moment to ground himself before he went up to the blonde's front door. He tells himself it is only his nerves and that he is going to be okay, he has to be, because in a few moments his friends are going to be standing before him, and he won't be able to hide from that.

"Seungmin..." the familiar deep voice calls out to him. He hears it, yet it takes him a moment for his head to crane up, looking at the several faces staring back at him. His mother stands in the front with Felix, both wearing comforting smiles.

"I'll be in the kitchen if you boys need anything just let me know," she tells them, moving towards Seungmin to give him a quick kiss on the cheek before heading out.

It's quiet, a little uncomfortably so. Seungmin wanted to see them, he wanted this visit, but now that his friends are actually here and he has no idea what to say. Felix takes a step forward, reaching his arms out slowly, as though he is asking for a hug.

Seungmin smiles, nodding before reaching out and being pulled into a hug by the blonde. Seungmin is taller, but he still manages to bring his head down and rest it on the blonde's shoulder.

Felix whispers something into Seungmin's ear after a minute, knowing that the others probably feel left out. Seungmin nods, knowing that it could be a bit overwhelming, but it could also greatly break the ice.

"What are you guys doing just standing there?" Felix jokes, "get in here."

Jisung is quick to jump in on the hug, attacking the two from the side. Although Jeongin and Hyunjin are much more hesitant they do join in, Jeongin taking the side opposite of Jisung and Hyunjin going around, his body meeting with Seungmin.

It's a bit awkward at first, but as the hug progresses, they melt into it. Each of them falling into the warmth and feeling happy as they could be right now. They are finally back together.

•••

The boys are laid all out through the living room, after their heart to heart hug, they knew they needed to lighten the mood up a little. Although they all want to hear about what happened to Seungmin, it might be a little soon for that, so Jisung and Felix decide on something else.

Seungmin missed years of memories and stories, so the two started talking and catching him up, getting him to laugh a few times. It feels good to be able to talk like normal, to lay around the room and tell stories of their day, this is something both Jisung and Felix definitely missed.

Seungmin's mother has already brought in snacks, the boys eating most of them, but with Seungmin's nerves still high, he is a bit anxious about eating anything. Luckily, if his friends did notice, they haven't said anything, which he appreciates.

Hyunjin is sat on the couch with the other, not too close, but close enough he could lean in and whisper something clearly to him. With the absence of Seungmin talking, it does concern the taller that they may be overwhelming him. However, he doesn't want to call across the room to them to be quiet until he is sure.

The older is a bit hesitant, but as soon as he works up the courage, he leans in slightly, earning Seungmin's attention.

"Are you feeling okay?" Hyunjin whispers, "if this is overwhelming, we can leave, you--"

"No, no." Seungmin shakes his head, "I'm okay, I want you guys here."

Seungmin smiles at Hyunjin, their eyes meeting. He is glad that all of his friends are here, and although he is nervous, this is good for him. Hopefully, he'll adjust in a few minutes and be able to interact fully with them.

"Okay." Hyunjin smiles, leaning away. He doesn't like the distance that is in between them, but he also doesn't want to make the younger uncomfortable. Seungmin may say he is fine, but there is still a bit of doubt that lingers over him. So, although he wants to scoot closer and hold Seungmin's hand, he doesn't, worried that it will only increase the nervousness Seungmin has.

Eventually, everyone else notices how quiet Seungmin is being, but instead of asking about it, they all decide to watch a movie, choosing to settle down a little bit to give Seungmin a break. Felix decides on Tangled, one of his personal favourite Disney movies. Everyone shifts to the couch, Hyunjin being thankful for his friends pushing him over, making it so he was right beside Seungmin. The brunette smiles at him before his focus is directed at the TV once again.

At some point during the movie, Seungmin moves to rest his head against Hyunjin's shoulder, feeling his eyes wanting to fall closed. It is an action that the older had not expected, but was so thrilled about. Working up the courage, Hyunjin leans in, resting his head against Seungmin's. He tries to focus back on the movie, but being so close to the boys he has feelings for, it makes it rather difficult.

Another knock resonates through the room, Seungmin almost feeling the need to get up and answer it. But luckily his father comes into the living room announcing that he'll grab it.

However, a few moments later, Seungmin's father steps back into the living room, "Seungmin someone is at the door for you."

The brunette lifts his head, confused. Who would be at the door?

Getting up, Seungmin moves around the coffee table, telling his friends he'll be back in a minute. His father stands in the entryway with Seungmin, staying close by because he didn't recognize whoever was at the door for Seungmin.

"Hajoon?" Seungmin questions when he reaches the door, "what are you doing here?"

Not to mention, how did he find out where Seungmin lives?

Seungmin knew that the younger would be out of the hospital soon, but he honestly assumed that it would be a while until he saw the younger again, if at all. He had hoped that his days of seeing any of the Park's would be over once he left the hospital. Sure, there was that fear with Mr. Park being out of police custody, but he still thought that the time he had away would be longer than it has been.

"You said you wanted to see me again," Hajoon reminds him, smiling brightly at the older, "so I looked up some news articles, and was able to find your house from videos."

That doesn't sit well with Seungmin. Hajoon isn't exactly a threat, but if he can find his house from that, anyone can.

"I know it's a little late, but it took me a bit to figure out how to navigate the bus system," Hajoon explains, stepping forward almost as though he is going to step into the house.

"You can't come in," Seungmin says, the harshness not meant to come out so thick.

Seungmin can see how Hajoon's face falls at Seungmin's words.

"I have friends over, and this is the first time I've gotten to see them," Seungmin tells him, "this time is theirs, I'm sorry."

The sadness is evident in Hajoon's demeanour, but Seungmin can't do anything about that. He does not want Hajoon to meet his family nor his friends. He is a reminder of the past, and the name will only strike a chord with the people in his house.

Hajoon nods, stepping back slightly, head facing down to the ground, "I understand."

"I'm sorry," Seungmin says again, preparing to close the door, "goodbye."

Once Seungmin turns around he is met with the slightly concerned face of his father. He can tell that his father has many questions and Seungmin will have to deliver those answers after his friends are gone.

"Are you okay?" Is all his father asks Seungmin.

Seungmin nods his head, "yeah."

He doesn't say anything past that, just moves out of the hall and into the living room. He joins his friends on the couch, tucking his legs up next to his body. Hajoon showing up at his door was unexpected and worried him. The change is probably evident to his friends, considering he is balled up, and closing off, but neither of them addresses it.

They all turn back to the movie, trying to enjoy the remaining amount of time they will get to spend with the boy tonight.

•••

Seungmin isn't sure how late it is when he wakes up, he doesn't bother to check the time. The tapping from his window is constant and doesn't falter once. Sleepy and confused, Seungmin pushes his covers away, crawling to the end of his bed, where his window is placed.

The brunette stares at the curtain, trying to get his eyes to adjust before he investigates what the tapping is. It's probably just a small animal that is by his window, remembering that it used to happen often when he was a kid, but with years of not hearing, he is waking up to it again.

Poking through the curtains, Seungmin is cautious about it. And he is glad he was, the small hole in the curtain reveals a hand, tapping at his window. Seungmin's heart picks up, as he moves up to try and see the face of whoever is there.

The only thoughts running through his head are that Mr. Park found him, and this is the end of the road for him. He can feel tears brimming at his eyes as he moves his hand upward.

"Hajoon," Seungmin should be relieved when he sees it is only the boy, but he is anything but.

Seeing the younger boy at his window terrifies him. The fact he snuck into the back yard and figured out which window was Seungmin's does not sit well with him.

Opening the curtains, Seungmin can see a large smile form on Hajoon's face. Seungmin is glad that there is a screen that gives him a bit of a barrier, without it there he would not feel comfortable opening his window.

"What are you doing here?" Seungmin asks in a hushed voice, although one can still hear the distress.

"I waited when I saw your friends leave, I thought I would give you a bit until I came to see you," Hajoon tells him, "but all the lights were turned off when I checked again, so I came here."

"Aren't you supposed to be at a house or something?" Seungmin questions, "won't they be worried?"

Hajoon smiles, "only if they find out."

He looks the widow up and down slightly, "is there a way we can get this screen off?"

Yes, but Seungmin isn't going to tell him that. The fact that he showed up at his window is not okay, and Seungmin doesn't know how he doesn't recognize that. He may be young, but he is old enough to know that this is freaky, and not acceptable.

"Hajoon, you can't come in," Seungmin states.

"Why not? Are some of your friends still here?" Hajoon asks with a frown.

"No, but that's not the point!" Seungmin exclaims, the slight raise of voice throwing Hajoon off.

"You coming here like this is not okay, it is a huge invasion of privacy," Seungmin tells him, "you need to leave, now."

Hajoon watches as Seungmin closes the window, the sound sticking in his ears. The curtains are closed in his face, and Hajoon is left there alone. Climbing off the window seal, Hajoon exits the backyard, a bitter taste in his mouth that he couldn't see Seungmin.

If his friends weren't there, then he could. His parents brought Seungmin to their house for them, and now Seungmin is being taken away from him.


	47. Chapter 47

With Felix back in school, things are a bit more difficult for him. His energy levels are still very low, and he needs to take time in class to rest his head down on the desk to give himself a minute. Luckily, his teachers are being very understanding and are giving him this time to adjust to being back in school. 

His friends have been doing everything they can for him, but what is most surprising is the amount of help that is coming from Changbin. After his welcome back party, the older was a lot more comfortable with visiting Felix, helping him out and giving him company. Felix's parents loved the older, how he treated Felix made them feel good, it gave them hope that Felix won't be alone. 

Today is another day Changbin walks Felix home, most likely planning to come in and sit with the blonde while they do their homework. It's nice having him here, Changbin helping him even with small things. It has brought the two boys closer than Felix ever thought they would be. 

"I don't want to do this right now," Felix whines, "I'm too tired."

The blonde falls back on the couch, nearly pushing his books off. Changbin, being on the other end of the couch, is quick to catch things so they don't fall, setting them to the side for the time being.

"Come on, you only have a few problems left," Changbin tells him, grabbing Felix's hands and pulling him up. 

Felix puts more of his weight down, making it harder for the older to pull him up. But with how small Felix is, it isn't a very big change. Laughing, Changbin is able to pull Felix upright, the younger who is still putting most of his weight into Changbin, falling forward slightly.

Changbin catches Felix, keeping one hand gripped to Felix's hand, and the other placed securely on Felix's waist. Felix's bangs fall forward with him, covering his eyes. The two's laughter dies down, Changbin taking his hand off the blonde's waist as soon as he is secure. That hand comes up to Felix's face, brushing the hair out of his face gently. 

Their eyes meet, Changbin offering a soft smile, which Felix returns. The younger's heartbeat picks up, as it often does when he is with Changbin but this is slightly different. They have never been this close to each other; their faces are almost touching. Nervousness and excitement run through the blonde and he isn't sure which one is stronger. 

"I would prefer if you didn't," Olivia comments, without either boy actually initiating things. But with Felix's younger sister's words, they are both quick to pull further away from each other.

"I love both of you," she says at the entryway to the living room, "but I would not love seeing that."

"Olivia," Felix hisses, face burning red with embarrassment. She is almost as bad as their mom. The fact that Felix is expanding his friend group makes her so happy, but now that she has recognized there is something more in between the two, she hasn't been able to keep her mouth shut. 

"You're in the living room!" She exclaims, walking through to move over to the kitchen, "Public space!"

With her gone, all Felix has left to focus on is Changbin, and with what just happened, he has a hard time bringing himself to look the older in the eye. Although they have been getting closer, everything about still makes Felix incredibly nervous. Somedays he feels he can hardly be in the same room as the older, his heart swelling so much. 

"Homework," Felix says, clearing his throat, "I should do that."

The words are so unstable, his brain trying to figure out how to piece the sentence together. But instead of trying to correct himself, to make it seem more natural, he moves away. Felix moves so he isn't facing Changbin, grabbing his notebook off of the coffee table and setting it in his lap. 

Felix doesn't look over to see what Changbin is doing, too nervous to glance back. The older makes him feel things that he didn't even know existed, and Felix doesn't know what to do with that. Refusing to talk to anyone about what is going on in his mind and chest, Felix sits silently, hoping no one will notice the way his cheeks glow with dusty pink, or how is breath hitches every time Changbin is mentioned. 

It's a new development that Felix was unsure of was actually happening. He would always see it in movies, but he never thought it was real. He didn't think that Changbin's presence would make him want to giggle and smile all day long. He partly blames it on the fact that Changbin has been with him so much, and has been doing so much for him, that his heart is tugging him in that direction. He wishes it wouldn't because Felix already has a lot on his mind, he doesn't need thoughts of Changbin to invade it. 

"Felix," Changbin calls to him, his voice gentle and whispered. Felix relishes in the sound, taking it in for a moment.

"Yeah?" The younger asks, his eyes staying locked on the paper in front of him.

"Look at me," Changbin requests, again his voice is sweet and milky, Felix could listen to it all day.

The younger complies, looking up and over at Changbin. The older's dark eyes burn into him, lighting something in Felix. This new feeling, he has been getting when he is with the older scares him, and he doesn't know why. He likes to think that this is how Jisung feels when he is with Minho, or how Hyunjin feels when with Seungmin, so that should be a good thing, right?

Felix really isn't sure, he likes being with Changbin, but the feelings the older brings are unfamiliar to him. He can't determine whether they are good or bad. 

"I've been meaning to talk to you about this for a while," Changbin says, "I didn't want to overwhelm you so I waited, but now I don't think I can wait anymore."

Felix can feel his throat tightening out of fear, he has no idea what Changbin is going to say to him and that is terrifying. 

"I like you; I like you so much," Changbin confesses, but this isn't a surprise to anyone.

Felix knew this. Everyone knew this. But hearing it out of the older's mouth still brings him complete joy.

"I know you are close with your friends and you feel the most comfortable with them, and I guess you and Chan are getting closer," Changbin continues, "but being with you every day and not sure if I'll ever have my feelings returned in the same strength is hard, and a little scary. I can see there is something, but if there is also something with Chan, then I don't want to keep reaching out only to get my heart bro--"

"Woah Woah," Felix cuts in, "Me and Chan?" 

The younger has never been more confused, sure he and the older are close, but there have never been any feelings there. Felix views Chan as a brother and nothing more. 

"I heard about your guy's movie date," Changbin explains, "and I don't want to get in--"

Felix cuts him off once again, finding Changbin's assumption a little absurd, "Chan and I are not dating!"

Felix shakes his head, "we are only friends, he's more like my brother. I have never looked at him in that way, and our movie thing was just because he knows I don't like being home alone, he was only there to give me company.

The blonde needs to pause for a moment before he can say the next thing on his mind. If Changbin can do it, he knows he can too, but it is still really scary. 

"I like you," Felix confesses, "I've only ever looked at you in that way, not Chan."

A large smile grows on Changbin's face, he doesn't know why he was so nervous. But the thought of Felix moving on to someone he considers a close friend was hard for him. Changbin has been caring for Felix all week and more, he just needed to know that if there was a chance his feeling would be returned.

The older reaches out a hand, Felix taking it almost instantly. The two don't take it further, but that hand stays linked, both of them returning to their work with a smile on their face. 

•••

"Popcorn is ready!" Minho exclaims, walking into the living room, where Jisung is sitting on the couch. The two boys have decided on a movie night at Jisung's place, the younger boy's mom working another night shift. 

Although she was a bit hesitant in letting Minho come over without her here, she trusts Jisung and believes that he will make good choices. She's had to learn to loosen her reign, balancing work and being a mom, which only got more difficult when Jisung's father left. 

Jisung giggles, moving a pile of blankets so the older boys can join him on the couch. Minho places the popcorn bowl in front of them, before moving to the couch, immediately wrapping an arm around Jisung, and pulling him closer. The older places a soft kiss on Jisung's head, nuzzling him before looking back towards the TV. It only adds that are going right now, the two boys waiting to be able to start the movie.

"Hey," Minho says, fingers lightly tracing Jisung's arm. He has had this on his mind for a little bit and knows he should have brought it up sooner, but wasn't exactly sure how. 

Jisung and he have been doing really well, and he doesn't want to start anything with him that might ruin it. It's not that he thinks this will ruin it, but depending on how Jisung feels, it could start an issue. But with a topic as sensitive as this, all Minho wants to do is listen to the younger and hear what he wants. 

"Yeah," Jisung responds lazily, keeping his attention on the screen of the TV.

Minho pushes up slightly, moving Jisung off of him, which causes the younger to turn and face his boyfriend. The older looks right at Jisung, gently moving some hair out of his face. His eyes are serious, and Jisung isn't sure what to make of it.

"What's wrong?" Jisung asks, voice shaky out of nervousness. 

"Nothing." Minho shakes his head softly, "at least I hope not."

Jisung really doesn't know where this is going and that only makes him more nervous. 

"You know I care about you right?" Minho asks, "and I don't ever want to do anything to hurt you or make you uncomfortable."

"Yeah..." Jisung responds, worry beginning to form stronger.

"If you ever feel like I have pushed you too far or made you feel like you had to do something, you'd tell me right?" Minho asks, eyes beginning to cast downward. 

Jisung looks at him with a face of confusion and concern. He has no idea what the older is trying to hint at. 

But then it hits him. Minho has been acting like this for a little bit, shortly after his and Minho's first night together. Things begin to piece together in Jisung's head, why he is acting so nervous, why guilt seems to be coming out of his tone. The older is worried about Jisung and wants to know if he is okay and if Minho went too far.

"Hey, look at me," Jisung tells him, cupping Minho's face in his hands.

"I'm okay, everything is okay." Jisung voice is soft as he speaks, hoping to sound as convincing as possible.

Nothing Minho did pushed him too far. Jisung was ready and he was with someone he loves, he felt safe. However, he understands Minho's concern, which is incredibly sweet and considerate for the older to address. Minho has been good to him, and that night he did nothing wrong.

"I felt safe, everything that happened, I was okay with," Jisung says, "you didn't do anything wrong."

Minho's hands move to Jisung's waist, guilt still prevalent. But Jisung sounds like he means every word, and god, the older hopes he does. Still, even though the younger says everything is okay, Minho still feels the need to take precautions when it comes to anything further. 

"I love you, and I don't want to hurt you," Minho speaks quietly.

"You didn't hurt me," Jisung speaks, connecting the two's foreheads, "I love you, and I felt safe with you, you did not hurt me."

Jisung connects his lips with the older's, something sweet and slow, trying to show the older that he is okay and that Minho did nothing wrong. It may not be enough to convince the older, but it's a starting place. And besides, now the two know that they need to keep that dialogue open the next time they decide to move a little further.


	48. Chapter 48

Over the past couple of days, Hyunjin has tried to stay in contact with Seungmin. The younger's dad setting up and old phone of his so he could message his parents and, now, friends while he was at home alone. It made his parents feel more comfortable leaving the brunette alone, this way he could contact them when he needed to.

The taller was a little nervous at first to message him, but as soon as he got over the hump, he started doing it more frequently. Often times it would just be to check-in and make sure he is doing alright at home. But that quickly led to Seungmin wanting company because his parents would be home late. So Hyunjin and Jeongin most often, Felix and Jisung having other things to do, would stop by Seungmin's place to hang out with him while they did homework. 

Seungmin loved school when he was younger, and found it quite easy to get the work done. So, every time the two males were over and working on their homework, Seungmin will often lean over and try to do it himself in his head. He hasn't been to school in years, so some of the things Hyunjin has on his math paper don't really make sense, but Seungmin is able to recognize some of it. 

School hasn't been brought up as a topic of conversation with his parents, probably because they are still waiting for Seungmin to recover. This he agrees on with his parents. He can handle small groups of people, but Seungmin isn't so sure he'd be able to handle an entire school of people.

He'll eventually warm-up to the idea and they will start the discussion, but for now, Seungmin is happy where he is. Able to be at home alone and feel comfortable with people around him, his world is starting to feel normal again and he doesn't want to push that too far. 

One Friday, Seungmin had planned to spend nearly the entire day on his own. He has no plan for a friend to come by, under the impression that they had other responsibilities at home. Although he is a little disappointed, he has been spending time with his friends all week that maybe getting a bit of a break will be good for both of them. 

The day goes by fairly quickly, Seungmin spending most of it reading or watching a random movie. He ends up hopping from one thing to another when he is bored and often doesn't really know what he wants to do. 

But by the end of it, he is just waiting for someone to get home. He wants his parents and sister to be here, then finally he can have someone around who will cure is drawn out boredom.

Seungmin lays on the couch, flat on his stomach, staring at the TV as a movie plays, he isn't really paying attention and is mainly using it for background noise. It helps let his mind wander, random thoughts creeping in and out as the soundtrack plays. It makes it a good story he can work with, driving his mind from one place to another. 

The clock continues to tick by and the afternoon soon waves goodbye, welcoming in the evening shift. His parents will have a couple more hours of work, and unless his sister doesn't get caught up in another late running study group, then she should be home sooner. It would be nice if she got here first, able to eat and relax with his sister alone for a change. Something Seungmin feels he doesn't get a lot of time to do. 

Seungmin's eyes head over to the TV, the animation catching his eye again and the redheaded mermaid swims along. He remembers watching this when he was younger but never got into it then. This is probably the fifth time he has seen it now that he is back home. Mainly because it's his sister's favourite, but also, he enjoys the songs that accompany it. 

A knock at the door alerts Seungmin, the brunette slightly groaning since he doesn't want to move from his spot on the couch. He convinces himself to get up once another couple of knocks are placed on the door. Seungmin wrapping a blanket around him as he approaches, feeling a bit annoyed that he had to move.

Opening the door, Seungmin sees Hyunjin, the taller keeping his eyes anywhere but Seungmin himself. Hyunjin's hands moving from his pockets to intertwined in front of him over and over.

"Hyunjin what are you doing here?" Seungmin asks him, confused as to why Hyunjin is acting so strangely. 

•••

Hyunjin had been thinking about it for a while, he had often fantasized what it would be like when he finally did. But every time the thought came up, he'd shut it down, telling himself that none of it could come true. 

He is just now getting to the point where he can admit to himself and his friends the feelings he has for the returned brunette. But now he is feeling he should tell Seungmin himself. When they were younger, he was able to say things and feel comfortable talking about this, but now he has a bit of hesitation. And by a bit, he means every time he thinks about it, every possible way it could go wrong runs through his head on repeat. 

"What's the worst thing that could happen?" Jeongin questions as the two make their way to lunch, "besides telling him would get a whole lot off your chest, you'd feel so much better."

"But what if he never wants to speak to me again?" Hyunjin counters, "I don't want to ruin our friendship over a crush."

"It isn't just a crush though," Jeongin says, "you're in love with him, and you can't keep that to yourself for the rest of your life."

"Watch me," Hyunjin states, picking up the speed of his steps to avoid this conversation further. There is no point in telling Seungmin, especially if Hyunjin already has an idea of what the brunette will say to him. 

Hyunjin reaches the table with Jisung and Felix, surprised Changbin isn't by the blonde's side for once. It doesn't bother Hyunjin that Changbin is now a part of their small group of outcasts, but it does take a lot of Felix's time away. The blonde has had a lot of help from Changbin which is great, but it does make his schedule a lot busier that coming to Seungmin's with Hyunjin and Jeongin is a bit tricky. But Changbin isn't really to blame for that, Felix's parents also want him home by a certain time so they can remind him to take his meds.

The taller sits across from the two, Jeongin joining by taking the seat next to Hyunjin with an annoyed sigh.

Jisung raises an eyebrow, looking towards the youngest, "you okay?"

Jeongin turns to give Hyunjin a small glare, "no, this guy is being a gigantic idiot and won't listen to a word I say."

Both Felix and Jisung turn their heads to the taller, giving him a questioning look. Jeongin could literally be referring to anything, the younger easily annoyed by many of Hyunjin's actions. They'd ask Jeongin to be more specific, but they've learned that it is a lot easier and safer to turn and stare down Hyunjin until he gives them the answer. 

Hyunjin has picked up on this and has gotten increasingly annoyed with them. Sure, he can see why they won't ask Jeongin, but they could really do it without the stare down. 

Hyunjin decides to try and not give in to their silent pleas, focusing on unpacking his lunch rather than his friends. He can feel their eyes on him, both of them unwavering, but still, he chooses not to give in. It's his decision whether or not he wants to tell Seungmin, and he believes that by doing so it may only add stress to the boy, especially if he does not return Hyunjin's feelings.

"He refuses to tell Seungmin how he feels!" Jeongin exclaims after a few more moments of silence. Frustrations thick in the words coming out of his mouth. 

"For good reasons," Hyunjin defends.

"But wouldn't it make you both happy?" Felix questions, tilting his head in confusion.

"Only if he likes me back," Hyunjin responds, "and considering we haven't been around each other for four years, I'm going to go with he doesn't."

Jisung scrunches up his brow in confusion, "that doesn't make any sense, the fact that you like him even though he was gone, disproves your statement."

A wave of silence breaks over the groups, Hyunjin not pleased with Jisung's previous comment. Why can they not accept that he doesn't want to tell Seungmin? 

"Hyunjin look, I get that you don't want to tell him," Felix says, breaking the silence, "but you don't need to be afraid. Seungmin cares about you and just because you tell him how you feel, doesn't mean that's going to change."

Maybe Felix is right. Hyunjin is scared to lose the other as a friend, and he doesn't want his feelings getting in the way of being close with him again. They were kids when this developed, barely able to understand what their feelings really meant. 

The thought of driving a wedge between them scares Hyunjin, he wants Seungmin to feel safe and comfortable around him. But if his feelings for the other are out in the air, then the environment is always going to be a bit awkward. 

"I'm just saying, that you don't need to be afraid to tell him," Jeongin speaks, "besides that is a stupid fear if you were paying attention to how he looks at you."

Now that definitely leaves Hyunjin with a lot to think about. 

•••

"Hyunjin what are you doing here?" Seungmin asks and the taller isn't able to stop fidgeting out of nervousness. He knew he shouldn't have come here, he can't keep things straight, every word that comes into his end soon ends up leaving him, creating a larger mess than he had before.

After lunch with his friends, they gave him a lot to think about. He wasn't sure what to do with their words, but things eventually got sorted out. Now, he is here, standing right in front of Seungmin. This is starting to feel more and more like a bad idea.

A part of him wishes he would have gotten here sooner, but his parents needed him home right after school. So, he had to convince them to let him go, which took much longer than he wanted. But he's here now, quivering slightly with fear because he has no idea what Seungmin will respond with once he tells him. 

"Are you cold?" Seungmin asks, opening the door wider, "come on in."

Hyunjin follows, letting Seungmin lead him into the living room. The Little Mermaid plays on the TV, but Seungmin pauses it so the noise isn't distracting them. 

'This is it' Hyunjin thinks, there is no going back. The taller thought for a long time how he was going to approach this, and really none of his ideas were great. But he did decide that talking and not stopping was the best idea. If he doesn't give Seungmin room to speak, and can say what he needs and then quickly leave, not having to hear Seungmin's response until after the younger thinks about it for a minute. Hyunjin thinks that might be the best way to approach this. 

"What's going on? Are you okay?" Seungmin asks, the concern evident in his voice. Hyunjin is acting a bit strange and it is concerning. 

Hyunjin turns to look at Seungmin, his eyes worried and uncertain. This is the end; he needs to just say it and get it off his chest. Everyone said that he'll feel so much better after he does, but Hyunjin isn't so sure about that. Especially because he has no idea if Seungmin will return what he is feeling.

"I need to tell you something, and it's important," Hyunjin speaks, voice shaking. 

"Okay..." Seungmin responds, a bit concerned by Hyunjin's demeanour. 

The taller takes a seat on the couch, inviting Seungmin to sit next to him. Seungmin can see how nervous Hyunjin is and it is almost like he is about to tell him that he killed someone and needs help hiding the body. God, Seungmin hopes it isn't that.

"I don't quite know the right way to say this," Hyunjin begins, "so I'm just going to say it and if at any time you want me to leave, just point towards the door."

Hyunjin's words are not making Seungmin any less confident that the older killed someone. He is actually making it sound more and more suspicious as he talks. But it's Hyunjin and Seungmin knows Hyunjin, there is no possible way it's that. Seungmin doesn't know why he keeps going back to that dark mindset. 

"I've missed you so much over the past few years," Hyunjin starts, "not being able to see you killed me. You are my best friend and losing you hurt so much, I didn't know what to do with myself. But over time I realized something, the feelings that I felt when I was around you weren't just platonic, and I had a hard time comprehending them then, but now I know what they mean. I like you a lot, I think I might even love you and that's scary because you're my best friend and I don't ever want to lose you again..."

Hyunjin continues on, trying to leave no space for the brunette to speak. As soon as the planned words came out of his mouth, a bit of panic went through him and he decided to pick up the pace with his words, trying to tighten any opening that Seungmin could have to speak. 

Seungmin smiles at Hyunijn's rambling, the older looking absolutely adorable when he is nervous. Hyunjin has always had a special place in Seungmin's heart, while he was here and when he was gone. He had never expected Hyunjin to be so straightforward with him and tell him how he felt, Seungmin certainly wouldn't be able to do this. 

The younger waits for Hyunjin's head to turn back to him, Hyunjin moving it all around so he doesn't have to make eye contact the whole time. But as soon as he does, Seungmin gently grabs Hyunjin's face. The action causes Hyunjin to stop talking and have him focus on the younger.

Seungmin stares at the older with so much love and care, that Hyunjin feels as though he could melt.

"I love you too," Seungmin speaks, the words coming out smoothly even though he was terrified to say them. 

Hyunjin's smile grows, his heart beating rapidly out of nervousness and now excitement. He pulls Seungmin into a hug, embracing him tight enough to express his happiness, but not enough to hurt him. Seungmin returns it, wrapping his arms around the older and burying his face into Hyunjin's neck. 

The two are wrapped up in so much love that neither of them notices the figure outside peering into Seungmin's front window.


	49. Chapter 49

Hajoon used to hate Seungmin, he stole all the attention from his parents. So, he retaliated, wanting his parents to love him and look at him. He wanted them to notice him, he wanted them to not care about the stupid pretty boy they got off the streets.

But things changed, maybe he saw the wrong that his parents were doing, but a part of him understood it. He liked having Seungmin around, but he just didn't want to see him hurt. 

When he let Seungmin go, he had planned on them escaping together, the two living far away, where his parents could never find them. But then he was taken, different cars brought them to the same place, but Hajoon never got to see him, because he wasn't family. He was the one to saved him and made sure he got the help he needed, he should have been the only one allowed to visit him. 

Hajoon sits in his bedroom at the home, his roommate fast asleep. It is late and Hajoon has his bedside lamp on to provide a little bit of light, but not enough to disturb his roommate. 

In his hand is a sketchbook, one he puts all his hardest work in. But right now, he doesn't care about any of his art, he only wants to focus on one piece. He worked hard on this and it took several months to perfect. His mother had once dressed up Seungmin is a navy-blue dress, the long sleeves fitting Seungmin's arms perfectly, and the collar allowing a small trace of his collar bones to peek out. Hajoon had thought he looked lovely; it was his favourite outfit his mother dressed him up in. 

However, Mrs. Park thought differently. She didn't like the way the navy went with Seungmin's skin, she thought the colour was too dark for him. The skirt wasn't poufy enough for her to enjoy and the white heels she owned at the time were scuffed up and didn't look good with anything. 

So, Hajoon only got to see Seungmin in that outfit once, but he still remembers exactly how it looks. For months after that, he began to develop this drawing, putting hours of work into it each day. He would randomly gaze at Seungmin so he could remember how all his features fit perfectly together. 

His drawing resembles Seungmin perfectly, capturing all the beauty the boy holds. Hajoon wishes he could show it to Seungmin, so the older could see how much he cares. But he can't because people are taking him away from Hajoon and trapping Seungmin in a place he doesn't want to be.

When crafting the drawing this is the only time he felt like his mother, he looked at Seungmin as an art piece and not a human, but he wasn't hurting him so he didn't think anything of it. Hajoon had no idea that this was harbouring an obsession, making it stronger with every stroke of his pencil. 

But it is an obsession and although Hajoon wasn't willing to acknowledge it then, he needs to now. He loves Seungmin and wants him to be his. No one else can have him, because Hajoon has come to the conclusion, he won Seungmin from his parents, so therefore he is his and Hajoon must take what belongs to him.

Seungmin's friends are only making things worse, they are changing the way Seungmin thinks. The older doesn't want to see Hajoon and that is because of Seungmin's friends. But how can Hajoon fix that, how can he make them go away?

Hajoon thinks back to how Seungmin was embraced by the other guy, the anger that passed through him was incredibly intense. For the first time, Hajoon saw a bit of his father in him. All his parents wanted was for Hajoon to act like them, to be clever and crafty, but they never saw it then. However, this time Hajoon will best his parents in their own game. 

If he wants Seungmin, he has to get rid of the other barriers that are in the way. Seungmin's family isn't a problem as of now, they only see Hajoon as a harmless child, a kid who was a victim of a heinous crime. But Seungmin's friends, they could be a potential threat. Especially the tall dark-haired boy. 

Since he is associated with the Park's Seungmin's friends already doesn't care for Hajoon. The name making them think of everything Seungmin had to go through. So Hajoon will have to make a path where there is not. Cutting down the trees and bushes as he goes. 

Hajoon wishes he would have thought of this in the beginning, he wishes that he would have planned better before helping Seungmin leave. But he didn't want to admit that he had the same fantasies as his parents, he hated that his mind was going there. 

However, now faced with the reality of losing the one he wants, deserves, action needs to take place. 

He will rescue Seungmin from that place, and bring him back to where he belongs, with himself. They can go far away and live together, keeping each other safe from the outside world. Hajoon knows how his father thinks, he can plan something perfect so the older man will never be able to find them.

Hajoon will only get one chance at this, he needs to make it perfect and he needs to do it soon. The longer he waits, the more obstacles Hajoon is going to have to pass through. His way to Seungmin will start to close and soon be non-existent. So, now is the time to act, to make his plan solid and doable. He already knows where Seungmin lives so he has one foot jammed in the door, just a few more pushes and he can breakthrough.

First, he needs a starting place and Hajoon already knows exactly where to begin. He needs to start by taking away the boy who wrapped his arms around what is Hajoon's.


	50. Chapter 50

Another evening at Seungmin's house, but only this time it is larger. Over the past little while, Seungmin has come to learn a lot about the other relationships his friends were forming and wanted to meet the people in their lives. Plus, getting practice with a larger group is good for him. After being secluded for years, he isn't quite sure how to act around everyone. 

Hyunjin is making sure to stay by Seungmin's side. Not just because he and the brunette have established a new relationship with each other, but also because he wants to make sure that Seungmin is comfortable. Seungmin has told the older not to worry, but Hyunjin insists on staying here, which Seungmin really doesn't mind. He is just happy that he can have everyone around and it isn't incredibly overwhelming. 

It was a fear Felix parents also had, in fact, they almost didn't let him come to this. But then Changbin hopped in telling them that he'd be going and would be sticking by his side the entire time. Which in turn allowed for Felix's parents to be a little more open-minded about the idea. 

Changbin has continued his visits, actually making them more frequent as well, which has made Felix's parents very happy. They love the older boy, and the way he treats Felix, it makes them happy to see the two together. So, with Changbin here, Felix's parents almost immediately said yes to having Felix come here tonight. 

Felix doesn't mind, exactly, he got to come and that is what is important, but there is something about it that does irk him a bit. He wouldn't say that he and Changbin are dating, but he wouldn't say that they aren't dating. They are currently in this awkward in-between at the moment. He and Changbin have told each other how they feel and things are good with that, however, they are waiting to move forward, wanting Felix to be in a better headspace before making anything official. 

But Felix's parents either don't understand that or aren't listening to when Felix talks. They tend to push people together when they think they're meant for each other; they did that with Rachel once and now they are doing it with Felix and Changbin. The older thinks it's amusing but knows he won't take it anywhere until Felix is ready. Felix, on the other hand, finds it rather annoying. There is already a rule where he has to keep his door open when Changbin is over, but now his mother or father will stand in the doorway staring at them with weird smiles plastered to their faces.

All they are doing is homework and they only moved to Felix's room because it was quieter, the living room having people walking in and out of it constantly. Felix thought it would create less of a distraction, but in turn, it only created a bigger one with his parents always wanting to check up on them. 

But the nice thing about this get together is there are no parents, well, at least not ones who are not constantly checking in on them. Felix can lean into Changbin and feel comfortable knowing his mother isn't staring at them. He can open up a bit and have fun, feeling a little more freedom tonight. 

The boys are gathered around the coffee table playing monopoly, not Felix's first choice, but he wasn't going to argue. The blonde isn't horrible at the game, but with Hyunjin and Jisung playing, who is weirdly competitive, Felix can never win. So, he sits off to the side with Changbin who is also out of money now. Minho and Seungmin are still in, but hanging by a thread as Jeongin dominates the game and Hyunjin and Jisung try to tear him down. 

"This is the most intense game of monopoly I have ever seen," Changbin whispers to Felix.

"Try playing the never-ending version with them," Felix whispers back, "you aren't outed if you lose all your money, but instead you just go into debt and have to try to dig yourself out. It's brutal."

"I'm having a hard enough time with the normal version, so no thank you," Changbin laughs, Felix joining in.

It has been a fun night and Felix is glad he came, even if he was only in the game for a little bit, Changbin got out soon after him and now the two can enjoy each other's company well they wait for the game to end. 

"Okay, I'm done," Seungmin announces, getting up to try and move away from the board.

"What? But you're not out of money," Hyunjin tells him, Pointing to the single piece of paper money in Seungmin's hands.

The younger raises an eyebrow, lifting up the piece of paper, "I have no more property and ten dollars, I'm done."

Seungmin hands his ten over to Minho who is also about to lose but will take anything he can get at this point. Normally the others would complain about cheating, but with how ahead everyone else is, Minho getting an extra ten won't exactly change the game. 

The brunette joins Felix and Changbin on the couch, leaning into the blonde, which only pushes him further into Changbin.

"When did they get so competitive?" Seungmin asks.

"They've always been that way but felt the need to be nicer about it when we were younger," Felix answers. 

Seungmin hums, resting his head on Felix's shoulder. It's been sort of a long day and he hasn't really had a chance to nap, so his energy is starting to get really low. He knows he should probably sleep, but he likes having his friends over, he doesn't want them to leave quite yet. 

The game drags on for a bit Minho getting out soon after Seungmin. Every one of the people who lost is placed on the couch, watching random videos on Minho's phone as they try and pass the time. Eventually, the game comes to an end, Hyunjin and Jisung seeing how it's only three of them and choosing to just elect Jeongin the winner since he is the farthest ahead.

Minho moves away from the couch after checking the time, heading over to the spot Jisung is sitting on the floor. 

"We should probably head out now," Minho says, helping Jisung stand up off the ground.

"Now?" Seungmin asks, a little sad to see them go.

"Yeah, my mom is working another late shift and she wants me home before it gets too late," Jisung tells them, choosing not to mention the fact Minho was planning on staying the night.

"Felix is getting pretty tired and I told his parents I'd get him home at a good time," Changbin says for the blonde who is close to passing out on the couch.

Jeongin's mom has already called, telling him he needs to be home soon. So, although it's sad to see everyone go, they have had a lot of fun tonight and it's time to wrap it up. At least this won't be the last they all see of each other. 

"I'll give you guys all a ride," Minho tells them, "Hyunjin are you coming?"

Hyunjin shakes his head, "no, I think I'll stay a little longer."

He wants to have a little bit of time just with Seungmin. They haven't gotten that tonight and Hyunjin just wants some time for them to cuddle and be with each other. Everyone else says their goodbye, making sure to give Seungmin a hug, or a pat on the back for those who don't know him too well. They all leave, Seungmin and Hyunjin watching the car drive away through the front window.

•••

Hyunjin only got to stay an extra half-hour before his mom called him, telling him he needed to be home. They only got to be with each other for a little bit, but Hyunjin knows he can come back soon. 

Seungmin, however, isn't too thrilled to have Hyunjin leave, and he is acting as though this is the only time, he will ever get to see the older. 

"It's really dark out there, are you sure you don't want my dad to drive you?" Seungmin asks as Hyunjin drags him to the door. The older turns once he is by the door, pulling Seungmin in a bit closer and wrapping his arms around the younger.

"It's not that far of a walk, I'll be okay," Hyunjin states, he likes walking and he really doesn't want to inconvenience Seungmin's parents any more than he already has. He knows that they love Seungmin's friends, but he also knows that Seungmin's mother was very reluctant to allow so many people over, still wanting Seungmin to rest instead of trying to push his limits. 

"Okay," Seungmin sighs, not liking how late Hyunjin will be walking home at, "please be safe."

He would suggest to the older sleeping here tonight, but the older's parents wouldn't really love that. They already are sort of annoyed that Hyunjin isn't home every day after school. It's more of wanting to know where he is at all times, and even with Seungmin back, many of their parents have followed it. So, although they wouldn't like hearing that Hyunjin is walking home this late, and would prefer having someone drive him, this is the little bit of rebellion that Hyunjin is choosing to take.

"I will." Hyunjin smiles, leaning in slightly to peck Seungmin on the lips. Hyunjin presses their foreheads together, smiling contently at the younger as they just stand by the door. 

"My parents really wouldn't mind giving you a ride, plus we could spend more time together if they did drive you," Seungmin whispers, knowing that Hyunjin will choose walking in the long run, but deciding it doesn't hurt to give it another shot. 

Hyunjin chuckles a little, pressing a longer kiss onto Seungmin's forehead, "I'll be fine, I'll text you when I get home."

Seungmin nods, finally letting Hyunjin go. He'd feel more comfortable driving Hyunjin, but the older can be a bit stubborn and knows that he wouldn't get him to agree. Seungmin just hates the idea of walking outside at night alone, it is a fear that he has even though he knows bad things don't happen all the time and he was a special case. 

He tries to tell himself that everything will be okay and Hyunjin will be fine, but there is still a bit of fear lingering within him. Once Hyunjin has his shoes on, he turns back to Seungmin for a bit, placing another peck to his lips before leaving out the door.

Hyunjin pulls up the hood to his hoodie since the wind is a bit stronger tonight. He hops down the stairs and makes his way down the driveway. Hyunjin hasn't been scared of the dark since he was a child, not fearing what could be out there stalking him. He learned to develop a shield to keep him from searching those things out and focusing on the task at hand, which in this case would be walking home. 

But maybe if he didn't develop that shield as a child, he would have been better prepared, maybe being paranoid would have saved him. There is no way to tell and Hyunjin wouldn't have known that there was someone hiding to the side of Seungmin's house, waiting for him specifically. 

The small figure moves quickly and Hyunjin barely has time to react when it jumps onto him. He tries to understand what is happening, but before he could a sharp pain is at his side, causing him to let out a loud cry. Soon after the figure is no longer on him, but it doesn't matter now, Hyunjin has fallen to the ground and his vision is starting to blur.

He can hear voices calling his name in the distance and he tries to look, but all he can see his a few blurry figures and the faded porch light. That last thing he can hear is a male's voice saying his name once again before everything goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry to all of you who trusted Hajoon.  
> He isn't anyone in the industry, just a random name I use.
> 
> The next chapter will be the last of the first book. I've been crossposting this and people on the other platform really wanted a sequel so I will post the first chapter of that as soon as I post tomorrow's update.  
> Thank you for reading!


	51. Chapter 51

Seungmin lays with his boyfriend, the monitors beeping in the background. Hyunjin's parents are asleep on the couch in the room, while Seungmin's family is passed out in the waiting room. After Hyunjin was pulled out of his surgery, he wanted Seungmin with him, so the brunette has been lying next to him all night, barely being able to sleep.

He hasn't been able to stop thinking about it, who would want to stab Hyunjin?

Seungmin can't even begin to form a list of people that would hate him enough to do this. Hyunjin has told him about the kids in his school, but Seungmin doesn't think that they would be that violent toward the older.

Hyunjin is still asleep, his arms wrapped around Seungmin and keeping the younger close to his uninjured side. Even though he is in the safety of Hyunjin's arms, he still hasn't been able to calm himself enough to sleep. So, he has laid here all night, just listening to the sounds of Hyunjin breathing.

Considering he can see small rays of sunlight peek through the blinds every once in a while, Seungmin knows it's morning, just not sure on the time. His phone is with his mother and the clock in the room is turned to the back of him. But Seungmin isn't really worried about the time, he just wants to make sure Hyunjin is okay.

The doctors may have already said he is, but Seungmin would feel better hearing it from Hyunjin. Sure, he knows Hyunjin is going to recover just fine, but Seungmin wants to know the current state of the boy. Whether Hyunjin is in pain and what he can do to help the older.

The knife luckily went through cleanly, hitting no organs. Hyunjin did need to go in for minor surgery to stitch the wound up and help stop the blood loss, but he is okay. It was terrifying to have happened though, even though everyone said he was going to be fine, the thought that he was stabbed weighed heavy with everyone. No one wants to hear that someone you care about was stabbed in the night on their way home.

Slight movements from the older spark Seungmin's attention, he turns to look at Hyunjin's face, the boy's eyes still closed. He stirs for a couple of seconds before his eyes slowly blink open. It isn't super bright in the room, but there is enough light that you can clearly make things out. So, as soon as Hyunjin is able to adjust and keep his eyes open, they immediately fall on Seungmin.

The older smiles softly at Seungmin, tightening the hold he has on him. Seungmin complies, laying down on Hyunjin's chest, but is careful to avoid the bandages so he doesn't accidentally hurt the older.

"How did you sleep?" Hyunjin's slightly raspy voice sounds through. His voice is kept quiet, knowing that his parents are still sleeping in the room.

Seungmin shifts his head to look up at Hyunjin, knowing the older is looking down at him. Seungmin shakes his head softly.

"I didn't," he says, "I wasn't able to."

Hyunjin brushes at Seungmin's air, a gentle and calming action that he hopes will soothe the younger. He feels bad that Seungmin stayed up all night worrying, but he knows if the roles were switched, he would do the exact same thing. Hyunjin just hopes that he can calm him down enough for him to get a little rest, so the boy doesn't have to go the day without.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep you up," Hyunjin speaks softly, one hand gently going through his hair and the other lining his arm.

"It's not your fault," Seungmin mutters, it's whoever stabbed him's fault.

Seungmin couldn't stop thinking about it and he wanted to piece the puzzle together, but nothing really made sense. Maybe that person didn't intend to hurt Hyunjin and just made their shot at the wrong time. But that would mean that they were targeting someone in Seungmin's family, which is also terrifying to think about.

The two boys stay cuddled together, Seungmin is able to close his eyes, at least for a few minutes. Being with Hyunjin and hearing him talk is a huge weight off his shoulders. The boy sounds okay, he sounds like he is in pain, but he'll recover.

Hyunjin's parents wake up within the hour, the two of them asking both Hyunjin and Seungmin is they need something to drink or eat. Seungmin is starving, which he never thought would make him so happy, but with his growing appetite, it means he is getting better and his stomach is adjusting to having proper sized meals.

The older's parents leave the room, planning on getting something to eat and to find Seungmin's parents. Seungmin knows his family isn't too big on hospital food, so they may end up leaving to go eat and to clean up.

"I need a shower, I feel gross," Seungmin says, pushing himself up so he isn't pressed against Hyunjin's body.

"You don't look gross," Hyunjin tells him, looking at Seungmin lovingly, "you look beautiful."

Seungmin shakes his head, a smile playing on his lips. Hyunjin is always so sweet to him, even when he is in a bad situation. He looks at Seungmin with so much love and care, the love he has for the younger is really genuine.

The two lay with each other for as long as they can, talking and holding each other. Eventually, Seungmin's father comes in to grab him, telling him that they need to head home. They'll come back, but the family wants to wash up and grab something to eat before they do. Although Hyunjin is sad to see him go, he understands, if he had an option, he'd want food at his house rather than here.

Hyunjin places a quick kiss on Seungmin's cheek, knowing that the younger's father is still in the room before muttering goodbye. Seungmin squeezes Hyunjin's hand, telling him he'll be back soon before heading out.

•••

"Okay everyone, clean up and then we can eat before heading back," Seungmin's father says as they enter the house.

Seungmin has been very grateful that his parents are allowing him to stay with Hyunjin through this process. After the incident, Seungmin broke down crying. His sister had to hold onto to Seungmin the entire way to the hospital. Seungmin desperately wanted to go in the ambulance with Hyunjin but wasn't allowed, which only panicked the younger more.

Hyunjin's parents allowed Seungmin to stay with them in the room, knowing it would bring Hyunjin comfort. Besides, after everything Seungmin's parents did for their son, they felt like it was necessary for returning part of the favour.

Seungmin heads to his room, exhausted and wanting nothing more than to take a shower. It was an extremely long night and the stress wasn't good for him, but he couldn't help it. What happened to Hyunjin is terrifying and knowing that he is hurt shakes Seungmin to the core.

The brunette tries to resist the urge to fall onto his bed and pass out, that's not what he is here for. He can sleep in the hospital where he can see that Hyunjin is okay. But right now, isn't the time.

Heading over to his dresser, Seungmin begins to pull out a few items of clothes, debating what he would want to wear. He is only going back to the hospital so being in comfortable clothing would probably be the best option. Especially if he knows that he is going to have to get some sleep at some point today.

Seungmin lays out a few items on his bed, moving to his closet to find a hoodie to wear since the air is a bit chilly today. Unfortunately, that is an item his mother and he haven't had a chance to replace and the ones he had when he was twelve are a bit too tight, so Seungmin settled on finding a long-sleeved shirt that is a bit big on him.

Just as the brunette is about to strip himself from his shirt a few taps come to his window. Seungmin doesn't even need to turn to face it, to know who is there. The noise makes him drop the fabric, it falling back around his waist. He feels sick to his stomach, the simple thought of knowing who is there.

The last time Hajoon showed up, he came to his window late at night, sneaking into his backyard. It would have been one thing if this was a regular thing, he and Seungmin do, but no, Hajoon has no right to be sneaking around his house, especially when Seungmin told him to leave. The boy hasn't given up and he is still trying to push himself into Seungmin's life, which under different circumstances, Seungmin may not have minded.

Seungmin turns, spotting a smiling Hajoon sitting at the window. He smiles and waves once he sees that Seungmin has noticed him. The young boy points to the window, asking Seungmin to open it. Seungmin stands there for a minute, debating on the thought, but he remembers there is a screen there and that will keep a bit of a barrier.

Slowly, Seungmin makes his way over to the window. He unlocks the latch on top before his hands move to the bottom, so he can slide it up. It takes Seungmin too long to notice the slit in the screen he thought would provide him protection, but it is too late to close the window. Hajoon shoves his boot underneath, tearing the screen a bit more and making impossible for Seungmin to slam the window closed.

Seungmin steps back, trying to put more distance between him and Hajoon because he knows the younger is going to enter the room.

And he does.

Hajoon rips up the screen, lifting the window all the way to the top. He slides in, hopping down so his feet are on the floors of Seungmin's bedroom. The younger looks around Seungmin's room smiling at the surroundings, everything looks so cozy, but it is nothing like what he thought Seungmin would have in his room.

His eyes continue to move, landing on a few pictures on the dresser. He doesn't need to be close to see who is in them, and his eyes darken at the image of Seungmin's friends. Arms around him and smiling.

"What are you doing here?" Seungmin asks, trying to keep his voice calm. Hajoon has gotten more and more unpredictable, and he is starting to remind Seungmin of his parents.

"To get you," Hajoon says, "we don't have much time, so I would suggest packing a bag now."

Seungmin shakes his head, "what?"

This boy is crazy, and leaving the house of the Park's is letting it shine through more and more. Whatever Hajoon is thinking, he clearly doesn't know how insane it sounds.

"We're leaving," Hajoon tells him, "so we can be together, away from everyone else."

The confusion and even fear continue to grow with Seungmin. Hajoon looks so sure of what he is saying like he expected Seungmin to hop on board right away. What has Hajoon been doing to allow himself to have a thought process like this?

What happened to make Hajoon act like this?

"How did you cut through the screen?" Seungmin asks, he isn't exactly sure why, but the words popped into his head and he didn't check them over before he opened his mouth. It is a fair question though because Seungmin doubts Hajoon sat there and picked at his for hours until he was able to make a big enough hole to rip it up.

"Oh, that was easy," Hajoon answers, a smile on his face, "I just used this."

Hajoon pulls out a switchblade from his pocket, immediately popping out the blade. Seungmin's heart picks up quickly, seeing the knife in the other boy's hand he takes a step back. But what is more concerning is the dried color of red on the blade. Seungmin wants to say it is rust, but the handle looks fairly new and the coloring on the blade isn't the right color.

Seungmin didn't want to believe it, when he was thinking about it his mind went there, but he wanted to believe Hajoon was going to be okay. That he wasn't going to turn out like his parents. But him standing here and Seungmin knowing what he has done, there is no hope for him anymore, the boy has fallen too far and he doesn't have anyone but his father to catch him.

"You stabbed him," Seungmin mumbles.

Hajoon seems to pick up on what Seungmin is talking about immediately, looking at the blood that he didn't clean off his blade. He wanted to show Seungmin that he'd protect him and that he could protect him. If the tall guy didn't get in the way then he would have gotten by unscathed, but he did, so Hajoon had to get rid of him.

"For us," Hajoon explains, "he was going to ruin my plan, so I needed him out of the way so we could be together."

"He is my friend," Seungmin speaks, "you stabbed my friend, what makes you think I would ever trust you after that?"

Seungmin feels a bit of regret after saying what he has. Hajoon has a knife and Seungmin needs to take careful steps here. Seungmin doesn't think Hajoon would hurt him, but Seungmin didn't think a lot of things that happened in his life would and now look where he is at.

This boy grew up in a terrible house of neglect and physical abuse. Seungmin didn't necessarily pay much mind to him, because he was busy focusing on surviving. Reaching out a hand for the younger wasn't exactly an option in his situation, he was so controlled that everything Seungmin did was decided upon by someone else.

"We can be together, we don't have to stay here," Hajoon says, "we can run far away to a place where my dad will never find us. Let's go together."

There is a bit of desperation in his voice and if Seungmin were in a dangerous situation with his family he'd go. But he's not, his family loves him and they couldn't be more caring. His friends care for him, and the new relationships he is forming mean something to him. This is where he needs to be, this is where he belongs. Seungmin is finally gaining his life back and he has no intention of losing it again, much less just give it away.

"I can't." Seungmin shakes his head, taking a few small steps back, "I like being here, I feel safe here. I'm with my family and I don't want to run away from that."

"But I saved you!" Hajoon hollers, the fact that Seungmin's family is in the house completely leaving him, "You're mine!"

The yelling only sends Seungmin back a few more inches, hoping that his backstepping is getting him somewhere towards the door.

"I tried to kill that guy for us!" He shouts, he knows the taller isn't dead, Seungmin would be broken right now if he was. But Hajoon had plans to fix that, he was going to make Seungmin happy again, but with the older's refusal to come with him, it is only making Hajoon frustrated and angry. 

A few seconds later, Seungmin's father is bursting through the door, Seungmin quickly moving over towards him. Hajoon becomes visibly frightened and he moves himself to the window.

"How the hell did you get in here?" Seungmin's father questions, his voice rough and assertive.

Hajoon is already climbing out the window. With Seungmin's father here, he doesn't have much of a choice but to leave, even if he is carrying a weapon. Hajoon's eyes fall to Seungmin, meeting with him to say one last thing.

"I'm not going to let him come between us," Hajoon announces before jumping out of the window.

"Are you okay?" Seungmin's father asks, and the boy can only nod, eyes still planted on where Hajoon left.

"I'm calling the police," he says before leaving Seungmin in his room.

Seungmin is still focused on Hajoon, particularly the words he spoke before he left. It takes a minute for Seungmin to understand what he meant, but as soon as the realization hit him, Seungmin nearly loses it.

•••

Seungmin rushes into Hyunjin's room, panting and crying. His father got him there as quickly as he could, but with traffic, the wait made Seungmin more and more anxious. Hajoon's words drove him to panic and he needed to see Hyunjin, but upon entering the room he sees the older boy awake and laughing with their other friends.

Everyone's eyes move to Seungmin, the boy making such a dramatic entrance. There face's turn from smiles to confusion, seeing Seungmin standing at the entrance crying.

"Seungmin, are you okay?" Jisung asks, standing up from the bed where he was seated by Hyunjin.

Hyunjin is okay, everyone is okay. Seungmin should have known that Hajoon's threats were only to scare him, but he had ways. Hajoon was a patient and it is possible he could have made it up here with no one stopping him. His plans would have worked and Seungmin knew that.

A deep breath leaves Seungmin before he falls to his knees, the stress finally making him break. He sobs on the floor, three of his friends rushing to him and trying to making sure he is okay, Hyunjin would be there if he could get out of bed, and god does he wish he could. 

Jisung and Jeongin guide Seungmin over to the couch in the room, letting Seungmin have a more comfortable place to sit well he tries and regains himself. Everyone knows that it isn't the right time to try and get answers out of him, so they just allow him to come down from his distress. 

"I need to tell you guys something," Seungmin speaks when he can finally make his voice stable enough.

He is moved from the couch to Hyunjin's bed, the older wanting to hold him while he talks. Something that would be comforting to the two of them. Everyone else gathers around them so they can hear what Seungmin is about to say. He starts from the beginning, first entering the Park house, and goes to the end, showing up here and breaking down. Seungmin doesn't know how long the story took but with the several breaks his friends needed for the rougher parts it got dragged out.

It is a story Seungmin never wanted to tell, and one he will probably never say the full length of again. But his friends deserved to know, his family probably does too. He needed them to know because he doesn't know what will happen next.

Seungmin will always have his friends and his family when the evil comes, he'll have them to hold his hands, a gift that he intends to cherish. He'll need this, especially because the Parks are still out there, and could be watching at any moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the first book, I will have the first chapter of the second one up today!  
> Thank you so much for reading!


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